Hurry Hurry! Time is running Out!

Time is quickly running out on this once in a lifetime opportunity to save money on your 2008 taxes!

"How can I do that?" you ask?

It's simple, go to http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy and make a donation to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS)! That's right, not only will your donation to the LLS give the special gift of hope to the 138,000 people in the United States who were diagnosed with leukemia, lymphoma or myeloma in 2008, but you'll also be saving money on your taxes! 100% of your donation is tax deductable!

And that's not all! Donate now, and you'll earn the right to wear or display these amazing badges for as many days as you like!

"How much will this tremendous offer cost me?" you ask?

That's entirely up to you, but here are a few suggestions.

$5.00 --- $1 for every month I'll be training for the Lavaman triathlon with Team in Training.

$25.00 --- $5 for every month I'll be training (I get up at 6:30AM ... on SATURDAYS to make it to training most weekends)

$40.00 --- $1 for every year of my life at the time of my race (My birthday is January 4th and a donation would be the PERFECT birthday gift)

$50.00 --- $1 for every pound I plan to lose before race day

$100.00 --- $2 for every pound I plan to lose before race day (talk about extra insentive for me!)

$500.00 --- $500 for keeping Uncle Sam out of your pocket book - even just a little

$5,000.00 --- $5000 for me to get off the computer, stop sending emails and just TRAIN already!

Thank you once again to everyone who's already donated. Thanks to you I am 6% of the way toward my fund raising goal. You too are welcome to print out a badge and show the world what you're made of!

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3295/3095492443_719a31c23d_o.jpg

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3224/3095500169_de971c2523_o.jpg

Remember, you can also track my progress at http://www.shawntris.com/

I've Swam/Biked/Ran over 60 miles already! Come on in and cheer me on!

P.S. - you are welcome to send a donation by check too. Just make it out to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and address it to:

Shawn Mueller-Boddy
429 Chase Street
Mountain House, CA 95391

I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving, has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Shawn

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Holiday Gifts that Give Back

'tis the season for Christmas Shopping and the folks at iGive.com are making the season doubly bright!

This holiday season, send a gift that means an automatic donation to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society! When you shop at any of over 700 participating online stores through iGive, a portion of each purchase is donated to the fight against blood cancers!
It's free for you, and you pay the same (or less!) than you would by going directly to the store. Shopping online means no wasted gas and no more standing in long lines at the mall.

Save money, save time, and send gifts that give twice. What could be better than that?

Sign up at:

www.iGive.com/SAMBoddy

or you can begin shopping and searching by going here:

http://isearch.igive.com/SAMBoddy

The best part is it's stores you were probably planning on visiting anyway:

American Eagle Outfitters
Ann Taylor - LOFT
Toys R Us
Best Buy
eBAY

even TurboTax!

Of course I'm always willing to recieve donations the 'old fashioned' way:

You can visit my fund raising page:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

or mail a check made out to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society to:

Shawn Mueller-Boddy
429 Chase Street
Mountain House, CA 95391

Happy Holidays everyone - I hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving Holiday.

-Shawn

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Tri Training Update - 11/09/08

Hello again friends and family,

I just wanted to send a quick email to let you know how things have been going for me with my training. As you know I am working with Team in Training to do the Lavaman Triathlon in March, and I?m fundraising for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

Yesterday we kicked off the Team in Training winter season. It was so amazing to meet and talk to so many people who are all working toward the same goals: get into shape, run a triathlon and find a cure for blood cancers.

Although I?ve been training up till now, with the kick-off, I started training in earnest today. I did my first ?actual? training run, outside, in preparation for the six mile run that will be part of the triathlon. I won?t kid you, it was hard; probably one the hardest of season, but I made it through and I?m so happy to feel as though I?ve made that first giant leap onto the path toward my goals. It?s hard to believe that the woman I was today, huffy and puffing along my neighborhood sidewalks in my baggy sweatshirt will very soon be left behind.

On the fundraising front, so far I?ve raised $150 of the $5000 I?ve pledged. And I want to thank everyone who has donated already. Your continued encouragement and faith in my ability to accomplish my fitness and fundraising goals are more than I could hope for. I hope others will find it in your heart to contribute to the fight against Leukemia and blood related cancers. Your donation can make a difference in someone?s life. May you realize success in your own endeavors, and may we all go the distance. Thank you for your generous support.

Please click on the link below to go directly to my personal fundraising page. No amount is too small. Every dime makes a difference.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

You can track my ongoing progress at:

http://www.shawntris.com

If you would rather send a check, please send it to:
(payable to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society)
Shawn Mueller
429 Chase Street
Mountain House, CA 95391

P.S. I would appreciate it if you would forward this email to as many people as you can to encourage them to donate as well. Thanks again.

Shawn

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Help us Save Lives

Dear Family and Friends,

I have some big news to share?
Believe it or not, I'm going to swim/bike/run in the Lavaman Triathlon in Kona, HI on March 29, 2009. Think I?m crazy? Truth be told, you may not be so far off the mark! I'm not in really great shape. (ok, I?m in terrible shape) My feet aren't so good and sometimes I run out of breath walking up the stairs in my house! As of right now, I can't run very far or for a very long time. Luckily I?m ?okay? on a bike and you who?ve known me since I was small know I?m a fish in the water. Still, 31.9 miles seems like a really long way to go. (That?s .9 mile swim, 24.8 mile bike and 6.3 mile run) I mean, really really long (try watching your car's odometer on a trip until you hit 31.9 miles - it's far!). So, am I crazy? Well, a couple of very sane reasons are driving my decision to run:

The first is that as I approach my 40th birthday I want to focus on two things. One is that I want to get into good shape and the other is that I want to focus on things outside myself and one way to do that is to give something to a worthy cause. What I have discovered is an incredible opportunity to do both things at one time!

I have signed up with The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team in Training program. Through this program, I will not just be running for myself, but in support of an organization that is dedicated to curing lymphoma, Hodgkin?s disease and myeloma and improving the lives of patients and their families. In exchange for fundraising, the Society will help me train for the race, provide coaching and medical guidance, and will put me together with others of similar skills. Specifically, I will be training in honor of Katy Mueller, my cousin who died of Leukemia when she was only 15 years old.

Thinking about how fortunate I am and learning about how these diseases affect families (the stories are incredible), it has made one very important thing clear to me: you can never take anything for granted. Your life can change on the drop of a dime; it's important to seize the opportunity to make a difference when you can.

So here I am, seizing my opportunity. My goals are two-fold: one, to cross the finish line of the Lavaman Triathlon on March 29th. (even if I have to crawl to do it!); and two, to raise $5,000 for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I'm hoping you will be able to help me with both of these goals.

Your encouragement and positive reinforcement (i.e., ?You swam/biked/ran HOW MANY miles today?! FABULOUS!!!) will go an incredibly long way in helping me complete this race. Your financial support will not only help save the lives of those afflicted with blood-related cancers, but make their lives more comfortable and manageable while they are fighting ? and winning against - the disease. Consider also that many of the strides that are made toward curing blood-related cancers translate into making a difference in fighting all types of cancers.

If you are so inspired to take up this tremendous cause, please feel free to share this email and request with anyone who might be inclined to help. EVERY contribution will have an impact, will be acknowledged personally by me, and will be appreciated by so very many. If you want to donate, you can do it on line at:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

If you prefer to send a check, you may also submit one (payable to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society) to me. Then I complete the Check Donation section of the Participant Donor Form for all check contributions to ensure proper acknowledgment of gift and you will receive a receipt for tax purposes - they will send it to you directly. (Please clarify which address and phone number you want me to report on the form).

You can check on my progress, send encouragement or donate again on my blog at:

http://shawntris.blogspot.com/

As part of my goal to get in shape, I?ve also joined Weight Watchers. At each weekly weigh in I will be donating $2 for each pound I lose, if you would like to match my pledge, or make another similar to this, please let me know. I?ll be updating my blog in this regard as well.

Finally, if you know someone who has been afflicted with a blood-related cancer, I would love to run in their honor as well. Please let me know their name(s) and I will be sure to wear a bracelet for them on race day.

Thank you for your support...

Shawn Mueller-Boddy
429 Chase Street
Mountain House, CA 95391

Shawn.mueller@gmail.com

"There?s no achievement without goals." ? Robert J. McKain

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Yes, as a matter of fact I AM crazy

Yes, as a matter of fact I AM crazy
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

I mentioned that I've been making a lot of plans, making a lot of changes and pretty much shaking up my life. This is one BIG one.

I am going to do a Triathlon. That's right - chubby, out of shape me is going to swim, bike run :) I'm doing the LavaMan in Hawaii in March of next year. Only five months away. But, to help me reach this dream I've joined the amazing folks at Team in Training. With their help, at 40 years old I will be crossing the finish line of my first triathlon. And I'm still terrified! :)

Well besides helping people like me do impossible things Team in Training also raises funds for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. People, we need to find a cure for these killer diseases. About 20 years ago we got the news that my 6 year old cousin had Leukemia. We fretted as she was treated and celebrated when she went home in remission. Nine years later it came back, and we all sat helplessly as her body lost the battle against this terrible disease. Any age seems 'too young to die' but 15? I look at my now 15 year old daughter and all the life that's ahead of her left to live - to think I could lose her to something that there may be a cure for!...

I know there are a lot of causes out there and we can't support all of them, but I would ask that if you can and will - please donate to support this one. And even if you don't donate, you are welcome to follow along on my blog! :) shawntris.blogspot.com/

Oh! and I've been thinking that maybe I would offer a print of one (or more) of my photos as a 'thank you' for people who donate. Any ideas or suggestions on what people would consider an appropriate and motivating 'thank you' are highly welcome!!

WW!?

Well, I've taken a whole new path :( What I'm doing just isn't doing it. I'm not accountable enough on my own - or even with just an online community - so I'm 'going live' Went to my first WW meeting in 17 years today. It was actually pretty good. This place has an amazing leader. I wasn't sure this was the thing for me when I signed up - but I had to do SOMETHING... but after meeting her I think it's going to be a good choice.

I'm still going to try to eat balanced Protien and Carbs... but with the help of a little face to face accountablity.

I've got other news too - but I'll wait until it's 'offical' to announce it - so stay tuned.

For the Boob

For the Boob
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

I know I haven't been around much. I haven't been losing but I haven't been gaining and that's a good start :|

But - since I have a blog I wanted to make sure that I did my part for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please, support the cause. My mother in law is a breast cancer survivor and I wholly support the search for the cure. As part of that I'm taking part in the 'boobie-thon'

so goto www.boobiethon.com make a donation - common guys and girls... support the boob! :)

One of the things that brightened my day

The Zoomies
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

So I wanted to share it with you ;)

A few hours later...

Yeah I'm feeling a bit better. I still feel a bit 'off' and I still feel like I have to work at feeling like I will be victorious some day. But it's not overwhelming anymore.

Thanks for letting me vent Blogger :)

Not feeling 'it'

Saturday's dissapointments
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

Last night I sat in my closet and cried.

I was trying to pull out clothes to wear for today and it hit me how much I hate getting dressed everyday. How much I had scanning my closet looking for something that didn't pinch, cling or gape. I looked over the rows of clothes sitting on the hangers and realized how little of it fit and how little of that the did fit I liked. One might expect a moment like that to motivate you but it just left me feeling so drained of any energy or motivation that it was all I could do to finish the task and drag myself into bed.

The feeling carried over into the morning. I could not seem to get my feet under me. I did my workout but there was no 'omph' to it. I felt like I was simply going through the motions. Yes, it was a good workout but there was no passion in it. What happened to the passion?? Instead what kept going through my head was "why am I doing this? it's not like it's going to do any good. I worked my ass off before and what happened? Nothing - back to the same ol' place. Nothing's changed..."

I don't know what I need to do to shake off these feelings. It could just be a monthly thing - who knows. I do know I'm tired of feeling this way, but at the same time the feelings are so draining that I don't have the energy to do anything about it. I feel like I'm stuck in this sick vicious circle.

In a way I feel like this drowning person who's just gone down for the third time. I feel the water closing in over my head. I struggle to swim, to breath even though theres no oxygen left to breath. I force myself to hope even though there's no real passion or fire behind that hope. It's like I hope because I have to. Because to stop hoping means to die.

And yet - I got up this morning and went to the gym. I had a good/wholesome shake for breakfast and an excellent post workout meal. I've got a great lunch packed and by my side. Deviating from my plan right now would require too much effort on my part. I've got no energy for effort.

Hopefully these feelings will pass. I may look at this in a day or in a week and go - what the hell was I writing about there?

I hope so.

As I warned when I came back to my blog - this isn't going to be all about successes. i'm going to blog when I'm up and when I'm down - I'm sorry if people get tired of my mood swings - of my whining of my constant struggle for inner peace about my outer appearance. But this is me in all my ugliness. And this is my blog. Yes I want you to like it to get something from it. But if you don't - as harsh as it sounds - too bad. This is about me and for me. I need to feel free to write about who/what and where I am at any given time.

I hope everyone's having a better life then me at the moment. :)

Things are going ok

Being kind to my contacts
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

Not perfect, not terrible, but OK. and I'm ok with that. I haven't hit the gym as often as I would like but I haven't been sitting 24x7. Food hasn't been perfect, but I've been eating with awareness. Working hard to avoid those 'what the hell' moments that turn into a month of binge eating.

I want to blog more/more often because I know it helps me keep on track. At the moment I have another goal beyond the numbers. I have a dress that I bought last year for the Christmas Party. At the time I bought it I needed to lose about 5 lbs to wear it. I didn't - I gained about 5 instead. I want to wear it for the party this year. I'm going to snap a picture of it so it's in my face for a reminder.

Shawn's Progress this week on traineo

How's Shawn getting on? Below is the summary of Shawn's progress this week on traineo. Remember its your job to help her reach his goals by reviewing her progress and keeping her motivated to reach her goal. Take a good look at her graphs and figures - especially the number of times she's logged in and her last logged weight date. If she has posted any comments on her progress be sure to read them carefully and try to address the areas where you feel she needs support from you.   Starting Weight: 232 lb Goal Weight: 130 lb Weight Lost to Date 4 lb Last logged Weight 11th September Sessions logged this week 3 98 lb to go Training Diet Ave. Daily Calories Burnt: 1,293 Ave. Daily Calories: 1,350 Weight Change Latest Comments Weekly Weight Change: 2 lb Shawn has not entered a comment this week. Click here to visit her homepage Add a comment to Shawn's profile page here to help motivate her towards her goals. As a member of her personal support network it's your job to keep accountable by sending her regular messages and comments. Don't forget to bookmark Shawn's profile page at http://Parttimemom.traineo.com Send a personal message Sign into my account   To stop receiving these emails simply click here to log into your account. You'll then be prompted to confirm that you want to stop receiving traineo motivator emails.

Victory

I was in the 'quick shop' a few minutes ago. I was picking up something to drink when the 'feast beast' raised it's ugly head.



"look at all those treats," it said "I should by one.". ("i" because it likes to pretend it's me")



I countered with thinking about the shame that would come with having to post a candy bar when it wasn't a free day.



It faught back with the thought that I didn't have to take a picture. Then I very clearly heard the words, "no one has to know".



That's been the running theme for the past two years. ' go ahead, eat, you're alone. no one will know.



There are so many things wrong with this idea. First that I'm considering doing something that I feel I need to hide from others. Do it or don't do it. Don't hide it!



Second, have I really hidden anything? I weigh 230 lbs. I really doubt anyone's been fooled by my secret eating.



But, most importantly, and the answer I gave today. "I would know"



The answer back floored me "so"



So? Has it ever been so clear that i'm dealing with a 'beast', that cares nothing about me? That cares nothing about my own self worth? That values others opinion over me over my own?



Although these exact thoughts didn't go through my mind some shadow of them must have because I got angry. In my mind I told that beast "stop it. I'm not getting any candy".



I grabbed my drink walked through the candy isle without pausing, paid for what I had came for and walked out.



If you've never had to battle the feast beast you probably have no idea what a victory this is. But trust me, it is.

091108 - 1242 c

091108 - 1242 c
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

1. Pina Colata Protein Shake - 217 c, 2. Vanilla Wheat - 240c, 3. Turkey Sandwich & Banana - 456c, 4. Arby's Roast Beaf - 420c

As I've become short of time - I've watched my food degrade to this *sigh*. I must take the time to plan and execute - pittiful

Recovering

Spent most of yesterday in a fog. 4 hours of sleep two days in a row... No amount of caffeine in the world would make me 'normal' after that. By the end of the day I had a pounding headache and felt sick to my stomach. I just wanted BED!!!

I kind of sleepwalked through the food thing so I forgot to take pictures even though I stuck on plan.

Breakfast (Pre workout) was a Chocolate Cherry Shake (frozen cherries, Protein Powder (PP), water, ice and cocoa powder (unsweetened)) - 196c

2nd Break (Post Workout) vanilla wheat (cream of wheat mixed with PP)- 240c

Lunch was going to be my left over salad from yesterday - when I went to eat it it was just too gross! so I ate the hard boiled eggs and then had what was supposed to be my snack a banana and a cheese stick - 421c

About an hour before quitting time I was exhausted and starving, I felt like I was barely hanging on. My mind kept dwelling on the chocolate in the other office. I dug through the tiny bit of stash I had here in the office (cause I had no money) and found some granola. Not the best but certainly not the worse. It was whole grains at least. total cals: 240.

When hubby finally got here at 6:00PM I was still so hungry. Grabbed a Pro-Max bar 290c.

I got home and as I said felt like crap. My headache and upset stomach had erased any remaining hunger I had. I finished the day at 1380calories and no will to go to the gym. I crashed.

I woke up this morning and my headache was gone at least. I was starving though and quickly took care of that with a shake. didn't go to the gym this morning - I just need the sleep too much. I'm planning on hitting it tonight instead.

The best part? was 228.1 - another pound gone. 4.3 lbs total lost. Only 98 to go :|

No struggles as yet. Haven't worked out as much as I would like but the foods been right on. I feel like I'm making progress and that's what's important.

The water weight is dropping and I'm sure some fat too. I do feel better. I was so bloated and sluggish before. Even though I haven't lost much fat I feel better just because my body isn't so toxic. tomorrow's the official weigh in for week one, can't wait to see what the results are.

Did it again!

Made it to the gym this AM. Was an OK workout. 20 minute walk on the tredmill (for 1 mile) to try to loosen up the legs and then an abbreviated chest day. Still working into full workouts but it feels good to be getting there and getting it done.

Oh and the scale is finally showing a little movement to match the effort. Yay!

Too tired to do more then post stats at the moment - will post more brain content later, I promise.

And for the record - now Officially UNDER 230

229.1 to be exact... yay! :) :) :) :)

Food 090908 - 1328c

Food 090908 - 1328c
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

1. Pina Colata Protein Shake - 217 c, 2. ProMax Bar (Again) - 290c, 3. Salad - 313, 4. IMG_0319

Not enough food for the amount of working out I did... 1.66 mile Run, 5 Mile Bike, 150 Meter Swim, Plus three sets of squats... forgot my lunches in the car and had to improvise - not bad for improvising :)

Created with fd's Flickr Toys.

GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

I know, so soon after my happy happy joy joy post!

But Crap I mean ... GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! I would be saying worse but I try to keep this blog PG13 :P

I forgot my freaking lunch(s) in the car! And my car is many miles away. All that prep work last night?! Out the window. Feeeeeeeeeeeeeh!

Much grinding of teeth and kicking of feet going on right now. And trying to figure out how to recover.

I guess I'm off to the store to buy a Meal Replacement Bar. And I'll have to hit the salad bar for lunch... bah!

woooo hooooo!

Ok - maybe I'm just on a caffeine high, but I feel so good this morning. I haven't felt this good in the AM in... well since as long as I can remember.

First, I stayed up until almost 12:00 AM last night because I wanted to have everything set out, ready and perfect for this morning. THEN -- when the alarm went off at 4:00 AM we actually got out of bed. Ok - it was more like 4:30 AM when we got out of bed, but we got out! Threw my shake makings into the blender, drank it, took my vitamins and then downed 1/2 a red line :) (told you it might be a caffeine high).

We then piled into the car and drove a hour to the SF gym. Since we were running late we didn't get a full workout in, but we got a workout in. In the morning! that hasn't happened in a LONG time. Better yet, I hit the treadmill first and did 30 minutes of run/walking (1.66 miles). Then we did one set of Squats. I hit the shower feeling like a million bucks!! It's the first time I've run on a treadmill in over a year. Now I remember why I like it so much. I don't know why I'm able to push myself more while I'm on the treaddy but I can - and it felt GREAT. (yes I'm overusing all caps and exclamation points because I feel - fantastic and I want everyone to know it). At this moment I can't wait to get up and do it again tomorrow - I hope this lasts. I was on such a roll when we were getting up early every day.

Also - entered all my calories for the past few days last night and turns out I didn't do half bad over the weekend. Yeah carbs and fat were high, but over all calories - not so bad. That makes me happy.

Yesterday, getting and staying on track was easy and I was glad of that. Was a easy mellow day with no food cravings at all. Wish they could all be like that.

Alright - time to go enter all my fitness stuff into all the appropriate places.

Oh - and for squats

4 x 165
4 x 165
12 x 165

Yes - I'm starting slow and easy. I want to be able to workout again tomorrow ;)

Food 090808 - 1480 Cal

Food 090808 - 1480 Cal
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

1. Eggs and Waffles - 273c, 2. Promax (yum!) - 290c, 3. Chicken and Bean Salad - 199c, 4. Boiled Eggs and Pineapple - 303c, 5. PBJ & brownie - 415c, 6. Sorry Folks

Yes - I know meal three is an empty bowl... :( forgot to take the photo before eating...

Had a good day. Could have been disasterous at the end of the day. Hubby decided at the last minute to go bowling... I skipped the fries and ate the snack I brought with me. When we got home though I was tired and really wanted to just eat whatever was handy. I at least took the time to make a semi healthy sandwich. Now time for bed!

Ok - it's not offical

I'm too late to join the last BFL challenge of the year, but I like having a 'hard date' and since I started on Sept 4/5 and the 'offical' start date was Sept 3, I thought it would be fun to see how I would have done on this challenge had I entered...

Google Reader?

I just discovered Google Reader! OMG why didn't I know about this sooner!? it's so wonderful!! and so much easier to keep up with everyone!

Food 090708

Food 090708
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

So I was a little less focused this day. Didn't plan ahead and it showed.

Morning was Breakfast Buffet. I have to say Breakfast food is some of my favorite. I started with a plate full of eggs, sausage, bacon, tator tots, crescent, and french toast. Then I went back again and Had fruit, cream of wheat and a little more bacon and sausage. I will say that I was proud of one thing. Other then the crescent I completely avoided the paistry table and man was there a lot of it.

I ate so much though that I wasn't really hungry the rest of the day. I picked up a Musketeers (mint) at Frys on the road. then had a snack of cheese and a banana. Later when it came time for dinner I wasn't up for cooking anything, and I really still was craving sweets so I whipped up a shake. And MAAAAAAAAAN was it good

Again I found that a splurge - free meal - whatever you want to call it really made it hard to focus back on 'good food'. Will have to watch that always in the future.

Food 090608

Food 090609
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

'dieting' while on a trip can sometimes be a pain. I know this and so I tried to plan a little ahead. You see we were planning to go to Reno over the weekend and while I didn't want to feel deprived while I was there, I still wanted to make progress. Going on the BFL/EFL premise that every week should have a free day, I took a little liberty with the concept and make my free day 1/2 on Saturday and 1/2 on Sunday. This isn't a practice that I would make a habit, but knowing our schedule I thought I could make the most of my trip this way.

So... I started the day with a really nice breakfast of Spicy Omelet. Then I blended up a peanut butter and chocolate shake and put it in the 'to-go' cup. I also packed a sandwich and some carrots to take with me.

Because I had planned ahead, brought food and had already set in my mind what was going to be 'allowable' when we stopped a diner to have lunch, it was easy and I was happy to 'say no' to a burger and fries, knowing I had a nice sandwich waiting for me in the car.

Dinner was... yum yum yum. Rather then fill up on stuff just because I wanted to taste it I grabbed stuff I knew would be GREAT. I even threw some veggies on my plate to make a nicer 'rounder' meal.

I did the same at the desert table. Resisted the urge to put all the pies on my plate to 'sample' and just grabbed what I knew was my favorite.

all in all I felt very satisfied with the day. The only 'bad' part was later that night. After 'splurging' at dinner I really had to resist the urge to keep on eating. At a liquore store later I found myself starting to 'mentally graze' through the candy and nuts section. As soon as I figured out what I was doing I fixed my mind on other things and went on my way. It did really put things into perspective and made me even more aware as to how powerful the overeating (binging) habit is with me.

Oh God

No really - oh god... what have I done

Actually since I took these a few days ago I'm not feeling as bad about it as I should. But I'm willing and ready to forgive myself, move on, and make progress. time to stop whining about what used to be, what could have been and all that. Time to start moving forward.

And for my own sanity, I would like to point out that I am deliberately standing very relaxed in these photos - I don't normally 'let it all hang out' while walking around during the day.

Testing

Testing blogging from my phone... Too fun :)

Food 090508 - 1790

Food 090508 - 1790
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

Day 27/365

Day 27/365 - For Mike B and FGR, originally uploaded by SAMBoddy.

Forgot to blog this weeks Self Portrait

Alright let's make this offical!

Hi - I'm Shawn and I'm a food addict:)

But I'm not letting that define me.

Let start again - I'm a fit and healthy person stuck in the body of an unfit and unhealthy person (yeah I like that better).

Today I'm starting a transformation journey.

My current stats: 232 pounds. Yes I've said out loud. This is not the first time I've weighed this much, but I expect it to be the last. I'll not go through all the diet drama I've been through before now. You're welcome to check my blog archives for that. I'm looking forward now.

First Goal: 195 by 12/12

Yes that's aggressive but I believe it's wholly doable.

The plan - eating for life for now. I need simple, I need the appearance of non restrictive but I also need the structure of a solid 'plan'. Enough rules but not too many. I'm logging my food into fitday (pc version). but not restricting calories intentionally - yet.

Excercise - I keep setting really lofty goals for myself in this department and failing. So I'm torn :|

For now I'm going to take this a week at a time. This week's goals - minimum 3 days of weight training, 3 days running, 2 days swimming.

Simple :)

Expect more to come... hmm what's that? a flicker of hope? God wouldn't that be nice?

Updated the links today

yeah - I'm actually seriously doing some housekeeping on my blog. If I'm going to be here every day, I should spruce up a little eh?

Food 090408 - 1865c

First Day of the rest of my life... :) New commitment - new rules. Will post more later.

Actually yesterday was a trial run. Today's the official 'start date'

1. Egg Burrito 230c, 2. Raspberry Protein Shake 370c, 3. Ruben Pita 479c, 4. Banana and Orange Dip 348c, 5. Baked chicken and Pasta 383c, 6. Brownies - 56c

Self Portrate Tuesday

I like my boobs :), originally uploaded by SAMBoddy.

Apparently there's a new 'thing out there to post your picture to your blog on Tuesdays. so I'm jumping on the bandwagon. And, since I'm taking pictures every day and I'm going to start adding them to my blog - along with some tidbits on how things are going :) Regular check ins are now the 'thing' :)

I'm not dead yet

I wish I could delete this blog and pretend it never happened. Rather then be an inspiration it's a big ugly painting of the failure that is me - not just once but at least twice.

It makes it hard to start again. Hard not to look over the years, months of glowing "I've got it this time!" Only to know, I did 'got' it.

I fell, and I fell hard. I haven't stopped trying, but it's gotten harder and harder to continue to try. And it seems each attempted is shorter then the last.

I feel broken. What is wrong with me that I can come so close to ultimate success and then throw it away - repeatedly.

So, what's next for me? to keep trying... The very definition of insanity is to do the same things over and over again and expect different results. And yet, I do. Maybe I am insane - I certainly feel that way sometimes. I have no magic pill. No secret new plan or formula this time. I have no new kernal of hope that I'm clinging to with the knowledge that this 'thing' is what's different.

I've got nothing and it makes it really hard to even think about starting. But I have to start and I have to try and I have to keep trying because I refuse to believe that THIS is the best I can do. That this is the body and the life that I have to settle for.

I'm rambling, I know. I'm trying to put words to something that maybe isn't describle.

You don't have to read my blog - you don't have to believe that one day I'm going to beat this. You don't have to comment or cheer me on - although I appreciate those things when you do. But I need this place. I need to journal and to record the good the bad and the ugly. I need to be successful and document that - and I need to be unsuccessful and be able to vent about that as well.

So, if you are here and reading this, thank you. If you are looking for perfection: go away. If you are looking for inspiration: that might happen here, but don't blame me if you don't find it. I want to inspire but don't promise it. If you want real, honest, raw; sometimes funny, sometimes insiteful then stick around.

I missed you my blog! (and my blogger friends too).