Tuesday, December 30, 2003

I feel like I've made a step in the right direction. I took a walk at lunchtime. Almost sad that something so small is an accplishment for me right now, but it is. Hopefully I've set the tone for the entire day. (in a positive way). I've been looking at some OLD pictures of myself and just shuddering at how far I had let myself go! I know I will NEVER Get to that point again! The only way I can do that is to continue to fight, struggle, scratch and claw my way toward my goals!
Ever since I took that week off, I've struggled to get back into the excercise grooove. I keep slipping on my self promices...and even my promices to others and I hate myself for it. I've GOT to get my focus back before the 5th when I start my first 12 week challenge of the new year. I know I need to workout. I can feel the difference in my energy levels. Luckily, I've been reletively clean in the eating department and that's kept me losing. I'm just frustrated, and dissapointed...And fighting for all it's worth to get my 'groove' back.

It's easy to make excuses. "It's the holidays", "The colder weather makes me tired and want to hybernate" "I can't find a cardio that I like". But they are all just excuses. I know that the people who get it done.. just GET IT DONE. And that's not happening. It's time to take a hard line with myself and NOT let the tired lazy me talk myself into my old lifestyle. I'm NOT going to lose this battle. I can't, not this time. It's not in me to quit, but it's all to easy to let things slide.

Ah well, today's a new day and a new chance to make a differnce in ME.

Monday, December 29, 2003

Well, this challenge has been colorful to say the least. BUT, I'm not letting this bother me or cause me to quit. I know that a few stumbles are not going to keep me from my goals. I'm so GLAD the holidays are over! My time is once again my own, and I'm not going to have to stare down mounds of sweets and chocolate every day at work. I did a great deal of 'snacking' over the past few days, but I don't think any MAJOR damage was done. Allowing myself a little leeway over the past few days also made TOM a little easier to get through too so in all it was a VERY happy holiday.

Today I am wearing a size 12 skirt that's been hanging in my closet for a year and a half! It feels and looks GREAT! I'm so excited about the changes ahead! And as I've said time and time again, I finally feel as if I really WILL reach my goals in the upcoming year.

My challenge for for Body Blog, and Body for Life start next monday. In the meanwhile, I'm going to spend this week reminding myself what it feels like to go hard EVERY day. On tap tonight, an Upper Body workout. Nutrition is set for 1550 calories. I'm still up in the air for cardio for the next few weeks as I don't have my Christmas Treadmill YET. Children's christmas presents came first, and we don't do credit. But it's in the works...

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and is looking forward to the New Year as much as I am!

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

So here I was feeling all cranky and frumpy, and not one, but THREE people commented on how thin I was looking and how great I was doing on my diet. the stars have realigned themselves! :)
Somedays I really hate my body. Today is one of them. It usually happens when I have this 'vision' in my head of what I want to look like, and then I get dressed and what I see is NOTHING like what I have invisioned.

I was so excited about the sweater I got this weekend. I had the 'perfect' outfit in mind. Black turtleneck with my hip hugger slacks... I just knew I would be the ipidimy of 'sheek'. But instead when I checked the mirrow, my sweater didn't tuck correctly and instead of hugging and showing off my new slimmer waist it bulged and looked like I had a roll along the endge of the waist band. And then the 'bulk' of the sweater when tucked, added lumps under my slack in ALL the wrong places. So a day I had hoped to spend feeling stunning and successful I'm spending tugging, and tucking and grumpy. Oh well!

Did an upper body workout last night. I didn't 'kill' myself, after taking some advice that I might see more progress if I tried a different approach. So I'm trying. It was wierd to end a workout not feeling completely wrung out. Don't get me wrong, I was tired and sore, but not the 'Oh my, don't ask me to scratch my nose' tired and sore. Still, these couple of week are a good time for me to experiment and it was acutally a lot of fun to mix things up a bit.

I started with doing 15 half (girl) pushups to warm up. I had to laugh because earlier this year I could barely do 10 of these as a matter of fact I hurt my back strainging to do over 10. To throw out 15 as a WARM UP was really cool. Then I did 15 pushups with my knees on the swiss ball as a second warm up. What I had planned to do was super sets, but I couldn't figure out if, when doing super sets, if I should use the same weight on every exciercise so as to not have a pause. In order to accomidate no pause, no weight change - I took what was going to be a four excercise 'set' and broke it into 2 2 excercise sets. I figured 25lbs was a good weight for chest and back, whereas shoulders I wouldn't be able to do more then 15lbs. What I didn't factor in was how HARD doing 15 reps would be. SHEESH! By then I was so into my new workout I completely forgot that I was going to do pull first and THEN push.. duh! I switch them up next time! So I loaded 25 lbs on the dumbbells and started to do chest press. I couldn't figure out why it felt so HARD... Then I recalculated and realized that I had loaded 30 lbs on each dumbell. With visions of Nicole pushing 50lb dumbells, I went ahead and pushed out 6 reps at 30 lbs. Was pretty cool! then I REALLY got 25lbs loaded and after a rest I did my fifteen chest presses and without a rest did 15 bent rows. a short rest and I tried to do the next set of 15. HA! ended up dropping the weight do 20 to finish. WHEW. Then 15 bent rows no problem. My back is MUCH stronger then my chest it seems. Second 'super' set I did military press 15 reps, and thanks to Jeremy managed to use excercise bands and Jurry rig a lat pull down. I think I might need a few sturdier bands though because even with three bands strapped on, it was a little easy. I would have liked a little more of a burn. Even so, my mid back is a little sore today. Feels good! Second set of 15 reps was pretty much the same. THEN.. just because I was feeling good and wanted to fool around a little I did a handstand for about 30 seconds. I think that's why my shoulders are a little sore today in a new place. Eventually (years from now, I'm sure) I want to do handstand pushups. Just to say I can!

Nutrition is going well. Eating out at lunch today, but I've got it all planned. They wheeled out another batch of sweets today.. a CART LOAD, but I've passed it all by. Not worth it.

Happy Holiday's all!

Monday, December 22, 2003

Bad News--I'm still struggling with my workouts. I just can't seem to find the time and/or get my priorities in the correct order to fit in everything. BUT, I'm pushing through.

Good news-- My weight today 177! It almost hasn't sunk in! I've been below 180 for 7 days now! Average weight for last week 178.6... lowest EVER.

My clothes are fitting GREAT, in fact I'm actually starting to finally get to the point where I go.. Hmm this might be consitered too big! As a matter of fact while shopping at Eddie Bower this weekend I had to get a sweater in a size Medium! Makes me want to leave the "M" sticker on the outside of it when I wear it around! lol

The sweets are still pouring in here at work. another package of candy, although this one contained some nuts so I could have a few.

Nutrition goals for this week - 1750 calories P/C/F ratio 41/29/30 Bring on the Salad and meat! :) I'm planning to doing an upper body workout tonight. I will up the weight on a few excercises and see how I do.

We had a GREAT weekend. Took a trip to the city and saw the Nutcracker. It was GREAT, and I managed to things nutitionally balanced. I'm furiously working on finishing up my shopping. I found out this weekend that ALL three of my children are planning to come over at christmas, when I first thought it was just going to be the youngest. While I've managed to buy my oldest a few gifts my son has been a problem. His list has consited of things like.. a PS2 or a computer... not something I can afford right now. I'll have to see what happens.

I'm going to make it through this holiday in the black financially, and out of the black ... clothes. NOTHING is going to keep me away from that 175 mark!

Friday, December 19, 2003

Monday they brought in See's candy, cookies and rice crispy treats
Tuesday it was See's candy and bevarian chocolate
Yesterday I managed to get the last of all the chocolate out of the office and was breathing a sigh of relief...

until today... gerdelli chocolate, homemade brownies and homemade oatmeal cookies --

I sit back and watch them all stuff thier face... Then grin as they all talk about the 10 pounds they've put on since Thanksgiving... Then they turned to me and I just said... Hmmm.. I've lost 7 pounds since Thanksgiving.. and I walk away. between you and me.. it's a good thing I don't like oatmeal cookies! lol
I’ve been at my current weight four other times in my adult life. Once - I was 19 and had just had my first baby. I was NOT happy about it then, but somehow with working full time, taking care a new husband, and taking care of a new baby, I didn't have time to pay attention. After my second child was born I was even MORE horrified to find I was now 207. I joined WW and within a few months I was down to 177. I was fitting into size 14 and sometimes a 12, It's was easy to feel good. I started to look around and realize ... "I've average!". And average feelt pretty darn good after spending so much time morbidly obese. But, that 'happy to be average' feeling is dangerous! This was the first time I dealt with the.. "I'm happy to be average" syndrome. Men were paying attention to me more then ANY other point in my life. I was happy, I was strong, I was ... having marital troubles and dealing with a husband who didn't appreciate the changes that I had made. So I ignored myself again... let it slide; said "I'm happy with average" only to find myself after my third child weighing 230 lbs. (or more) This time the weight loss was slow. I didn't have a specific program that I followed or a support group, I just did what 'felt' right at the time. I got to 180 and hung in there. This time when the husband started his 'crap' Instead of ignoring myself I ignored him! Needless to say, a divorce ensued and I found myself 177ish, single and once again "happy to be average". This time I hung on a bit longer, and caught it sooner when my weight started to creep back up. I had found a man who loved me, nurtured me and made me happy and when my weight got into the high 180's I quickly started ediets and once again, I got into the 177 range, size 14/12 and very comfortably 'average'. I quit making progress, and soon I had quit. Then came surgery and an unexplained weight gain... once AGAIN I was on the wrong side of 200 (203) and I finally decided.. "This is for life!" I've taken control and I've fought my way BACK to below 180 and comfortable in a size 14 pair of jeans...

This is why I continue to set goals, why I try not to let my 'success' side track me. Why I'm not saying "It's the holiday's have a piece of chocolate"... I want better then 'average' for me and for those around me. I don't settle for 'average' in anything else I do... not love, not my job, not life... why should I settle in my health and appearance?

Yes, we should enjoy our progress, be happy with how far we've come... but realize the journey isn't finished. If fact it never SHOULD be finished!

I guess I just need to put this down... more for myself then anything. To make concrete in my mind why I sit and eat my salad while everyone around me wolfs down See's Candy...

Thursday, December 18, 2003

I thought I would record my current workout as it was one of the goals of this 4 weeks was to increase the weight I was using :)

Lower Body - (weight is total number of plates)
Plie' squat
35 x 12
40 x 10
45 x 8
50 x 6
45 x 12
Jump Squat
0 x 12

Straight Leg Deadlift
40 x 12
45 x 10
50 x 8
55 x 6
50 x 12
Split Squat
50 x 12

Single Standing Calf Raise
25 x 12
30 x 10
35 x 8
40 x 6
35 x 12
Front Calf Stretch
Heavy&Light Band x 12

Reverse Crunches

Upper Body (Weight is total plates for single dumbell)
Dumbell Press
20 x 12
22.5 x 10
25 x 8
27.5 x 6
25 x 12
20 x 12

Bent Row
17.5 x 12
20 x 10
22.5 x 8
25 x 6
22.5 x 12
Bent Flyes
12.5 x 12

Military Press (/ indicates dropping 2.5 lbs)
12.5 x 12
15 x 10
17.5 x 8
20 x 4/2
17.5 6/6
Lat Raises
7.5 x 12

Bicep Curl
10 x 12
12.5 x 10
15 x 5/3
17.5 x 5
15 x 3/8
Hammer Curl
10 x 12

Dips (MAN these HURT!!)
Overhead extentions
30 x 12



Now, to work on the drop set excercises, until I don't have to 'drop' them anymore AND raise the rest of the excercises UP Until I'm having to do drop sets for them too.

I realize this is HARDLY 'pure' BFL style, but I think it's important for me right now to try pushing my limits a little and teach myself what 'true' failure is on every body part. I've had FAR too many excercises in which I say "Hmm.. I think that was all I could do...." enough of that!
Everything seems to be firing on all cylenders right now. It's feels so great to be back in a groove and seeing results! I Killed my upper body on my workout last night. Raised weights on everything, did drop sets to finish and generally left myself feeling like a wet noodle. It was all good though when I woke up to see a very nice thing on the scale. SOMETHING appears to be working! at LAST!

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Ouch, Owe, Owie.... it's so bad I have to say it in three languages! lol! My legs and lower back hurt YES, but so does my arms and shoulders... just goes to prove that squats really DO utilize nearly every part of your body.

Nutrition was PERFECT yesterday. BUT, after all my momentem yesterday, LIFE happened and my workout was not to be. BUT I have 1 rest day per week and it WILL be made up. Upper Body is planned for tonight and I cannot WAIT. my favorite workout by FAR. I'm going to add weight to each of these excercises as well even it means I have to do some drop sets. Cory has challenged me ;) Nutrition today .. well LIFE also caused me to not be able to plan ahead today. I grabbed clean eats, but I doubt I've eaten ENOUGH yet. But I'll be able to adjust later. I'm nothing if not flexable.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

Slow day at work - Been looking over my stats. The more I look, the more excited I'm getting. Yes, I've been here (under 180) a couple time in the past few months, but each time it was the week before TOM and it SHOT back up right after. This time, I'm NOT going to let that happen. FOCUS is my battle cry! :)

Stat wise I've gone NO WHERE since the end of October. It would be easy to consider the past month or so a waste of time, but but internally I've learned SO much that I wouldn't trade the past month for ANYTHING.

I'm going to do some circuit training for cardio tonight and see how I like it. Light Light weights and calistenics.
Well! I'm sore. I knew I would be, but, it's not as bad as I would have thought. I'm going to take some ibprofine and things should be fine. Amazingly the most sore part of me is my back. I'm going to keep a close eye on that because I don't want or need to strain anything there. I'll watch my form a little closer next time I do deadlifts.

The best part of the morning was seeing the scale at 179.5 ... Yes, it's been here before, but I think this time it's going to continue to drop... NO Backsliding! I feel so confident right now that there should be NO PROBLEM. I still don't have a real plan for cardio tonight, but we'll see what we can work out.

Breakfast is done and I'm off to work, not by 9:00 but I'll be there by 10:00 wich is a darn site better then 11:00 lol!
That workout was EXACTLY what I needed!! I'm feeling 100% more energetic now, I've got my meals planned for tomorrow and my lunches packed. Tomorrow should be the same as today, right on PLAN. Cravings are under control... or more like GONE. I really wonder if it wasn't caused by me forgetting my multi-vit for a day or two. I'm looking forward to a really positive week!

Tomorrow is cardio day and I've got to figure out what to do there. without runninig to look forward to I'm really struggling to find something I like and is challenging. I tell you what, I wish I had a heart monitor on while I was doing legs today. I KNOW the blood was pumping!

Monday, December 15, 2003


I worked out!! Yes yes yes! Killed my legs, I will be paying for it tomorrow! It’s a darn good thing I have a sit down job. Upped every exercise by 5 lbs too! Whew! I’m going to keep adding until I hit my limit. Going to see how far these legs will go! I know I’m pretty close to my limit on upper body, but I’m going to push it there too. I’m hoping the heavier weight will add to the fat burning factor. At least that’s what I’m telling myself ;)

It feels SO good to back on plan with both exercise and food. I can already feel the mental lift! It’s so GREAT to be keeping my self promises. There is also the fact that I fell down and managed to pick myself up! I didn’t quit I didn’t say “Forget it, I’ll wait until next year� I got back on and did it NOW! This year! I WILL reach my birthday goal. I’m going to smash through that 175 barrier and get set for the new me in 2004!

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

My scale is going wanky! :P So I'm either at 181, or 179.5, or 177.5! lol! The fact that the other day it said 189, then 184, then 183 makes me think that there is something wrong with it. I HATE changing scales, but it may be time for a new one. (though I would LOVE to think I'm at 177.5 and only 3 lbs from my goal)

Yesterday was another challenge... but I made it through. I found out that my daughter had a music concert! I managed to adjust my nutrition (I couldn't go home, my kids live 2 hours away) but missed another workout! NOT a good start to a challenge...

Still I'm keeping my head up and my hopes! Even if I'm at the highest of the weights today (181) that's 2 lbs gone for the week, so I've reached my goal there!

Doing what I can here and not beating myself up over the rest. It was tempting today to throw the nutrition out the window. With not being able to go home and eat the rest of my meals I wanted to just start in at lunchtime eating whatever I wanted... but I didn't, I ate what I had brought with me and got a sensable dinner later at Carls (BBQ Chicken Sandwiches PLANE are awsome - a nice REAL chicken breast, roasted, on whole wheat bun) An energy bar for meal 6 and I was set. Good thing I packed my four other meals! Still rolling strong and aiming for Jan 4th!

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands--and then just eat one of the pieces.

- Judith Viorst
I ended up sleeping most of the evening last night, I only woke up to eat! And I managed to keep it clean! It was amazing! At one point I stood in the kitchen with an ice cream bar in my hand and actually had it OPEN. All the 'normal' justifications run through my head. I'm sick, I'm not going to get all my food in anyway, I'll start tomorrow.... you know how it goes. Then I thought ... "Today I choose to lose!" I wrapped the bar back up, put it in the fridge and fixed some boiled chicken. (a great thing for a sensative stomach)

So, yes, I got all my calories in and kept it clean! I didn't workout but tonight it's deffinatly on the ajenda. I'm really looking forward to what the next four weeks will bring.
If I chose to only look at my stats, the past 12 weeks could easily seem like a failure. After all, of six major goals, I only reached two of them. Not a good percentage, and yet, in my mind, this challenge was an unequivocal success, if, for no other reason then that I finished. As with any journey, there were rough spots. This one started out that way. Half way through my first BFL challenge, I was struggling to realize my capacity for change. Now I know the sky’s the limit.

I began afraid, afraid of letting myself down, of letting others down and of failing, yet again. I was afraid I wasn’t doing enough, or perhaps that I was doing too much. I was afraid of bulking up, afraid of not losing enough, afraid of tripping, stumbling and never getting up again. I did stumble. I tripped, I fell in the mud I even slogged through it a time or two, but I never stopped. Because somehow, somewhere along the way I realized that the only way to lose the battle was to quit. I also learned that sometimes you step into quicksand, and you fight and you battle, and you just make things worse. Then you have to relax for a little while, float up to the surface, take stock of the situation and then move on. There’s a time for pushing and there is a time for resting.

Now the challenge is over and I’ve taken a step back to look over my results, and I truly am amazed. I look at the progress I’ve made and I think, “Is that really me? Did I really do that?� There is a part of me that is proud, and yet another that is humbled because I didn’t do it alone. Without the love and support of my friends and family, both online and at home, I wouldn’t have made it. It’s because of you all that I’m finally starting to see the woman I’m going to be. And, I’m not afraid anymore.

Monday, December 08, 2003

I really struggled with what my goals were going to be for the next four weeks. Having just came off 18 weeks I thought that perhaps I would coast these 4 weeks and set the stage for a January Challenge. then I realized that the prospect of not losing for 4 weeks (on purpose) was just TOO disheartening, so........ I am going to KICK BUTT for four weeks and set my most lofty goals yet... My birthday present to myself is to the lowest weight of my adult life. Less then 175 for my 35th!

Of course nature had to throw a wrench into the deal...I had my day all planned, food ready to go I was all psyced for a GREAT workout tonight, and what do I do? I started feeling ill 1/2 way through the day. Went home sick and I've been in bed ever since! Funny thing is, it hasn't depressed me as much as I would have thought (though it's made it hard to think and to write a decent essay to end the blast).

Watch out! I've got a goal, people, and I'm not going to let ANYTHING get in my way! :) I'm SO excited. Today's pictures really helped and I'm really excited about seeing what's to come. I really truely feel as though I CAN do this!

Weight -----------------194 -> 183 Loss 11
Body Fat---------------43.7 -> 36.41 Loss 7.6%
Fat -----------------------84.8 -> 66.1 Loss 18.7
Lean Mass-------------109.2-> 116.9 Gain 7.7

Chest (under arms)-- 38.75 -> 37.5 Loss 1.25
Bust-----------------------44.5 -> 42 Loss 2.5
Ribs (Under Braline)--36 -> 35 Loss 1
Waist--------------------36 -> 34 Loss 2
Hips-----------------------46.5 -> 44 Loss 2.5
Butt ------------------------44 -> 42.5 Loss 2.5
Thighs ---------------------25.5 -> 24.75 Loss .75
Calves---------------------15 -> 14.75 Loss .25
Upper Arm----------------14.5 -> 13.75 Loss .75

Total Inches - 14

Thursday, December 04, 2003

I've been struggling with focus of late. The colors on my calander make that obvious :) I think I figured out part of my problem. I've been setting goals, thinking ahead, looking forward and toward the days to come and actually starting to BELIEVE I can reach those goals. All good things, but I've been forgetting to also live in the moment. To wake up and each and every day choose to loose THAT day. I need to create a sign to put up, somewhere in my house that reads "today I choose to lose". Because THAT's the choice that I need to make each time I faced with a decision. Do I have those cookies - or do I choose to lose? Do I skip my workout - or do I choose to lose? Although my ultimate goals are a long way off, it's the choices I make DAILY that are going to make those goals happen. If I don't choose to focus on what I can do today, 2004 is going to end up like every other year... October, November, December will roll around and I'll still be fighting the same 50 lbs! To tell you the truth I'm SO looking forward to the days when I can be fighting those last subborn 5 lbs!

I'm starting to worry that at 2200 calories I'm hitting my metobolic limit, though I realize that after the week I had last week I need to give my body some time to settle. My problem is I don't know myself well enough I feel as if I can rightly judge what's happening. It may be my imagination but I feel as if I'm filling my clothes out a little more, and I DON'T like that. I'm giving it some time (no knee jerk reations here). Going to give my body the chance to burn off the turkey fest! It's also TOM so THAT could be adding to these feelings.

I know I haven't been very positive or uplifting of late (or at least I don't feel that way) but I have to be honest both with you and myself. I need to get to the bottom of what's going on here so I can move on and move up (down?). Even if I could manage to lose 2 lbs a week (something that's not happened yet) starting today, it would be the end of May before I would hit my goal of 130. That's a lot of months of making choices and staying on track. Don't get me wrong, I KNOW this can happen and I know I'm capable of doing it, but it's going to take more work then I'm used to doing, and it's going to mean making sacrifices now and then. It's going to mean learning a lot about myself... maybe even things I don't like all that much. But I find out exactly what I'm made of!

While we're finishing the Body Blog Blast I feel that sense of accomplishment and yet that urgency that there is so much more to do. It's like preparing for a long journey. You pack, you plan you pile everything into the car and yet set off. Yes you ARE on your way and that's a good thing, but there is a lot of road ahead of you. That's the way I feel, I've packed the car, I'm on the road. Now I have to deside if I'm going to drive as fast as I can toward my destination, go through the night and perhaps arrive exhausted. Or, I could take the scenic route, see the sights explore side streets.... Then there's the danger of getting hopelessly lost and never arriving! Lately I've been on one of those side streets....

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

I'm plowing through this holiday season. Weight is still comming down from the "holiday splurge" and I'm back to 181! YAY (was 185 day after Thanksgiving) Still eating a TON of clean food. Nigel and I are BOTH ready to hit the excercise HARD it's going to be a fun 4 weeks until the new year!

I brought the chocolate covered cherries into work and am letting the folks here finish them off. That was an easy one as I don't like cherries but it's nice to get it out of my house. Pantry is getting low though, and I definatly need to restock on the basics. With both of us (and sometimes three of us) eating 'clean' I'm finding we go through food like MAD! I've set a few goals for the next four weeks, and am thinking of more. I found an old journal from Jan 2002 and on the 3rd I was 181. Jan 3rd 2003 185! My goal is to make progress THIS year and come in somewhere in the 170's this January. (Even 179 will be good as I'm adding and NOT cutting calories the next few weeks)

Mentally I'm feeling strong ready to hit it. My confidence is sky high... I KNOW I can do this and that's almost a forigne concept for me. This is going to MY year!

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

I'm back at it, back on track and planning to kick some butt this week. Calories are up another 200 to 2200. My weight is getting back down to pre-thanksgiving/PMS levels! Yay!

Next week I'll start a 4 week sprint to the new year! 2004 is the last year "loosing wieght" is going to be on my new years resolution list.

I learned a lot this weekend. I learned that I have a lot of demons still hanging out there waiting to lead me astray. Unlike Marie I did not find the will to eat "a little of this or that" and leave it at that. And unfortunatly instead of Thanksgiving being a free day to enjoy good food and good company. I ate so much I was ILL! BAD! AQnd then it spilled over into OTHER days...I also let my old habit of putting others first come into play and instead of taking the time out to do what I needed and excercise, I sat around and had another handfull of 'cheesy poofs'! A sure way to make my thighs continue to LOOK like cheesy poofs! BUT, I'm not dwelling on what whouldda couldda shouldda been! Instead I'll take the opportunity to LEARN and figure out a plan to get through the rest of the holidays! I need to keep the 'sugar hangover' feeling fresh in my mind and as Brock once said, "play the tape through', get past the instent gratification that comes from a piece of pumpkin pie and think instead of my long term plans and goals. (Actually it wasn't the one piece of pie that did me in, but the second and third!) I think I'm going to have to forgo my 'normal' holiday tradition and STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN! For some reason I have a real problem resiting my own cooking! Either that or I'll have to make sure I only bake things that I don't like! lol! (the chocolate covered brandied cherries haven't phased me once! ) I already took the step of getting this weekend's 'baked goods' out of the house (sent all the sugar cookies and leftover cranberry bread home with the kids) Maybe one day I'll be strong enough to have that stuff around the house and not have the constent urge to put it in my mouth, but it's not happening today! The good news is - we don't do a big dinner for Christmas, so I don't have THAT to live through. Just three company Christmas parties. I've already ordered chicken for dinner at one of them and I'll leave the room when they serve desert! lol. One of the others is a 'pot luck' so I'll bring food I can eat... the other maybe I can skip it! lol

I'm still asking Santa for a treadmill for Christmas and hoping he'll bring it early so I can start getting my 'regular' cardio in. The weights are ready to go... I'm going to start thinking of my goals for the next 4 weeks, probably more strength goals than anything as I'll not start cutting until the after the first of the year.

Monday, December 01, 2003

The holiday week picked me up, shook me, threw me down and then stomped on me! Then TOM came along and did the same leaving me red and yellow! ick! But I've one more week to go on this challenge and it's going to be a GREEN one! There will be NO looking back. What matters is what happens THIS week!