Thursday, July 31, 2003

I finally found the time to finish entering my food intake. No wonder I woke up starving this morning! I only had a little over 1000 calories! My weight keeps dropping so fast I'm almost frightened, I just hope it doesn't rocket back up again. I was down 2 more pounds this morning. Though I did weigh late. I'm still wating a week to try to get a baseline on my body fat percentage. I took pictures last night too, and I'm not looking forward to getting them back. I mean, I 'know' how bad I look but to really 'see' it - it's not going to be fun. I haven't been drinking as much water as I should, but I'm working up to changing 1 bad habit at a time. I also bought a - 'kit' I guess is the best thing to call it. Some CD's and some flash cards that I'm going to use to start doing Pilates. I may just start that tomorrow.

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

Well, I made it through the day, and it guess overall it wasn't too bad. Compared to what was a 'normal' day before this it was down right excelent. My body's still dumping water weight, because I'm down another pound today - 199.5 I wish it could always be this easy! I keep wondering what it would be like to know I could reach my goal weight in two months.. HEH. Oh well... Next year will have to be soon enough. And maybe, I'll deside I'm happy with my body before then. Many of the girls I see, who's body I like, arn't at thier 'goal' weight so maybe I don't have far to go as I would think. I just need to get through this first 12 weeks! Overall I'm doing fairly well with my eating. I even got into the cookies last night and instead of eating them, grabbed a handfull of them and put them in a bag in the freezer. Knowing I was storing them away for my free day was almost as satifying as eating them outright. ALMOST. I'm going to keep doing that when I'm tempted.. hopefully the freezer won't get too full!

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

Dinner was not good!! I was really hungry and everything looked so good! I really overdid it. At least it seems like I did when I put it on paper, but I don't feel overstuffed physically. I guess it's just going to take a while to break all these old habits. I'm glad that I'm not starting my 'offical' challenge until next week. Hopefully I will be adjusted by then. Either that or I'll have totally given up. I hope NOT the latter. I guess I just had to get on here and confess. Make sure that this wasn't an excuse to binge.
I've spent a lot of time on the web today. Looking for ideas and inspiration. I think I may have found it in the MSN groups. I found a group of women who are doing the BFL challenge and doing challenges between themselves! I joined and I can't wait to see the difference I can make in 12 weeks. I pretty much have the eating down. I don't think that's going to be an issue for me. I've started two food journals and (well it HAS only been two days) I've been keeping up on them. I'm actually encoraged by how well I've been doing so far. I know to REALLY do this challenge I need to figure out my workout. I'm going to start on the 4th in earnest (the begining of the challenge) Until then I have time to workout a workout. I have a total gym at home so I'll probably use that for my weight workout. I'm not sure what I'm going to do for cardio though since I can't see to get past the injury to my foot. I need to find something I can do intervals with, as well as something that low impact. Help? Anyone?
It's morning - I made it through 1 entire day. 1 down 83 to go. I'm hoping that eventually I get a burst of energy, and some motivation and start to feel some HOPE. At the moment I just feel so let down. Everything I've tried has failed... I just don't want this to fail too.

I stopped at curves this morning to look around. They offered me a really good deal, wich I liked, but I got mad at the high pressure sale techniques. "Buy now or forget it" Needless to say, I left without buying.

The good news is, I dropped two pounds since yesterday. I know it's just water weight.. etc etc. But if felt good to see it non-the-less. I also took my measurements last night and started a chart of my body fat % so that I'm ready for whatever losses come my way. I know I'm going to need to excercise to REALLY see results, but for now I'm just willing to see ANY bit of loss.

So, I'm trying to figure out my goals for this first 12 weeks - First of all - I want to be down to 177lbs. and about 46% Body Fat. I also want to be down to (almost) a size 12. Hmmm. Just thinking that might be possible is encoraging to me. 12 weeks to a size 12? I wonder if I can do that. It's certainly motivating to try.

At the moment I'm tracking EVERYTHING. what I eat, when I eat, why I eat, and how I feel after. That way if I start to slide I'll hopefully see why. maybe this will help me get a handle on my binges, cravings and emotional eating. Can't hurt. I just have to stay diciplined and stay on it.

Well, that's it for now.

Monday, July 28, 2003

Well, it looks like I made it through the day. I ate 6 small meals and stayed on plan. I wish I felt better about it, but at the moment I just feel hungry. I'm pretty sure I need to drink more water. Perhaps that's where my hunger is coming from. But, I did make it through the day. One day at a time - one meal at a time. I didn't excercise yet. I have 100 hundred reasons why not. Most of them more like excuses then real reasons. But I have an appointment to go to curves in the morning to figure out if I want to excercise there. I'm planning on getting to bed early... I'm sure 8 hours of sleep will help out a lot. Hopefully I'll feel a bit more positive tomorrow.
I weighed in at 202.5 today. I can't stand the thought that I'm over 200 once again. I swore this wouldn't happen more then once. why do I constantly let meyself down? Why is it so hard for me to say "no". I need to figure out this mentality of mine. I WILL journal. I think this is the key to my weight loss. Figuring out WHY I eat instead of just what and when. The next step will be to figure out a convientant way of doing it. Must not fail to plan :)

So far today I had a fried egg and two slices of toast for breakfast. I ate because I was hungry and felt full and satisfied when I was done. For my midmorning snack I had a protien bar because I was starting to feel hungry. I haven't had lunch yet. But I'm not feeling hungry or having any cravings. It's the cravings that get to me.