Demon's beware!

I have to start by saying you guys are the BEST! Matt – your unfaltering support means so much to me. Every time I post I look forward to seeing what your comment will be. It really gives a boost!

Cynthia – thank you so for coming out of the woodwork :) It makes me incredibly happy to know that even though I struggle and have some good and some ugly times there are people who can take something positive from my experience. I’m glad you feel inspired – for me hearing that is a dream come true. Good luck in your continued journey. No, I’m sorry good luck isn’t the right word… kick butt! :) As for the weights, hang in there – you’ll get stronger and stronger as you go. When I started back in 2003 I’m pretty sure I was using 20lb dumbbells. One of the biggest things I had to overcome was not my body’s lack of strength, but my own fear. Fear of lifting heavy – fear of ‘bulking up’ – fear of not being able to lift the next heavier weight or not being able to finish the set. When I got over all of that, my strength gains grew by leaps and bounds. You won’t know how strong you are until you try :)

Kana – you too almost brought tears to my eyes. I’m so glad to know that there are people who come here and are inspired. I glanced at your blog quickly and you are doing GREAT! Keep up the intensity and good luck w/your surgery. I’ll keep you and ‘the man of your dreams’ in my prayers

So… about those demons I dragged out? I’ve locked them up again and I’m starving them with confidence. You see – As people we are capable of ANYTHING! We just need to remember that we are what we think about. If I think that I’m a loser and fat girl who can’t get below 175… then I won’t. But if I think that I’m a fierce warrior lean and strong and capable of reaching 130 and even looking ‘stage ready’ then I am. Well kids – guess what the Valkyrie has strapped on her armor and is bringing death to self doubt and self pity.

One thing that really helped is I talked to the coach last night. We went over the stuff I talked about here and then gave me a good reality check. He reminded me that while I have ‘been here’ before and this IS the place where I’ve ‘lost the war’ every other time this time is different. Why? Because I have more confidence I’m sure in myself and my program. I’m not given to knee jerk reactions. I take the ups and downs of weight loss and approach them with sanity and logic instead of panic. And most importantly – I’m not doing it alone. Last time I was here, yes, I started to struggle. I panicked as I grew close to the number and would deprive myself to try to achieve then binge up again. I did that over and over and over again. This time? This time I have someone watching and mentoring me – someone who’s willing to catch me two weeks into this and say ‘Don’t make me bring the hammer down – enough of this, do what you know you need to do’. So guys – we’re not going to talk about the ‘175 mystery’ anymore. Except if it’s a weigh in, I’m not going to mention the number again. 169 is the goal for this phase and that’s the number to focus on – we’ll have a party when I get there ;)

And so… stats:

Today’s weigh in 178.1
Water: 3L
Diet Pepsi: 32 oz
Minutes Exercised: 70
Minutes Remaining: 530 (this is not going well)
Ratio: 44%/44%/16%

Yesterday’s workout Legs (yay!) and abs:
Box Squats (Plus Bar): 105 x 6 x 3
Straight Legged Dead Lifts: 110 x 6 x 3
Lying Leg Curls: 85 x 6 x 3
Leg Lifts: 8lbs x 6 x 3 (used a medicine ball)
Incline Crunches: 6 x 3

For those of you who don’t know what a box squat is…there’s some great pictures here http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/schultz22.htm a good picture and description here.. http://www.weightliftingdiscussion.com/boxsquat.html

If you read these you’re probably noticing that these SEEM to be geared toward power lifters. Which I’m not, nor do I plan to be – BUT I also think that fear has kept me from dropping my squat as low as I should have – so I’m using the box squat to teach myself to ‘stretch’ it just a little and it relaxes the fear a little because I can’t fall on my butt with the box there to catch me – right? Plus I’m actually ‘sitting’ on the box (as apposed to touching) so I’m building my strength at the same time. Everyone should try it!!

Alright – I’m off now I hope everyone has a great Friday and an excellent weekend.