So, I've not been here much. There's a reason. I SUCK. Motivation nill - Excercise Mild - and Food can you say BLECK!? This has GOT to stop! Every time I look in the mirror I see all the work I need to do and it makes me ill. So what do I do? I stop looking in the mirror... But then I went to a party on Saturday, and there was pictures, and there is only so much you can hid from the camera *sigh*. So I suck... The good news is that I still have a lot of stamina. I'm in pretty good 'shape'. I'm strong, I have endurance, but I'm fat. The only way to 'fix' this is to do something about all this eating. It's not just just eating, it's the tons of chocolate and cake and the like.

Not to make excuses, but I HAVE been really depressed of late. Sticking to any plan of self improvement while questioning your own self worth is difficult. But I'm better now. It's time not only to put away the chocolate, but to figure out how to deal with the blues WITHOUT the chocolate. But, one step at a time... Time to get on plan - a GOOD solid burn the FAT plan.

I'm tired. I'm tired of belly roles, thigh cellulite, back cleavage, and rolls along the waistband of my control top panty hose.

Damn it! I know you probably don't want to be reading this. You're probablly nodding your head and saying "yeah, we've heard this before, how is this time different"

In truth I don't know that this time is differnt. As a matter of fact, I'm scared to DEATH that this time WON'T be different and I'll be writing this post all over again in a month, but does that mean I roll over and dive into a vat of chocolate? No - it means that I write this post all over again in a month if I have to and keep trying. Keep plugging away, and if you get sick of reading it - then I guess you have to go read somewhere else. But I'm not writing for you - I'm writing for me and that's the way it has to be.... sorry. No - I'm not sorry! I'm angry!

I used anger to get myself out of slump emotionally recently - so why not for this. I'm doing it! I'm getting pissed. ENOUGH is ENOUGH!!

For the rest of the day today I will eat good, healthy clean food. The plan..

Salad and Tri-Tip for dinner
Riccotta cheese for desert

I'll run tonight when I get home...