Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Yesterday was another coup... Had a gread nutrition day. I'll have you all know that I've already burned through one blender. My wonderful loving fiance stopped by the store yesterday at lunch and picked up a new one. He then rushed home so he could fix me a shake and have it ready for me when I got home. I think he just wanted to be the first to try it out. It's got HORSEPOWER.

Today I'm working toward 1450...

Someone pointed out that I was doing my BFL pyramids wrong and I wasn't going heavy enough of my 5th set...Thanks to them I SMOKED my upper body workout!! AND, I WAY upped my weight on my shoulder presses.. not really sure why I thought I could push it that far (everyone's always told me girls don't have strong shoulders) but I pushed it anyway and was PROUD of it. My ultimate goal is to one day being able to do headstand pushups.. even if I have to lean against the wall to do them.

I'm starting to wonder if there will ever be a day when something on my body isn't aching! Perhaps I'll know I'm not pushing hard enough when that happens.

I have a HIIT run planned for the day.. looks like a beautiful day for it.. hope the weather continues to last!

Monday, September 29, 2003

Weekend was good and my weight is FINALLY down to 188.5! measurements are finally down too.

I never got to make up my leg workout... time got away from me, and I thought I might make it up Sunday evening after dropping off my daughter, but, I was running late, and then when I got to the drop off point, and called my ex to tell him I was there, he informes me that HE won't be there for another 30-45 minutes... I didn't get home until after 10:00 and I was beat. But I did get 2 cardio workout's in... woo hoo!

I did get some information this weekend that I'm not sure how to handle. While shopping this weekend I happened to double check the nutritional information for the soy protien I'm using... Seems the info I was using was WRONG. What does this mean? Well let me give you a 'for instance': On Friday I thought my intake was this:

Total: 1292
Fat: 15 132 10%
Sat: 3 25 2%
Poly: 4 38 3%
Mono: 4 39 3%
Carbs: 134 453 35%
Fiber: 21 0 0%
Protein: 175 701 55%
Alcohol: 0 0 0%

when it actually was this:

Calories Eaten Today
source grams cals %total
Total: 1443
Fat: 15 132 9%
Sat: 3 25 2%
Poly: 4 38 3%
Mono: 4 39 3%
Carbs: 134 453 32%
Fiber: 21 0 0%
Protein: 206 824 58%
Alcohol: 0 0 0%

So in truth, I've been eating about 150 more calores a day....

Sunday's run was GREAT! By getting a baseline on the 'laps' I was able to do, I gave myself a goal to reach for. Make it much more interesting while traveling around the track. I've discovered there's a pattern to my HIIT runs. The first Interval is the Hardest. the hardest to start, the hardest to complete, the hardest to push myself. The easiest is the second.. with the dificulty going up from there. I just find it interesting, that for me, the hardest part is the begining. I'm pretty much the same with my weight training, once I START I'm good, but it's getting past the 'I should change my clothes' point and getting to the 'lifting the first weight' phase. I'm looking for ways to change my attitude about all this because I think it will make a huge impact in my progress overall. Oh, and I increased my laps from 5.5 to 5.75! One day I'll have to take my fiance's watch out with me one day and see what my average pace is.

Saturday, September 27, 2003

My ankles were bothering me yesterday, (in fact they were still bothering me when I woke up this morning) SO I held out on my Lower body workout. It WILL be made up before monday. I want to be able to give my workout 100% and I won't be able to if I'm worried about my feet. If there was one bit of fitness advice that I could give EVERYONE it would be.. .if you are going to do road running get "Better then Good" running shoes fitted by a professional. I would not wish planter fasciitis on ANYONE!

And my weight stayed at 189.5 amazingly enough. I may have reached my goal of <190 by the end of the month afterall. I think this upcoming challenge to stay off the scale is going to be one of my hardest ever!

Friday, September 26, 2003

I had really set myself up for a challenge yesterday with my plan to do my cadio and make up my upper body in one day. But I did it! Last night was probably one of my best cardio ever! My 6's were really 6's and my 9's were 9's. I really focused on form, on how I was feeling, on were I was on the track at ay given time. My 10 was even a SURE 10 because there wasn't anything left in the tank to sprint with at the end! I also noticed that I'm recovering quicker during my active recovery time. It's a lot of work to keep the mind busy while running around a track but I think I did a good job of it last night. I also counted laps, and I'm 'running' a little over 1.25 miles in 17 minutes. Not the best, but then I never was a FAST runner. I'm going to see if I can improve that over the next few weeks.

I did arms much later. I could tell the energy levels were a little low but I still felt I had a great workout. I think I figured out why I like upper body day though. It's the pushups. At the end of every workout I've been seeing how many pushups I can do. And every time, I do more then the last. I don't know what is it with me that makes me feel like EVERY day has to be a personal best. That's the mentality that had me dropping down to 700 calories per day! eep! I'll just have to watch myself and make sure this drive I have during my workouts doesn't turn into something negative. After all that's what most negative traits are anyway.. just positive traits pushed too far. But, back to my workout...

I tried upright rows again for the first time probably in a month. They still KILL my shoulder. Right in the front at the joint. It's my left shouder and I'm right handed, so other then sleeping wrong, I don't know what I could have done to it. I was hoping that by doing other shoulder excercises I could strengthen this area and the pain would go away, but no go :( I did manage two, yes TWO full pushups! YAY!

Eating was clean yesterday. There was a moment of tempation when a bunch of the guys from work asked me to go to lunch with them, and then didn't want to take not for an answer (I'm rarely invited to lunch with the 'guys' so it was hard to say no) But I held strong, and stayed at the office and ate my salad.

The best news of all? I stepped on the scale this morning (Giving it up after Monday) and I was down to.... 189.5! I'm almost afraid to be happy as I might wake up tomorrow and it will be gone. Still, it's good to know my body is on the move again. I just have to hang in there.

One last thing I've realized:
I think the hardest thing for me has been the loss of 'fast food'. The ability to have a busy night and then reach over to the phone and say "Hello Dominos?" I feel I've lost some of the spontinaity in my life. Meals (especially dinner) have to be planned, chicken taken out of the freezer the night before.. etc. I think that's one of the reasons I was craving PB&J the other day... it was simple, and nothing to do with food is simple anymore.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

I'm feeling better. Perhaps not 100% but not what I would describe as 'bad'. I wore one of my favorite suits to work today. Once I haven't fit into since December... I'm feeling rather 'spiffy'. Nothing like a 'Short Skit and an LONG Jacket' to make a girl feel sexy. *grin*

I'm looking forward to my Upper body workout tonight. UBWO night is my favorite. I think because I love bicep curls. I like being able to watch the muscles work. Perhaps I need to get a mirror, I'm becoming rather narcisistic!

Couple of things I was thinking about this morning... (Yes I'm a rather intraspective person)

Does it ever get easier? Is there ever a time when you don't have to track every morsel food? Is there a moment in time when this becomes ingrained, and not something you have to think about constantly?

The other thing I've realized is that I need to get off the scale. I'm so stinking adicted to the thing. So, I'm going to finish off this week.. weigh in Monday, and then not weigh in again until October 27th. That will be the end of my First "official" BFL challenge and 8 weeks into the Body blast. After that, I won't weigh in again until the end of the challenge. I'll only be guaging my progress by clean eats, and workout effort. Things I can control! (My goodness what will I have to obsess over now!?)

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

It's late, and I can't sleep - AGAIN

I've felt crappy all day - stayed in bed until 3:30pm today...probably why I'm not a bit sleepy now. I made a decision early in the morning to postpone my UBWO. I was just feeling so ragged. Not sure if it's my alergies (The mildest case I've had in two years) or a bit of the flue that's been going around, but to be safe I thought I would rest up. Amazingly enough after getting a LOT of rest today I've been practically bouncing off the walls this evening. Guess all this exercise is paying off. I DID fit a SMALL PG&J into my plan today... and I still managed to come in GREEN! :) Yes, jelly isn't the best choice ever, but I had a VERY small amount, with 1 Tbs of Peanut better on 1 slice of bread. And the totals for the day...

I've been trying for 45% Protien/45%Carb/10%Fat so I don't think I'm doing too bad... Since I've had a couple days in the 1300 range I think I'll shoot for the lower (1250) range of calories for the next two days.

I'm just hoping for this blue funk I've been in to go AWAY. It's probably hormonal... Though it could be my body's homeostasis kicking in. I've just got to convince it that I'm serious! The good news is that I haven't burried all these feelings in a bowl of ice cream. I'm doing my best to acknowledge them to feel them fully. To take them out and look them over and learn more about them, and myself... the good, the bad... perhaps one day, I'll be better able to detach myself from them... Mitch Albom explained it this way in his book "Tuesdays with Morrie" ..

"Take any emotion -- love for a woman, or grief for a loved one, or what I'm going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotioins -- if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them -- you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. you're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.
"But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowingyourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. you know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, 'All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment'"

I'm finding I'm spending a lot of time 'over my head' lately. But, perhaps, that's a good thing.
In other news... I'm sitting here craving a PB&J Sandwich and wondering if I can fit it in and still be green.... hmmm

I think it's time to start digging through the cookbooks and shaking up the menu a bit. Last night I made "extra lean ground turkey" soft tacos. It was a nice break from chicken. Since lately I've been having chicken for both dinner AND Lunch I can see why I'm starting to become less then thrilled when it comes time to eat. Must remidy that as I don't want to get back into the habit of skipping meals. There is no reason why we can't be healthy AND enjoy our meals. Is there? Since cooking is a hobby of mine I'll have to see what I can do to make things interesting in the upcomeing weeks.
Yesterday's workout was so strange. I got a little snippy with my family after getting my feelings hurt and I was still feeling that way as I set off toward the track. When I got to the stoplight at the corner I had such a stronge urge just to run... in ANY direction. I wanted to see new things, go new places and just get AWAY. But I knew there was not way my feet would survive pounding on the sidewalk so I just continued on to the track. When I got there the 'normal' crowd was there. No scrimage game, thank goodness. I don't think I would have been strong enough to do that two workouts in a row! I started running, but I was completely unenthusicastic. I felt so tired. Not physically but spirtually. I kept plodding along. Upping the tempo at each interval, continuing to go through the motions even though my heart wasn't in it. But, amazingly enough, as I pushed my body, my mind seemed to follow. Each interval lifted my heart just a little more, until by the last one I was feeling GREAT and I did a 100 yard sprint to finish it off. I headed back hope in MUCH better spirits and appoligized to them immediatly, then explained what had bothered me. They accepted it all... and peace rigned in our household once more. All because I went for a run. :)

I've really been working on my food intake. Upping portion sizes a little and making sure to eat all 6 meals. Last night after figuring my intake for the day I discovered I had room for 4oz of turkey instead of 3, and 2 low car tortillas instead of 1.. AND a sprinkle of Fat free cheese! (Don't worry, I also had a nice crisp salad with my meal)

Unfortunaly my body hasn't started reacting to the additional calories well. Oh I feel ok. Energy levels are good, but my weight continues to climg UP. I woke up feeling sick and bloated again. The scale rolled around to a very unlovely 193.5. I had about 3 litres of water yesterday, so I don't know WHAT is going on. I just need to stick with it, I know. Consitancy.. consitancy. Almost impossable to imagine loosing 10 inches off my waist.. but I could! I can! I will!

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

I got home last night and realized that I HAD to work on the house. Things had really slid over the lazy weekend. So, my fiancĂ© and I toddled over to Laundromat and washed clothes in 95+ degree weather! Sheesh, that was my sauna treatment for the week. We finally finished after 9:00pm. All I had managed to eat was a quick bocca burger before we left. So, we went home and did up the dishes, and straightened up a bit. I was finally feeling HUMAN, and the temperature had dropped to reasonable levels. I knew I needed to eat, but I didn’t want anything heavy because I still had to workout, so I sliced up an apple and rolled it in protein powder. I ate a few pieces right away, and then nibbled on the rest while I was working out. It worked out rather well, rather like a homemade power drink. By this time it was after 10:00pm. Being diligent I drug out my weights and started my lower body workout. My first set of squats almost had me screaming. Either I was still sore from last week’s lower body workout, or I had worked harder on my bike ride then I thought... or both! I wasn’t sure I would be able to do my workout it hurt so bad. But after a short rest I tried again, and the second set was easier… I guess I just needed to warm up and stretch things out a bit.

I was a little worried about my feet after the Reverse lunges. I was setting the ball of my foot and then pressing down the heal of my foot, and it was stretching the arch of my foot. I hurt after words and with the issues I’ve had with my feet, it was worth stressing about, but I woke up this morning and my feet are GREAT… Whew!

I think I’m going to have to switch to single calf raises. I’m just not feeling these the way I think I should. I remember once at the gym on the standing calf raise machine I wasn’t thinking clearly and I did a set of 12 reps at 130lbs… Of course I couldn’t WALK the next day, but I think that makes it pretty clear that I could stand to raise the weight on my calf raises a bit.

I finished my workout sometime after 11:00pm and I STILL hadn’t had a ‘real’ dinner. I was pretty sure I was low on calories, but not certain and to my horror, when I went to verify fitday.com was down!! So just to be sure I fixed myself a huge bowl of veggies and some chicken and ate up. Needless to say going to bed on that full of a stomach did NOT feel good, but I felt good about getting the calories in non the less.

I was getting a little bummed about being at 192 STILL. I’ve been working on this same two pounds for over four now. I realize this isn’t HORRIBLE, but it makes my goal of 130 seem SO far away. If I think about it long enough I really start to get frustrated and discouraged, so I’ve found more and more I’m having to focus on things outside the scale. Things like how much better my clothes are fitting, how GREAT I feel, physically and mentally, how positive it is to be honoring self promises… and things of that nature. This is such a mental shift for me. I WILL reach my goals. In the meanwhile, I’m doing something good for myself, and that makes it worth it.

So far today things are going well. I woke up feeling gross and bloated, probably from eating so late. My hands had swollen up so much in the night that I ended up having to take off my ring. I was surprised to be as low as 192. I had to be to work for an early meeting and didn't really feel like eating so I chopped up an apple and mixed it with protien powder. It was enough for the moment. I grabbed an energy bar for my meeting because I knew it was going to go through 12:00pm and I figured it was best to be prepared. I've had chicken and greens for lunch so things seem to be going great. Suprising, after having wobbly legs all night last night after my workout, and moaning and groaning each time I had to get up or down out of a chair, I'm not that sore today. Guess I'm getting better at recovery... Looking forward to my HIIT run tonight. Hopefully it's cooler then last night.

Monday, September 22, 2003

What a fantastic weekend! Friday night I went to a ball game and sat in a luxury box free from my work. Had a real good time with the guys from work, had a 'free meal' and no beer. The no beer had been one of my goals so I was thrilled that I had stood strong. Saturday I ate clean, got a LOT of excercise and then my fiance' took me out for a night on the town. I pulled out this dress that I had bought about 6 months ago. When I bought it I brought it home and showed it to my fiance' and in his loving, honest way he said. "Oh honey, that dress isn't very flattering". The funny thing is.. I KNEW it wasn't flattering and I wasn't upset in the least to hear him say it. So, that's the dress I pulled out Saturday, I dressed in secret and then came out and 'suprised' him. I was thrilled to have him confirm that this black, slinky dress was now the picture of 'flattering'. We had a GREAT evening, went out to eat where I stayed in complete control, went to a bar where I got to sing, and where I sipped diet colas all evening. I went home still energetic, and still aglow. My fiance' let me know "You looked GREAT tonight" a compliment he doesn't give out often or friveralously. He's always quick to say "You're beautiful" but 'spot compliments' don't come often. Sunday was a day of sleeping in, a terrific bike ride and an awsome upper body workout. We had stopped at Play it Again Sports and I bought 20 lbs (4x5) of plates for my dumbbells so I was able to up my workout a knotch. I actually did 1 - full body pushup - 1/10th of the way toward my goal... And my weight is down to 191.5 Body Fat percentage 42.8. I'm making progress slowly but surely, and loving every step of the journey.

Friday, September 19, 2003

I called and talked to my Dad for the first time since I started this journey. I guess for most folks that doesn't seem like a big deal, but you see... my Dad's a personal trainer. In hollywood of all places. He has been since I was 13. Talk about an image to live up too! I didn't live with him, but I've always wondered how different I would be if I had. He's now 55 years old, 6'2", 225lbs and still training. I've never talked to him much about my weight issues or anything like that, but he's been on my mind lately, and I called him and 'confessed'. *grin* He was SO excited. And then, I think, surprised by the amount of knowledge I already have. He started giving me advice right away... including "Read Protien Power Don't study it, just read it, Don't do that Adkins Crap"... I told him my current plan and he was actually pretty happy with it. Not that I was calling to be critiqued, but just to get his support. Just another person I can count on to be 100% in my corner. He had all kinds of other great advice like "Don't worry about the number on the scale. You just have to get up in the morning and be happy with the body you see in the mirror." "You'll never be a stick figure, and you shouldn't want to be, be glad you have curves, and make the best of them. Look at Madona, no matter how much she trains she'll never have a butt, you've already got one, all you have to do is tone it down a bit" "You look just like your grandma Mueller, She was a beutiful woman, and you are a beautiful woman, she had curves, you have curves" lol Arn't Dads great? I've thought about sending him the link to the blog and such, but I'm not sure I'm ready to be THAT exposed.

Anyway, just another step toward surrounding myself with people who believe in me. :)
Yesterday was the hardest workout I ever had to do. And not just because my legs were still screeming from the workout the day before! My first obstical was our plans to go into the city last night to visit my future sister-in-law. The old me would have just put off the workout to keep everyone happy, but the new me said "I need to run first". The best part of that was that no one minded! So, I mixed up a quick shake, gulped it down and went out for my run. Now, understand that my legs hurt so bad it's hard to get in and out of chairs, so while walking to the track I was doing my best to warm them up and get them loosened up. The I got to the track and my heart sank. Not only was my Soccer team there, but a second team AND a bevy of fans! It was a scrimage game. I wanted to turn and run home. The little voices in my head started in... "They'll laugh at you" one said "Don't subject them to your fat butt jiggling around the track, don't subject them to that" another said "You'll bother the players running behind the goals" said the next. I truely felt like crying right then and there as it had taken so much just to get that far! But, I didn't turn around. I stepped onto that track and began my workout. Every lap was harder then the next. I knew every 1/2 heard comment or murmer of laughter was about me. Then somehow, it got easier. Maybe it was one of the soccer players troting around the track with an older woman (probably his mother) struggling to keep up. Or the group of children that started following me, laughing, skipping, holding hands, and sometimes racing to catch up with me before falling back with the group. Maybe it was the smiles and nods of enchoragement I got from the few people I dared to make eye contact with. Or maybe it was just that feeling deep inside that I was doing something RIGHT. I was doing what I needed to do, despite the ache in my legs, despite what others might say, think or do... I was doing something for ME!

Well, except for having to be helped in and out of the car the rest of the night, it went really good. We went to one of my favorite itallian resteraunts and I bypassed the alfredo and ordered thier 'Healthy Chicken'. Then I picked all the chicken and veggies off the plate and left the pasta behind. Had some NUMMY grilled asparagus, though I had to shake off the cheese. Still, considering where I was, I ate well. I got grumbled at by my fiance and his sister for not eating much, but then I rattled off to them everything else I had eaten that day and they settled down a bit. I guess if you only eat three meals a day what I eat at a meal does look REALLY small... but in the context of 6 meals it's pretty resonable. At least _I_ think it is :) I'm still struggling with what to do tonight. My company has invited me to thier luxury box at the A's game. I really don't like baseball, so the lure they are using is 'open bar and free food'. The only way I could enjoy that is to take a free day, and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that mentally.

Thursday, September 18, 2003

I took a 20 minute walk at lunch to try and work through the stiffness in my legs and glutes. Then I started thinking. I realized that this attitude of mine has totally hamstrung me. Not just in my fitness goals, but in my whole life. I hate to fail. And rather then put my whole self into something I go half-a$$ed. Therefore, if things don't go as planned it's not like I really failed. After all I really didn't try. This has held me back in so many ways! In just a few weeks I'm taking a test that could completly change my career for the better. I've been dinking around for months now. Not putting everything into my studies, not using all the resources avaliable to me to make sure I'm completely prepared. And why? Maybe I'm lazy. or maybe, as I said before... if I take the test, and don't pass. It won't be a 'failure'. I think the same thing has happened with the business my fiance' and I have 'started'. I quote that word because we've done everything up to the part where it starts to get hard... we have a web site, we have our idea, we've done the research and gotten all the licences... but now that the time to advertise and talk to people about it has come, we've found every reason to put it off... Has our business failed? No because we haven't even TRIED! So, why do I relate all of this and what does it have to do with (after all what this site is about) my fitness journey? Well I do the same thing here... On previous journeys I've found myself slipping, and often I've done it because it was easier to slip, to not really TRY then to come to the end of some time period and find out I've 'failed'. So what makes this time different? First of all I've made a major mindset change. I finally figured out that the only way I can fail is if I quit. And yet I still see small signs of that 'slacker' in the things that I do. I see it what I was doing with my eating before. Not the under eating, but the lack of dicipline before that, eating hotdogs, and white bread etc. I see it today in my saying 'I can't do HIIT today'. Yes, it hurts... yes it will be hard, but I have to TRY. I have to give it my 100% effort. I have to take 'extraordinary action'.
The days continue to go great! I'm working my tail off and eating so clean I squeek. I'm struggling a little bit today as I would rather have ANYTHING but the chicken and rice that I brought for lunch right now. But I'll get through. Maybe an extra soda will get rid of the major sweet tooth that I'm suffering. I had a bowl of my 'homemade' jello to eat, but that's not doing much besides give me a stomach ache :(. I know it's my body reacting to the dramatic reduction in fat intake. I know it's good, but that doesn't make it easier.

Still, I'm losing weight and feeling energetic. I had an awsome lower body workout last night, and my legs (especially my glutes) are sore. I'm going to go for a 30 minute walk today, but I'm not sure I'm going to be able to push myself through a HIIT run. We'll see. I can't start a patern of slacking - it's too easy to slide downhill, after missing even just one workout. I still haven't desided what to do to continue to push myself. Do I get heavier dumbells? Or do I join a gym. I'm going to have to figure out how to frame my cardio training when I can't run outdoors anymore. I know I can't just assume I'll run in the rain. I tried that before, it didn't work. There are a lot of things that still need to be worked out. But in the meantime I'm still working hard and still losing wieght! 192 today. Still reshaping my body, and that's a REALLY good thing.

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

The decision I made yesterday was exactly what I needed. Now all the stress and pressure is off of me to figure out my own fitness routine. It's all on Bill :) I did a killer upper body workout last night and I still feel it today. It's a good soreness. My cold is almost complely gone already. I woke up this morning feeling slightly groggy, and dizzy, but within a few hours it was gone. All that's left now is a little bit of drainage. I'm SO glad.

My nutrition is going GREAT. I've started my new menu plan and I'm loving everything so far. I'm looking forward to the rest of the week. I'm eating a ton more fruit then I'm used to, but still feeling nice level energy levels. That's a first for me. I do so much better when someone else does my menu for me. I don't know why. Eventually, I'll have to learn to write my own, but for now I'm liking having someone else do it for me.

I took my first measurments since week 4. I was so sure I had made NO progress in 2 weeks. To my surprise I've actually lost a few inches off my butt, hips and thighs. Now I want to make some MAJOR progress over the rest of my challenge. I was also a pound down this morning so that helps. I'm feeling VERY positive now, I want to hold onto this feeling and roll with it!

Monday, September 15, 2003

When I started this whole challenge I commited myself to doing it BFL Style. And here it is, just a few weeks later, and I've already done my level best to screw it all up. I started tweeking, and modifying and changing until there was no BFL left in my program! Luckily I've had the support of some very smart people and they've got my nutrition in line. Now I need to turn my excercise around. I slid, I have for two weeks now, and my body shows it! So it's back to basics. Back to weight training 3 times per week alternating between upper and lower body workouts. High Intensity Interval Training 3 days a week, and moderate cardio when I can work it in. I also want to throw some pilates in there because I felt so good while I was doing it. I'm 1/2 way through my challenge and I'm going to get back on track and start seeing the results that I saw at the begining of the first 1/2.

Today is Upper body - I'm going to hit it HARD and give it ALL I've got. There - I've committed.

I fell off the wagon, HARD this weekend. Add that to the fact that I'm being hammered by a cold, or alergies or something, and I could be down in the dumps right now, but I'm not. Instead I'm recharged, refocused and I've reset my goals. I have a new menu plan, and tonight I'll finish up my shopping. I'm not sure about my training yet. I feel like I'm doing something wrong, but I'll just have to keep on plugging along. Trial and error. I sat down and had to figure out where I am on all the challenges I'm part of. I keep finding new ways to keep myself focused. This is the 7th week of my binkini babe challenge, 1st Week of the body blog challenge, and 3rd week of the Winter Wonderbabe challenge! sheesh!

I knew this weekend was going to blow my progress, and it did. I weighed in at 194. I'm wondering how long it's going to take me to get back down to the 190 I was last week! kind of depressing to think about, but I knew what I was doing when I did it, and accepted the consiquenses and the time.

Ok, tonight - Back and Chest. This will include push ups. I already did my low intensity cardio at lunch today. It felt great to get that out of the way. I'm hoping I can do some pilates too, as I felt that did a LOT to add to my progress the first 4 weeks. I just need to start popping vitamine C I think. I can't let this cold drag me down!

More Sleep too!

Friday, September 12, 2003

The past few days have been MUCH much better. No upset stomach, no shakyness, no tiredness. I've been averaging around 1200 calories for the past few days and what a difference it's made. Was suffering a bit from TOM- and didn't get my run in. It's going to be a GREAT outdoor active weekend, so I'm not really that concerned about it. I'm still REALLY sore from doing pushups the other day. I'm going to add that as a perminant part of my workout! hopefully one day I'll be able to do 'full' pushups instead of 'girl' ones.

We went to dinner last night with my Grandmother. Chinese Buffett. At first I panicked wondering how I was going to have self control, but after I had a few bites I started feeling full pretty quickly and actually ended up staying right on plan. I was getting a little annoyed because my Grandmother commented more then once 'Is that all you are going to eat?" I answered yes, that I was full, but my fiance' did like how little I had eaten eather so had me go back with him for seconds. So I grabbed a little fruit. AGAIN I got from my grandmother "You sure didn't eat much", and my fiance' said "She never does any more". It was a little frustrating. I've never had the people around me do that to me before. My fiance' I understand because he knows what I went through with eating too little, but my grandmother too! Sheesh!

In all, I think I did ok...

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

Remember the slogen (I believe created by Weight Watchers) "Nothing taists as good as thin feels."? Well, I've always thought it was a bunch of bunk.. and last night I was sure of it. Aparently I've been WAY under eating... I showed my menus to a group of people on one of the boards I go to and I was nearly beheaded! (Not really...) Everyone jumped in to say "You're not eating enough!". I was pretty much already convinced of it yesterday afternoon, I went home early from work. I just felt so awful. My stomach was upset and I was so tired I felt like a complete ZOMBI. When I got home I just sat on the couch - I knew there was no way I could work out feeling like I did. My fiancé and his son got home and they decided to order pizza. I figured I would have a salad but when that pizza hit the door, I KNEW that wasn't happening! So I made a conscious decision to have pizza. I took two, ate slowly and enjoyed, NO savored every bite. I sat there for about 1/2 an hour and was STILL hungry. So I took one more and ate it. a hour later I was STILL hungry, so I had another! That's right 4 pieces of pizza! When I finished I was finally satisfied not STUFFED, but satisfied. AND I was feeling better! There was NO way that being thin would feel as good as that pizza taisted right then.

I started this journey eating about 1500 calories/day. Then I got down to 1200, then 1000, and lately I found I was down to 700 to 800! Definitely NOT Good. I went to bed last night DETERMINED to ask for help. I know I shouldn't be feeling the way I have been, but I had no idea how to increase my calories and still lose the weight. And even MORE baffling was that when I weighed this morning I had lost 2 lbs since yesterday!?

So, I got to work this morning and opened up my email and not one but TWO people had already emailed me, offering help and even menus. I have to admit that I sat at my desk with tears in my eyes. I had already resolved this morning NOT to quit. I realized that the only way I can fail is to quit and I will NOT fail. But seeing all the love and support that I have been offered here has made that resolution that much easier to take.

Monday I start my new menu. But I'm already trying to add more calories into my day. And I'm feeling better for it.

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

Wow last night was tough! I went to do my cardio/legs and near the end I just could NOT go any more! I had to stop. After that I drank some accelerade, rested, ate dinner and after that I did my shoulders and arms. I WAS so tired afterwords. I wasn't feeling good, and I felt so fat, helpless and hopeless. It was a horrible overwhelming feeling. I sat down and started journaling what I was feeling and where I was going, and slowly I started feeling better! It was wonderful. I know I still I have a long way to go, but I also know I'm taking steps and I'm headed in the right direction. I'll be so glad when I no longer have a body that I HATE.

I emailed an amature fitness competitor who was featured on bodybuilding.com. She's made a WONDERFUL transformation from 200lbs to a 3rd place competitor. To my surprise she emailed back. I'm continuously surprised by the amount of support and inspiration I'm finding.

Monday, September 08, 2003

I love going to www.bodychangers.com for inspiration. I've collected a list of women with similar body type to mine who have made changes in thier body's that are truely to be admired. Today I sat down and documented thier progress and averaged it. It seems that most of them did NOT loose 2/lbs per week. The average ws 1.92 with some of these women with LONG transfermations averaging less then 1. Perhaps it's time to reevaluate my goals. I really don't want to feel like I'm constantly falling short. So far in 6 weeks I've averaged 1.7 lbs per week. At that rate I should reach my goal by the 25th of May. Not too bad, and I should be in GREAT shape by May 4th wich was my long term goal. at 1.7 lbs per week I should be losing about 7 lbs a month. In all, not bad. I think I will adjust my goals accordingly. And if I do better then that. MORE POWER TO ME! :) So, my new short term goals are this...

October 1st 185.5
November 1st 178

I really want to 'hit' the rest of this month HARD and make some more MAJOR changes in my bod.
Wow, I've really been falling behind here! I need to get better at journaling. First the good news. 1) I was 192 this morning! 2) I fit into and wore size 14 shorts yesterday. 3) I've been feeling not nessisarily 'thinner' but 'less dense' I haven't really been seeing much of a change in my measurements, but it seems that my clothes continue to fit better. It's like the fat is 'fluffed out' to fill the same space, but that there really is less of it! I just feel Great! I wish the weight was coming off faster, but I'm still really thrilled with the results so far. I'm going to have to keep better track of my progress this week!

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

I had a great long weekend. AND I stayed on plan. Friday night I picked up pizza, and while it WAS within my limit and thus "on plan" I was shocked to wake up Saturday morning with my weight UP to 194.5 from 193 the day before! My hands were swollen and I felt terrible. Today I finally started dropping weight again (194). I don't know if there was something 'bad' in that pizza, if it was my 'monthly' water gain, or both. On the workout side of the house things have been going GREAT. I worked out a LOT this weekend and felt great because of it. I tried doing the 'intermdiate' pilates and BOY was that hard. I also did my 'new' lower body workout 'high reps-low weight' on Monday and loved it. I was sweating like crazy! It WAS a bit intense though, and I took the day off from the lower body yesterday because I was achy all over. I did do my High Intensity Interval Training Run yesterday though. The running has been going GREAT.

I really can't believe how easy the nutrition has gotten. I have no trouble staying less then 1200 Calories a day, when before I would struggle with 1400! Water hasn't been an issue eather, and it's even better now that I have my own 'special' water bottle that holds 1 litre of water. 4 of those and the water is in the ... umm bag? heheheh. It's even been easier to do my workouts - I find myself talking myself INTO them instead of OUT of them like I used to.

I took progress pictures on Monday and WOW! I HAVE made a difference. The biggest I could see was in my back. My old pictures I looked like a linebacker! The new pictures are MUCH more feminin. My fiance has made a habit of telling me how skinny I am every time he gives me a hug. It makes me look forward to even better results and more suprises for him. What a turn around in my outlook!