Friday, January 30, 2004

Yesterday was green - No really obsticals no big hurtles just forward progress and I like it. I kept my commitment to do SOMETHING every day by doing some pilates. It felt really good to stretch and workout in such control. I felt really long and lean afterwords. On that vein, one of the things I DON'T like about not weighing and using the 'pant-o-meter' is my ability to convince myself that I'm not 'really' seeing the progress that I'm having. I'm pretty sure my slacks have been looser of late. Even the brand new 'small' size 14's that I just bought. Since I put them on after JUST washing them and was seeing some baggyness in new places I'm pretty sure that something is going on. I'll take measurements and pictures this weekend and know 'for sure'. Today should be clean - has been so far, though I wasn't as well prepared as I would like. Still I managed to grab a healthy bar, banana, and whole wheat pitas stuffed with chicken... it should tide me over until I can get home. Mood is up, progress is tentative, but green is green!

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Another part of this book just lept off the page and bit me on the nose, so I had to share it!

"...I recommend that you should not even try to eat a perfect diet. Perfectionism is just a form of rigidity. It's simply compulsive "not eating," and it's usually replaced with compulsive eating after it become too unpleasant. Your real goal should be to overcome compulsiveness of any kind. To overcome compulsiveness, don't try to be perfect -- try to be good. Over the long run, good beats perfect every time" (The False Fat Diet Elson M. Haas, M.D.)
It's too early to say I'm in the groove, but I'm certainly a LOT happier then I was before! Yesterday was GREAT despite a few potential setbacks. First of all, I had all day meetings - always a challenge. I got up and had some scrambled egg whites and then took a banana strawberry shake with me. By the time my first meeting started the shake was gone, and I was able to pass up the bagels and danishes that abounded. I got some time off for lunch so I had my prepared chicken patty - unfortuantly right after I finished eating I was invited out to lunch with a bunch of people to send off a coworker who was leaving. I went but sipped my diet soda and nibbled on nann while everyone else wolfed down some awsome smelling idian food.

My last meeting was over at 3:00 so I headed for home - it was a BEAUTIFUL day, and I quickly changed into running clothes and I was on the track by 5:00! What a GREAT feeling to run again! I've lost a step or two but really got in a GREAT workout and I'm not at all worried about the drop in my mile time. The track was really soft due to all the rain we've been getting so my foot is completely pain free both last night and today. My legs WERE KILLING me last night (My bum was so sore from my leg workout) but it was worth it. I spent the rest of the night a MILE high.

My meals today are planned and my lunches packed. I'm expecting another GREAT day.

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

YES! a great day today. Not only were the eats clean, but I did my lower body workout, planned all my meals for tomorrow, and breakfast and lunch are prepared and sitting in the fridge ready to be consumed! I love days like this!

I only got in one set of legs but MAN did I kill myself. I have a feeling I'll be feeling it for several days after! 60 lbs supper sets. Plie squat, dead lift, squat, split squat... 15 reps NO REST! I was panting and on the verge of puking by the end. My legs are still trembling as we speak!! My shoulders and hands got quite a workout too, just holding those weights for so long.

My current goal is to do SOME sort of workout every day. I think cardio's going to be out of the question tomorrow so I'll either do upper body or pilates.

I have meetings all day tomorrow so I probably won't be able to check in until the end of the day, but you can bet I'll do my best to make tomorrow a healthy day too!
I started reading a book called "The False Fat Diet" and came across a GREAT quote that I had to share..

"If you strive for thin, you'll never win. Strive for health and thin will follow".

It so closely matches what Jeremy talked to me about last week that I have a feeling I'm supposed to be hearing this! Just like when three DIFFERENT people told me to back away from the scale.

By the way "The False Fat Diet" talks about food alergies and should be an interesting read.
After the THIRD person (and the last being someone _I'm_ supposed to be mentoring) said "get off the scale" I'm going to do it. I actually desided to NOT get on the scale for a few weeks over the weekend... and then in my morning fog stepped on the scale this morning - duh!

Just to clear things up a bit - I DO know that I have to trust in my own hard work. The thing is, I KNOW I haven't been 100% - I suppose I use the scale, and the lack of progress that shows as a punishment. Sick and twisted I know. There was something else I realized while talking to my VGF Cory...

Feel free to skip this deep emotional insite if you wish! lol

You see, for years, basically 175 has been my goal... The ultimate measure of success.. Why? Well 175 represents every diet I ever failed. It represents 12+ years waisted in a distructive relationship. It represents a childhood lost to having babies and keeping house.

It shouldsn't but it does. and I don't know how to change that. No, being 175 won't make me 18 again. It won't give me back the self esteem that was eroded every time I 'got close' but didn't make it. It won't heal the scars from 12 years of abuse... logically I know this, but somehow in my heart I feel as if 175 is some sort of symble... a sign that I HAVE made it, that I have healed, matured and that I HAVE overcome.

I hate facing a problem that I don't have the answer to. This is one of them, but just because I don't have the answer doesn't mean that I can't keep moving, keep planning and keep doing good things for myself... And I'm going to step away from the scale... Overcoming - maturing and healing is so much more then a number on the scale. I know this - and I'm going to focus on that until my heart believes what my head knows....

Emotional Rant over!

So - I've been eating clean - Yesterday I needed to recover, mentally and emotionally so I have myself a day off - but today I WILL train. I'm going to keep FIRM in my mind how good it feels to workout, how strong and powerful it feels... Not to mention the great things it does for my body. My body responds well to excercise, so I need to take advantage of it.

One other thing I realized over the weekend is how much I REALLY miss running... That meditation time.. That time to focus on goals and think postive thoughts, always happened while I was running. I can't do that while trying to follow Billy Blanks on TV and I really can't do it while lifting wieights... When I'm running my body does what needs to be done and my mind is free. I need that.

Ok - that's probably enough blathering for me!

Friday, January 23, 2004

Wed didn't go as planned, and Thursday had no plan, so I'm left with a colorful calendar once again. But - My time to refocus is getting shorter and shorter.

This morning when I got on the scale and it said 182 and 42% body fat I decided ENOUGH!!!! I've wasted enough of my time, enough of my LIFE! I'm taking back control and making canges in my life.

Now to decide HOW. Well, I started the Discover Channel Diet, and I REALLY like it! It's so simple I just click a button and I have a menu and a shopping list. Sunday will be 'free' in the sense that I'm not going to 'plan' a menu, but I'm going to keep it in reason.

Exercise has been the most inconsistent part of my program. I want to RUN! Every other form of cardio I find every excus in the book to put off. So I'm going to do a 3 on and 1 off weight program for a bit. Just Something everyday to get the body moving and the blood pumping.

I did have a little talk with Jeremy, and I realized that more then anything what needs to change is me. There is obviously something INSIDE of me that's brining on these laps... I need to focus and I need to stop letting myself down. I'm worth the time it takes to plan and fix nutritious meals. No, wait - the FUTURE me is worth it! I'm worth the effort it takes to push out a few reps with the weights... I want to be strong and healthy... I want to be a role model. Heck, I'll admit it, I even want to be admired!

As I've said before, visualization is a real problem for me, so I'm going to take the time to do a little artwork and put my head on the body I want. I'm adding pilates back into my program so that I can spend that time thinking the body that's sitting there, waiting for me to take posession of it. I want to ingrain that image in my head, I want to see it when I look in the mirror and in my dreams. And - I'm starting all of this TODAY - I'm not going put this off until Monday. Today is the day to take action! If I put it off until Monday I know what I'll do, I'll take a three day break and be back to 185! No more back
sliding! I WILL get below 175. I've had ENOUGH!

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Things are going smoothly. Feeling much more in control of myself and still strong. Work has been really busy wich is a good thing, but leaves me little time to properly journal and/or keep up with all that goes on here. But I'm trying!

Lower body workout planned for the day and I think I'll superset it as I"ve done my upper body. I'm enjoying the fast and intense workout.

Eats are clean so far today and I'm planning on some nice black bean and rice burritos for dinner tonight.
Just a little Funny that brightened up my day!

Losing weight is the number New Year's Resolution. The problem is, hardly anything works. Well, I found this one diet that will absolutely shed the pounds. Read it and see if you don't agree, it works for my two-year-old.

Miracle Toddler Diet! Guaranteed Results!!!

People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet. Over the years you may have noticed that most two-year-olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !!!

DAY ONE: Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest). Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Sprite. Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO: Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye. Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired. Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug. Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.

DAY THREE: Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair. Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up. Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.

FINAL DAY: Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog. Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it. Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Yesterday felt like the first day that I wasn't fighting myself every step of the way. Today is good as well. I'm not feeling sky high, but I'm feeling strong. It's very different, but I like it. The best part of today is that I'm wearing my first pair of size 12 slacks.

I feel bad that I've been so up and down here. A real roller coaster ride - I appoligize for dragging you all through it - but believe me, what was going on here was MUCH worse then what made it to these pages.

Today's Menu

poached eggs with toast
Blueberry breakfast bar (oats, egg whites and blueberries)
Chicken Salad (This was planned but my work took me out for lunch - I had chicken, dry pasta and veggies)
Tuna Snack (Tuna, oats and yogurt)
Stirfried chicken w/snow peas

The work continues...

Monday, January 19, 2004

Ready for the new week - ready to get my head, heart and body inline and start to make some PROGRESS here! Nigel started the fat burning phase of his diet today and THAT has REALLY pushed me along. Last week I was just so SICK of food! So I took a few days and while I'm sure I didn't do all that badly, I didn't plan or track ANYTHING so I can't give myself green for those days.

I stopped by to see an old friend on Saturday. I had sent her the pictures of my daughter's formal and she was THRILLED to get them, and then mentioned that she haddn't seen the kids in about two years! So I bundled the girls in the car after my son's game (he didn't want to go with me - I'm getting the cold shoulder from him again) and drove them over to see her. She's an AMAZING woman who cares deeply about the people in her life. I sat and talked to her for several hours and was thrilled at how ALIVE and Bubbly she seemed. Finally I got her to stop talking long enough to ask her "So, how are YOU!?" She took a deep breath and with a smile said, "I'm really not doing well. I can't walk anymore, not even to go shopping, or through the neighborhood to visit with the neighbors. My hands stiffen up all the time." She laughed and showed me her middle finger, "especially this one. I get embaraced because I'll be talking and waving my hands and there's my middle finger poking out there, as though I'm being rude. I can't even make the number three. My hair is always a mess because I can't lift my arm, because of my shoulder, BUT (and this was the important part) I keep smiling. There are a lot of people in the world who are a lot worse off then I am. I have a loving family and friends, I make sure to thank God for what he's given me, and I'm content." You see, this lovely, bubbly lady has lupus. Lupus is a chronic inflammatory disease that can affect various parts of the body, especially the skin, joints, blood, and kidneys. The body's immune system normally makes proteins called antibodies to protect the body against viruses, bacteria, and other foreign materials. These foreign materials are called antigens. In an autoimmune disorder such as lupus, the immune system loses its ability to tell the difference between foreign substances (antigens) and its own cells and tissues. The immune system then makes antibodies directed against "self." These antibodies, called "auto-antibodies," react with the "self" antigens to form immune complexes. The immune complexes build up in the tissues and can cause inflammation, injury to tissues, and pain. In my freind's case, her Lupus is severe and it continually attacks the joints in her body, so that at 60 she can barely hobble across the room. And yet, this lady wakes up every morning and thanks God for her blessings. Who am I to complain about cravings in the face of this? How can I skip a workout when I know she's at home, right now, wishing she could just leave her house and walk around her block?

This experiance, combined with a coming across a menu generator that I'm VERY pleased with Has me reved up, ready to go! It generates the menus for me, balances them and prints out the recipies, all I have to do is fix it and eat! No more obsessing over food for me - a really nice break.

Today's menu
Apricot w/yogurt, protein powder, walnuts and oatmeal
Chocolate protein yogurt w/walnuts
Cucumber pita w/boiled egg whites and grapes
Peanut Butter Shake
Greek Pasta Salad

Workout - upper body weights.

Friday, January 16, 2004

I'm green for yesterday. But frustrated. I know, I probably shouldn't be but I am! I'm at 180 this morning, and while in the shower I practically had a panick attack. I realized that I've been within 5 lbs (both over and under) 180 since October 23rd! This is obvously a 'set point' for my body as I maintained this weight for about three years before my apendex surgery without dieting or maintaining any serious excercise routine. So, I had this moment of panick - what If I can't get below this? I know that was unreasonable and irrational but it really struck me. You see, I feel a little like an analigy in a book I was looking over yesterday (Get Rich Slow - thanks Jeremy) I feel like a fly, who keeps throwing itself against the window trying to get outside, and just yards away there's an open door! Believe me... I keep looking for that door, but instead I keep finding another window to beat myself against! BUT - in truth I don't think I can REALLY say that I've hit the window until I've committed 100%. Maybe I haven't been strict enough in my diet. I know I havn't been 100% consitent in my workout. Perhaps to break through I'm going to have to be a LOT more consitent then I had to be to actually get to this point. I don't know. The thing is, I feel like I really need to NAIL a program before I say it isn't working. I'm not sure I've really NAILED the BFL program in the past two weeks. I think what's frustrating is I didn't HAVE to NAIL the program before now to still see results. So here's to even GREENER days my friends!

Thursday, January 15, 2004

I'm back for certain! The sun is shining today and I feel GREAT. Eats are clean and on plan. I've got an upper body workout planned and I'm actually looking forward to it! Still waiting for the scale to catch up with my mind, but hey I'm willing to be patient.

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

I did it! I did it! I did it! Not only did I crank out a killer lower body
workout today, but I made up my missed cardio as well... AND my nutrition
has been right on track! I'm back BABY! And I'm going to burn some fat! By the first
of Feburary I WILL be under 175 and at the lowest weight of my adult life!

I'm pretty sure I finanlly started dropping some water weight today. My
body usually dumps a BUNCH of weight the week before TOM and this is it, so,
I'm going to push for all I'm worth and drop as much as I can because the
week after the scale won't budge! I'm ready for it though!

Oh, YES! it's feels so good to have the fire back!

My mood has risen steadily today. Aided, in part, I believe, by an early morning leg workout that, frankly, ROCKED! I'm sticking to clean eats today and have plans to do some cardio tonight (the leg workout was a 'make up day') I've realized that to HAVE a transformation I have to THINK of this as a transformation. No more thinking "Well it's going to take me MONTHS to get to my goal, so what difference will one skipped workout make?" I had lost sight of my favorite saying "You can't expect extraordianry results from taking ordinary measures." My measures have been even less then ordinary for the most part the past few months and I HAVE to break that habit. Otherwise, I'm going to continue to see less then ordinary results... Or in my case, NO results. This IS a transformation. I think my transformation before kind of startled me. In the back of my mind there was this little voice that kept saying you only get one like that, it's slow and steady from now on. But that's NOT TRUE! there is no reason I can't continue to transform my body. Why I can't continue to have dramatic results for the next twelve weeks, and the twelve weeks after that, and so on and so on... I don't have to wait a year, or six months, or even three. I can see changes in three weeks if I put my mind to it. And I shall!

Monday, January 12, 2004

I struggled. MAN did I struggle. I fought for my life last night I finally managed to pull myself out of the mud and mire and get back on track. But just barely. I had one of those nights when I argued with myself for about 1/2 an hour about excercising (plus I was having major cravings) Normally when I deside to workout everything is golden after that, but last night I fought myself the ENTIRE time. It sucked! But I did it! I finished green and I'm better for it. Even if I didn't enjoy it.

Tonight the plan is to do a lower body workout. I think I've finally recovered from last week's lower body workout. It felt easy when I was doing it, and early the next morning I felt fine, but later! wow!!

Nutrition is on track for the day, though I need to sit down tonight and do a menu for the rest of the week and make sure the cupboard is stocked. I have to admit I'm not 'on fire' at the moment. I'm just doing what needs to be done and waiting for the motivation to strike again. What's important is that I keep the ball rolling through the 'non-motivation' period. Then when motivation strikes again, I'll have made progress and will have that fuel to add to the fire.

Thursday, January 08, 2004

I feel SO good today. Three green days in a row! Not only is my mood sky high, but I'm feeling REALLY thin today. Yeah, the scale is being stuborn, but I'm listening to the advice of someone near and dear to me (yes that's you Marie) and holding onto the idea of trusting in my own hard work! As for feeling thin - my work slacks are REALLY starting to get baggy. I may end up buying some new ones soon, but I'm hoping to hold out until I'm in a size 10. (Which is one of my goals at the end of this challenge.)

Water wasn't as good yesterday, but better then a 'typical' day for me. I'm still feeling swollen and hoping that it's just my body being stuborn. I'll keep dosing it with water and hope it get the idea that I'm not going to dehydrate it again. Yeah, Jeremy, I'll keep in mind that it will do things in it's own time, not mine! I have a few more weeks before I'll seriously worry about it.

Eats were clean yesterday, even with my Working dinner. They brought in subway sandwiches, and I managed to scronge for something to fit into my plan. Luckily, they had ordered some turkey on wheat bread. It had mayo and other 'crap' on it, but I scraped that off. One of my coworkers chuckled as I sat there dumping stuff off a second sandwich but I figure, a few months from now _I_ will have the last laugh.

Unfortunatly, starting at 6:30am and not getting home until 9:30pm left me WIPED OUT. So, I made the executive decision to post pone my lower body workout until today. As I said before this acutally works out nicely as it will push my cardio to tomorrow, and I'll be able to run outside (barring rain) the LBWO I have planned should TOAST my legs... I'm almost dreading the DOMS already, but at the same time, look forward to it! EIther way I plan to PUSH myself for all I can.

Obviously I haven't started my Spirit Mapping yet. From the time I got home until I went to sleep I was planning today's nutrition and review goals, so indepth jornalling is still on hold. I am having a LOT of fun encoraging a few other ladies on thier journey and I'm finding the challenge of being someone else's support is doing a LOT to keep the fire going and to push me to stick to my plan.

Probably the only struggle I'm currently waging is my ever present need to see results NOW. It's only been a few days! but I'm looking for week four results already. I'm not letting it eat me up though. I keep reminding myself that I'm doing the right thing and if I continue to do the right thing good things will HAVE to happen.

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

Two days in a row, MAN that feels good! Today, I'm working on three. A PB for this year ;) I have to admit that I'm going for a 'Marie like' year this year. I know that's setting my sites high, but why not aim high?

I had a cardio session with Billy Blanks last night. Not my first choice for cardio, but until Santa brings my tredmill, it's all I've got. I'll be so glad when it starts staying light longer and I can get back to running outside again. Last night, after I laced up my running shoes I had the most OVERWELLMING urge to RUN! It was SO frustrating to be locked in the house, but there was no way I was going out when it was 45 degrees outside and PITCH black. Needless to day, punching the air with Billy did a lot to vent my frustrations. I really PUSHED myself and even got a cramp in my side at one point. It felt great! :)

Eating has been clean, but I'm still retaining water. I feel a little crappy in that regard with a tummy ache and swollen fingers, but I expect it will cycle itself sooner or laiter. My guess is, dropping the cafein might have something to do with it, after all, I've been ODing on a diaretic for so long that my body is hording water in case I deside to do it again. I expect a flush soon, as I've been dosing myself with pleanty of water over the next few days. I have No soda at home so it's pure water for me from 5:00pm on and that's made a major difference. Plus I'm drinking 32 oz AT LEAST at work at my desk.

I still haven't had time to start my Sprit mapping. I spent some cuddle time with my sweetie last night in time, which is more important as any journal could ever be. It sometimes amazes me that after almost three years together the flame is brighter now then it was when we were 'supposively' in the 'honeymoon' stage. We watched a really AWFULL movie last night (Shallow Hal), and while I was leaving for work this morning he hugged me close and said "I'm so lucky! I have a woman who's beautiful on the inside AND the outside, that way I can be Shallow!" He's such a sweet goofie man!

Plans today are in place, and I've got my lunches with me. I have a dinner meeting tonight at work, but I'm brining a bar with me in case the food sucks (and it often does). I had to be into work early (along with working late) So, although, I've planned an upper body workout for tonight, I've left myself the option of doing it tomorrow without penalty. Sometimes you have to adapt. Besides, if I have my 'rest' day today, I can do cardio on Saturday and that means I can run outside! Hmmm this is sounding like more a blessing then a problem...

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

Yesterday was Green - No problem there. I had to adjust my nutrion a little as I hadn't gone shopping yet but it was all CLEAN eats. Today looks like more of the same, with a cardio session scheduled for later. I'm feeling better today then I have in a LONG while. I've been drinking a LOT more water and I'm sure that's made a difference. Still haven't cut the caffien, but I haven't REALLY made the commitment to do that. I quit for several hours on jan 1st but I felt SO crappy that I caved and started in again. BUT I've cut WAY back and may be able to eliminate it entirely before too long. That is IF I decide at that point that it's entirely nessisary. I don't really feel as if I HAVE to give up soda entirely, I just don't want to be DEPENDENT on it.

I haven't really started my spirit mapping journal yet. Last night's shopping took up a lot of time, so by the time I had done that, fixed dinner, cleaned up, excercised and planned prepared for today, it was time for bed! I also didn't get up as early as I had wanted... BUT I did get up earlier then usual and made it to work 'on time' so I'm proud of my progress. I've also made it my 'job' to bug a few people at work who have expressed an interest in getting in shape. As I said to Cory, knowing I'm going to be asking someone "Did you work out?" make it that much more vital to me that _I_ workout! I've also restarted a daily email support system with a friend, and have been approached by someone who saw my profile on the body for life tracker webpage, and asked for email support. Once again I'm surrounding myself with people who support and encorage me and I can feel myself growing from all the positive energy. This challenge and the susequent transformation is going to be AMAZING, I can feel it! :)

Monday, January 05, 2004

I went out for some 'retail theropy' at lunch today. I thought I would 'challenge' myself and my goal to be a size 10 by the end of this challenge. BOY was I surprised when I took some size 10's into the dressing room and I could button AND zip them. A few could have even been worn in mixed company! so, there is NO doubt in my mind that size 10 is dueable in 12 weeks. It might even be selling myself short... but it's something to shoot for, that's for sure.
Well, today is really my 'New Years Day'. This is when all my resolutions take effect.

I had a nice LONG weekend. Enjoyed the New Year, and my birthday and now it's time to get to work!

I've already promised myself that I will be unrecognizable by the end of this challenge, and I'm SO excited about the changes that will be happening. I've done a few things that should help things along, and a LOT of thinking and planning over the weekend.

1) I bought the BFL Journal. I've enjoyed the whole proccess so far and I think this will help keep me focused.
2) I've desided to do a pure BFL style challenge. I really debated over this, and due to the fact that I still have a lot to lose, and a few more challenges before I'll have to worry about 'fine tuning' and losing that last few Body Fat percentages, I've reasoned that it's easier for me, both mentally and physically to do BFL 'by the book' for the next 12 weeks.
3) I bought a jornalling book. As everyone is aware the inner transformation is just as important as the outer, and there is no doubt in my mind that my inner transformation is still in process. I bought this amazing book called "Mapping your Soul" and a journal to answer the questions posted in it. I'm hoping this will bring me even closer to knowing myself and feeling comfortable in my own skin.

I've planned my menues for this week already and have my grochery list written out. Oh, and in case you didn't notice - I've done my pictures. I feel things have backslid a little recently, but I've no regrets over how I spent my holidays. Now it's time to focus... and I've no reasons, no excuses NOT to have one terrific day after another!