The first question of the day should be, Did I reach my goals yesterday?

Well….. I didn’t over eat :P

Totals: 1500 Calories 42% Protien/35%Carb/18%Fat

Considering my BMR has been measured at almost 1800 that’s kind of scary. Maybe it’s the effect of the alcohol I had over the weekend. It’s been purported to suppress your metabolism.

I’ve plenty of food packed so should have no problem with food today – I’m going to track it anyway.

Perhaps the low calories are why I did NOT want to get up today. The alarm went off at 4:00 and somehow I managed to turn it off. I finally got out of bed at 4:20 but without the extra boost of my fiancé (he wouldn’t get out of bed) I ended up falling back asleep. I was STILL tired when I got up at 5:15, ended up sleeping in the car on the way to the ferry and the sleeping on the ferry. So I missed the gym. I’m trying not to get wrapped up in the fact that I missed. I can either make it up tonight or on Saturday.

Despite the fact that I said I wouldn’t I started doing some long term
‘dreaming’ yesterday. My mind wandered down some well worn paths. “If I lose XX by the first of the year, then in twelve weeks I could been down too… etc etc

But here’s the weird part. When I started getting down to certain numbers I found myself feeling kind of, frightened. I’m talking big numbers, numbers like 150lbs. I don’t know if I was scared to think about reaching that number because I haven’t quite convince myself that I can do it or what. I suspect that’s a big part of it. It’s really kind of funny that I can think about 130 being my ‘ultimate goal’ and it doesn’t phase me. Maybe because that’s been my goal for so long that I’ve gotten used to it. It’s almost a it’s just number I say because I need a goal. Why not that one? It seems unreal and thus I don’t think I would be truly disappointed if I didn’t reach it. But these other numbers… 165? I remember 165 and when I start thinking about the fact that in the near future I could actually get to 165 then that other, less brave part of my mind starts throwing off all these, panic signals. She starts saying mean nasty things like, “Don’t set your heart on that number, you’ll never get there, certainly not on THAT date.” The horrible thing is that I do fail myself over and over again and I just give that little voice more fuel for her fire.

I don’t know if I have a ‘cure’ for these feelings. Maybe one day I will, but I know I need to acknowledge them, evaluate them and deal with them. I'm doing that now.

Alrighty then. Goals for this day – these I know I CAN achieve. Another step in the journey, another rung in the latter.

Since I didn’t hit the gym today I’m going to go for calories between 1900 and 2000. again somewhere near 30/30/30
Lastly I wanted to say thank you to everyone who complimented the photos. I was really happy with the way the whole ‘look’ came off.

It really was weird to have a ‘hang over’. I’ve never ever had one before and believe me I’ve done some HEAVY drinking in my time. Guess wine doesn’t agree with me.

And Tania – yes I plan to join the Ms. Fit's Meltdown challenge on Jan 2nd. Maybe by then I’ll have enough ‘One day at a time’s under my belt I’ll feel ready to set some longer term goals.

Take care everyone and have a great day!