Ahhh Monday

We had a good weekend. Ended up taking off Friday night and spend the weekend in Reno. Not because we're gamblers (spent a total of $20 on the slot machines and that was it) but because we wanted to get out of town and spend some time together. It was nice - just a little hard to live up to our honeymoon :)

I've been a little manic about my goals of late. Getting all on fire and charging forward and then dropping into the dolldrums and moaning about how much I've backslid while eating a slice of pizza to console myself :). Friday I was sorting through pictures and ran into my progress photos from last Thanksgiving. Boy did THAT depress me... then motivated me (told you I've been manic). I realized that I WANT MY MUSCLES BACK!! I had a big long talk with my honey. We set some new goals and some new stratagies. I reminded him that when I was making progress we made it to the gym NO MATTER WHAT. We whent on Saturdays, Sundays, afterwork - whatever it took to get the workouts in. I flat out told him that in order for me to see 'that body' again I'll need to be just as dedicated. He agreed. He's been frustrated with his own physique and realizes that it's going to take some hard work at the gym to see the results he wants as well. it was a nice to both be on the same page again.

So - Here's the new workout schedule.

Monday: Legs and Dance Class
Tuesday: Chest and 5K training run
Wednesday: Back and 20 min HIIT (probably bike)
Thursday: Shoulders, Triceps and 5k training run
Friday: Biceps, Abs and 20 min HIIT
Saturday: Core work, 5K training and last 20 min HIIT
Sunday: Rest (and I think I'll need it)

We'll do that for four weeks and see how it goes

Nutrition is 1400 cals per day with a 'loose' goal of C/P/F = 35%/45%/20%

Again this is for four weeks

Tonight after class I'm going to take measurments and photos. This is for real :)

And, to get myself out of bed in the mornings, I've now set up our annoying, loud (God I hate it) alarm clock and put it in the bathroom. It's so loud that it wakes me up in our room - and I have to get up, turn on a light and go into the bathroom to turn it off. Really hard to sleep through that! :)

I'm also working through the book 100 days of weight loss. I like it so far - I'll try and remember to review it when I'm finished. As I've said before I'm beyond believing that any program, any book or any anything is going to be a magic bullet for weight loss. It's going to be me - making it work, making the choices, walking the walk, living the lifestyle. That's not to say I don't still read books, check out programs and stuff like that. I learn new ideas and statagies with everyone I read and I believe every little scrap of information and motivation help. But in the end it comes down to me doing what I know is right.

One thing I've been telling myself of late that seems to be helping out a little is, when faced with a food choice instead of simply saying "I can't have that" I tell myself "I can't have that and lose wieght" that way I'm setting myself up with the idea that if I do choose to eat something - I'm chosing to stay where I'm at and not lose weight. So far it's done wonders for my attitude. It doesn't mean I make the "right" choice every time, but I'm certainly not fooling myself about what I'm doing, and when I choose for loss it keeps me focus on how that choice is bringing me closer to my goals and not on how 'deprived' I am. (poor me) :)

More baby steps towards lasting change - I really do believe.

So - today got off to a GREAT start. I was thrust out of bed by the annoying alarm clock in the bathroom and quickly dressed and was ready to hit the gym. Too bad it was 4:10 and the gym doesn't open until 5:00 on Mondays! :)

I had a nice hot breakfast, made a water bottle, checked that I had everything, snuggled with my honey for a few minutes on the couch, checked that I had everything (yeah had time to check twice) and finally left and made it to the gym.

As I said above it was leg day. Because it's been so long since we have had decent weight workout I had to really play with the numbers and figure out what I can lift currently. Trust me, it wasn't good :|


Squats: 165 x 6 x 3
Leg Press: 435 x 6 - 435 x 15 (need to raise the weight on this one)
Stiff Leg Deadlift: 130 x 6 x 2
Standing Calf: 180 x 8 x 3
Seated Calf: 90 x 8 - 125 x 8

I've a long way to go to be back in the shape I was, but I'm willing to do the work, and ready to see the results.

Another week in the bag

Well, the long weekend didn't go exactly as planned. It wasn't too bad either.

On Saturday my sweetheart and I walked down to the gym, had an amazing workout and then walked home. It was so nice!

We spent all day on Sunday walking around the scottish highland games. We watched the "Heavy Games" once again. They wern't nearly as exciting without Shannon Hartnett competing but still fun to watch. Shannon was there though and I was once again completely impressed and inspired.

Granted, she's MUCH bigger then I would want to be (and possably 'enhanced') but she does look amazing! and she does make me LONG to get my muscles back!

Food wise things wern't perfect, but much better then weekends before. Unfortunatly it's also that 'hormonal' time of the month and my body is holding onto every ounce of water it can - BLEH!

Since monday my eating has been spot on! Because of TTOM though I've yet to drop any weight. Well, and probably the fact that I haven't made it to the gym once this week either! I've just been completely exhausted all week, and I can't figure out why. Even after 8 hours of sleep I'm struggling to pull myself out of bed. I'm really at a loss as to what to do. I'm certainly going to hit the gym on Saturday. Sunday though is my 1 year anniversary and I plan on spending it having a great time with my sweetheart.

Anyway - not much else to report here. plodding along, feeling a flicker of drive now and then and then falling back into a bleek black mood. I know if I stick with it I'll find my stride once more. I just wish it would come sooner rather then later.

Quickupdate before the long weekend

Things are going GREAT!

Not perfect, but I'm really pleased with my progress. I'll try to recap on Sunday but for now know I'm pleased with the way things have gone.

Had my second RT workout yesterday and again I'm aching from Head to toe. It's kind of nice :)

The biggest news is that I now have ANOTHER bit of motivation.

October 10th we're taking off to spend a few days in cancun mexico! Every day includes swimming and sunning so anything I can do to make wearing a bathing suit a bit less painfull will be top of mind for me. I've downloaded a bunch of pictures of Cancun and I'm going to print them and post them around my house and office. I've also have them popping up on my computer as my screen saver. Maybe I'll even hang my bathing suit on my fridge! lol

I just know I'm really excited about spending a few days in the sun and surf with my hubby and helping him to celebate his 40th birthday.

Alright - I'm outta here - going to enjoy a three day weekend yay!!

Day 3

Hey Shane...

I didn't really mention the program because I'm beyond thinking there's a magic pill. That there's one program that's going to 'make it all happen when everything else has failed'. One program may make getting fit a little 'faster' or one might be less complex then another, but in the end none 0f them do anything if I don't stick to it.

I've also found that the 'shelf-life' for any program (even if it's working) for me is about 18 weeks. So my focus right now is a nutritionally and scientifically sound program and follow it for a set period of time. The program I am using right now is "Afterburn" by Alwyn Casgrove. http://www.afterburntraining.com/

Is it 'magical'? no Does it have some sound principals? yes

After two days though I have figured out that tracking my food so closely (down to the micronutriants) was really stressing me out. Although I have a lot more time on my hands then I used to, I don't have a LOT of time and spending so much time out of my day thinking about food does me no good what so ever. So, I've modified my food plan a bit. Let's see if I can explain my stratagy.

I'm still working toward my 1450 calories a day 5 meals a day
that gives me 290 calories per meal
What I don't want to stress about is the micronutriants, but still want to make sure I'm getting enough protien and I'm keeping my fat intake to a moderate level. So I've taken some of the concepts of BFL and applied them...sorta :)

In my mind I've placed 'most' foods into a catagory: Protien, Carb or Fat

Bread - Carb
Fruit - Carb

Chicken - Protien

etc

Then I made an 'executive' decision that 60% of my calories should come from a 'protien' and 40% from a carb. So - when I plan a meal I pick a protien and eat about 175 calories of it, and pick a carb and eat 115 calories of it. "But what about fats?" you say. Well, as long as between the two of them, they don't have more then 6 grams of fat.. I'm good.

As for the 'types' of foods I eat. I'm not grabbing 115 calories worth of chocolate chip cookies and calling it a 'carb'. I know better then to delude myself that way. I try to keep my selections to whole grains, raw fruits and pleanty of veggies. For this I try to go back to the LL program. Eating 'unprocced' (as in not from a package) foods as much as possable, avoiding 'fast foods', Eating one servinging of fresh fruit a day, eating at least four cups of veggies and at least three different 'kinds' a day.

As long as I continue to lose weight this way, I'll continue to eat this way. I'll let you know when I have to modify it.

As for the mental (and most important) side of things. Honestly, I'm still struggling. By the end of the day I feel exhausted from telling myself "No, you can't have that!". Maybe the first thing I need to do is figure out what I'm going to tell myself "You can't have that" may be half the issue. But still, having to say "No" (what feels like) hundreds of times a day really wears me out. When I think about it, I realize that it's just my 'adictive voice', my 'brat' my 'feast beast' that's talking. I also realize that the more I say 'no' and mean it, the less I'll have to listen to the little winer. I'm not going around hungry. I'm not depriving myself. I'll get through this, I know I will. For me, the first two weeks are usually the hardest - when I get through these, things will settle down, a lot.

As for excercise... I'm not too happy with myself there. When we got home last night it was 91 degrees. So I talked myself out of going for a run. After dinner, then going to the store to pick up lunch stuff, then cleaning the kitchen, making lunch etc. I sat down for a few minutes and before I knew it, it was midnight. *sigh*. So not only did I not run last night, but I missed my 4:00am wake up call and didn't make it to the gym this morning.. bleh. I thought that only having three 'gym' days a week would make things easier - but here I am in the first week, already missing workouts. The positive side is that with only three 'workouts' planned a week I can easily make one up. the only 'rule' is that I don't do RT on consecutive days. So tomorrow I'll do RT and push the last workout to Saturday.

Anyway - I'm hanging in there - still dropping the initial weight which is a nice way to start a program.

Thanks to those of you who are checking up on me!

Day 2

I have to say - I had kind of forgotten what a pain in the butt counting calories is. bleh! Oh well in a few days I'll have my meals all tuned up and then it'll be no worries. I didn't get my meals completely planned for today. I had dance class last night and didn't get home until 10:00PM. I have to say, after the killer morning workout we did - and then 1.5 hours of bumping and grinding (in class) I was completely worn out! I hit the bed the moment I got home. As for the rest of my goals yeseterday:

Food - I was a little short. As I said, I got home really late and completely exhausted. I didn't get a fifth meal in. So I finished the day at 1153 Cals 103C/122P/29F. Yes, that's pretty low, but I wasn't hungry at any point of the day, and I didn't wake up starving this morning either. I think my body is still processing the food from the weekend :)

Excercise - Hit my RT first thing in the morning and had an excellent time at dance class, burning a few extra calories.

Water - 1 gallon + (I have a 1.5 litre water bottle that I filled up and drank 3 times - plus the water I drank during my morning workout. I think I more then nailed that goal)

And the goals for today?

1450 Calories 129gC/161gP/32gF
1 gallon of water
20 min HIIT Cardio (already done)
2 mile Steady State Run (this is my 5k training run planning it for when I get home)
a soak in the hot tub (I honestly ache from head to toe!)

Have tomorrow's meals planned out before the eod today

And that's it - for the numbers

Mentally, I'm doing ok. There's a lot of other things I need to do to sew up my motivation.

Create my 'why'
Create a vision
Set some leverage

I've got some things in place now.

I've got a 5K on 10/7 - the goal, of course, is to finish, and to do it faster then last time, but that'll require some training on my part. I've got to get those evening runs in! Plus I already know how much easier it is to run when I weigh less.

Halloween is always a big deal for my friends and I. My goal is to be back below 180 by then. Although I won't be wearing the 'sexy' costume I had hoped to be wearing this year - I will be a lot happier below 180 then above it!

The next big deal is Thanksgiving. I've set myself a goal of 174 before thanksgiving. If I reach that goal then I'll allow myself to eat whatever I want that day. Total FREE day.

Lastly is the final goal of this 16 weeks - 170 just in time for Christmas.

I've also started a list of 'rewards' for myself. Simple things like a manicure/pedicure. And more elaborite things like a sewing machine - so that I can make myself clothes that fit as I get thinnner.

Weekly I've told myself that if I reach my goal for monday 'early' in the week then That day I'm allowed 1 splurge.

Oh! - and one 'long term' motivation I've created for myself: I've signed up for Jenny Hendershott's Phat Camp in Feb. When I exicute my plan (the way I know I can) I'll be in the low 160's when I go to Camp! That's really exciting to me.

I'll continue to post these kinds of things when I come across them. It helps to make them into a 'real' commiment when I do.

For now, have a great day everyone!

One more goal

For today - that is to be much more orginized tomorrow.

meal planning will be done! :)

Starting a new program today!

That's right - I got my new book in the mail and I'm jumping right in :)

So - I start a 16 week phase today.

The biggest difference here is in the workout. I'm doing super sets for weights, and High Intensity Interval training for cardio. Weight workouts are three days a week and HIIT is three days a week.

This is a BIG difference for me, but it's kind of exciting and I'm looking forward to seeing how it plays out.

I got through day one of my workout today. Though it nearly killed both my husband and I :)

Set 1:

{Squats: 20 x 105 & T-pushups: 8(each side)} x 3

Set 2:

{Step-ups: 20 (each side) & DB Shoulder Press 20 x 20} x 3

Set 3:


{SHELC (supine hip extension with leg curl ) x 20 & Swiss Ball Crunches x 20} x 2

The T-push up is a regular push up, but at the end you end up in a variation of a 'plank' position.









I can't to full pushups right now - so I did them from the knees, but managed the "T" part ok.


SHELC is a swiss ball excercise like this:






My Hamstrings were cramping by the end of the first set - wow!!

The scary thing is that I have dance class tonight and my legs at the moment are so tired that I could hardly walk down the stairs!

This is going to be a fun 16 weeks!

And now onto the most important thing - my goals:

In 16 weeks I will weigh 170 lbs.

I will be able to do at least 10 pushups

I will be able to wear all the clothes in my closet

To achieve this I'm going to set goals for every 4 weeks (of course the program's set up in 4 weeks blocks as well)

Goals for this four weeks are:

about 1450 cals/day: 129g carbs/161g prot/32g fat

five meals per day
1 gallon (or 128 oz) of water/day
three days resistance training
three days HIIT cardio

And - I think that's it for now :)

So the goals for today are:

1450 Cal :129/161/32
1 gallon water
and RT

So far today I'm 1 for 3 :)

three days in a row!

yep - hit the gym three days in a row... And for the past two I've managed to get up and get myself ready even though my husband was being a 'lay-a-bed'. I told him this morning that I've got a new 'attitude'. It used to be (due partially to our driving situation), that if he didn't feel like getting out of bed when the alarm went off, that I would go back to sleep too. But for the past two days when I've heard that little voice say "He's not waking up - he must be too tired - I guess we'll sleep in today" The '0ther' me countered with, "Well YOU'RE awake (not really awake but awake enough to argue with myself I guess :)) so you may as well get up and get yourself dressed - if he's too tired to go to the gym you'll just have to go by yourself. And you know what? Once I'm up he gets up and gets ready too. What would normally happen is that I would use him as an excuse to sleep in, and he would use me. Now I'm eliminating that thinking and it's been great!

Tonight I'm goin out dancing with friends. That's two hours at least of hard (but fun) cardio to look forward too. the only challenge while going out dancing to to make sure I don't drink. I've already decided nothing but water! My stomach's been a little upset the past few days so that should be an easy sell to both my friends and the little moster that tempts me to live in the moment instead of focus on my goals.

I've also set myself a curfew. It's normal for me to stay out MUCH too late when we go out dancing because we're just having so much fun - but tonight I'm going to leave at a reasonable hour so that I can rest up and hit the gym in the morning. Thursdays are my favorite day anyway - Chest! whoop!

Still gathering my focus, choosing a plan etc. I've got some materials coming in the mail that I think are next 'program'. I'm going to do it for 16 weeks. set some goals - put some leverage in place. All the 'good stuff'. I'll probably even take progress pictures *gulp*.

looking forward to it all!

Nother Week!

ahhh, another week! Things are going well - not perfect but well. Still trying to get into a rythum. A few positives since last week. 1) we got our key fob so that we actually have access to the pool and fitness center at our new apartments! That means when we have a day like last Wednesday where we get up - drive to the gym and find out that thier early guy didn't show up and the gym is closed until 6:00AM (gah!) we'll have an alternative. 2) I started dance class!! whoo hoo! My friend and I signed up for Burlesquercise! (don't know what that is? check out the website http://www.bombshellbetty.net/burlesquercise.html) six weeks of dancing our tails off - and skimpy costumes - nothing like the idea of others seeing in your skivies to make it easy to pass up the chocolate bar. :)

Other then that not much to note. Still taking a day at a time. I've slowly been building up momentum and motivation. Although I'm not doing BFL I've been listening to Bill Phillip's BFL audio book and that's starting to get me pumped up. I've really just spent the past few weeks, 'winging it'. hitting my workouts when I could, but not setting goals for # of minutes or anything like that. Eating 'good' (so subjective) but not counting calories or using any other method of diet 'control'. While I know doing this I'm capable of losing fat (and weight) it'll hardly bring me the stunning results that could be called a 'transformation'.

So, I've got a few ideas I'm working on. when I've got my goals etc put together I'll be posting them. Until then - I'm still hitting the gym and eating healthy :) dropping a lb or two along the way.

I'll update soon!

Almost Forgot

193.1 today... finally dropping a little of the 'hormonal' weight that's been visiting.

Still going strong

Had my second boxing class last night. Big plus - I made it through AGAIN and this time didn't feel as if I was going to upchuck at any point! yay!

Food perfect yesterday and has been so far today. Hit the gym for weight lifting again this morning so that's two days in a row for this week. A GREAT start.

Plan is to do a bit of running tonight. I signed myself up for a 5K in about 8 weeks so I'll need to push in order to be in shape by then. the goal is to finish faster then last time... that should be no problem since I took it at pretty much a snail's pace last time.

One thing to note: I finally feel 'caught-up' enough to pay attention to my website again! http://www.boddyfitness.com so those of you who asked for accounts :) you've been approved! Anyone else who wants to join, feel free.

Also - I'm going to revive the 'change your mind' challenge. I actually am really excited about the VAST number of tools I've found recently to help with the mental aspect of the whole food/fitness thing. It would be fun to get to share with anyone!

alright - need to run - so much to do and so little time!

It's Monday Again

and I'm posting :)

The week went pretty well. We're still trying to move into our new house/out of our old house so things are still a bit caotic, but better then before. I made it the the gym 3 days - which was less then my goal, but still better then the 0 days I've been making it for a while.

I made it to boxing on Monday night - I REALLY liked it, even though it kicked my butt - big time. I ached from head to toe for days. In fact my legs hurt as much as any 'heavy' workout I've done. I'm going again tonight.

Food was better then what's been the satus quo, but not as good as I would like. We were still eating out a lot because I didn't have the kitchen/food all settled at the new house yet. But we're set this week. In fact the fridge and freezer are STUFFED full. I've found this wonderful website that email's me weekly dinner suggestions w/a shopping list. I tried it out on Sunday and so far I'm really happy. Take a look if you're interested http://www.savingdinner.com/ I also purchases one of thier '5 for the feezer' sets.- http://www.savingdinner.com/about/dinner_freezer_recipes.html , puchased all the food and chopped, mixed and put five chicken dishes in the freezer last night. It was really satisfying to know I've got food ready to go and even though they are all chicken dishes - they are each differnt enough that it should keep things interestine. After a while my hubby and I get tired of my 'uninspired' dry fried chicken w/a little italian seasoning on it. :)

So - stats today are.. weight 195.9 - better then last week, but I've still got a long way to go to get to my 'fighting' weight. One thing about our new house, it has a LOT of mirrors. So I'm constantly reminded how far I let things slide back and I'm doubly inspired to get what I had BACK!!

I'm going to shoot for at least two posts this week!

So Much has Changed

This time it's for reals!

Oh my what a year! It's been a bumpy ride. But, after this weekend I finally feel like I've made some sense of it all.

So, recently two really big things have happend:

1) My husband got a new job - He was miserable at the old place, and it was really effecting our home life. But, there wasn't much we could do about it at the time. Well, an opportunity came up and he went for it, and my prayers were answered - he got it. The best part about the job is that we now both work in the same city. That means we commute together, or we can stay late together and all kind of 'together' type benefits. PLUS he now makes more money which is always a big help. (Oh and I finally got the raise to go along with my promotion - so a double wammy).

2) We moved!!!! I've been waiting to do this for about 6 years now. Granted, we didn't get to move to exactly where I wanted to, but we did make a HUGE move for us. There's several benefits to this change. 1- I've cut my 4 hour commute to less then 2... yes, I've added two hours to my day! whoop!! 2 - we are now less then a mile from the gym. This means that I can pop over for a workout any ol' time. At our old place it was at least a 30-45 minute drive to get to the gym and that meant any trip there turned into a 3 hour endever. Now we (or even just I) can pop over anytime we like and get a quick workout in. OR if we perfer we can workout at the onsite gym. 3 - we are 1 mile from public transit. What a huge benefit this will turn out to be. This means that my husband and I arn't tied to each other's schedule. If I want to take a class after work (like the boxing class I'm going to tonight) I can. And I'm not rushed thinking he's stuck waiting for me. and Vice Versa. 4 - there's a pool onsite. Heated year round. I'm going to be able to add swimming back into my schedule and again without it being a big pain in our necks.

So as you can see - I'm ready to start on the next big push in my journey. If anyone's still with me out there, I'm back. I've got some lost ground to make up, but, I've got more tools in my toolbox then ever. It's going to be a GREAT year.

Today's weight: 198.5 (I know I know - terrible!)

Today's workout:

Close Grip Cable Pull Down: 20 x 80 lbs x 3
Bent Over Barbell Rows: 20 x 45 lb bar x 2
Hyper-Extensions: 20 x 0lbs x 2
Barbell Wrist Curls: 20 x 35 lb bar x 2
Dumbbell Wrist Curls: 20 x 25 x 1

1 Hour Cardio Boxing

Food:

Breakfast: English Muffin, Egg and Banana
Lunch: Spinich Salad w/Turkey (No dressing) and garbanzo beans, Pineapple
Snack: Greek Yogurt w/Strawberries and grapenuts
Dinner: Spinich Salad w/'taco' turkey meat and 're-fried' black beans

Water:

3 Quarts (sounds like I'm a car!)
(I've had my one soda for a day - cut back my diet pepsi starting last week)

see you all tomorrow morning!

Slightly Larger Update

Ok – here we go!

Honestly, I’m not really sure where to start. I guess you don’t need to know every up and down over the past few months but let me just summarize by saying.. it’s been busy ;) Clean up after my father-in-law passed away was a little messier then we expected. Work has been busy busy busy busy, and life in general a little overwhelming at times.

But – this is a blog about my weightloss journey so I’ll focus on that because honestly – life happens. It always does and it’s how I handle the ups as well as the downs that’s going to make a difference in my lifelong goals – not WHAT those ups and downs actually are.

So, as many of you know, I’ve struggled with food for a long time now. I have been overweight my entire adult life and then some. Not long ago it became apparent to me that what ‘diet’ I was on wasn’t going to make much of a difference for me. I had to change my mind to change my body. I did a great deal of that last year. Dave and the Leanness Lifestyle taught me so much! But – I started listening to my ‘feast beast’ let him talk me into the ‘just one won’t hurt’ mentality. Of course I quickly fell into old habits. I felt so helpless, hopeless and out of control. I would pull myself together for a day or two and then slide right back again. While eating too much food doesn’t have the same effect on your body as drinking too much alcohol I’m guessing that the bad feeling of not being the boss of your own actions is very similar. In the end I gained back 15 lbs.

Step by step though, I drug myself back to the right frame of mind. Rather then give up I searched for even more tools to add to my arsenal. Adding to everything Leanness lifestyle taught me as well as other plans/diets I have been on I’ve dropped 10 of the 15 lbs I gained. And it feels GOOD. And mentally - I'm on fire!

So – I’m back and frankly really excited to share some new ‘stuff’ I’ve learned and have been doing. Learning to change my mindset about food… I haven’t ‘made it’ but I would still like to pass some of this on to other people. I’ve been working with one of the people I work with and he’s lost 15 lbs! So I know these tools can help more then just me

So I have a proposal. I would like some of you (and heck invite some friends) to take a little journey with me. I know, I know the last thing you probably need is yet another challenge and another web site to log into, but 1-you would be doing me a HUGE favor and 2-You might gain some new skills/tools to use in your transformation journey as well! The website is www.boddyfitness.com

If you want to join please sign up – I want to ‘start’ June 8th (Start on a Friday!? – yep)

I’m not going to write diet plans, or workouts. What I will be doing is posting challenges, lessons and tips and asking you to follow along and give feedback. The website will give you a place to write a diet journal, post in a forum and even set up a gallery if you like. As part of the challenge I’m asking that you participate by answering the challenges and lessons in the provided Blog – otherwise, no other site participation is required.

Think about it – ask me questions if you like – log in and just follow along if you dare ;)

I'm here

Life for the past few months has been totally overwhelming! But I think we're through the worse of it. I've a lot to catch you up on if you care at all :) (I'm not sure that even I do.. lol.. and I lived it!) Some personal let downs and some really exciting stuff to look forward to.

I'll post a BIG update tomorrow but I want to tease you with this. I'm thinking of 'sponsoring' a little challenge at my new website. I'm so excited about the ideas I have! Please let me know if you would be interested in joining.

Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who's checked in on me! as I said - I'll fill in the blanks tomorrow but I'll have you know I appreciate each and every comment. Just know that I'm back - and not just STARTING to take action but already IN action.

got to go to bed...

Wow - so many people who checked up on me recently... You are all WONDERFUL!!!

So - what's up with me. Well as you may have gathered I've struggled a little in this new year. For no 'real' reason I just couldn't seem to get my head in the game. My 'why' just didn't seem to have any teeth in it. And I certainly couldn't seem to get a handle on 'why now'. Top this off with the fact that last month I got a promotion and was suddenly finding myself working 45 - 50 hours a week PLUS my four hour a day communte and needless to say non-essential internet time has been at a premium.

That's not to say that it's been all bad. I've managed to 'tread water' but I haven't had the focus, drive and progress that I would like to have and that frustrates me. The scary thing is that I have 7 weeks until my sprint triathalon and haven't trained nearly as much as I would like. *sigh*

But! Last week I put together a new plan. I completely revamped my resistance training. The plan I built for myself was taking me 1.5 hours a day! So.. I scaled way back. AND I'm doing cardio FIRST to make sure I get my triathalon training in. It was working. I had found new motivation (I suspect I was overtraining) and I had made it to the gym 3 days per my plan.

then Thursday we got the news that my father in law passed away... so the last four days has been dealing with all of that.

But I'm back now - although on my own. My honey is going to be down taking care of his mom for the next few weeks. It does make it easier for me in one way because I can work out at night guilt free. No one is waiting for me at home :) but it means I have to drag my own butt out of bed in the morning if I want to work out early :

So - I'm going to try to be better on keeping you up to date on my training etc. I know that history proves that posting here helps keep me focused.

Now.. for some 'shouts'.

ausomm - I don't pay for LL by the month. I signed up for a year long program. It's not cheep but it's been worth it so far :) If you want to check it out though - you can try it free for one month.

Anonymous #1 - thank you so much for your comment! seeing things like that just makes my heart so happy. congrats on your progress and I'm glad you found a bit of inspiration here. Keep up the fantastic work and in all honesty you've passed me by! I would love to hear how you're feeling in your 'new body'.

Evelyne - thanks for kicking me in the pants - I need to update here and I'm glad to know there are folks still checking on me.

Anonymous #2 - don't know if you're the same person but thank you too for kicking me and getting me back blogging. I need this.

and so... I haven't worked out yet to day but I plan to get some cardio in when I get home tonight. Food had been good today - stayed on plan - ate some veggies and had my fruit so I'm good there. I'm going to get up early and hit the gym tomorrow so expect an update with some new 'lifting' numbers :) They may not be spectaular as I've lost my workout partner and my spotter but I'll push as best I can.

Thanks again to all of you!! End of April I'm going to post some progress pictures and I want to have something to show you :)

Not much to report

Really just plugging along here - no big problems but no big victories either. Just doing what needs to be done.

I'm really struggling to get my cardio done. I'm just finding it dull and unexciting - 5 minutes in and I'm already bored. I can't change much up right now because my sprint tri-athalon is only 12 weeks away. I'm investigating ways to 'spice' things up a bit. Some sort of excercise 'reward' for getting my trathalon training done. My ideas so far are boxing classes, dance lessions or something like that. Still working on it :)

Feelin' Good

Feeling Really Really good today, for a variety of reasons.

1) the sun was shining today for a little while and I actually went outside in a short sleaved shirt for the first time in over a month... mmm a little ray of sunshine goes a long way to uplift your mood.

2) I got the the gym in the MORNING! I never thought I would say this but MAN it's nice to get up at 4:00AM lol! I've certainly learned that starting my day with a workout does wonders for my overall well being.

3) TWO compliments in three days.

Saturday while working out with my honey, I noticed this man using the bench next to us was watching and by his body language WANTED us to notice. I thought maybe he wanted one of us to 'spot' him and after my experiance on Tuesday I wan't about to leave a fellow lifter 'hanging'. So I turned toward him and smiled giving him an opening to ask. He suprised me though and instead of asking for help, he said, "I used to come in here in the mornings and I saw you two here." I nodded and opened my mouth to explain why we had been missing all week, when he went ahead, "You two have made a LOT of progress. You look GREAT! You make a great team, keep up the good work." I think my smile got bigger with every comment and I acknowledged with a 'thank you' every time. I think that's the first time at the gym that someone's asknowledged my progress to my face and certainly they've said something to me about my husbands (which I'm proud of as well). Let me tell you it put a LOT of UMPH into the rest of our workout having heard that.

Then today I went to visit a client that I haven't seen in MONTHS... Pretty much since before the wedding in September. While I know I've made some progress since then I don't feel it was as much as the progress they SAW me making before I left for my honeymoon. Either I've changed more since then then I remember, or they were remembering how I looked when we started the project (back last January) because three of the people I met with were nearly open mouthed when they saw me. One gentleman (who is not what I would call an outspoken indivitual) leaned over to me when our meeting was over and whispered... Have you lost weight? I happily told him yes. They other two were much more vocal about it, exclaiming how good I looked. It was a nice shot in the arm to hear from people who don't know I've actually been working to notice the changes.

So that's about it - plugging along here looking forward to getting into new and exciting territory. While January got off to a rough start I'm expecting all kinds of amazing things in Febuary :)

I was looking in the mirror today and trying to figure out what I'm going to look like with 10 more lbs gone... that kind of visual doesn't come easily for me but I do know it's going to be exciting to see!

Hard Week

This is one of those hard weeks for me. My honey is working long hours and can't make it to the gym. That means I need to go on my own. It's funny how much easier it is to step into a crowd of people (for me at least) when you know you've got your best friend at your side. Last night I knew I was going to have to face the 'night' crowd at a gym full of 20 something gym bunnies, meat heads and resolutioners with a few 'regular' folks (like us) thrown in. I dislike the gym at night even with my honey there, facing that crowd alone took a lot of fortitude.

When I got there it was exactly what I had expected. THRONGS of people there. The posers were posing the gym bunnies walking around with only 1/2 thier gym clothes on and the resolutioners wandering around looking lost and doing way more weight then they should. Ok maybe I'm being a little harsh but it was really crowded and frustrating. The worse part was I was having to do a chest workout without my workout partner.

So, I got through dumbbell incline presses at a lowered weight, and I did incline dumbbell presses just fine. Barbell flat presses though I started to get a little nervious - I really wanted to hit the chest hard but I have this real fear not finishing a rep and getting stuck under the bar. So I start looking around to grab someone to spot me. There are six guys doing chest press around me... do you think a single one would make eye contact? Noooooo.... I finally have stand directly in front of a guy and wave my hand in front of his face! He spots me for one set (and does a good job) then runs away! So I have to chase down a SECOND guy for a second set. BAH! I'm not hitting on you I just want a spot - stop acting like I'm going to bite you for god's sake.

So - that was my night. I have to go back and do arms tonight - wish me luck!

---- other then that, everything's going well.

Happy Day!

My training materials have arrived! OMG I have a LOT of stuff to read but it's been a pleasure so far.

The weekend went great - I finished up my training for the week and now have TWO weeks of making every single weight workout... I like that . Feels like things are back on track.

I wanted to share a new 'concoction' I discovered... this makes two 'meals' for me - you'll have to play with it to fit it into you're own plan...

1 cup fat free cottage cheese (trust me - I won't put spoon to cottage cheese normally but really love this!)
1 cup fat free vanilla yogurt (You can use plain too but may have to add more flavoring)
1 cup stawberries, washed, destemmed and cut in half
vanilla extract and splenda (or sweetener of choice) to taist.

dump all in the blender and whip until smooth. You can drink this like a extra thick shake or eat with a spoon. A really yummy way to get my 1 cup serving of fruit in a day.

2006 in Review

2006 was actually a great year - I lost about 39 lbs of fat all told and 4 inches off my waist...

What I really like seeing is how far I've come from what I believe is just about my 'biggest' ever... Here's progress from about July 2005 to now

And how have my muscles grown?

Oh my!

I can't believe it's been almost a month. The holidays really take a bite out of you... then then new Year has been just crazy!

So, where to start... Christmas was fine. Spent time with the kids and generally relaxed the week between Christmas and New Year. Got back to work on Jan 2 and handn't been here long before I got a call from my honey that things wern't looking good for his father (who is critically ill). So we left work and flew (well drove)the three hundred miles to go be with him. We spent the whole week at my in-laws. Thankfully my father-in-law pulled through, unfortunatly, my fitness program didn't. But hey sometimes 'life happens' and you need to put your own stuff on the backburner for a week to focus on someone else for a while.

So back home now and the past week and a half has been a whirlwind of catching up at work and at home as well as putting into place many of my 'new year' plans.

As for fitness goals - I haven't really come up with an extensive list. I know THIS is the year I reach my goal of 130lbs. There's no way I can fail because I have coach Greenwalt (from Leanness Lifestyle) with me every step of the way. Other things I want to accomplish this year: I want to really work on my flexablity, two things I want to do this year is be able to do the splits and a backbend (from standing). I also want to run my first sprint tri-athalon (already signed up for it). Oh yeah and be able to do pull-ups.

Other goals I've got right now that are kind of fitness related is... I've sent in my money and I'm starting training to become certified as a personal trainer. I can't tell you how excited I am about this! Just more motivation to get to my goal and get a body that's a living testimate to what my 'services' will offer. I've also started work on the website that I'll offer to all my clients including a 'community' area. I want to specialize in people looking to make a weight loss 'trasformation' as well as those who are 'begining' weight lifters (Like my son or even my husband last year). I plan to offer more then just training programs or even diet plans but education, motivation and support (that's where the website comes in). I want to work with the WHOLE person. Ummm... yeah, I'm a little excited. I'll move on now.. lol

I still haven't gone back and figured out how I did on last year's goals - it's on my 'todo' list I swear! :)

Oh and we've moved into the 'heavy' phase of our periodization program...I've been stunning myself with the amount of weight I've been lifting! It's so much fun!

Monday was chest day and my 'best set' for each excercise was:

Dumbbell Incline Press: 50lbs x 9
Barbell Flat Press: 150 x 9
Barbell Decline Press: 95 x 12

Cable Crunches: 120 x 9

Today was Biceps and Froearms: (best sets)

Barbell Standing Curl: 75 x 9
Dumbbell Alt Standing Curl: 30 x 11 (yes! I'm curling 30lb dumbbells now - whoop!!)
Cable Two Arm Curl: 75 x 9
Barbell Wrist Curls: 65 x 12

I think, this is going to be a really good year! :)

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays, originally uploaded by Part Time Mom.

"Faith that the thing can be done is essential to any
great achievement."

*Thomas Carruther

yay!

The Good: So I made it to the gym for the second day in a row - for the first time since before thanksgiving! yay! Last night while we were at the store doing our x-mas shopping my honey decided to buy himself an alarm clock for his side of the bed. Our previous situation was I have this lovely 'chime' alarm clock that softly plays a little tune to wake you up. And it does wake me up because I'm a pretty light sleeper. Unfortunately, I'm also not a good 'waker upper' so it's not unusual for me to turn off my alarm and not even remember doing it and in the meanwhile my loving husband hasn't even stirred. But now? Now my lovely chimes wake me up on MY side of the bed, and if I don't get up about 30 seconds later I get to hear *meep*meep*meep* which it annoying, loud and fortunately wakes him up too. So we'll see how it goes in the weeks ahead.. lol.

The Bad: Unfortunately - I'm out of no-xplode (my favorite supplement in the world) Not that I can tell that it helps build muscle or anything but because I DESPERATELY need that shot of caffeine in the morning. So I was up but not awake. I practically sleep walked my way through my workout. Still managed to lift decent weights though - just couldn't seem to focus. Oh and the bloody gym was FREEZING! I would do a set, break a sweat and then end up standing there shivering and covered with goosebumps while I waiting for my honey to finish his set. When we checked the wall thermometer it was only 57 degrees in there. FEH!! One of my coworkers says I'm not allowed to complain about the cold though because no one's supposed to be actually out and about at 4:00AM but hey - this girl has to hit the gym when she can.

Oh and if anyone wants to buy an x-mas present for me? I want the bottom t-shirt on this page.. lol http://www.trionutrition.com/tshirts.php

and lastly - has anyone seen the 'new' Monica Brant Ads? she looks SO freeking HOT!!! http://www.trionutrition.com/images/downloads/Monica_01_1024.jpg I have that photo on my fridge. Keeps BOTH of us motivated.. heheh

Anyway - training today was back

Assisted close grip Pull-ups (still can't do a pull up *sob*): 80lbs (assistance) x 10 x 4

Seated Cable Rows: 135 x 10 x 4

Lat Pull-downs: 105 x 10 x 4

Barbell Bent Rows: 70 x 10 x 4

Barbell Shrugs (smith machine): 145 x 10 x 4

Then I walked for 30 minutes and my gym time for the day is done - whoop!

Inspired

As you may or may not know I've struggled a little with 'getting my head in the game' since I came back from my Honeymoon. Part of it has to do with the fact that I'm at 'that spot' - the one where I've stopped every other time I've lost weight. And... frankly I'm pretty comfortable at my weight. Dropping 40 lbs feels like such a difference it's hard to imagine I could make even MORE changes.

But Friday I went shopping for a dress for my company christmas party - and while it wasn't the tearfilled disaster that last year's dress shopping event was it was eye opening because for some reason - while under the harsh dressingroom lights I realized that although I've dropped 40 lbs, and I'm a size 10, and I'm the lightest weight I've been my entire adult life... I am still fat.

Now I don't mean that in a disparaging way... what I mean is I looked at myself and for some reason really SAW the potential that's waiting there. I've spent so much time recently - reveling in how far I've come. And yes, that's a good thing to do, BUT I wasn't spending enough time thinking about where I want to go, not in a postive sense. Well I have now and you know what? I'm EXCITED!

Hit the gym with new focus - I'm liking my planned meals again I'm looking forward to the new year and new goals and a whole new me. These next few months are going to ROCK!!

(Photos from the party to come soon)

Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays

Sorry I haven't been online much - I've been very busy being 'Santa's little helper'




But - I can assure you that in the next few weeks I'll be recapping this year and setting up my goals for the new year. I'm 'on break' until the second week of January - just maintaining my current loss and enjoying the holidays.

I hope everyone has a merry Christmas and/or whatever other holidays you choose to celebrate this time of year.

Photos!

I was going to wait until thanksgiving but i think next week is just going to be too busy so I took some progress photos today - and I'll share them :) Sorry that I still can't seem to work up a smile for these... heh

So, some of you remember me from this photo take in May of this year:



I've made a little progress since then :)

Front..



Side..

(sorry about the hight difference)



Back..



And just in case you wondered what I look like with CLOTHES on :)



And here's a bonus for those who like a 'strong woman'

(viva the tummy and why I'll never be on stage. :( )



The Hulk! :)



And right and left Bis





Little back action going on



My "I scare boys at the gym" pose



And, because I like to show off :)

Just a quick one

I promised myself not to neglect my blog :) so I'm going to throw a quick post up!

Still going really really well and it's paying off! 170.7 today - I'm close to breaking through the next decade! just 5 lbs and I'll be the weight I was when I graduated high school. also I promised myself a LONG LONG time ago that when I hit 165 I would take up ballet again - I guess it's time to go look up some schools! I'm not sure I ever REALLY believed I would get to this point and yet - here I am!

Had a killer leg workout today - feeling GRAND!

Thanks everyone for the fantastic support.

Oh - and LaLA - I was 'trial and erroring' things for a while myself and it just wasn't working. that's why I did the elimination thing. four foods ONLY for three days and now I'm adding 1 food every three days back in to see how I react. It's certainly NOT easy. Thanksgiving day though - all bets are off. I'll deal with the three days of pain I KNOW are coming after :)

Long Overdue Update!

I’ve been a BAD blogger and I’m so sorry!!

So let me start with a summery:

Things have been going GREAT! It’s been tough but I’ve been making the hard choices MOST of the time and I’m seeing results … and those are?? 171 lbs today! I weigh less then I have in 19 years! And even better when shopping on Sunday and tried on, fit into and bought 1 pair of slacks, 1 skirt and two pairs of jeans in size 10. size 10!! Sometimes I can’t believe this is really happening.

Now for the nitty gritty:

We had a great time on Halloween. I minded my P’s and Q’s no alcohol etc. BUT by Thursday 11/2 I was up to 176 – 2 lbs behind goal. Coach and I had a big long talk. I’ve been struggling with a lot of issues since coming back from Holiday – the biggest being the discovery that I have some abdominal adhesions (scar tissue) that are effecting my large intestine. Digestion hasn’t been ‘fun’ of late. And the output hasn’t always been matching the input – not to mention I’ve been in a lot of pain. So, coach suggested that I treat this like I have IBS – and I go on a STRICT elimination diet. Soo.. 11/3 I started my plan with only 4 ‘allowed’ foods. Chicken, Turkey, Rice and White Potatoes. Every three days I add a new food and see if I have a negative reaction to it. The result – well my food plan has been really easy :) My digestion working better and pain is minimized! Whoo hoo! You would think that all of that would make sticking to my plan a snap but No. I still struggle with temptation daily – ok sometimes hourly. And there are times when passing by the bakery and smelling the bread and cookies that I feel really depressed. But – my life does not revolve around food. Happiness is not determined by a cookie! :)

Workouts were another struggle – I found myself constantly struggling to find the time to workout and feeling guilty about missing. So – 1 I committed to making my 4:00AM workouts. Got all five of them in last week yay! Over the weekend I committed to doing my cardio on my lunch hour instead of trying to squeeze it in after work. I did that yesterday and what a WONDERFUL difference! It was so nice to get home and climb into my PJ’s guilt free. The last little bit came into place last night. Working out on my lunch works for me except my swimming workouts – there isn’t a pool near my work. There isn’t a pool near my house either so getting to a pool to swim is a point of major stress in my life. Frankly – I don’t need stress. Soooo even though I’m going to do a triathlon (sprint) in the spring – (for now) I’m not going to specifically train for the swimming part. The truth is I’m a very strong swimmer already and I don’t truly feel like I need to specifically train to swim the length required for the sprint. So the plan is this: Run three days a week, bike three days a week. Swim when I’m at a gym that has a pool (which happens usually on the weekends). No more driving 30 + miles out of our way on the way home so I can hit a pool. No more getting home at 9PM and then trying to pack my gym bag for the next day, have dinner and pack my lunches. Life is much simpler and much less stressful. I feel better already.

And that’s my update!

Happy Halloween!

  

Monday Monday

Weight in today 175.5

I think my weight is being a little stubborn right now - not because of what I'm doing as much as a time of the month thing - I've got myself dialed in and focused this week and actually I came off a pretty good weekend so I'm raring to go.

Goals today is 1242 to 1342 Calories and 150 minutes of excercise.

Got up and made it to the gym this morning and did chest and abs.

Chest:

Dumbbell Incline Bench Press: 35lbs x 12 x 4
Dumbbell Bench Press: 40 x 12 x 4
Barbell Decline Bench Press: 85 x 12 x 4

Abs:

Hanging Leg Lifts: 4 x 12 x 4
Cable Crunches: 100lbs x 12 x 4

total time 70 minutes

This is an 'easy' week and it was nice to take a little break from the heavy weights. I'm doing periodization training again so these numbers should change a lot over the next few weeks.

I've got to do a 30 minute bike ride after work and I'm going to do a 60 minute yoga session and that should get me the minutes I need. Lunches are made and in my bag - I've had over 1 liter of water already today and have a goal to have three more.

Meals Planned (in case anyone is curious):

Meal 1:

1 Egg/2 Egg Whites
Light English Muffin

Meal 2:

Zone Bar

Meal 3:

Salad (4 cups spinach and 1 cup broccoli/Carrots/Cabbage Shreds)
and 1 cup Stallone High Protein Pudding (vanilla)

Meal 4:

Turkey Sandwich (2 Slices Light Wheat Bread and Turkey Breast)
1 Cup Strawberry halves

Meal 5:

1 Banana
Soy Protein mixed with spenda and cocoa powder (unsweetened)

Meal 6:

Grilled Chicken Breast
Steamed Broccoli

Here's to making today a masterpiece!

Attitude

Boats along Lake Windermere, originally uploaded by Part Time Mom.

"Attitude and expectation have to be renewed daily. The first
step is to believe that we deserve what we desire. That sets
the tone for the rest of our day and thought processes."


*Gail Pursell Elliott, "The Dignity and Respect Lady

Hump Day Update

Well - I'm chugging through the week. The weekend din't go as well as I had hoped. Eating in the car and at someone elses house is always a challenge. went back above 176 but I'm working on getting below that and STAYING there. Seems 175 is turning out to be much like 200lbs for me - a bit of a struggle, but I know once I get past this that things will pick up for me again.

I've hit the gym the past three days (took a sleep in day today) and have really just rocked the joint. I've increased something every day and I just love it. Next week though I'm staring another 12 week periodization program - just cause it's a nice change of pace.

I've been looking for something I can do to add some extra excercise minutes to my program and have struggled with that for a while. I can always walk and do interval inclines but there are some days when the treadmill just isn't my thing. Last night I think I found one alternative...

check out
yogodownload.com

They offer a free class (two free classes if you go to the itunes 'podcast' section. I tried them both last night and just loved them. The instructor was very precise in her explinations - her flow was great and I was sweating and panting by the end and (as I usually do) ended the classes feeling better then when I started. The two 'power yoga' classes that I tried were light on the 'ooooommmm' hippy dippy metaphysical stuff for the most part which I like. They offer a few other 'types' of yoga some which are specifically for relaxation which may have more of that kind of stuff (for those of you who like that). At less then $5.00 a class I can certainly say they are worth the cost. I've spent tons more then that on vidios that I watched once and then threw away. These are great because they are MP3's so you can load them on your ipod (or whatever) and take them with you. Although they do require the certainl level of yoga 'knowledge' to hit the poses cause there's no visual to go by.

ok - so enough of the infomercial ;)

One other quick bit of interesting info. My husband is starting to 'suggest' to me that I have a book in me. I actually have an idea for something I would like to put together and may start sharing bits of it here. When I do I would love some feedback from any of you. :)

We'll see - it's not like I don't have 1000 other things I need to do - and I've already told him I can't publish anything until I've lost the rest of the weight. Hmmm more motivation for me eh!?

take care everyone!

Finally!

175.5 today. I'm seeing a downward trend again yay!! I've got my sites set on being OUT of the 170's the first part of November - how cool is that??

The key will be to remain really focused this weekend - I'll be out of town for three days and I plan on going out to eat with my Dad on Saturday so it'll be a challenge but NOT Impossible. The good news is I'll have pleanty of time to workout :) I may even meet my dad at the gym again as working out with him was a LOT of fun.

I'm going to have to set a date for new progress pictures... oh heck - Thanksgiving is my 'goal' date so Thanksgiving will be progress pics - you can bet they'll knock your sox off.. :)

Realities

Look out it's Nessy!, originally uploaded by Part Time Mom.

"As spiritual beings we have the ability to create that which we
first imagine. What we think about with conviction and emotion,
clearly focusing on, can and will become our realities."

*Sharon Gilbert {The Power of the Universe}

It's been a week?

Time flys when you're having fun? :P

Well, for once my absence isn't because I'm struggling. Things have been going great. I've been focused and doing what I needed to do. And the results? I'm down to 176.4 today. YAY!

In non-weight related successes - I hit a new record last week - Barbell Bench Press - 145 lbs for 6 reps! That was one of my goals at the begining of the year and it feels GREAT to have achieved it.

Oh - and I finally paid my money and I'm all signed up for the Sprint Triathalon on Sunday, May 6th - that means no more slacking! I need to keep to my training schedule.

So - that's it for now.

Thanks again to everyone for thier support. And for those of you who came out of the shadows to give your support... You did a good thing ;) thank you!

Is it Wednesday?

Things have been busy at work - which is a good thing because it makes time go by quickly but it means it's harder to give a good update here - so I'll try to make this short and sweet.

today's weigh in 178.1...

Monday - Ate on plan, drank water and excercised... Got in my back workout, biked for 30 minutes and then walked for another hour after I got home.

Tuesday - Ate on plan (with a extra large 'splurge meal' with my honey since it was his birthday), didn't drink as much water as I would like and walked up to coit tower in San Francisco. walk took an hour in total. We didn't get a weight workout in because the bathrooms are closed at our gym so we can't go in the morning and we used the evening to celebrate.

A few things have happend to really shore up my resolve...

1) I've been listening to an audiobook on my ipod called 'today matters'. It's helping me to really focus on today and doing what needs to be done. (in more then just weight loss). He's got some great tools and suggestions on working to 'make today a masterpiece' that I'm applying to my weight loss efforts.

2) I've been reviewing the audio version of the Leanness Lifestyle book on my noontime walks. yesterday I listened to the one on goal setting. In it coach details goal setting (something I'm a firm believer in and a doer of) and for some reason as I listed to something I've known/heard before it 'clicked' with me. I've really missed out on making daily goals for myself. Yes yes I set up 'to-do' but recently they have just been a set of 'tasks'. I had kind of lost the tie in between those tasks and the reason for doing them. For instance: Plan and make my lunch every day. It's a task, a chore I do each day. In some part of my mind it was linked to this goal of 'weight loss and better health' which is all good, but yesterday it clicked for me that it's also linked to my goal of lose .22 lbs today. For some reason linking those two nearly stopped me in my tracks. These things that I do arn't for some far off five week hazey number in the future. These things are for tomorrow - for a number on the scale I can wrap my mind around... .22 lbs lighter tomorrow then I am today. WOW!!

By making 'today a masterpiece' I directly affect my tomorrow - measurably and that thought has settled into the back of my mind and sits there like this little flame. It's something more then desire... it's kind of like I've found renewed... hope.

Anyway - I've probably just confused everyone :)

I will say Matt - I hear what you are saying about increased excercise. Believe me I'm not planning on running myself past the point of diminishing returns. However, when I was steadily losing about 2.2 lbs a week I was doing about 630 minutes of excercise per week. I've been no where near that of late. I would like to see those sorts of results again and I believe upping my excercise minutes is one of the many of the steps I need to cary out in order to do that. Thank you as always for your concern and honest input.

Monday Update

Today's weigh in 179.1

Despite that number I did have a GREAT weekend. kept to my plan and even got some cardio in yesterday. This week is going to be a little challenging as our gym is undergoing construction and the bathrooms are out... That means we're going to have to use another gym and workout at night. However - rather then let this be a stressful situation I've desided it's going to work out great for me because I can go ahead and get up early in the morning and walk on the treadmill before work THEN get my weight training and Triathalon training done after work - more excercise minutes for me and more excercise means more losses - and we all like more/faster losses right!?

I do know that despite my weight sticking at 178 all last week I'm dropping inches - my size 12 pants are all starting to show a little gaping around the waist; a fact that leaves me surprised every time I notice it. I have no doubt that a consistant week this week will see some TERRIFIC results and so excited to see what changes are in store.

I'll keep you all updated - of course :)

Demon's beware!

I have to start by saying you guys are the BEST! Matt – your unfaltering support means so much to me. Every time I post I look forward to seeing what your comment will be. It really gives a boost!

Cynthia – thank you so for coming out of the woodwork :) It makes me incredibly happy to know that even though I struggle and have some good and some ugly times there are people who can take something positive from my experience. I’m glad you feel inspired – for me hearing that is a dream come true. Good luck in your continued journey. No, I’m sorry good luck isn’t the right word… kick butt! :) As for the weights, hang in there – you’ll get stronger and stronger as you go. When I started back in 2003 I’m pretty sure I was using 20lb dumbbells. One of the biggest things I had to overcome was not my body’s lack of strength, but my own fear. Fear of lifting heavy – fear of ‘bulking up’ – fear of not being able to lift the next heavier weight or not being able to finish the set. When I got over all of that, my strength gains grew by leaps and bounds. You won’t know how strong you are until you try :)

Kana – you too almost brought tears to my eyes. I’m so glad to know that there are people who come here and are inspired. I glanced at your blog quickly and you are doing GREAT! Keep up the intensity and good luck w/your surgery. I’ll keep you and ‘the man of your dreams’ in my prayers

So… about those demons I dragged out? I’ve locked them up again and I’m starving them with confidence. You see – As people we are capable of ANYTHING! We just need to remember that we are what we think about. If I think that I’m a loser and fat girl who can’t get below 175… then I won’t. But if I think that I’m a fierce warrior lean and strong and capable of reaching 130 and even looking ‘stage ready’ then I am. Well kids – guess what the Valkyrie has strapped on her armor and is bringing death to self doubt and self pity.

One thing that really helped is I talked to the coach last night. We went over the stuff I talked about here and then gave me a good reality check. He reminded me that while I have ‘been here’ before and this IS the place where I’ve ‘lost the war’ every other time this time is different. Why? Because I have more confidence I’m sure in myself and my program. I’m not given to knee jerk reactions. I take the ups and downs of weight loss and approach them with sanity and logic instead of panic. And most importantly – I’m not doing it alone. Last time I was here, yes, I started to struggle. I panicked as I grew close to the number and would deprive myself to try to achieve then binge up again. I did that over and over and over again. This time? This time I have someone watching and mentoring me – someone who’s willing to catch me two weeks into this and say ‘Don’t make me bring the hammer down – enough of this, do what you know you need to do’. So guys – we’re not going to talk about the ‘175 mystery’ anymore. Except if it’s a weigh in, I’m not going to mention the number again. 169 is the goal for this phase and that’s the number to focus on – we’ll have a party when I get there ;)

And so… stats:

Today’s weigh in 178.1
Water: 3L
Diet Pepsi: 32 oz
Minutes Exercised: 70
Minutes Remaining: 530 (this is not going well)
Ratio: 44%/44%/16%

Yesterday’s workout Legs (yay!) and abs:
Box Squats (Plus Bar): 105 x 6 x 3
Straight Legged Dead Lifts: 110 x 6 x 3
Lying Leg Curls: 85 x 6 x 3
Leg Lifts: 8lbs x 6 x 3 (used a medicine ball)
Incline Crunches: 6 x 3

For those of you who don’t know what a box squat is…there’s some great pictures here http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/schultz22.htm a good picture and description here.. http://www.weightliftingdiscussion.com/boxsquat.html

If you read these you’re probably noticing that these SEEM to be geared toward power lifters. Which I’m not, nor do I plan to be – BUT I also think that fear has kept me from dropping my squat as low as I should have – so I’m using the box squat to teach myself to ‘stretch’ it just a little and it relaxes the fear a little because I can’t fall on my butt with the box there to catch me – right? Plus I’m actually ‘sitting’ on the box (as apposed to touching) so I’m building my strength at the same time. Everyone should try it!!

Alright – I’m off now I hope everyone has a great Friday and an excellent weekend.

Yes - I'm updating AGAIN

Let me get the mudane stuff out of the way first:

Yesterday's weigh-in 179
Today: 178

(dropping water weight from weekend crap food)

Yesterday's Stats...
Water: 4.5L
Diet Pepsi: 0L
Minutes Excercised: 70
Minutes Remaining: 600 (I better get on the stick)
Macro Ratio: 46%/43%/14%

Workout last night was solid

Seated Dumbbell Press (shoulders): 35 x 6 x 3
Barbell Press (plus bar): 60 x 6 x 3
Lat Raises: 20 x 6 x 3
Wrist Curls: 35 x 6 x 3

Alrighty then - so that's what's going on physically - let's talk about what's going on mentally :) I can honestly say I have 'tunnel vision' again. I really don't know what happened over the weekend but something flipped a switch in my head and I was 'ready' again.

But - I voiced my concerns to my coach. As I've said before this is not the first time I've hit a stall at almost this same exact weight. When I look honestly at what I was doing I could have lost about three more pounds before leaving on vacation. And the past two weeks were an obvious face plant. Why is that? He gave me some possable reasons to think over...

1. Sexual abuse - fear of men if more attractive

2. Fear of NOT being attracted to spouse if more attractive

3. Fear of having to finally grown personally/professionall by NOT having weight as the constant excuse not to grow.

4. Fear of the b.s. mindset of "I'll never get to have good food again." OR "I'll never get to have my favorite treats again if I keep losing" etc.

5. Fear and mindset of I DON'T DESERVE IT

Any of the above ring true? They are the top 5.

At first I dismissed all these -

1. I've never had problems attracting men at ANY wieght. I'm sure of myself, and my atractivness even at 200+ AND I'm confident that internally I'm an atractive person and that transends the weight factor. So lets just say that I don't suddenly 'start' getting noticed by men when I hit 180

2. I got over the whole 'what if I'm not attractive when I'm thin' thing a long time ago. It was an easy issue to settle - if I don't like the way I look thin, I can always go back again ;) As for my spouse he somehow manages to make me feel loved at any weight. As I get thinner he's my biggest supporter without ever making me feel as if I was 'unattractive' before.

3. Just like number one - I don't judge myself 'inferior' before of my weight so I assume others don't either. I've never felt my weight impacted my career or the way people judge my performace - so why would me being thin affect that?

4. The BS mindset was an issue for me a few months ago. At a 'low' moment I started the whole 'whinning' thing "dieting sucks" "I hate all this food' blah blah blah but I worked through that as well - throwing out the few things that seemed a 'chore' to eat and making sure my meals were full of foods I liked while still fitting into my plan. AND eating healthy is a big deal for me - weight loss or no.

5. Of COURSE I DESERVE it... I'm a decent person. good things are allowed to happen to me...even weight loss.

So, I was stumped...

Last night while I was swimming I started mulling over this in my head... why? why? why? I thought back to the last time this happened and tried to disect it. I started asking myself questions

Why did you gain the weight back?

Well - I was on a roll, then I stopped making the right choices. First it only stalled my weight loss but eventually I gained the weight back.

Why did you stop making the right choices?

I guess the pain of losing became greater then the pleasure of being thin.

Why is that?

There's a lot of reasons I suppose:

I've been 180 before so it's easy to focus on that as a goal - I know how it feels, but I've never been BELOW 180 so it's hard to convince myself that it's going to feel even better. In fact if I think about the last time I remember being 160 all my thoughts are rather negative. I hated the way I looked I felt fat and ugly. The same goes for every weight below that... even 125.

Then why do you want to be 130?

...

And there I get a little stuck :)

But I asked myself another question... Do you believe you are capable of getting to 130?

My first response was "YES!" but then I heard a quite little voice say "I guess"

huh? you mean there's someone else in my head besides me and myself.. oh yeah that "I" guy.

As soon as I spotted him hiding in the darkI pulled him into the conversation. He's kind of like "Gollum" he's withered, ugly and doesn't like the light but when I turned my attention to him he started to throw his barbs.

"Are you kidding? You're not capable of being thin! Remember, you're a 'big' girl. You're too broad shouldered, big boned - lose all the fat you want you'll still just be a big clumsy oaf!"

But! Look at Monica Brandt - She's lovely...I could have a body like that.

"Ha - she's also got a model's face and long beautiful hair - you don't, don't even begin to THINK you'll look like her when you're done!"

But... Maggie Diubaldo has short hair and a strong jaw and a rocking body...

"She's also 5'10" - you're only 5'5" with short legs and big thighs....Forget it - your goals are goals at all they are unatainable daydreams. You'll fail."

------------

You know once that guy starts he's rather hard to shut up. But it's obvious I've spent WAY too many years listening to him. How do I know? Because when I embark on something that seems like it'll fail - I stop trying. Why? to protect myself - afterall I can't REALLY fail if I don't try... right? right?

After listening to the Gollum spill his vile I had flashes of other things in my life he's talked me out of Like Ballet:

When I was a child I spent years in Ballet Class. I loved it! I had grace, rythem and a hunger for perfectionism. My mother (who doesn't comilment often) told me that at once recital she had another mother point me out of the crowd of dancers and compliment my style without knowing who's daughter I was. When I went on stage I didn't just dance, I WAS a dancer. Then came the day when 'school photos' came in. I opened them eagerly knowing what the picture in my mind was when we had them taken. But - instead of a picture of swanlike grace I saw...me - My carriage was perfect, head heald high, arms and legs in perfect symitry... but my hair was stringy and half falling out of my lopsided bun. My legs were short stumpy and thick and my child's body looked sausagelike in the blue satine of my tu-tu. Gollum threw it all in my face and I never went back to ballet class again.

-----------

I tried to nullify Gollum's assessment of my less then ideal traits once more by announcing - fine, I may not be able to be a fitness model but I can at least an athlete.

He laughed in my face, "You! an athlete?! who are you kidding? You're a clutz - slow and uncoordinated. Why bother with this tri-athlete training you are doing? You'll never do it - you know it's just a waste of time"

Gah!

-----------------

I stopped talking to him after that - but it really has me thinking. Do I REALLY believe I'm capable? It's easy to say yes. But do I mean it?

Here's the most important thing... does any of this REALLY matter? Or do I just need to shut up and get the job done? Who cares about my Psyche

Hey again!

(Told you I was on a roll)

Yesterday was another banner day... I did everything right and I'm feeling great about it!

Weight (Yesterday): 179.0
Water Consumed: 4L
Diet Pepsi: 32oz (I was 2 hours from home at 10PM last night - I figured having a diet pepsi was better then falling asleep and driving off the road)
Minutes Excercised: 95
Ex Min Remaining for Week: 670
Macro Ratio: 36% Carb / 48% Prot / 17% Fat

Workout was Chest and Calves..

Standing Calf Raises: 245 x 8 x 3
Seated Calf Raises: 145 x 8 x 3
Barbell Bench Press (plus bar): 90 x 6 x 3
Incline Dumbbell Bench: 45 x 6 x 3
Assisted Dips: 130 (assist) x 6 / 120 x 6 x 2

Good and sore today.. wow! The plan is to hit the gym tonight after work, do shoulders and swim - I'll update tomorrow on how that goes.

If feels good to have my head in the right place.

Two more things I wanted to add to my posts

Currently Listening to: Today Matters: 12 Daily Practices to Guarentee Tomorrow's Success
Currently Reading: Six-week Start-up

Hello Everyone!

I'm back :)

As you may have guessed I had some trouble getting my head back into the game after coming off vacation. Many many things contributed to this and I struggled day to day to do what I needed to do. BUT here it is - two weeks back from vacation and suddenly, it's easy again *grin* (or as easy as it ever gets) I can't really tell you what's changed. I just know that my husband (ok it's still wierd typing that) and I looked at each other on Sunday and went - ENOUGH! We packed up our bags and committed to each other to make this a 'perfect' week.

So, yes I'm a little behind on my weight loss goals and no I haven't gotten back down to my 'before vacation' weight but I'm well on my way and certainly in the right frame of mind. I'm on FIRE (and this isn't just me giving myself a 'pep' talk).

So... To sum up yesterday (I'm going to try this new format to help organize myself - heheh)

Weight (Yesterday): 182
Water Consumed: 2L
Diet Pepsi: 0L
Minutes Excercised: 75
Ex Min Remaining for Week: 765
Macro Ratio: 42% Carb / 47% Prot / 15% Fat

Yesterday was Back day and I gave myself quite the workout...

Lat Pulldowns: 115 x 6 x 3
Close Grip Pulldowns: 125 x 6 x 3
T-Bar Row: 75 x 6 x 3
Dead Lifts: 75 x 6 / 80 x 6 x 2
Dumbbell Shrugs: 65 x 6 x 3

Then I did a 35 minute bike ride

Overall I'm feeling happy and focused and glad to be headed in the right direction again instead of stuck in this start/stop flux.

Day four or Day two?

Today is the fourth day of my being 'back' but I didn't 'officially' start back until yesterday... so that's why the title :)

I'm a little behind on updates so I'll try to catch you up.

Tuesday was Chest and Calves - we had fun doing barbell presses, incline dumbbell presses and dips for chest and seated and standing calf raises (I'll have to post the numbers on those later)

And then I ran for 20 minutes

I had an excellent day food wise and everything went as planned.

After two days back my body was hurting from head to toe so Wednesday we took a day off to recover.

Woke up Wednesday morning and had an 'offical' weigh in of 180.6 - I was a little bummed because I KNOW I'm still retaining water and was hoping for a better start then that, but hey - it just means that I'm going to end up with an 'easy' 2 lb loss real soon.

Today we were up at our 'usual' time primed and ready to go to the gym again. Ok so I ACTULLY hit snooze twice and then had to drag myself out of bed using all the will power I had - BUT we made it ;)

I suffered again with a case of under motivation. I know it's a case of the PMS blues that are always worse for me when my nutrition is 'off' - which is was because of vacation. BUT - knowing WHY you feel sad doesn't always make it easier to deal with. Anywho... I was just feeling BLAH this morning. Even seeing my 'dent' in the mirror when I was warming up wasn't helping... But I did it anyway. Arms today... not normally even my favorite day to workout. But I put everything I had into it and you know what? by the end of the workout I was feeling pretty good again! Pumped and as I knew I would be, glad I had done it.

That good feeling hasn't lasted all day, but for at least a few hours I got to feel good about my day.

PS - don't worry I'll get over this 'blue' funk in a bit. It's tempting to leave stuff that out of my journal. After all I don't want people to worry about me, BUT one day someone else is going to be reading this and I don't want anyone to ever thing, 'yeah, she did that, she lost 70-80 lbs but look it was EASY for her... No - it's not easy for me. It's a challenge every day - some days I enjoy the challenge and other days I don't... this week just happens to be a few of those 'don't' days - but this too will pass. And the best part is, the more I excercise and eat right the sooner 'this too will pass' will come.

Ok enough about that....

food had been ok today. I was craving chocolate so bad today. I did my 'normal' drink water, go for a walk, chew gum.. but it just kept getting worse, so I got a mini bag of peanut m&m's and ate them (about 6 in the bag). Now the craving is gone yay!

what else? Uh I'm sure there is something but I can't think of it right now...

I've started Uploading my Photos from the Trip here… I've only got four days up so far.

England Photos

The photos from our photographer of our wedding

Photographer Photos

Photos we took ourselves after the wedding

Our Photos

Started

My 'travel blog' updates

More then you ever wanted to know about me

Day One...

After coming back from a three week layoff – I was having a little trouble getting my ‘mo-jo’ back. I was feeling rather under motivated. Part of it could be I’m at that ‘danger zone’ for myself. The 175 to 180lb range that’s been barrier I’ve been unable to break through for 18 years now. I’m ‘average’ again. Buying clothes from the normal stores… blending in with the rest of the crowd. Why the heck am I getting up at 4:00AM again?

But, even under motivated, I got up and went to the gym this morning. Amazingly enough it was all I needed. Once at the gym, in my ‘muscle’ shirt – one look in the mirror was all it took. Seeing the ‘cut’ in my arm separating my delt had me back in the right frame of mind as soon as I started warming up. Then seeing my lat bunch up while doing pull downs had me plotting the next five pounds I would be throwing on the machine.

You see, I’m not interesting in being ‘average’. I’m no longer interesting in ‘settling’ for size 12 pants and just buying off the ‘normal sized’ racks. I want to turn my body into a lean mean weight lifting machine. I want to see definition… I want to have arms that make guys go home and flex in the mirror to reassure themselves that their arms look better.

Most importantly, I don’t want to be ‘that girl who lost 30 lbs - hasn’t she a nice job?’ I want people to look at me and think ‘she works out’. And if you tell them that last July I weighed 214lbs that would look at you and tell you that you were crazy. I want people to look at me and never suspect that I ever had a weight problem. I want to be accused of having ‘good genetics’. Not because I’m thin but because I’m fit…

Today I got up at 4:00 am and hit the gym… even though I flew home from England less then 48 hours ago.. and it felt GREAT!

Today was back and trap day:

Lat Pull Down: 110 x 5 / 110 x 6 / 110 x 5
Close Grip Pull Down: 110 x 6 / 115 x 5 / 115 x 5
T-Bar Row: 70 x 5 / 70 x 5 / 70 x 4
Dead Lift: 70 x 6 / 75 x 6 / 80 x 6
Dumbbell Shrugs: 60 x 6 / 60 x 6 / 60 x 6

Then I road the bike for 35 minutes – average speed of 20 mpr :)

Food has been perfect today… This morning’s weigh in was less then stellar. I’m retaining water like crazy so I’m holding off just a bit before recording my ‘official’ starting weight for this next phase – I suspect I lost two lbs just today and don’t want to skew the numbers with a ‘water drop’ like that… I will get my starting stats up very soon though!

First Photos Are Up

Day One photos are up - I'll add more daily

of course this is about 1/4th (or less) of the actual photos I took.

My England Photos

Quick Hello!

We're back! the trip was fantastic - the wedding was GREAT! I'll be posting tip photos and some commentary on our trip on my 'other blog' should you want to read more about it later.

As for this blog? Well it will continue to be about what it's always been about - me ;)

The biggest accomplishment of the past three weeks is that I went the entire vacation without going over 180 lbs! It was so exciting to take some time off and not have a big back slide. "the coach" and I had set a 'limit' of 185 and I did even better then that!

Now it's time to start a nice big 'action phase' That means - taking action ;)
And an action phase starts with some clear goals... And I'm going to make them clear and VERY Public right here and now. By November 22nd (the day before Thanksgiving) I'll be 160 lbs. That's 9 weeks and about 20 lbs - very doable. (offical starting date of 9/20)

I also start SERIOUSLY training for my first 'sprint' triathalon. Bye the end of this month I will have paid my entance fee and be all signed up - there's no backing down. That will comprimise most of my cardio training.

As for weight training. I think I'm going to spend the next 8 weeks doing Max-OT again. BUT I'm going to be really meticulous about it. EVERY rep is going to be perfectly executed. I'll go through two 4 week cycles - 4 to 6 reps per excercise. This keeps my weight workouts very focused and rather short so that I can get to my cardio. We'll see if between that and my tri-training if that's enough excercise minutes :)

Weight training will be heavy with focus on building strength. I still have some unfullfilled goals for this year such as benching 100lbs plus the bar (145 lbs) and doing pull-ups. Between the strength training and the weight loss I expect to be doing pull-ups by the end of the year... I can get to within 2 inches of the bar now and with a little work (and a few less lbs) I should be able to do more then 1 before Jan 1st.

As usual I'll let you know as things progress.