Fiancé and I have been going through some ‘stuff’ lately. Nothing to do with ‘us’, just outside pressures putting a strain on us. He’s been frustrated about some stuff for about four months now and that’s made him cranky. I’ve tried to talk to him about it because when he’s cranky I start thinking there’s something wrong with ‘us’. Then he says, “There’s nothing wrong with ‘us’, but if you keep bugging me to talk about it, there will be.” Which sounds really harsh when written here, but in truth it wasn’t. So I go away, but the crankiness and withdrawal continues so I approach him again and ask, and get the same answer – only the withdrawal gets worse.

I’ve tried to be patient and understanding. After all, the last time he acted like this, working so hard to NOT talk about something that he quit talking to me at all, he was working up the nerve to propose. But last night it started getting unbearable. I felt like we were strangers living in the same house. He even fell asleep with his back to me and didn’t snuggle all night.

So, what does all this have to do with a fitness blog? Well… After last night I woke up this morning feeling horrible, emotionally heavy and sick to my stomach. I got up anyway. I didn’t feel like working out – heck I didn’t feel like doing anything but sit in the room with the lights off and the covers over my head. After all, the most important thing in my life seemed to be going horribly wrong. I went through the motions anyway. Drank my ‘juice’, changed my clothes loaded the car. About the only thing I couldn’t ‘force’ myself to do was eat. Nothing was better when I got to the gym – I kept having to keep myself from bursting into tears. But, I worked out anyway.

20 minutes on the recumbent bike for 3 miles.

And Arms… Normally arms don’t follow chest, legs do, but I’ve moved legs to the end of the week when I have a rest day from running… so I was worried that my arms would still be wiped out. I didn’t want to lift heavy things. I didn’t want to be there with the bright lights and the people and the narcissistic personal trainer prancing around the equipment. But I lifted anyway – I lifted heavy and I put everything into the iron.

EZ Bar Curl: 55 x 6 / 55 x 6
Alternating Dumbbell Curl: 25 x 6 / 25 x 6
Straight Bar Cable Curl: 85 x 6

Tri Overhead Extension: 55 x 6 / 55 x 6
Tri Pushdown: 105 x 6 / 105 x 6
Tri Kickbacks: 25 x 6

I didn’t feel better.

The rest of the story? I rushed through my shower and made it to the car as fast as I could. THEN I finally burst into tears. Fiancé was so shocked that he finally started talking to me. In the four years we’ve been together he’s maybe seen me really break down only once before and THAT was because of issues with the ex and the kids so to see me like this because of HIM… well that changed some stuff. We talked – we talked a lot. We made a plan to address his frustrations so HE started feeling better. We worked out that he’s not leaving me so I started feeling better…

The problem is – once I start crying, I can’t stop. Guess I better up my H2O intake today. *sniff*