I knew once the Fat Fairy figured out where my house was she would visit a few more times.  Today the scale said 228.7 - goodbye 230's!

We've been going through a lot at our house with our decision to give up our dog.  I've been corresponding the past few days with someone who was interested in bringing him into their home and family.  Then today I get an email that says, "Hey, I can't pick up the dog myself.  I'm going to arrange for someone to pick him up for me, but that person wants $600 to transport him. I'll tell you what, I'll send you $750 to your paypal, and you can pay for my shipping through western union..."

All of a sudden there are bells going off in my head.  A crushing bitter disappointment came over me.  This wasn't someone wanting to bring our beloved pet into their home.  This was a scammer.  Someone trying to bilk me out of $600 (or more).  So, I'm dealing with anger over this guy's actions and disappointment that I still have to find a home for our dog. And... and... I haven't had a single urge to eat over any of it.  If I can keep this up, losing this weight will be easy peasy. HaHa!

However, I know there will be days harder then this.  The Feast Beast is in there, waiting for me to be a little less diligent.  Then he'll start to whisper 'cheating thoughts' into my head.  I'll be ready for him though!  I need to find me some anti-Feast Beast spray, and some treats for the Fat Fairy so she keeps showing up.

In other news... 0 Caffeine after 5:00PM this week.  I've hit my goal of (at least) 30 minutes of movement a day (though it's been all dog walking this week) and I've been hitting and surpassing my 2500 calorie burn on my body bugg every day.  I'll have all the fascinating facts on Sunday my 'offical' weigh in day.  Can't wait to see what that turns up.

 

New goal! 

Next year at Wondercon (which is this weekend)  I want to go dressed as shehulk!

229.2!! Yay

My MF food arrived today! What a relief. Now I can stick to a plan without actually having to have much of a plan. It was a good day.

I'm planning on doing a half marathon in June and today I got a message from the sponsors saying they are doing a group training over the next 12 weeks. The kick off is Saturday and I'm going to go and try it out. I wasn't happy with the group workouts when I did Team in Training. But I'm hoping this will be different.

Things at my job have been going great and that has helped my stress a lot, but home, not so great. Money's been tight with the job change. The transmission went out on our only car. I'm dieting and trying to cut back on diet pepsi (both of which make me really cranky) and we've an issue with our dog.

You see, when we first got him someone was home all the time. I was working from home most days and when I wasn't, my son was home. Well that's changed and now I'm spending 12 hours a day away and my son has recently switched to a full time position. That's when we discovers the dog suffers from separation anxiety. The 'eat through the door' kind. So lately every time we come home we don't know what kind of disaster we'll find. And to make it worse my husband (out of frustration) blames my son because he's the one who leaves him(to go to work).

So, tonight I get home to find my gym bag, gym clothes and running shoes are peed on, get into a fight with my husband and then have to be the one who finally says, "the dog needs to go to some other family".

I was NOT in a good mood. What was interesting was having the experience of having those feelings and observing my reaction to them. When I wanted nothing more then to crunch a handful of nuts, what I really wanted was to crunch the dog and my husband's heads. It was strange and empowering. I felt the feelings, the cravings, named them and let them go. I want to do this more often!

I just finished ready Freya Taylor's "Suddenly Skinny" and "Suddenly Skinny - Day by Day" both great reads.  I was inspired and entertained at the same time! (Freya lost 100lbs in 10 months on MF).  In looking for my next book to read I picked up ta book hat I bought a long long time ago, but never finished called "Life is Hard, Food is Easy" by Linda Spangle.  What I didn't realized is that this book has a forward written by the CEO of MF.  It's like the universe is reinforcing my choice to pick this diet and march all the way to my goal with it.

Been hovering just above 230 for a few days now.  Would really love to get past this deca-pound milestone!  However, I am right on track with my goals.  I'm tracking to hit 195 by my half-marathon in June and I'm pleased with that!  I'm also pleased that my MF food is due to arrive today!  Tomorrow my plan is going to get a whole lot simpler to maintain - not easier, but at least simpler.

The fat fairy finally arrived and took a bunch of weight with her!  weighed in this morning at 230.5 - that's 4.5 lbs down this week and I haven't even gotten my first shipment of MF food yet!

Feel good, feeling strong and loving seeing the results.  My clothes are already feeling better.  I'm standing taller, feeling stronger and feeling better about myself.  Here's to keeping this going for 100 more lbs!

I've been driving myself for the past two weeks.  A new job, weight lifting, training for a half iron man and putting a lot of emotion and energy into working through my food issues.  And then add the stress of our one and only car needing a new transmission right as our bank account is at it's lowest (job change ya know) and well, last night I was just so exhausted.  I zombied through making dinner, ate and though I was tired, had no desire to go to sleep.  I needed a brain break.  Some 'me' time.  So, I fired up the computer and watched bad TV until about 1:00 AM.  Strange thing is, even though I stayed up WAAAAY past my bed time, I feel rested regenerated and refreshed... Funny how something as simple as watching a little TV can change how I feel physically.

In other news, I'm still waiting for a visit from the fat fairy.  I know she's going to show up some night soon and take a chunk of fat with her.  

And my food is supposed to be here on Tuesday - *hoping*hoping*hoping*

It's like a test...

Only I'm not sure I'm passing just yet.

I was just exhausted last night.  I managed to grab some chicken from the crock-pot and some broccoli (which I ate with my fingers) as I packed my stuff for today, but that was it - I fell into bed and conked out.

Today, I thought things were going a little better.  I got to sleep in a little since I wasn't riding with hubby, and he took the dog for a walk since he was going in a little later.  Unfortunately, once I did get out of the house I realized I had left my lunch at home :|  I had a moment when I thought about turning around and heading back, but it was late and I didn't want to hassle with it.

So, I drove to the gym, did a killer back workout, changed and hit the pool for my first swim in a long long long time.  I swam for almost 30 minutes and did 1200 yards.  It's a little shorter then the 1640yards I'll need to finish an olympic distance tri and and way short of the 2112 yards to finish the Half Iron Tri I'm doing in August.  (August!! GLUP!)  But, it was an excellent start and I felt great.  In fact, I stopped because of time, not fatigue.  (if only running was this easy!)

So, I finished up my workout at about 10AM and was STARVING!  I hadn't eaten yet because I like to workout on an empty stomach, and I didn't have any food with me because I had left all my stuff at home - so I found a nearby Safeway and picked up a variety of things to keep at work that'll see me through any emergencies.  Easy to store, won't spoil, and MF friendly.  Once I was done shopping, I gathered up my bags and threw them into the back of my car, grabbing a cheese stick to munch on - cause I was STARVING.  Thing is, the cheese stick in my hand distracted me from the fact that my keys were NOT in my hand and my car has this lovely feature where in if you only open the back, when you close the back, it locks itself again.  Yeah...

So, here I was, running late, STARVING and locked out of my car.  Luckily I still had my phone in my hand, and luckily I had signed up for road side assistance just a few months ago.  A call to my phone company to get the road side assistance number (since the card was in my purse, locked inside the car) and help was on it's way.

Still the stress, frustration and worry got to me just a little - not to mention the hunger.  I ate breakfast/lunch when I finally got to work at 12:00 and may have overdone it just a smidgen.  Dunno yet as I broke my rule and ate before logging.  

Overall, I'm not too unhappy.  I work for a place that doesn't care that I came in at noon as long as I get my work done.  I got both my planned workouts in today and I have OP food here to eat.  Getting my keys out didn't cost me a huge wack of money, and I'm no longer STARVING.  It could be worse I suppose, but I don't need to find that out... really!  I know these stressful times are only teaching me good lessons about handling life without a food crutch, but I'd like a little break now, please!

Comfort Drinking?...

And no, probably not the kind you're thinking.

I've always known I was a comfort eater, but today I confirmed a suspition of mine that I also sometimes turn to drinks for comfort as well.  You see, I've been a diet pepsi addict for years now.  Years and YEARS now.  It's not uncommon for me to drink 4 or more liters in a day.  For the past two weeks though I've been working on scaling back and the first step in scaling back was to stop drinking diet Pepsi after 7:00 PM.  'til now I haven't thought much about it.  My little alarm/reminder goes off at 7:00 saying "No more Pepsi"  and I don't have any.  BUT today, I've had a really stressful eavening.  Missed my train home, my husband came and got me, found out my only car need $4800 in repairs or the transmission might quit and then it'll need $8000 in repairs, and got majorly overcharged for the rental that I had while the car was getting looked over and an estimate worked up.  When I got home I was tired, hungry and very very cranky (not to mentioned stressed).  I've given myself 'no-choice' to comfort myself with food.  If it wasn't in the plan last night, it doesn't go into my mouth, and since that avenue was denied me I have found myself SEVERAL times tonight opening the fridge and grabbing for a can.  I want that drink more then I want chocolate right now!  (PMSing too hahah)  I do know that if I'm going to make some long term changes here I'm going to have to find some better/healthier ways to deal with stress.  Here's to learning more about myself and to positive changes on the horizon.

PS - next week I'll probably roll the 'no diet pepsi' zone back to 5:00PM.  Whatever will I do then! :)

It's been an interesting journey already! :)  This morning, I got a good look at how different a place my head is in right now.  

I got up at five to take the dog for a walk.  I'm the designated 'morning dog walker' in the house since I seem to be able to get ready faster then anyone else.  (Go figure, right?  I think it's because I'm not a morning person and have spent my whole life trying to figure out how to squeeze out an extra 5, 10, 30 minutes of sleep - that or being the big sister/mom my whole life meant I was always getting other people ready and had to learn to put myself together as quickly as possible - or both.  ANYWAY...)  I decided Sunday night that since I was going out to walk the dog anyway, and he's used to coming with me on my runs at night, I might as well try doing my runs in the morning.  It would mean getting up a bit earlier, but give me some additional time in my evenings to relax.  So, we did that on Monday and it worked out OK.  Today was a 'run' day again so I took him out again but it was just 'One of Those Mornings (tm)'  We need to leave the house at 6:00 to have time to hit the gym, and Doughnut (the dog) and I didn't get back until 6:10!  Then it seemed to take forever to get my husband out the door and when we finally got out to the car at 6:20 and started to drive off I realized that I promised to loan my son $60 so he could get the breaks done on his car today and that mean a run to the bank and a run back to the house and... Yeah, at that point we decided hitting the gym was out of the question and may as well just stay home and shower.  And you know what?  I was MAD!  I was hot under the collar, crank pants, I wanna stomp my feet and whine all the way into the house, up the stairs into the shower, pouty MAD.  Because I was going to miss going to the gym and doing my weight training.

Seriously!  Who is this person?  I mean, I used to look for any and every excuse to skip a workout.  But right now, all I can picture is 2006, when I was the fittest of my life.  I'm so focused that every meal be a step toward that girl.  That every day has to be used to it's best advantage and I lost a little time today.  That feeling, that concept is so foreign to me!  I'm the, "Oh I'll do it tomorrow" girl.  I'm the, "I'll make up for it later" lady.  I'm the poster child for "Next time".  Or should I say, I WAS.  No more.  I like this focus, this drive, this feeling of, "Now now now".  

And, speaking of now, now, now... MF emailed me that my food is in the mail.  Can it be here now please?

I've decided that one of my goals for this summer is to get a tan on my back and legs, and not just my arms and chest. This means wearing less clothes (like maybe a bathing suit). And to feel comfortable doing that I need to drop weight and tone up. See how all this ties together!?

Second week of hitting the gym and I'm already feeling better about myself. Fitter, stronger, skinnier. I stand taller and the horrible bloating in my stomach that was making it stick out past my boobs is gone. Soon I'll stop getting those, "What are you doing In our part of the gym" looks from the guys.

I'm still here, still alive, kicking and looking everyday for a way to stick with a program. 

I'm pretty much at that "begin again" stage:  Weight is 235, fitness levels in the tank.  There are a few positives though.  I've recently started a new job (yes again!) and the hours/location have lent themselves to hitting the gym early, on the way to work.  I made it to the gym three times last week!  The other interesting thing is that I ride public transit to work, and there isn't anyplace to 'eat out' nearby.  This means I have to plan my meals and pack a lunch every day.  As I've known for years, planning my food is one of the biggest facilitators to weight loss for me.  So I have this amazing triple bonus of a new job that I really like and the means and modivation to eat well and excercise.  Imagine that!

Oh!  I we have a new dog.  A dog that has to be walked every morning before we go to work.  So, I take the morning shift and today I went for my run during my 'dog walking' time.  I was getting up anyway, why not take advantage of the time?  So, today I've already run 2.75 miles, did a leg workout and had an OP (on plan) day food wise!  And it's been easy!

Update

Life got a little hectic there for a while. We spent all last week moving and most of this week settling into our new house. It was a lot of work, but the feeling a peace and contentment I get when I walk into our new space has made it all worth it. What's really interesting is my weight (which had inexplicitly shot up) dropped down shortly after the move. There could be some interesting reasons for that, one of them being hormonal, but I would like to think it's my body thanking me for making this move. We've been living in a tiny little cottage for a year and a half, and my son moved in with us and has been sleeping on my couch since June. I've been feeling overwhelmed and trapped in my own house, so this move is oh so much a big deal.

One other thing I've done differently is stay away from any alcohol.  I had realized that things got a little out of hand last month :D  We were our having dinner and/or drinks with friends almost two nights a week all of October - so I decided to give my body a 30 day 'break' and lay off the stuff for the month of November.  I think it was a good choice.

I also seemed to hit my groove with my workouts this week.  I haven't been to the gym but I have done two runs and hit the bike trainer once.  It's felt great each time which means I'm not doing too much for my energy, fitness levels.

Lastly, I've started reading a book The Four-Day Win: End Your Diet War and Achieve Thinner Peace by Martha Beck.  It came in the midst of our move and I just got the time to start to dive in on Tuesday.  It's hard to describe as it's not a 'diet book'.  But it is like someone opened up my brain and sat and listened to all my thoughts about myself and dieting and then wrote them all down and explained them in a way I had never heard before.  If you're a cronic/professional dieter like me, you HAVE to check out this book.

As of this morning I was 231.3 - down 3.7 lbs since Oct 21... I'll take that!

Weekly Update

Well I saw progress this week, but it wasn't what I had hoped or expected. 1.6 lbs down though, I'll take that. Average weight for the week was 233.5 - I'll look for that to go down next week as that's actually the most important number in my mind. Excercise was... well, not up to par. A Weight workout on Friday, a bike ride on Saturday and a run on Wednesday. I can do more. Mentally I felt great - really kept my focus and felt like I was staying the course - this is A#1 the most important part of this.

I haven't got much to update you with.... I'm really just trying to get back into the habit of blogging. It was good for me when I was doing it regularly. Anyway, food is still on track, and last night I started on the first day to 5K program from Podrunner Intervals. It's not the first time I've started this program, but to my knowledge, I've never finished it. I've always managed to get distracted by some other program 1/2 way through. So, the goal this time is to finish it - no matter what. I did the first week's workout last night WEEK 1 20 minutes from 128 to 142 BPM BPM CHART: 5-minute warmup @ 128 BPM 60 seconds @ 142 BPM 90 seconds @ 128 BPM 60 seconds @ 142 BPM 90 seconds @ 128 BPM 60 seconds @ 142 BPM 95 seconds @ 128 BPM 65 seconds @ 142 BPM 95 seconds @ 128 BPM 65 seconds @ 142 BPM 90 seconds @ 128 BPM 65 seconds @ 142 BPM 90 seconds @ 128 BPM 60 seconds @ 142 BPM 95 seconds @ 128 BPM 65 seconds @ 142 BPM 3-minute cooldown @ 128 BPM (BPM is the music speed for each section). and it was reletively easy. I had no problem holding a sub 12 min/mile for the 60 second runs. Felt good, felt strong. My chest was a little tight after, it felt like my asthma was acting up, but that's normal for me when getting back into arobic workouts. The run, plus the cold air, plus my fall allergies were all adding to the overall 'bleh' effect. But I was proud of myself for running. got almost 1.75 miles done in the 28 minutes for a pace of 16:06. That'll get better over time (of course). Weight - well my body is being a little stubborn which is a little frustrating. I don't know if it's that my body is so sick of my yo-yoing that it's going to hold onto every pound, or if it's because I'm older and it's holding onto every pound, or if it's just timing (month wise) My cycle is always so strange that even though I've started tracking in software I still have no idea when to expect it - best guess is that it could be a combination of all of the above that's got me cussing at the scale every morning. But, if it's one thing I've learned over the years it's intellegent percistance. I can't let the number on the scale define me, and I can't let a small stall (even if it is in the first week) discourage me. If I stick with it, the loss will come! Oh-and one other thing to note. I've been 'shouting down' the feast beast a lot lately. He's really confused I can tell. For example, I see a Chevron, think about going inside (maybe for something to drink) and he immediatly says, "Yay! Treats!" Then starts flashing images of sweets that'll be inside, and reminding me of the taste of each one. Before he can even get ramped up though, I scream (in my head) SHUT UP! I almost want to laugh because that 'inner voice' the 'adictive voice' is so used to getting it's way with just that simple technique that it doesn't know what to do and it goes dead silent. I know over time he'll probably try to get more tricky, but for now this technique is working and I love it!

Self Discipline and Patience

"Discipline" is a difficult word for most of us. It conjures up images of somebody standing over you with a stick, telling you that you're wrong. But self-discipline is different. It's the skill of seeing through the hollow shouting of your own impulses and piercing their secret. They have no power over you. It's all a show, a deception. Your urges scream and bluster at you; they cajole; they coax; they threaten; but they really carry no stick at all. You give in out of habit. You give in because you never really bother to look beyond the threat. It is all empty back there. There is only one way to learn this lesson, though. The words on this page won't do it. But look within and watch the stuff coming up — restlessness, anxiety, impatience, pain — just watch it come up and don't get involved. Much to your surprise, it will simply go away. It rises, it passes away. As simple as that. There is another word for self-discipline. It is patience.
— Henepola Gunaratana, "Mindfulness in Plain English" from Everyday Mind, edited by Jean Smith, a Tricycle book Mindfulness in Plain English: 20th Anniversary Edition

Made it!

I said I would be back, and here I am!

2011 has been a pretty good year for me.  Started a new job at the end of 2010 that got me another new job (and a raise).  I'm pretty happy where I am right now.  The low levels of stress are exactly what I need.

Hubby and I worked through a really awful money situation and now are up on our feet and feeling pretty solid.

My son moved in with me 'just for the summer' and now has decided he would like to stay rather then take out more student loans.  So, I'm getting to spend quality time with my kiddo (who I was estranged from for a number of years) as well as have an excuse to move into to a larger and very lovely home.

I'm involved in choir again - singing with a group is always fun!

I've met and gotten involved with some really awesome people who I now consider friends -- It's great to feel 'connected' with a group of people again, plus I've been staying in closer contact with 'old' friends and reconnecting with family members that's made me feel like a more well rounded person overall.

The only thing that hasn't gotten better this year has been my weight/health.  Maybe it's because I was so focused on getting the rest of my life in line.  But now I feel ready to focus on this.

My plan is about 25% diet, 25% exercise and at least 50% getting my 'mind' fixed.  I've been focusing a lot on cognitive therapy, Addictive Voice Recognition Therapy and other 'self help' type programs/books to get myself ready for action. And people, I AM ready for action.

Started working the plan on Friday, just like I said I would.  I even took a trip to the gym so I could do a leg workout.  I wasn't enjoying the workout much at first.  Seeing myself in mirrors on every side wasn't doing much for my mood but then I had a guy come up to me and compliment my 'short hair' (told me I Rocked it).  I stuck to my plan for the entire day/night and really felt good about it - woke up the next morning to a HUGE drop on the scale (that I think now was because I was dehydrated (duh).

Saturday - I stayed (pretty much) on plan as well.  Ate a big breakfast of eggs and bacon and then stuck to my meal replacement foods for the rest of the day.  I didn't eat anything at the bike festival we went to and even skipped eating at the restaurant that night because I had already had my meal.  However, I did have a beer at the festival and a Long Island Iced Tea at the restaurant.  Later, at karaoke I had several more drinks and then had some cookies at jack in the box at 2 in the morning on my way home.  Lesson learned is that I need a better strategy for going out.  Less booze and less 'slipping' after drinking.

Sunday I was up early and went to a Halloween festival with my daughter.  Had an excellent day, ate a huge salad when we stopped at the sandwich place and had grilled chicken when we stopped at Jack in the Box. Didn't drink anything and stuck 100% to my plan - whoop whoop!

Monday was good again - didn't get back to the gym as I had planned but I did stick 100% to my food plan.  Even avoided all the crap food they had laid out at choir.  there's always cake, cookies, chips and the like.  I just avoided going into the 'snack room' at all.  Was a good strategy for me.  Instead I sat and read through my 'reasons to lose weight' cards.

Today, I still don't have a solid workout plan in place.  My legs are only just now starting to recover from Friday's leg workout.  I want to get back into triathlons so I need to make time for running/biking/swimming (BTW - hubby and I biked to and from the festival on Saturday).  I also love to lift weights and really enjoy looking and feeling strong.  I just need to set myself a schedule for doing those things and stick to it.  I have more then enough access to gyms!

But to pull this back to the positive - food has been good - my head is in an excellent place right now.  This is a long term project, I know and every positive step is a good one.

And then....

She started again.

Focus and determination is high. I have a plan of action. It's HUGE! :) starting on Friday because I have Friday and Monday off so I can get over the 'diet tired at home.

I'm going to update here with more details in the next day or so... Look for activity progress and more insight in the days to come.

CVT Run

CVT Run
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

This is my goal - to be here, in this shape at the beginning of 2012. From there it'll be a run ride to reach the rest of my goals, but at the very least, I want to be here again!