*groan*
Friday it started, an ice cream and some cookies - and then it continued - Monday I was thinking. This will start on Tuesday, I'm going back to work. Then I walk into work and remembered it was someone's 40th birthday and they had brought in every breakfast no-no known to man, and I continued to graze. I think it may have just stopped when 10 minutes ago, while eating cake, I realized that I was moments from making myself sick!
Why do i do this? How does it go so far so fast. How can I stand there poping doughnuts the whole while hating the way I feel in my clothes? I don't understand the mentality and it's ME doing it!
I'm a food adict. I know this.. I known it for a while. What I haven't figured out is how to get over it. The only way for me to do this seems to be cold turkey, but then the body's not designed to go without food - so I'm left having to monitor myself. ARG.. this is all so frustrating and currently so completely depressing.
No - I'm NOT giving up. I'll continue to bang my head against this brick wall until SOMETHING gives. Hopefully it's not my head!
I'm going to run tonight - 2 miles - hopefully my sluggishness will be gone by then. And I'm going to do better. No, not tomorrow, but here and now. There is no reason why I can't make the rest of today count...
1 comment:
Oh man...do I hear ya! The clinical definition of addiction is doing a behavior again and again, all the while knowing that it is harmful to yourself. Of all the things we can find to alter our moods, food is the top of the list. I hope you get to where you are going. I think you will make it. Just recognizing self destructive behavior is half the battle.
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