Friday, October 31, 2003

Woke up feeling really bad this morning, and while we had a bit of fun at work with it being Halloween and all I've been feeling gradually worse. I'm popping calcium and vitamine C hoping I'll get some energy back, but so far no go. I slept really badly again last night and that may have something to do with it. I need to get home and take some Vitamine B6... heck I need to take ALL my vitamine's I've fallen WAY behind on my suplimentation.

I've stayed green today despite the bowls of candy, and mounds of food people brought in. It helps that my stomach is upset and I don't really feel like eating. No cravings there! I'm still vacilating on weather or not I'll do cardio tonight... I don't want to miss, but I feel so lousy!! Still a few hours to go, so we'll see.

Thursday, October 30, 2003

Well! Let me tell you about my day...

The afternoon started going downhill. I started getting a headache, and my throat started hurting. I actually went home early because my neck and shoulders hurt so bad I couldn't stand to look at the computer anymore. THEN when I got home my fiance and I had some chores to take care of that left me feeling even MORE depressed and worn out. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed and shut out the world! But, when I went into my room to change I grabed for my workout clothes. I knew that if I had them on I would have one less excuse NOT to workout. Before I could motivate myself though, I called my daughter to find out when I was picking her up for trick-or-treating, and she informed me that she wanted to stay at her dad's because they had been invited to a Halloween party. Another blow! I know that if I hadn't already changed into workout clothes I would have said 'forget it'! BUT somewhere inside of me I KNEW I would feel better when I was through. So I pulled out the pilates matt and started my practice. The nice thing about pilate's is that even though it's not as metaphysical as yogo, it does involve a lot of controlled movements and deep breathing. As I sat there taking my first DEEP breathes and lengthening my spine and imagined that with each breath out I was pushing all those black ugly feelings OUT of my body. I exhaled, and exhaled and exhaled until I couldn't any more, pushing all the negative thoughts, feelings and doubts OUT of my mind and away from my soul. It was the COOLEST feeling! By the time I finished I KNEW I was ready for my lower body workout... and it ROCKED!! TOTALLY kicked my butt. My legs were SHAKING by the end and I was near the puking point. Not bad for a workout that never got beyond a 6.5 lb dumbell! AND... I did full situps! 3 sets of 15.. I couldn't do even 1 just a few months ago.. another victory. Much more then one in my book.

I figured out I was doing someting that I didn't even realize until now. A long time ago when I was going to counceling (one of the few postive things I can pull out of my failed marriage) one of the 'assignments' I was given was to write down three postive things about my (then) spouse every day. While that didn't save my marriage I always did think it was a valid technique... The theory being that the best way to get rid of negative thoughts is to think postive thoughts :) And I've found that I do that in my journey. Every day I try to pull the postive out of what I'm doing. Maybe the scale didn't move, but HEY, this skirt fits better! I'm boosting my OWN self esteme by replacing my negative thoughts about myself with new postive thoughts, and I think it's had a lot to do with the bounce in my step and the smile on my face. AND it makes it that much easier to eat good food and move my butt and excercise. After all, if I LIKE myself how can I NOT want to take care of me?
Tomorrow is Halloween already! Holy CRUD! where has this year gone!? Funny thing is, I'm really looking forward to next year. And not just because we're getting married! I'm finding I'm looking forward to the future a LOT more then I used to. Could be the company I keep (having a loving partner helps a lot) and it could be that I feel as though I'm finally taking CHARGE! I'm the boss of my own destiny, and it feels good!

I'm still sore today from Tuesday's upper body workout. I didn't realize my delts were in such sucky shape! OUCH! I'm glad I'm giving myself some time to recover.

OK, the wierdest thing just happened to me. One of the guys here at work got an email from his brother regarding some guys transformation story. The guy I work with was just dumbfounded and kept saying.. "This can't be REAL!" So _I_ HAD to jump in... showed him Bodychangers, and the body for life program. He was like.. WOW! I could do that! I had to tell him, heck _I'm_ doing that. He just couldn't believe that someone could make those sort of changes in 12 weeks. I had to tell him a bit of my story and several timies reasure him that these guys were putting about 1 hour in the gym a day.. not the "3 or 4" that he was thinking... Was just so wierd to be looked at as the 'expert'...And now I've got even more pressure (wich I like) to stick with it. I have something to PROVE to the folks here. There are several people here who will be watching to see my stumble... Oh, and someone mentioned.. "Yeah! you can Really see the weight you've lost!" that was cool too.

OH, and the scale said 181 today.. .I can see the 170's on the horizon and I'm SO excited about it!!

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Billy Blanks just kicked my... tooshie!! It was GREAT... the best part is I didn't poop out until the last few minutes (I'm guessing it's the push for the 10) I've noticed his workouts really seem to be based on intervals.. you ramp up and then cool down, then ramp up again... I loved it, had fun and was glad no one was around to watch me!! I'm not the most coordinated person in the world lol! I also did my pilate's... three days in a row now! I'm on a ROLL!!! (as aposed to eating them)

PS.. no heart flutters during this workout.. YAY!
I had the strangest thing happen to me today!

While visiting one of the other offices, twice I ran into girls who, when seeing them before, I had though "I wish I had a body like that!" This time, though I found myself thinking, "I could have a better body then that!" After the second time it happened I stopped myself, amazed. Never in my life have I ever thought of myself in such positive terms! I'm alowing myself to believe in.. ME! and it's the GREATEST feeling. I'm finally being honest with myself, honoring my promices, and you know what, the respect is now showing! Then, to add on top of that one of the ladies at work said to me "You've lost weight!"... Then (and this really cracked me up) the girl that never gives compliments unless she wants something started to say something nice to me... Then stopped because she realized she didn't need anything at that time. It cracked me up that she started to let a compliment slip, almost as if she MEANT it.. lol!

Needless to say I'm feeling good about my progress, both inside and outside. I can't wait to see what happens next!

One thing I'm NOT pleased with... I'm sure I've mentioned before that I have a 'mild' heart issue. I've managed to do a pretty good job of managing it on my own, especially since I quit taking ephedra (sp?). But I noticed that I started getting palpitations last night while working out, and they've continued through today. This FRUSTRATES me to no end! They arn't dangerous (so my dr says) but they are uncomfortable (imagine hiccups) and leave me feeling week. And as far as I know, I've done nothing that should have brought this on. The only thing that I can come up with is that I'm tired. I've been going to bed early enough but have noticed that I'm having trouble falling into a DEEP sleep and spend most of the night just below the surface of sleep and having some BIZZARE and vivid dreams! (Last night I drempt that I was bit by a snake and when he pulled away he left his fang behind, still pumping venom into my leg - like a bee stinger - analize THAT one would ya? I think the snake is my ex :P) Anyway, all that to say I need to work on sleeping better, see if that clears up the issue, and if not it's back to NO caffine.. and if that doesn't work *sigh* I guess I go on the beta blockers. QUESTION - the beta blockers are supposed to lower my blood pressure and help me relax (ummm.. why lower my blood preasure when it's already normal to low is beyond me) My worry has always been that they might also lower my metabolism... does anyone know if there could be any facts behind this??

So enough of my whining! :)
woke up a little stiff and sore today, but it’s a GOOD kind of stiff and sore! I’m feeling my workout in my biceps and even my BACK! That’s a place where I feel like I’ve been missing. Also feeling a little in my upper abs. Love cross bench pullovers, they feel so awesome! Food is on track for the day, and I’m actually drinking WATER! Funny, I went to the vending machine to buy a diet soda, put in my money, pushed the button and nothing came out! I took that a my sign that I didn’t need any soda! So, I filled up my 1 ltr water bottle and I’m over ½ way through it. 3.5 liters left to go!

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

I just finished my first upper body workout of my new plan. Higher reps, more excrecises and WAY lighter weights. I can't believe how light I had to go to finish. I felt like a complete WIMP. I am now DRENCHED in sweat and in pain from my ribs UP! I also did a 10 minute pilate's session and am feeling good about keeping at it for two days in a row! I truely feel as though I kicked it up a notch tonight! I can't wait to see what I'm going to do in the next six weeks!

The good news is I was able to do all excrercises without 'bad' pain. Including upright rows! Yay!!

Nutrition has been spot on today and I'm looking at another green. The only bad news is that TOM is right around the corner :( (TMI alert) It just NOT fair! I struggle every time TOM is around and THEN I have the whole PDD issue AND my cycle is only twenty one days... and lasts 7. It seems like I hardly have a day when I'm not battling! But this time I'm determined to make it through GREEN! I will I will I will!!
HELP!! one of my neighbors is baking bread. I can smell it. My mouth is watering and I'm getting a SERIOUS craving. I just had some yogurt and protien powder but that's currently NOT cutting it. Will... Stay... Strong!! *grin*
Yesterday was my reward day, and what do _I_ crave? Was it chocolate cake? or perhaps a taste of those cookies that drove me nuts last week? No! _I_ crave a turkey sandwich on sliced sourdough w/swiss cheese. The funny thing is that USED to be 'diet food' to me. What a bizzare world I live in now. For dinner I had one of my all time favorites, pasta mixed with olive oil and a little parmisian cheese (and veggies of course). Was NICE.

I added pilate's back into my routine last night. While it was a rest day from cardio or weights it felt REALLY good to get out on the mat and get all my parts feeling lean and long. Well as long as they get on my 5'5" frame. I'm hoping to add that 10 minute pilate's set as a regular part of my daily workout (unless someone can convience me that it is 'bad' to do daily) I should be hitting the weights for an upper body workout today, and I'm really feeling excited. Funny, but I think I've caught the 'bug'. More then excited about my workout, I'm finding that I'm excited about the future, and find myself contimplating what changes are going to happen next. It's so novel and refreshing to be looking forward to changes instead of dreading them.

Monday, October 27, 2003

Had an EXCELLENT weekend. Friday night I hit the house ready to go for my run, and my sweetie and his son were dressed and ready to come with me! Was a VERY pleasant surprise. We all headed to the track together and I have to say, each day I run I’m surprising myself at how I’m feeling and the progress I’ve been able to make. My fiancé who hadn’t seen me run for a LONG time was really pleased and surprised at how ‘fast’ I was moving (fast for me). And I blew him away when I sprinted the 100 at the end… not once but TWICE. He was like “Wow! You were really moving!”.

Saturday I picked up my Youngest daughter. We spent the day treating her for her birthday (which was earlier this month). I kept it green. Then Sunday, we went for a LONG hike along the coast. It wasn’t too hard as we had the kids along, but there were a few hills and I worked up a little sweat. I came home and blasted out a lower body workout later and basically wrapped up the weekend totally GREEN!! It felt GREAT!

My daughter stayed the extra night, and I drove her the 100+ miles to school this morning. Funniest thing on my way back to work I had a truck driver pace me for a bit (which kind of freaked me out as I drive a little black bug) The pull ahead and give me the “ooo la la…” and “OK” sign, the fall back behind me. Guess he liked what he could see from way up there. I waved a thank you and got a light flash in return. I guess I’m a little strange in that I’ll take a compliment where I can get it! And always try to be courteous in return.

I’m starting to get a little concerned as my weight drops. Any other time I’ve had serious weight loss it starts to tail off and/or stop completely between 180 and 175. This is not because of anything my body does, but because I start to feel ‘comfortable’, about that weight. That’s when I got from HATING my body to merely disliking it, and the sacrifices that I used to make to get to that weight didn’t seem to be worth it any more. Of course no other time have I combined working out with dieting. But, this time I’m determined it will be different. Why? Because this time it’s about so much more then hating the way I look. It’s about challenging myself, and meeting that challenge head on. It’s also about loosing weight sensibly and being focused on keeping it ‘green’ and not just about seeing the scale go down. Lately I’ve found that the scale going down is just a happy bi-product of the work I’m doing, not the be-all end-all means. These are the mindsets I’m bringing with me through the next six weeks…

Saturday, October 25, 2003

Saturday I finally lost the battle with the 'lazy' me and talked myself out of my workout. I had battled with that little witch for two days, managing to win and do my workout Thursday and Friday, but Saturday I just couldn't do it!

But, it's monday a new week, and another chance to hit greens every day.

The good news: I'm down a few more pounds - the totals from the past three weeks look impressive :)

Weight Loss: 8 lbs
Body Fat Loss: 13.5 lbs
Muscle Gained: 5.5 lbs

I measure in 14 places (If you count right and left arms and leg seperately) and have lost a total of 16.5 inches. Including 3 inches off my waist.

I can't wait until Next Sunday when I take my 4 week progress pictures! Even though Thrusday's and Friday's workouts were SO hard. I'm very very glad I did them

Friday, October 24, 2003

Having a great day. Clean and feeling grand. Finally got my hair cut and I’m feeling TONS better. Next week I get it colored and I’ll be 100%.

Planning a run when I get home tonight, and looking forward to it.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

I cranked out a killer upper body workout tonight. Hit my triceps like never before, THEN I got down and did 10.. that's right 10 pushups! I reached my goal already!! I went back and checked my jornal and I did my first 'real' pushup on Sept 19th. So in just over a month I've increased 10 times!!
Feeling good and looking good today. Had a girl at work say my face is looking thinner. She's one of the few I've told I'm dieting, and is known for giving out compliments when she wants something from people, so I had to take it with a grain of salt. Still, I'm feeling really good. I'm starting to feel as though I have the 'power' again. You ladies know what I'm talking about right? The one that makes a group of guys go quiet when you walk by... in a positive way. *grin* I'm working on remembering to improve my posture throughout the day. Standing taller and hold in my abs. I know I'm regaining my "I've got a secret" grin because people give me that puzzled look from time to time. I feel GREAT! lol! I just re-read what I've posted an realized that I've now said I feel good three times! I guess that's how good I feel!

I caught a group of folks talking about a diet they are doing together. When I asked them about it they said it was called "The Kaiser Diet" I did a search and couldn't find anything so when I asked further I got some murmer about it being a diet where you "Eat what they tell you for three days and then eat whatever you want for the other four". The alarm bells IMMEDIETLY went off in my head and I did another search, this time for "Three Day Diet". WOW - I can't believe that people would do this to themselves and actually believe it's healthy!?

for those of you like me who had never heard of it before, here it is...

(snipped from http://www.mikebrownsolutions.com/3day.htm)

-----------------------------

The Basic Diet
1. The first day of this diet you fast. During the fast, drink plenty of water.

2. The second day you consume only fruit and fruit juices.

3. The third day you consume only vegetables and vegetable juices.

4. The rest of the week you eat normally. Just don't overdo it.

You can use this diet for as many weeks as you want.

You may want to do it once a month.

Everytime you complete the three-day diet you will lose weight.

It is impossible not to do so.

-------------------------

Yeah, starve yourself for three days.. it's impossible not to lose weight! THAT'S a GREAT solution

I'll just have to keep plugging along in my own journey and hope that eventually they will see in me a HEALTHY way lose that fat...

And yet... I doubt anyone will ask. I have discovered that folks are more likely to talk to other overweight folks about diets and weightloss then to someone who's fit (myself included) It's as if we don't want to REALLY face what it takes to make the changes. The one girl who complimented me on my weightloss KINDOF asked me what I was doing, but as soon as she found out I wasn't taking a 'magic pill' or anything like that her eyes glazed over.

Not much else to report. Clean eats so far and should continue to be so. Have upper body planned for tonight. My last one for this challenge, I'm going to hit it for all I'm worth. OH, and I didn't win the lottery *sigh*

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

When I agreed to make cookies for my sweetie, I knew it would be hard. If I had known HOW hard, I wouldn't have.

I started by KNOWING I would be craving big time after words so before even leaving for the store I made myself some pudding w/protein. Butterscotch! YUM! While making the cookies, I actually used my mixer stand so that I could just dump in ingredients and let it whir. I thought that might give me a little 'mental distance' from the process. And it did help. BUT... My fingers still got messy. And while mixing the chips in by hand, it was all I could do not to spoon a little out to taste it. *groan* By the time I was done I SWEAR I was SHAKING! Instead of putting myself through the torture of an hour of spooning dough onto sheets, watching them bake and then levering them off all hot and gooey I dumped all the batter into a pan and baked it all at once. It will have to do. In the meanwhile, my sweetie has fallen asleep. Ce La Vi

I have since enjoyed GUILT FREE my pudding and am feeling quite satiated.

One other thing to share...While showering I was thinking about my workouts and what I'm going to do starting next week. It's not so much that BFL isn't working, but that I feel the need to change things up a bit. I was thinking of the different splits and routines that I know and pretty much decided that the 2-day split works for me. After all, splitting more then that is usually the result of wanting more bulk, wanting to focus harder on particular body parts, and give them more time to recover. I just want to stay toned and burn as many calories as possible. Then I started going through what I knew of sets, pyramid sets, supersets etc. I started mulling super sets and then remember a workout program that I used YEARS ago from a lady called Dr Joyce Vedral. Some of you probably know of her. She had one workout called 'The Fat Burning Workout' that combined super sets. and a pyramid weight scheme. I think I'll go buy the book this weekend. The workout as she prescribes it involves workout out with weights everyday... that part I'll have to see about.

For Cardio, I stopped by THE other local gym. They are as horribly expensive as the first I checked out (though beautifully maintained) and pretty much outside my budget, BUT they offer a 10-visit pass for $113. I figure if I use it two times during the week for cardio, and then do something outside on the weekends... it would get me through 5 weeks. Not too terribly bad. An option but not a final decision as yet.
It wasn't until I headed out the door that I realized it had been over a week since I had ran! Cardio last week was so.. WIERD. Yet, I think it was a break my body needed because I hit the track with more energy then ever! The time just flew by and everytime I checked my watch I was past time to change intensity by 7 to 10 seconds! I was enjoying myself THAT much. I even threw in a sprint at the end. It's rather to sad for me to think that this is going to be my last week of evening runs... with the time change this weekend it will be dark when I get home and sadly enough, in todays society I don't go running in the dark, alone. I'm going to push to run on the weekends though, and perhaps the cross-training will do me some good. Shake things up a bit.

On my way home I noticed that my sweat pants are getting baggy! It's funny that the past few weeks, I've been so convinced that I'm seeing no progress that it really surprises me when I do find something.

oh well, I'm off to the store... my honey came home not feeling well and asked for chocolate chip cookies... I'm usually a bater taister so this is going to be a REAL challenge for me!!
I'm frustrated because I'm stuck at home today. I had some work I needed to get done but I forgot to grab the bank card from my honey this morning, and I have NO GAS. Luckily my work is flexable enough I can stay home. I think I'll work on clearing alittle of the chaos up around the house and add a little peace back in. (Housework is not my favorite thing in the work.)

I woke up feeling "skinny" this morning. A mirror check felt pretty positive too. Having a good day. I'm really excited about the weekend as both my daughters will be visiting. I'll get my oldest to take my challenge 'ending' pictures for me. Maybe this time I'll get her to come on a run with me too. She worries me sometimes as she's only 5'2" and already 145lbs at 15. While some of that is muscle (she plays water polo and softball) I know that they eat like CRAP at thier dad's house. Fast food at least once a day. I think she does some of the things I did as a teenager, like not eating all day then stuffing herself at dinner. I'm thinking that this weekend we'll have a really honest talk, but I'm not sure how to do that without coming off ALL wrong. After all, how do I say... "Honey, your fat, and I'm worried it's just going to get worse..."?

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Had a crappy evening, worked til 7:00, fiance had puter troubles and lost 3 hours of work, and I'm still tired from my bike ride on sunday... BUT, I did my leg workout anyway AND upped the weight on my squats! can I say 'I'm proud of me'? Eats were clean, drank a bit of water and I'm ready for BED!!
No workout for me last night. It was time spend recovering!! Ate clean though and felt great all day! I've got a bag full of healthy foods ready for today (I have to work until 7:00 tonight) and I'm ready to go!

Planning on a Lower body workout today, should be interesting to see what I can do after that ride on Sunday.

Also, I'm looking into changing up my plan starting next week. Looking into different splits, different rep styles etc. I know that 1 thing I'm going to do is make a change to my cardio. I LOVE the HIIT, but according to the Hussman website I may be able to burn more fat by ADDING 10 minutes of moderate cardio to that. His suggestion is to the end, but I'm thinking I'll add it to the begining, because usually at the end of my HIIT I'm to tired to walk another STEP.

Monday, October 20, 2003

I got frustrated with my computer as the virus scan started and I couldn't do anything else.. darn slow thing, so I wandered over to TJMaxx and drove the fitting room girl mad by trying on boatloads of clothes. I'm not quite ready to say I'm a '14' yet. Jeans and skirts I can fit into a 14 9 out of 10 times, but slacks... it's about a 50/50 chance they will fit. BUT I have noticed something intersting... I have an a$$! Seriously. I mean, it's always been THERE, WIDE. But, it curved up from my thighs, and then just went up and joined my back.. FLAT! But now I've got a curve at the top AND the bottom! It's really cool to put on a pair of jeans, turn around and think.. HEY I've got a butt. It must be the excercises, because I've been at this weight before. I can't wait to see what other changes start to show!!
Yes, it's Monday, and the first day of my last week of my first 12 week BFL challenge... (How's that for confusing?) I'm feeling UP UP UP!! I rolled over in bed this morning and thought.. Oh my god! I'm sore! But then I got up and walked around a bit, and it turned out to just be a little stiffness, not 'real' sorness. My 'pelvic floor' is a bit saddle sore, and my hips have a bit of lingering twinges but otherwise I feel FANTASTIC. The fact that I can have a day like yesterday and still feel HUMAN afterwords has made the last 11 weeks well worth it!

THEN, I was leaving my house this morning and my neighbor was standing on the porch having his morning ciggy. I don't see him often as he works nights, me days so when we do say 'hello' it's usually when one or both of us is running in or out the door. I got a cheery 'Good Morning' and a 'How are you doing?' then he says, "Have you lost weight?". I'm sure I BEEMED because, as I've said before NO ONE has said anything up 'til now. After I acknowldged him, he said "I thought so, I was sitting here thinking, man, she looks DAMN good." I'm not sure how to take my neighbor thinking I look DAMN good, but hey I'm glad someone noticed..

My day is going as 'planned' I had a GREAT breakfast of cream of wheat with protien powder.. NUMMY. I've got yogurt and protien for 'snack' and a salad with SPICY chicken for lunch. This is going to be a greener, then green week my friends.. you can count on it!

Oh, and my waist was down to 35" this morning, hips to 45.5" Yay!

Today I CHOOSE to lose weight!

Sunday, October 19, 2003

I fell hard this weekend. I kept loosing my focus and sight of my goals… and then today, I turned it around!

Let’s start with Friday. All the crap at work just can crashing down on my head. After lunch with my boss it was all I could do just to sit upright. I was a zombie for the rest of the afternoon. I got home, and just curled into a little ball of misery. My fiancé’ managed to coax me out of my shell by waving a piece of pizza under my nose! After drowning my sorrows in pepperoni and cheese, I thought I was finally ready to take control again. We spent some time discussing my goals and I was ready once more! Unfortunately, the damage was already done, and I had a red day! L

Saturday came and I drove 130 miles to see my daughter play in a water polo tournament. Seeing those girls in the pool inspired me all the more! I was ready to dive in the pool myself, swimming has always been MY sport. When I got home, though I was ready, willing and able to go out and spend some quality ADULT time with my sweetie. We went to an Irish Pub and my goals flew out the window again! Almost faster then I could think I had ordered a Black and Tan…BEER! Another day in the tank.

Today I woke up, with my goals fixed in my mind. I packed our bags with nuts, powerbars, apples and bananas rolled in protein powder and water, and then OFF we went to tackle some hills with out bikes. It was a BEAUTIFUL fall day. Not too hot, not too cold. 26 miles!! That’s right I put 26 miles (give or take) on my bike today. We started in Occidental and the trek started UPHILL. Neither of us made it to the top (we had to get off and push). But we WIZZED down into the beautiful Coleman Valley. We peddled past rolling meadows and ancient barns. The fall colors were amazing. Then back up some KILLER hills. All my training started to pay off, for as my fiance’ struggled (and HE’S always been the avid biker) I was ready to keep on peddling (and sometimes did). Not only did I feel I had gotten a payback from all the workouts in a physical sense, but mentally, all those times I did one more rep, one more interval, one more lap, one more step payed off too. More then once I gutted my way to the top of a hill, legs and lungs burning! The joy of speeding down the other side was 10 times more exhilarating knowing I had pushed myself to the fullest! We finally made it down the other side and headed toward the coast. We flew down one AWSOME downgrade and near the bottom at about the 10 mile mark I heard a ‘poof---ssssssssssss’ My fiance’s back tire had blown! Ripped the valve stem right off the tube, and us with no spare! We ended up walking a good portion of Highway 1 into Bodega Bay where we managed to jerry rig something to get us the rest of the way back. Still, the views of the ocean were magnificent, and the coastal breeze, perfect. The rest of the trip took us along Highway 1, Bodegea Highway (through Bodega where they filmed Alfred Hitchcock’s “the Birds”), and the Bohemian Highway. We passed rolling fields full of cattle, race horse ranches, and through a beautiful redwood forest. I couldn’t believe that I finished up with even MORE energy with when I started! Then, when I got home, I did my upper body workout so that Saturday wouldn’t be a RED day! I finally fell like all the work I’ve been doing these past months, MEANS something. I’m focused. This last week of my challenge will be STELLER and I’m ready to face whatever comes after it!

Friday, October 17, 2003

My fiance and I had a little talk about my goals, beyond loosing weight. I want/need his buy in. He's a major stakeholder in this project so I sat and listened to his ideas and ideals and figured out how they fit in with mine. It turns out we're pretty much on the same page, YAY! He even dropped a few names of women he thought were 'strong yet feminine... like.. Rachel McLish and Lisa Lyon. We actually had a pretty cool time looking through pictures of buff ladies and finding physiques we BOTH liked :)

Of course I have a LONG way to go... But every journey starts with a single step!
I had a nice strong leg workout last night. My legs are sore today and I have no doubt that it’s a good thing. My good mood continues. Something I vented must have needed to get out because I’ve felt great ever since. Thank you to everyone who shouted and/or emailed me. It was MUCH appreciated.

I have a meeting today with my bosses boss (and owner of the company) so perhaps we’ll iron some things out, and I know if I’m to go, or stay. It may be that I spend the weekend posting my resume on a plethora of job sites.

I took action on my foot issue last night as well and found a few interesting ideas on rehabilitating planter fasciitis, and strengthening ankles. I also found awesome information on how to tape my foot to prevent further straining the planter fascia. All that combined may get me off the track and back on the streets, AND allow me to train for a 5K and eventually I may be able to think about a marathon again! THAT has got me excited. All positive steps forward.

I also spent some time thinking about the whole visualization issue. I’m working on seeing my body in a positive light, and toward forming an idea of what I can/will look like. I’m going to spend a little time each day relaxing and reinforcing that image in my mind, so that I can get that goal firmly fixed. Who was it that said “You have to believe to achieve”? I’m starting to understand that statement and put it use.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Ok, I finished my last post, and then went out for a walk. Cleared my head a bit.

First, a confession. I overslept and then rushed out of the house this morning, without food! So I stopped at the quickstop for breakfast. I was standing in the Asle looking at all the protien bars and grinding my teeth at the $3.00 price tag when I looked down and saw... POP TARTS! and they were only 75 cents! Without even a second thought I grabbed them, payed and rushed out the door to eat them! Yes, it was a bad choice. Yes it wasn't planned. But I think that will be my 'cheat meal' for the week. I will not let it derail me, not for the week, not for the day, not even for an hour. I'm back on plan with a nice chicken salad for lunch. (Can I justify it partially by saying they were STRAWBERRY pop tarts!? lol!)

Secondly, I went back and looked (again) at my older journal entries. There was something I remembered putting there that I needed to see again..

Here it is...

My notes and thoughts on George Leonard's Book called "Mastery, The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment". Basically, here's how I've applied his thoughts to my goal of weight loss and fitness.

Key 1: Instruction

I suppose a great deal of the blame for my failure to achieve "mastery" of my weight loss and fitness goals has been my lack of choosing an Instructor. Sure, I'll choose one for a while, but it usually doesn't last, and before long, I've moved on to some other method or teacher. Of course, there is a time and a place to move on, but I know I never have REALLY made a commitment. I'm not sure if I should decide now, how long to give this (BFL) to work, or wait. For now, I suppose it's enough that I've committed 12 weeks.

Key 2: Practice

At first, I thought this didn't apply. But then, I realized, at least in the realm of exercise or fitness, there is a time for practice. Then it came to me that in diet too there is practice. It just happens to be on that occurs every day. Sometimes every minute of every day. The key is, as they say, "Staying on the Path". "To practice regularly, even when you seem to be getting no where."

Key 3: Surrender

This was easy for me to spot as a problem area for me. Even when choosing a plan, I was constantly making my own modifications to it. I'm still doing that. Instead of accepting the teacher’s plan, I choose the parts I like and ignore the rest. There will be a time and place for that, but, for now, I'll cease to be "Player of all, Master of none"

Key 4: Internationality

Much of this is - practicing with purpose, but also there was a great deal here that has to do with visualization. Visualization is something I may currently have a problem with. Sure I can see myself exercising, eating correctly, and even running effortlessly, but I cannot, yet, visualize myself as thin toned, and in shape. I'm not even sure how to start. I can't remember ever feeling proud of my body, so I don't even have memories to go on. I'll continue to visualize what I can, and maybe the rest will come to me. It's something to research at the very least.

Key 5: The Edge

I'm not even close to looking over the edge... It may be years before I am... and I'm happy that way, for now.
Why is it, when I struggle the most, it seems I blog the least? I think it's pride. This sense that I have that I have to be 'strong'. Add to that the feeling that I have that I shouldn't 'burden' others with my own pitiful whinings... and there you have it! :) Yesterday was one of those days that's colored with dull browns and grays. Fall is here, my body and spirit seem to know it, and every time the fog rolls in, I feel bleak. I did manage some cardio yesterday. Just a walk, but with the way my quads have been feeling, perhaps I needed the break. I also ate clean. Clean by my own standards... I've been getting frustrated, and perhaps a bit jealous (Ross and Petra *grin*) that NO-ONE has noticed my weight loss. How's that for an extraordinariless transformation? Yes, my fiancé notices.. but he's the only person in the world who sees me naked. I was telling myself that it was because 1) I work with mostly men and 2) They see me every day... BUT, yesterday I went to lunch with a friend whom I haven't seen eight weeks. She didn't say a WORD! Maybe I was just THAT good at camouflaging my weight? I know I shouldn't base my journey on others, but still it would be nice to get SOME kind of kudos from someone who doesn't KNOW I'm trying to loose weight.

I've also been fighting a frustration with my job. The situation is a little complicated in that, I'm a consultant working full time at one client. The client, I love. They give me exciting, challenging work that uses me to my full potential. Unfortunately, my company, does not pay me what I'm worth, nor do they acknowledge the skills I'm using and have developed. Even after passing my test, they still treat and pay me as a simple System Administrator (Not that there is anything wrong with being an administrator, but I haven't done actual technical work in over two years, it's all been project management) The issue isn't just the pay. There is also the fact that SOME day this contract will end, and I'll be 'brought back into the fold' and expected to go back to System Administration, a job I feel I'm no longer suited for. (Step away from technology for as little as 6 months and you've lost MILES) So, I'm fighting having to leave a client I love, so that I can pursue my career. The future is currently unstable and I hate that. THEN I hear that if/when I DO get another job is when my company is likely to move mountains to keep me to stay... I won't.

I'm not sure what any of the above have to do with my journey to fitness. I just know that I feel as if I'm currently on a journey of self discovery. A journey that seems to be taking a very circuitous rout. I feel a little lost and in desperate need of a road map. That lost feeling is spilling over into my diet and exercise. At the moment I feel... goal-less. I've been so disappointed so far when it comes to reaching goals that I've left off setting any. And yet, I KNOW I need them... I'm a person driven by goals. Perhaps that's why I feel so lost right now... I've been driven for 9 months with the goal of passing that test.. I have.. now what? Hmmm.. I hadn't thought of that until right now. Body wise, I'm thinking that perhaps I'll start setting some fitness goals rather then body/weight goals. Fitness goals I can control, I can achieve.. my body.. well it seems to have a mind of it's own. I feel good about my pushups. That's probably the ONE good thing I've picked out of my workout. For cardio.. I'm thinking perhaps I'll start training for a 5k or something similar. My only issue with that is my darn foot. I have GOT to find a way to rehabilitate it so that I can run on pavement again....That and overcoming the issue of the upcoming wet/cold season and lack of lighting... Bah! I've too much yet to work through, but I'm making a start... Thanks for letting me vent!

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

I had an oops during my upper body workout, that turned into a 'right on'!

I was going through my workout. Kind of 'in the zone'. I've been doing it enough that I thought I had it pretty much memorized, and I only needed to use my log for slight reminders. So I finished my back, and flipped to the next page, assuming it was biceps. I loaded on the weight that I read there and did my first set of twelve. I immediatly started getting a little down because it was rather hard. I loaded on the next set of plates and tried to do my second set of ten. I was really getting bummed because it was all I could do to belt out that set! I finally looked over at my log and realized I was supposed to be doing SHOULDERS! I turned over to my 'normal' bicep routine and saw that the weight I had just done two sets at was DOUBLE what I had been doing on bis! So, I left that weight on and did a KILLER bicep workout! I was so inspired I upped the weight on my triceps too. I've got to figure out a way to add more weight to my chest excercises... OR.. maybe I'll switch my first excercise to flyes since that one seems to fatigue me faster...

I did 7 pushups in a row!!! I don't know where this inner strength is coming from but.. MAN I LOVE it! I think I'm going to sit back and imagine fat burning for a while and see if I can get my body to listen! :)
I finally got back into the routine of planning my meals. This 'flying by the seat of my pants' thing was getting unnerving! I have food ready for tomorrow and I am ready to finish this 2 week sprint to the end of my FIRST TWELVE WEEKS! That's right, in two weeks I'll have finished my first 12 week challenge...The first of many, I'm sure. But there is something about COMPLETING that first one... In truth, I never really thought I would make it this far, and yet.. here I am! And there I continue to go!
14
I'm read this GREAT book by George Leonard called "Mastery, The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment” In it he has a chapter called "Why Resolutions Fail - and What to do About it." I thought I would share some of this with you all as I'm sure you could relate...

His answer to why resolutions fail is Homeostasis or "The ability or tendency of an organism or cell to maintain internal equilibrium by adjusting its physiological processes". So, when we starting making changes, especially DRASTIC changes, Internally, Homeostasis kicks in, and makes us feel uncomfortable, so that things can remain "status quote” Externally, our family, friends, and/or coworkers may rebel in an effort to maintain the 'sameness' of their life, and/or their relationship with you. (Please understand I am paraphrasing). So how do we fight Homeostasis? Here are his tips...

1. Be aware of the way homeostasis works.
This might be the most important guideline of all. Expect resistance and backlash. Realize that when the alarm bells start ringing, it doesn't necessarily mean you're sick or crazy or lazy or that you've made a bad decision. In fact, you might take these signals as an indication that your life is definitely changing -- just what you've wanted. Of course, it might be that you have started something that's not right for you; only you can decide. But in any case, don't panic and give up at the first sign of trouble.

You might also expect resistance from friends and family and co-workers. (Homeostasis, as we've seen, applies to social systems as well as individuals.) Bear in mind that an entire system has to change when any part of it changes. So, don't be surprised if some of the people you love start covertly or overtly undermining your self-improvement. It's not that they with you harm, its just homeostasis at work.

2. Be willing to negotiate with your resistance to change.

So, what should you do when you run into resistance, when the red lights flash and the alarm bells ring? Well, you don't back off, and you don't bull your way through. Negotiation is the ticket to successful long-term change in everthing from increasing your running speed to transforming your organizaiton. The fine art of playing the edge in this case involves a willingness to take one step back for every two forward, sometimes vice versa. It also demands a determination to keep pushing, but not without awareness. Simply turning off your awareness to the warnings deprives you of guidance and risk damaging the system. Simply pushing your way through despite the warning signals increases the possibility of backsliding.

You can never be sure exactly where the resistance will pop up. A feeling of anxiety? Psychosomatic complaints? A tendency toward self-sabotage? Squabbles with family, friends, or fellow workers? None of the above? Stay alert. Be prepared of serious negotiations.

3. Develop a support system

You can do it alone, but it helps a great deal to have other people with whom you can share the joys and perils of the change you’re making. The best support system would involve people who have gone through or are going through a similar process, people who can tell their own stories of change and listen to yours, people who will brace you up when you start to backslide and encourage you when you don’t.

4. Follow a regular practice.

People embarking on any type of change can gain stability and comfort through practicing some worthwhile activity on a more or less regular basis, not so much for the sake of achieving an external goal as simply for its own sake. The circumstances are particularly happy in case you’ve already established a regular practice in something else before facing the challenge and change of beginning a new one.

5. Dedicate yourself to lifelong learning

We tend to forget that learning is much more then book learning. To learn is to change. Education, weather it involves books, body, or behavior, is a process that changes the learner. It doesn’t have to end at college graduation or at age forty or sixty or eighty, and the best learning of all involves learning how to learn – that is to change. The lifelong learning is essentially one who has learned to deal with homeostasis, simply because he or she is doing it all the time
I'm a little low in the enthusiasim department today. Non-body related stuff has me down, work etc. It's left me with little energy for outside stuff. Planning an upper body workout tonight. I've gotten to the point where my workouts don't depend on weather I 'feel' like it or not. I'm tired, cranky, and unenthused, but I'll do it anyway. Much like Ed I was a 110% or nothing kind of gal for so long... It used to be that if I didn't feel like working out, if I wasn't BOUNDING my way to the gym and ready to give every ounch of who I was.. I just didn't go. Now I realize that I need to workout, weather or not I 'feel' like it. 1 - because it usually makes me feel better and I usually end up giving 110% in the end anywawy. and 2 - because every MOMENT I'm doing something is another step in my journey. Yeah, I might be walking, or even CRAWLING rather then running, but I'm still moving and in the correct direction.

I checked my body fat measurement again today, just to make sure that had gotten an 'accurate' (accurate as is possable on a scale) reading. It came up 38.6% again, so I'm pretty confident in that number. And yes, that means I've lost 12.5lbs of fat and gained 5.6lbs of muscle in four weeks. So, when does this muscle I've been gaining, fianlly start doing it's job and start burning more fat!? lol Overall, in 10 weeks, I've lost 28 lbs of fat, and gained 12.5 lbs of muscle. I still find myself sore on a regular basis, so I feel like I'm pushing myself. I'm still on fire...

Sunday, October 12, 2003

Had a great day today, though it started off a little tough. I got up this morning and went for a run. It was a beautiful day.. just an amazing display of the 'dog days of summer'. I desided on not doing HIIT and just went for a jog around the track at a steady pace. It was a nice change and a GREAT feeling workout. I think I averaged a 12 minute mile and sustained it the whole time, wich is a BIG improvement for me. BUT, when I finished and went to do a sprint to finish it off I felt a sharp pain in my quad. I went for as long as I could, but it was too painful to keep up. I limped my way home. Even after my shower my quad was hurting. It was actually hard as if I it was a cramping. I took some advil and was worried about the lower body workout I had planned.

We spent the day in San Francisco, walking ALL over the place. Aparently that was exactly what I needed because my leg started loosening up. I still wasn't sure about my lower body workout, but when I got home I desided I could at LEAST do my ab workout. Then I thought 'dead lifts can't hurt'... Once I had gone through all the trouble to drag out the weights I figured I may as well TRY squats. I desided on sumu (sp?) squats because I now that those tend to focus on the inside of the legs instead of the front of the quad where I was hurting. To my amazement I was able to do them!! I did a COMPLETE lower body workout!! I was SO proud of myself.

I'm sitting here doing the Happy Happy Joy Joy dance... I hardly even know myself, overcoming all this crap and getting my workouts done. Who IS this woman?? I kind of like her. :)

Saturday, October 11, 2003

I just HAD to bounce in here and actually put into words my two pieces of GREAT news.

1) Did my upper body workout tonight, while lifting weights I felt tired, and rather week, BUT when I did my pushups I did 5 That's right 5!!! pushups.. I'm 1/2 way there! Then, after resting a bit, I actually did 2 more. *grunting and doing my incredible hulk pose* muahahahah!

2) After showering I desided that it was time to check my BF% - The only way for me to do that is to get on my scale.. BUT.. the Body Fat part of it is a special program.. so I set it, got on, and closed my eyes when it displayed the weight. The last time I checked my BF% was on 9/29 and it was coming up 42.9%, this time.... 38.6% and that was without even adjusting my mesurments from last time! Considering I started measuring the end of July and I was at 50% or higher I'm SO stoked!!

Today was exactly what I needed to keep on pushing myself. Just that little kick in the pants.

I'll be taking pictures tomorrow, but it will be on film, so I'll have to have it developed... maybe I'll snap some webshots just to preview. I don't know that the changes will be that visiable on the outside, but at the moment, I don't really care!

Flying high and ready for the new week!!

Friday, October 10, 2003

Still sore today. I can't believe how sore my abs ARE... Must be from doing crunches on the swiss ball.

Two victories today. 1) My knee high suede boots zipped up with MUCH less effort. 2) My suede skirt is loose. One thing I LOVE about leather is that it doesn't lie. When it fits.. it fits, when it doesn't.. it certainly isn't because it shrunk! Things are moving right along.

Will be an interesting weekend as my 15 year old is visiting. I'll have to take her out for a run with me. She plays water polo though, so I doubt I'm stronger, or in better shape then she is.

Thursday, October 09, 2003

I'm getting ready to hop into bed, so I think it's safe to call today GREEN. One thing - Sprints/Leg workout/HIIT Run on three consecutive days.. a sore body does make!! My quads, hams, gluts, and Obloquies, oh and abs are ALL sore! I'm just a bundle of pain from just above my navel.. down. Every time I move I find a new place that hurts, but I'm ok with that!

I'm still finding myself down. I'm not feeling as if I'm getting the same 'extraordinary results' as I did the first six weeks. And yet I KNOW I'm not slipping into ordinary measures. I think, perhaps, that my body is just changing in much more subtle ways. That's what I keep telling myself at least. Still, the question of weather or not I'm getting results has me evaluating every workout to make sure I really am honestly giving it my all. And I AM. I'm also finding the mirror to be a very frustrating tool. I can't seem to see past all the 'bad' areas. I look and I see all the progress yet to be made and I get frustrated and impatient. One thing it DOESN'T make me want to do is quit!!! I'm here for the long haul. However long that haul might be. Now that my first set of 'goal jeans' kind of fit, I've pulled out another pair. When those fit, I've got the next pair lined up, and when those fit.. umm well we're treading new ground.
Still here, still fighting... The next few days should be interesting. Tomorrow is my fiance's birthday, and I've been busy buying presents, planning a small get together, etc. I actually have to get up EARLY tomorrow just to get my upper body workout in, ICK! Doesn't the time change sometime soon!?

As I've said before I have/had planter fasciitis in my feet. Last night, for the first time, I did SINGLE calf raises, and there was a NOTICABLE difference in the stability between my right and left leg. My right foot has been the one that's been giving me cronic pain (Though it's been TONS better since I've been excercising regularly). While doing calf raises it was evident that the supporting structure of my right foot is WAY behind my left. This, of course, only exasperates the plater fasciitis, as it's the rolling of my ankle inward and collapsing of my (surprisingly high) arches that causes it. So, now I'm wondering if there Are there excercises I can do to strenghten my ankles, and or foot? I imagine that the calf raises are a biggy, and I'll continue to do them singularly to make sure that I'm not over compensating for my 'bad' foot. I'm thinking that I should get some sort of step to do them on, so that I'm getting a full range of motion. Other then that, are there other things I could do? I have the stretches that the Dr recomended, and I take my anti infamitories, but these are designed to aliveiate the problem once it's occured, NOT prevent it in the first place (typical american medicine).

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

I just finished my lower body workout. Boy was it a screemer! *Note to self - don't do sprints before a lower body workout*

I've been making a point to work through my frustrations of this morning. I was so temped to belay my fears of no progress by jumping on my scale this morning, but I kept hearing Marie's words in my head "I want you to learn to trust your hard work". That's the rub. You see, I DON'T trust my hard work. At least not yet!

I keep telling myself, "Look at how far you've come!". And then my evil alter ego (Perhaps relaited to compost man?) says "Yes, but look how far you have to go!" And yet I HAVE come far, in more then just weight. I scrolled through the blogs I posted my first week...

"Monday, July 28, 2003, 12:53 PM- I weighed in at 202.5 today. I can't stand the thought that I'm over 200 once again. I swore this wouldn't happen more then once. why do I constantly let meyself down? Why is it so hard for me to say "no". I need to figure out this mentality of mine. "

"Monday, July 28, 2003, 9:13 PM- Well, it looks like I made it through the day. I ate 6 small meals and stayed on plan. I wish I felt better about it, but at the moment I just feel hungry. I'm pretty sure I need to drink more water. Perhaps that's where my hunger is coming from. But, I did make it through the day. "

"Tuesday, July 29, 2003, 10:19 AM - It's morning - I made it through 1 entire day. 1 down 83 to go. I'm hoping that eventually I get a burst of energy, and some motivation and start to feel some HOPE. At the moment I just feel so let down. Everything I've tried has failed... I just don't want this to fail too."

I've come a long long way from "Just getting through the day"!

The results will come, they have to.. I'm not a girl who will take no for an answer!
I haven't done much today so, not much to report, but I wanted to get an early update in here. I've been feeling a little cranky here. Feeling the withdrawl from my scale. I really think I'm going to need those progress pictures this weekend. The good news is, my daughter is going to be here, so I'll be able to get her to take them with a REAL camera. Of course that means that it will be a few days until I get them back. I'm anxious to see if I've made much progress in four weeks. I guess I'm MORE the anxious.. I NEED to see some progress. I have this feeling that things are going to get harder for a little while here. I've dropped a lot of fat, and lost a lot of inches. I still have a long way to go, but I suspect that the changes are going to be more subtle from here on out. And for a goal oriented person like myself. That could mean trouble. I need to reread my book on Mastery, I'll have to remember that there's pleasure in the platue, and that sometimes we have to regress a little in order to move forward.

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Yesterday I spent most of the day in bed. I wasn't feeling good. My stomach churned everytime I ate, I ached from head to toe, and I was completly wiped out and couldn't figure out why. It wasn't until late in the evening that I realized that TOM had come to visit! Normally I'm waiting for the booger, but I guess with the stress of testing... he just snuck up on me (and he was 4 days early too) The surprising thing is, and again I don't know if I was just so involved in studying that I didn't notice, but I didn't have a single day last week where I went.. "Hmmm.. PMS!" I'm hoping that the diet, excercise and suplimentation is making a difference. I know that I only had one 'depressed' day all last month, and for someone who used to spend a week in the dolldrums, that's a major accomplishment!

Today was an insane day at work.. one meeting after another, then my run, then shopping for my fiance's birthday, then dinner... etc.. so that it's 11:00pm and I'm just now getting a chance to stop in. The good news is that I'm GREEN! (Was yesterday too actuallyeven feeling like crap) Nutrition was spot on today!

I had a little hiccup on my run. As I said, I was in a hurry, tons of things to do, but my run was #1 priority. So, I changed as soon as I got home and rushed out, headed to the track. I was 1/2 way there when I realized that once again I had forgotten my watch! At first I thought I would do what I did last time... just count to 60 for each interval, but that was rather hard to do. Instead I thought, why not shake things up a bit... try something different... no one says I HAVE to do HIIT EVERY cardio session. So I continued my warm up walk and mapped out a workout plan. When I got to the track I started jogging when I got to the first bend... I continued to jog until I made it around the second corner.. then I sprinted the entire straightaway (over 100 yards).. I then jogged the corner and sprinted the next straight away... I did that 5 times. Then I jogged two corners (one straight away) and did one last 100+ yard sprint. It felt so cool to push myself like that... and amazingly I REALLY feel it in my quads, and the muscles in my waist just over my hips.. I don't think they are the obleacs (sp?) but maybe they are. I just know I feel it, and it feels good! I'm going to have to add that as a periodic.. shake up to my routine.. just like my 'long' bike rides every two weeks. helps to keep the body confused.. right?

Monday, October 06, 2003

I had an excellent weekend! Of course Friday night was spent studying. Saturday, I woke up bright and early. I knew I was going to be in that test center for a good long while so I planned a special free day. Breakfast was cashews and a bowl of sliced apples rolled in protein powder and carob. I ate the nuts for the protein and fat. I needed to stay full a long time, and the apples for carbs and plenty of brain power. Of course I took all my vitamins too. And yes, I had my daily dose of caffeine. My fiancé was sweet enough to drive me to the test center since I had a nightmare the night before about getting lost on my way. There are few things that stress me out as much as driving to a place I’ve never been before. Taking a test is one of them! As you already heard, I passed the test. 4 hrs! It took them forever from the time I pressed the button until I got my results back.. during that time I swear I thought I was going to HURL! But it all came out alright… Now it’s on to the next step in my career.

To celebrate we went SHOPPING! Lol! We went to the outlet mall and I actually tried on and fit into a size 14 at ALL the ‘swanky’ shops. I tried on two new bikinis at nautical – size 12, and while the bottoms would have been feasible as a goal outfit.. the tops were a NO GO.. would have been borderline pornographic. I think I’m going to have to order a new suit online. Where I can purchase the top and bottom separately. THEN we went and had my celebratory meal. Chicago style pizza! I haven’t had that in over 9 weeks. It was as good as I expected.

Sunday we decided to go for a bike ride. It was a beautiful day here. Because we were going to ride on the streets my fiancé insisted that I get a helmet, and since REI was having a sale…BOY was that dangerous. They had a BUNCH of clearance stuff marked 50% off the LOWEST price. One of the things I got that I’m most excited about was a biking skort. It’s a pair of biking shorts, padding and all, (which I would never wear – I wouldn’t subject people to that sight) covered with a skirt. PERFECT for modest women like me. I tried them out and they are GREAT! Our bike ride was just wonderful. We biked across the Golden Gate bridge, and then through the presidio and marina district of San Francisco. The weather was fantastic, company great, and the workout PERFECT. My fiancé was surprised, pleased and proud at how well I kept up with him on the hills, and I was completely chuffed at my performance as well. Other then certain ‘bike specific’ spots, I’m not sore at all. We got home in time for my last Upper body workout, of the week, too. Oh! And I finally got another thing off my ‘wish list’ I got a yoga ball. It was an EXCELLENT way to do dumbbell presses, and I can’t wait to do crunches on it. It came with some exercise bands with special grips so you can attach them to your dumbbells. I thought that was cool, and an excellent way for me to add more resistance to my workout without having to buy more plates.

Saturday, October 04, 2003

apparently my sudy efforts of 6-8 hrs a night for the past week, pared with good nutrition and excercise (Had to get that in there) payed off! I passed, I'm certified!

I have an 'official' signature

Shawn Mueller PMP

Man that looks good.. 9 months it took to get that thing. Well longer really since it required at least 5 years of experiance. I'm off to celebrate!!!!!! I'm exausted, happy, stunned And.. who knows what else. I can tell you something though, if stress promotes fat... I gained 5 lbs today!


Friday, October 03, 2003

I’ve been trying hard to describe the mood I’m in today and the only word that seems to fit is Euphoric. The funniest thing is that I really don’t know why! Inside it feels as if I’ve topped some hill after a long hard climb and found an enormous, green valley spread out below me. Yes, it will be a challenge to get down there, but the glimpses I’ve had of it are stirring, that there’s no way I can go through live without getting down there to see it closer.

In physical terms, my energy levels have shot through the roof! I’m alive in every since of the word. I feel my body and know it better and deeper then I ever have before.

I’ve found an interesting pastime while running. I imagine what my routine would be if I were to ever do a fitness routine. Understand that this is coming from someone who’s only been at the fringes of the sport. I’ve watched a competition on ESPN now and then, but never with an eye to understand what they were doing or why. I just have this vague recollection of the ‘former gymnast” winning. Still, I think it would be fun to start with something resembling a classical ballet. I took ballet for several years as a young girl and still remember most of my training. (I was 1 year from graduating to ‘point’) I have this vision of a woman (maybe me?) In the classic ballet pose called an “arabesque”’ One leg and one arm lifted, long, lean, graceful, and then curling that raised arm into a flexed bicep – fierce and strong. That’s my goal. That’s the vision I have for myself. That’s the woman I want to be… If not next year, then the year after that.

So, on to much less introspective topics. Today is Upper body day! Yay! Definitely my favorite workout. I think I’ll hit it as soon as I get home, then it back to the books to study study study. Tomorrow’s the big day!

I made an interesting discovery today. While doing my upper body workout last time, on several of my ‘second exercise of my fifth set’ I felt the weight I was using was ‘too much’ – each time it was using 10lbs of weight with 3.5 of collar for a total of 13.5lbs. So, I spotted my old ‘girl’ dumbbells (you know the fixed weight coated in pink plastic) and though “Oh, those are 10 lbs I use those! And I did. So today I was sitting there looking at those dumbbells, thinking about something else when it dawned on my that there wasn’t the number 10 stamped on the end.. it was the number 12! Not THAT different from the 13.5 I had thought was ‘too heavy’. And yet it seemed much lighter! It think I just proved to myself, once again, how much ‘perception’ makes a difference in a workout. Thinking I couldn’t do something, and I couldn’t... Thinking I could.. and POOF, I could. Our brain is an amazing thing. Maybe I need someone else to load my weights for me from now on! Heheheh.

Thursday, October 02, 2003

I got home tonight so exhausted! I had stayed up until 12:00am last night, first studying, and then rewarding myself for finishing all my reading with a workout. (Note the change in attitude – I’m working on that) This morning I was up at 5:45 because I had to be to work by 7:15 so that I could be at an all day, offsite meeting by 9:00am. I had grabbed a bar to eat on my way to work because I had expected bagels etc at the meeting. Boy was I bummed to find NOTHING! Luckily (though not the best choice) I had a balance bar in my purse (I always carry an emergency supply). This was a ‘working lunch’ and they had the regular ‘working lunch’ faire: Salad, sandwiches, fruit and cookies. Unfortunately, the salad had mayo based dressing on it (which I can’t eat) But, there were some greens on the sandwiches. I grabbed turkey on ‘whole wheat’ and some fruit. Needless to say I was STARVING when the meeting got over at 3:00pm. The only place nearby was Walgreen’s. I swear to you the ho-hos and Twinkies were calling my name. The only think I could find of any worth was another energy bar. By the time I got back to my office it was 4:30 and when I finally got home it was after 5:00pm. By then, my body was SCREEMING for REAL food! I quickly grabbed yogurt and some protein powder. After eating that I shuffled into my bedroom and changed into night clothes… I was SO tired! I sat down and started reading through the some blogs, BOOM, there was my friend Marie, talking about her 16 hour day yesterday, and how she still got her workout in. What could I do then but shut off the computer, change my clothes and go for my run? And I did! I know I say this every time but it was my best run EVER!!! I don’t know if it was the extra carbs in the stupid bars or what but I had more energy while I was zooming around the track then EVER. I was well into my third interval before it even occurred to me to think.. HEY, I’m into my third interval! It was amazing! After my fourth interval, I rounded the corner of the track, while I was walking through my active recovery phase, I was amazed at how quickly I got my breath back, so when I got around the corner I picked up my knees and tacked a sprint onto the end. I don’t know that I’ve ever ran faster, it was like I had wings! It wasn’t until I was on my home that I realized that I sprinted from Out of bounds line to out of bounds line on the football field, NOT from goal line to goal line, thus I had run 30(?) yards further then an 100 yard dash. I guess I won’t fret over that.

I came back feeling awake and alert, ready to face the 8 hours of studying I have ahead of me! I just can’t thank all of you enough for being here and for inspiring me to do things that I’ve never been able to achieve before!!

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

I was thinking about something at lunch...

I realize how much of our attitude is based on our perseption of things. I also realized that typically when I get ready to do my workout for the day I will announce .. "I HAVE to workout.." or "I HAVE to go run..." While thinking about this today I realized that "HAVE" might not be the best choice of words. It hardly protrays an positive attitude or outlook. Well, unless it's in the contex that someone like Emma used it when she said "I HAVE GOT to workout or I'll go CRAZY". I assure you, when I say it, it's HARDLY in that context, and I've realized that I might need to change that. My body listens.. yes my workout is something I HAVE to do.. but I know I need to come into it with a much more positive attitude or it will get more and more difficult to motivate myself. Words are a powerful tool --

So, what do you say when it's time to work out? Is it a 'down in the mouth' I can't come out to play I HAVE to work out mentality? or is it... I've been waiting all day for this and I HAVE GOT to work out mentality? I Know I certainly could use some work in this area.
October 1st. A part of me can hardly believe I'm here. I don't know that I've ever stayed this long on a diet and fitness program. Hmm.. that sounds sad. BUT, at this moment I don't feel the slightest urge to falter. I'm on a journey, one that has it's ups and downs, and yet one that I'll continue.

Day two of no scale. I still find myself eyeing it's spot on the bathroom floor, and feel the urge to drag it out of the closet and peek at how I'm doing. But that would defeat the purpose. I did take a look in the mirror this morning. The top of my tummy, High up, is definatly looking 'smoother'.

Yesterday, I had dressed up, skirt, hose, blouse and sweater. When I got to work I realized that I had a HUGE hole in my hose. Didn't really have the time or cash to replace them, so I went to the bathroom and took them off. I was thrilled to find that my tummy didn't ruin the line of my skirt like it would have just a few weeks ago. Another victory!!

Food for the day was good. I'm so busy in the evenings though that I'm not being able to plan my next day's meals very well. That means I'm having to rely on foods I know... Of course that also means.. BORING! I know I'm going to have to mix things up next week. Boring food leads to cheeting. Can't have that!

Had a GREAT run yesterday. I know I say that almost every time. I think it's because I always start out thinking it's going to be a terrible run, and yet, somehow it isn't! Best part is that my fiance went with me. It's always easier to face the track knowing I'm going to have a smiling face to look toward now and then. He was bummed because he couldn't keep up with me, but he hasn't run regularly in a while. Knowing him, (and the fact that his legs are MUCH longer then mine) He'll be lapping me again in no time. I'm learning not to mind.