I spent most of the weekend in bed. Just so tired that anytime I would sit still I was dozing off. I was in a terrible mood anytime I wasn't asleep. My family gave me a wide berth. Heh. Feeling better today. I'm dosing with Vit C and Ecinatia. I'm not sure if I've got a sinus infection or just alergies, but either way I figure the added boost to my immunity system can't hurt. I've been super paranoid that this congestion will move from my head to my chest, but so far so good. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can just stay healthy until tomorrow! heh. I had a little trouble hitting high notes yesterday, but once I got good and warmed up I was doing ok.

Thank you to everyone wishing me luck. I'm still REALLY nervous. And there's something else - It's hard to explain - I've actually thought about backing out. it's like this - I've spent most of my life dreaming about something. Then the opportunity presents itself and MY brain starts thinking - MAN do I really want to give up the dream? Because now there's the chance I could be told "NO" and once that happens - I can't dream about it anymore. It's a big risk - but one I've desided that I have to take. *deep breath*

Now - diet wise things went well over the weekend. But, as I said, I slept most of the time so I didn't get any excercise. I've got to do better this week though because I start training for my 5K (the 5K I've already paid for) Legs tonight, but not too heavy.

Lastly - there was one other thing I wanted to note. I weigh (almost) every day. I know, I know I hear you all groaning :) But, that's what works for me. What I do with this is average my weight over 7 days. I took a good look at those numbers for this year, and I REALLY like what I'm seeking.

week 1 - 206.4
week 2 - 205.3 (-1.1)
week 4 - 204.5 (-.8)
week 5 - 203.6 (-.9)
week 6 - 203.7 (+.1)
week 7 - 201 (-2.7)
week 9 - 200.6 (-.4)
week 10 - 198.4 (-2.2)
So far in week 11
197.5 (-.9)

I have to say, I'm pretty happy with those numbers - a steady trend downward is nothing to complain about!

So I think that's about enough out of me.

I noted something interesting recently. It may help me lend some perspective to my own body's behavior.

I started the year at 208.5 lbs - by Feb 28th I was at 202 - a 6.5 lb loss in two months! That's less then 1 lb a week. Then March rolled around. I made some adjustments - MINOR adjustments (certainly not enough to justify what's happening) and in 11 days I've gone from 202 to 197lbs. Yes - that's right 5 lbs in two weeks - that's almost more then I lost in the entire preceding 8 weeks!

Did I stumble across some secret ingredient? Did I find some magic pill? well - kind of... SPRING! Spring arrived here in northern California at the beginning of march. Temperatures have been steadily rising (yesterday it was 87 at lunch) and the weather has been lovely. Now you might be thinking that the warm weather has gotten me out more - I'm moving around more, but this is not the case. I still sit in an office all day. Now - I might put this off as purely coincidence except for one thing.

Two years ago, I was going like gang busters. 18 weeks of steady 1.75 lbs a week loss and it October it just... Stopped. October - when the temperatures dropped and winter started to settle in. While being hampered in losing weight for five months out of the year isn't a pleasant perspective it does arm me with knowledge that I can use for my benefit. IF this 'hibernation' thing is real and my body really does fight me for every lb during the winter months then -one- it means I won't be driving myself mad trying to figure out 'what am I doing wrong?' it also explains why the 'holidays' always seem to be DOUBLY devastating for me - weight wise-.

It's at least something to think about - has anyone else found something similar? If it IS a real phenomenon then maybe those 5 months the focus will be to maintain my weight and/or go into a 'bulking' phase.

Otherwise - things are going really good - I jumped on the treadmill and ran for two miles. I did the first mile in 12 minutes - the pace I would eventually like to do my 5K in. Yes I know I'm slow - but heck I have short legs - at least that's what I keep telling myself - heh.

Have a GREAT weekend everyone!

By the Way

Can I ask you all for pleasant thoughts for the next five days. Yesterday I got my confirmation e-mail - I have an audition for a local band on Tuesday the 15th. This has been a dream of mine for AGES and I'm so excited about the opportunity it presents. The thing that's got me the most nervous is that during my phone interview the leader made it clear that they were looking for someone with a 'look'. Because this person was going to be the 'face of the band'. Now, while I have every confidence in my singing abilities - It's probably apparent that I'm not so self-assured in the 'looks' department. Oh well - it's not like I'm going to be able to change anything in five days!

Wish me luck!

http://www.captured.4t.com

The lead singer pictured has gotten married and moved to Reno...

I just had a FANTASTIC workout today. I finally took ahold of myself, gave myself a little shake and desided ENOUGH SLACKING! I also managed to shake myself out of a MAJOR case of the blues, and I took a nap at lunch in my car - so it could have been why I had the extra energy tonight. I've been coming home and sleeping almost every other day this week!

Anyway - I did my arm workout (yea! Í'm back at the weights) and a run. It was in the 80's today so it was still quite balmy when I got home. Balmy enough to send me running outside to get on my weight machine. Bi's and Tri's all done! whoop!

My run tonight was REALLY intersting - I though I wouild share it in case someone else wanted to give it a try ...

first pick a speed that's just above a level 6 (for me that's 3.7 mph- a brisk walk) We'll call that L6. Then you raise the speed for íntervals. But that's not all - you also vary the incline gradually making each interval harder AND each interval gets longer...

Warm up for 2.5 to 5 minutes

Minute Speed Incline
1 + .5 3
1 L6 3
1.5 + .5 4
1.5 L6 4
2 + .5 5
2 L6 5
3 + .7 6
3 L6 6

You've now finished the first 1/2 of the workout - If you're into shorter cardio sessions stop there and cool down, otherwise take a short 'recovery period' (incline 0 speed L6 for 2.5 minutes) and try this next:

Set the treadmill at L6 + .7mph and leave it there

Minutes Incline
1.5 2
1.5 3
1.5 4
1.5 5
1.5 6

And you're done! cool down for 2.5 to 5 minutes

Not only was this workout fun - but I'm pretty sure I hit a 9 and a 10 in there.


Oh! and the other thing I did that's probably got a LOT to do with me being pumped up and ready to workout? I signed up for a 5K on May 7th. I did my first 5K last year about that time, and I'm ready to challenge myself again. Nothing like a deadline (and a $25 entry fee) to motivate me! anyone in the bay area (or place beyond for that matter) who wants for info.. you can check it out here: The Nut Tree Challenge at Lagoon Valley Best of all - I think I've guilted Nigel into entering as well ;) yeah - he runs to fast for us to do it together, but we can still push and/or remind each other to workout!

Oh - and except for a wierd blip on Monday - I've been under 200 for an entire week now! whoop!

The weekend was really nice. I always enjoy the few times Nigel and I get to spend time together ALONE. The only down side is having to go back to work on Monday - it's harder after weekends with just the two of us. One day I won't have to leave the house when Monday rolls around.

Saturday was good both food wise and excercise. I ate clean and we went on a 2+ mile hike and then a walk along the beach. My kind of excercise.

Sunday was also good foor wise. I didn't workout though. So I've already racked up my second yellow day for the month. The good news is I feel my nutrition is tighter then ever and I feel if I focus most of my energy on eating clean I'll make progess even with a few missed workouts.

The plan for tonight is a leg workout - I told Nigel that I would help with laundry after I got home so that will eat a chunk out of my evening - still, I'll be sure to get a workout in after I get home.

In other news - I finally got Nigel to go to the Dr. A few months ago when he was in Dallas and workout out without me, he hurt his shoulder. It hasn't been the same since and it's effected his workouts, his day to day movements, and his sleeping. I finally convinced him to make an appointment and have it looked at. The good news is, it's not as bad as we thought. It's not a tear or a muscle injury. The bad news is - it's a shoulder impingement - a swollen bursa sack. He's been working out with excercise bands and the Dr said he should continue doing that. Other then that she said, no overhead movements for a while and to warm it up in the shower and stretch it every day. Anyone else have ideas - Emma I seem to remember you giving out information on this sort of thing before.

Anyway - that's all my news. Here's to another great week and the start of a great month.

Reason 110 to workout

A hot shower feels 100 times better after you've gotten all sweaty and sore!

Green day here - going to bed now

Yesterday ended as green as it started. I got on the treadmill and did a pyramid run. slowly ramping up to 5 mph, then slowly ramping back down. It was a good solid workout, but because of the varying speed wasn't that hard 'mentally'. I'm a little sore from the two hard cardio sessions I've done, but it's a good kind a sore. I like it.

Food was good, but it was close a few times. I had to walk through the mall - that KILLS me. The cinnabon, the bagel dogs, the hot dog on a stick. So - I tried my new cravings trick. Listerine breath strips in cool mint. I popped one of those in my mouth and the urge to eat ANYTHING was immediatly gone. PLUS I could no longer smell all the food so it took care of THAT aspect of the temptation too.

Dinner was simple but good, but for some reason I was back to battling cravings. Nothing specific I just had the munchies BIG TIME. So, I popped another breath strip. Like I said - they wipe out ANY thoughts of eating anything. It worked, I made it through the night. Something tells me that last night was a major turning point. My body has been really fighting me this week - major appitite battles on Monday and super cravings last night. When I make it through the weekend clean it's going to line in the sand for me, I just know it!

And my self motivational quote for the day:

"Being thin may not make me happy, but being fat will make me huhappy. I will always be happier with myself if I am living in control with my weight and my food."

It's a coworker's birthday today and instead of having the traditional birthday cake that I can easily avoid- the culinary expert of our group desided to make everyone a special treat. He's got a blow torch in his cube and he's carmelizing bananas - or something to that effect. I just know that it smells SO GOOD! luckily I told him I didn't want any that I didn't want any before he even started. That way I didn't have to try to turn down the treat with the smell in my nose. It sure makes it more difficult to enjoy my salad. Oh well...

"Foods may give me momentary pleasure, but my happyness is the greater reward when I look in the mirror and know I'm looking my best, wearing clothes that I've always wanted to wear, feeling fit and glowing with well-being."

It's going to be a challenge getting a workout done tonight. I've got to sit here and monitor the network until 5:00PM and then make two client stops nearby before I can go home. BLEH. That means a late night - and I'll be tired. I'm focusing NOW on working out though so that I know that skipping is no option.

I'm hanging in here!

I said I would work out tonight and I did! And boy did I push myself! 45 minutes on the treadmill - 5 minute warm-up 5 minute cool-down and 35 minutes running at 4.5 mph. all together I went over 3 miles! That, after a clean day of eating has me sitting on cloud nine. That's 1 green day in a row and here's to breaking my current year's record of 14!

All of life contains adjustments and tradeoffs

I think I’ve finally managed to remove the dark mantle of melancholy that’s been hanging on me this week. I’m feeling better today – it’s probably not a coincidence that it also stopped raining.

I finally broke down and took pictures tonight. There were no surprises there, and it did little to improve my mood. I’m not going to martyr myself and say that there was no progress, but I found that when I looked at I was FINDING progress rather then SEEING it. “Oh look, that crease in my back is a little shallower…” and things of that sort. But, it’s a new day and a new month. I’m moving on.

My quote for the day…

“It’s time to stop resenting what I do to keep my body healthy and attractive. Everything I value in my life; my relationships, my children, and my career; has taken work, focus, and endurance. Why should it be any different when it comes to managing my weight?”

Yesterday’s food was right on. No hitches or glitches there. Unfortunately, I didn’t get any exercise in. I’ve just been so tired of late. I sent myself to bed and got a LOT of rest. I need to spend time today programming my expectations so that I WILL go home and exercise tonight.

The plan is to run on the treadmill.

I guess that’s about it for now. Have a good day and a GREAT week everyone.

You can't eat it ALL and still be thin

"Where food is concerned, even the most mature adults often act like children; like children who want thier way no matter what, blocking out the negative consequenses of thier eating"

I started the day deep in the blues. My progress so far this year has been dissapointing. Especially since I feel I've been doing alright about 85% of the time. There was a time when 85% was enough. I guess it's not any more. I've abused my system too much. I'm starting to feel as if I'm stuck in an all or nothing situation... if I don't do it ALL right, then I get NOTHING for results. On the other hand, I did manage to find one postive. If you consider the fact that I gained 33 pounds in 10 months (Yes I just went back and checked my records - I weighed 175 in March of 2004 and ended the year at 208) and I've managed not to gain ANY in the past 2 - that's progress right?

Ok - enough of that. I'm doing what I can to shake off these negative thoughts. I can't change last year, all I can do is work on changing THIS year. I'm going to make March MY MONTH! I will focus on my obligation and on eating correctly. AND I will focus on making my body as healthy as possable by excercising daily. I've got a little less then four weeks left in this challenge and I'm going to make them count! Soooo March goals are this...

By April 1st I will -

Weigh 192 or less
have eaten on plan every day of the month (Free days only as 'planned')
have done some kind of excercise every day of the month (6 days of 'planned' excercises and 1 day of 'active rest')

Time to read my personal obligation and write a little more in my personal journal.

Thanks you all for being here :)

What is wrong with this picture? I am losing to a piece of food, taking orders from a snack.

I will start my food plan today. I don’t want to wait. I won’t say that I’ll start eating right tomorrow. How many times have I said that before? Saying tomorrow is saying I won’t do it today. THIS is the tomorrow I spoke of yesterday. I would never run a business the way I’ve treated my own body and my weight problem. If this were something that I needed to do for my children or someone I loved, I would have done it a long time ago. So, I will do it for someone I love – Myself.

Today, I will start living as never before. I’ll remember that this begins in the supermarket. I will buy the foods that support my success and avoid the ones that sabotage it. If I don’t buy it, I don’t eat it. If it’s not in my kitchen, it’s not on my hips.

There’s not a single food that I’ll see today that I haven’t seen or tasted before. I have seen it all, I’ve tasted it all, and it hasn’t made me happy; it has only made me fat. But, this is not a mountain to climb. It is just a few patterns to master. I have overcome a great deal in my life. I can learn to manage six meals a day. That is my only challenge to buy a lifetime of being trim. What’s the worst that can happen to me? I will just see or smell a food that I’d like to eat. It will not be new. I have seen and tasted it before. A food temptation is simply a feeling; it’s not a command. It lasts about 4 to 12 minutes. If I break the eye contact and say ‘No way!’ it will pass. Isn’t thin worth 4 to 12 minutes of standing up to a feeling?

None of my clothes fit. I can’t bear to look at a picture of myself or in the mirror. I’m not taking care of my health or the quality of my life. What I have done in the past has not worked. That’s why I will do it a new way using new strategies. If it seemed difficult in the past, it was probably because I didn’t have the right strategy. I knew what I wanted – to be trim – but I didn’t have a plan to get there and stay there. Strategy gives me the road map that makes it possible. It’s not just knowing what to eat and what not to eat. It’s knowing how to do it, how to want to do it, and how to make it easy to do. That’s what strategy is about, and that’s what I’m working on, one day at a time.

I will follow my food plan every day, with one ‘planned’ free meal a week. I will only eat in restaurants as a reward to myself and at planned times. I will not make ‘excuses’ to deviate from my plan.

If I have an upsetting situation, I will say to myself, “I have an uncomfortable feeling, but it is not about food.” Eating over it will not make me happy; it will only make me heavy. Even if I can’t solve the problem or change the person who is upsetting me, by not eating, I break a major pattern that has made me heavy. Maybe I can’t do anything about other problems in my life, but my weight is one area that I have the power to change. And I will use that power.

In a world where there is cancer, and AIDS, and homelessness, what’s the big deal if I say no thanks to unplanned food when can say YES to being thin? Did I come this far in life to take orders from food?

I deserve to be trim. I deserve to succeed with this. I deserve to be in control of my life with food.

I did alright this weekend.

The biggest positve was that I finished my book. I have to say that it was VERY good. I would highly recomend it for anyone who KNOWS what to do nutritionally, but doesn't always DO what they know is right. He's got a lot of good things to say. I would say the #1 thing he says that I think will help me out is basically this. Examin your past and use it to determine what you do today. :) Now that might sound basic to folks but I'll try to explain how this has changed me. Sunday I was having a 'free meal'. I knew there was a bag of cadberry eggs up in the cupbord and I started to grab a handfull of them. My thought was... it's my free meal I can have one handful. But then I started thinking about my past. I started thinking about my history with those mini eggs and I realized that with me... for them it's never 'just a handful'. One handful becomes two handfulls and once I've had that many it's justification to just keep eating. After all, I've already blown it... Soon the bag is gone and I've moved on to other 'restricted' foods because heck, I've blown it, so I'll just finish out the evening and restart 'tomorrow'. If I'm lucky I WILL restart tomorrow, but sometimes that 'handfull' of mini-eggs has meant DAYS of 'tomorrows'. So - I skipped the 'treat'. I had a fat free ice cream instead (something I don't have a history of abusing) and was happy with that. (it was my daughter's birthday and I bought myself fat free icecream so I could 'celebrate' with the rest of them)

That's not to say that yesterday was 'perfect'. I ate more bread then I origonally intended and may have to restrict that item in my diet too (even on free days). We'll see I'm learning more about myself every day. My weeknesses, and my strengths.


Moodwise, even with this new attitude toward food, I'm not doing so hot. Probably just my P(ost)MS messing with my head. I just know I'm feeling REALLY uncomfortable in my own skin. I naturally avoid mirrors etc, but today I seem to be faced with images of myself everywhere I go. And for some reason I'm only seeing the negative today. Modivating, but exactly the kind of motivation I like. OH well, I'll get over it and start looking at the postive again.

As I am wont to do, I forgot one thing. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned that my sweetheart has surprised me by jumping back on the exercise wagon. It’s great because it motivates me to stick with it, when he’s doing it too. What really surprised me though was his motivation… I know he’s vain. I mean the man won’t walk out of the house unless his shoes and belt match. But I never really though he cared much about how he looked naked. Turns out I’m WRONG heh. It seems this sudden interest in working out stems from a little movie I like to call “Men in skirts” but for some reason the studio called it “Troy”. We watched it the other night and ever since then Nigel keeps talking about Achilles. Mind you – I’m not complaining :) I love my baby just as he is, but if he wants to have a Brad Pitt body, who am _I_ to stop him? ;)

OH! And I forgot another interesting tid-bit I ran across. M&F Her had an article on “Bootilicious” women. I went through and looked up each of the women listed. It was cool browse through photos of women who still had CURVES. The most interesting thing I found was that none of these women were – ‘perfect’. The one that struck me the most was some girl who was a fitness winner (I can’t remember the name) she had stretch marks on her hips!

I can’t tell you how many times I take a good hard look at myself in the mirror and the only though that runs through my head is, “No matter how much weight you lose, you will still always have ______” just fill in the blank. With one of the following: Stretch marks, loose skin, varicose veins, cellulite… Something like eats at your confidence. But here are women… Women who are admired, who win contests, who get their pictures put up in national magazines and they aren’t ‘perfect’ either. Anyway – I really feel like I’m getting some of this mental stuff worked through. Yeah, yeah, I know this should be about being healthy but to tell you the truth… I’m not really unhealthy. My blood pressure is good, my cholesterol is normal, my blood sugar is fine…I’m not in bad shape, relatively. I can run two miles, I can bench press over 70 lbs.. I’m probably in better shape the ½ the ‘skinny’ girls out there. But, I’m 70 lbs overweight. And truth be told it’s NOT pretty. Yes, this is about vanity for me. Heh

Anyway – all that to say I’m making progress.

Hi guy’s – It’s been a while. I’ve a LOT to talk about too. Here’s the short version.

3 day weekend struggle = Bad
Recovered from a “Why am I even doing this?” moment = Good
Had long talk about goals with my sweetie = very good
Sweetie suggesting some ways he can help = very very good
Sweetie following through and making dinners so I have more time to exercise = excellent
New book arrived in the mail = superb
Reaching 200 again on the scale = fantastic
Actually BUTTENING a pair of size 14 jeans = Happy dance time.

The long version is this:

Friday night I had to pick up pizza. It’s a long story :) I convinced myself that one piece would fit into my meal plan – and I had it. Unfortunately, one piece turned into three pieces. It always seems to turn out that way.

Saturday was my free day. I had originally intended it to only be a free meal while eating out, but instead I let it become an all day chocolate fest! But, it was my free day.

Sunday I seemed to be recovering ok. I even got a run in. Then evening came around and I started craving sourdough bread dipped in olive oil. Unfortunately, I gave in. Then I had an artichoke, and then ate my ‘planned’ meal of stir fried chicken. Then I had more bread and POOF I had messed up.

Monday – I don’t really remember what I ate Monday. I started my monthly (which explains but doesn’t excuse my weekend’s excess) and I wasn’t feeling good.

Tuesday I got back on track. But I had a rough ‘moment’. I’m in the car A LOT and because of a bladder or kidney issue (we’re not sure which) I need to stop and use the rest room A LOT. That means dropping in at quick marts and fast food places. I always feel guilty stopping at these places and not buying anything so I wander through and usually pick up something small. Tuesday I was walking through and the THOUGHT hit me. That one that usually is the final blow to my ‘get fit plans’ I stood in the middle of the quick stop and heard that voice say, “Buy whatever you want, it’s not like it matters. You’re not making any progress anyway. You may as well.” But this time something different happened, another, more mature voice said, ‘I AM NOT GIVING UP!’ I didn’t, and I haven’t.

Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t like I suddenly transformed into some dieting superwoman. I was actually crabby and depressed the rest of the night. That voice didn’t instantly shut up. It kept whispering…”Why are you doing this again?” “You’re waiting your time.” “Nothing’s changed, why keep trying?”

My fiancé noticed my bad mood and commented on it. Finally I managed to tell him what was wrong. His response, “You’re NOT giving up!” Heh – I love that guy. He always knows exactly what to say. I talked to him about my frustrations. About the yo-yoing I’ve been doing so far this year and where I thought things were going wrong. He doesn’t exactly understand my issues. After all, all he has to do is run 3 times a week and skip the cookies and he’s dropping two pounds a week like clockwork. But he was willing to empathize and listen. Later as I hashed through what was going right and what was going wrong, he made a suggestion. “If you tell me what to do, I’ll make you dinner.”

Later that night I printed out a one day meal plan with recipes. It was all easy stuff to make. I wasn’t really expecting much, but I put it up on the refrigerator anyway. The next morning I woke up to peach oatmeal. I couldn’t believe it! He had woken up before me and fixed me the breakfast that was on my meal plan! I made my lunches and had an excellent ‘on plan’ day. And when I got home, he pushed me into the bedroom and said, “Go do your run, I’ll make you’re dinner for you.” And he did! After I finished my run I jumped off the treadmill to find a plate full of ‘on plan’ foods! His only request, that I do the dishes. HECK I can DO that!

So, things have been easier the past few days. I’ve picked up a few new supplements… St. John’s Wort, Bitter Orange, Green Tea, and Capsicum. All supported by scientific research as helping the body burn fat. Today is my second day on them and I’m feeling pretty good. I’ve noted a huge improvement in my stomach. I’m not feeling so distended and bloated. Yesterday I noticed that my ‘largest’ pair of size 16 jeans were dropping EVERYWHERE. So, on a lark I picked up the brand new pair of size 14’s that have been sitting for two months WAITING for me to fit into them. I pulled them on, and SURPRISINGLY the two inch gap between button and hole was almost gone – AND if I held my breath and laid on the bed I could actually button AND zip them. I actually walked around the house a little bit too. What a shot in the arm THAT was.

Then this morning the scale dropped to 200 again. ALL signs are looking positive again HORRAY!

Oh! And my new book came in the mail today. I’ve REALLY been looking forward to this one. It’s called “The Thin Commandments” by Stephen Gullo. This is not really a weight loss program, but a book that deals with the MENTALITY of eating right. I’m on chapter three and I already LOVE the stuff he has to say. Stuff Like:

…those who succeed at weight control do not have greater willpower than those who fail – they just have better strategies.
And
I have conclusively discovered that the particular diet an individual follow is secondary to success at weight control……. The most important factor for winning is having strategies – not the particular diet you follow.

There’s so much more. I’m just dieing to finish reading it but I’m trying really hard to go slow so that I can really soak it all it. The best part is, it’s not just ‘talk’ there are REAL suggestions and exercises in there that I KNOW will help. The simple fact is – I’ve always know WHAT to do. What I’ve lacked is (what I thought was) the will to do it. I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am about the things I’m reading :) This may just be the ‘what’s different this time’ that I’ve been looking for.

(by the way, the book is for sale at www.rodalestore.com)


Alright, I think that’s enough out of me!

I'm REALLY looking forward to this weekend. Three days alone with my sweetheart.

We've got plans to go out to an EXCELENT resterant - (provided I can get reservations) what can I say? I'm a terrible procrastinator. http://www.mustardsgrill.com/main.htm it's going to be GREAT. BUT - I've worked so hard to get below 200 that mentally I REALLY need to stay here - so that means I'm going to go but I'm going to try REALLY hard to do this in moderation.

AND - on the note of my previous post regarding wierd advertising - I got an ad for a long distance company today that said if I signed with them I could get a pint of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream a month FREE for a year. Heh.

And speaking of decadent treats... I was in the store today and noted that I'm going to have to stay out of the stores for the next two months. My nemosis is now in stock. Cadberry mini eggs. OMG! HELP!

It was another difficult and long day, but I got it done. Cardio was the same routine as Tuesday and MAN wasn it hard! The great news is that in the same 30 minutes I upped my miles from 2.19 to 2.25! It was really a test of my will power to get through it, but I did!

Eats were good today. I was so busy I had to remind myself to eat a few times, but it all worked out.

One intersting note: I got a spam today that caught my eye. It was a ad for one of those 'diet patches' Now, that in and of itself wasn't really that intersting, but their catch phrase that they were using to entice people to purchase was...

"no difficult and dangerous exercise: w/ this patch" Oh my! not only is excercise difficult, but it's also DANGEROUS! reading missinformation like that makes me want to throttle someone.

Alright then, off to finish work so I can get to bed. Hang in there all!

Almost Forgot

But then - there's always something I've forgotten isn't there? :)

I was at my company meeting last night and as I looked around I realized that I wouldn't see most of these people again for another 3 months. Then it occured to me - 3 months = 12 weeks.... hmmmm

Yet more motivation for me and a fun deadline - how much of a change can I make before my next quartly meeting?

Just a quick note to let everyone know how the week's going!

I've been hanging in there. Getting done what needs to be done. Tuesday's run was a real bear to complete but I managed. Last night's interval run was MUCH easier, but still a good burn calorie wise.

Food has been right on and for that I'm thankful.

This year has certainly been a lesson in patients though! I FINALLY hit 200! woo hoo! That means I've lost 8.5 lbs in almost 7 weeks. Hardly the results I had been expecting. Ah well, I'll keep on slogging along. Each day makes a difference and every lb off is another closer to my goal.

I've been so insanely busy! Still, I've managed to keep my workouts up, and I've kept my eating stright even though I've not been able to do a lot of pre planning.

Well that's about all I have time for at the moment - hasta!

Well, I took a yellow day yesterday. It was just too nice to be spending a quiet evening with my honey to stress over a few bites of food and a leg workout ;)

Not to be making excuses, but I think my legs needed the extra rest anyway. I still can't touch my toes without pain *sigh*. I haven't tried that ice bath yet Tom :). Needless to say, I think it would be a bit easier for me (being a gal) then it was for you. I'm stretching my legs several times a day and I 'think' things are getting better - slowly. Funny thing is, that it didn't really *hurt* WHILE I was working out. It actually felt really good. And the rubber legs afterwards wasn't anything more then I'm used to - but somehow I REALLY tweaked things. Still I know it's a good kind of hurt that comes from an excellent workout, so I'm willing to live with it.

On the food side, I took a free day. Stayed clean through the day and then splurged for dinner. Now for many a V-day dinner might be a big fancy restaurant, but when asked where _I_ wanted to go - I asked for Jack in the Box. Heh A big ol' juicy ultimate cheeseburger was JUST what the Dr ordered. As for my V-day presents - my honey did it right. He brought me a box full of iced sugar cookies (the kind that I ABSOLUTLY adore and have to fight to keep from drooping over when I pass them in the store) and a large box of assorted condoms. What can I say, I'm a pretty basic person *grin*. We stayed over at a local hotel and really enjoyed being away from everything and focusing on each other - even if it was only for an hour or two. It's funny how much easier it is to pay proper attention when there is no pile of dishes, or computers full of work to distract you.

I'm still up in the air as far as tonight's plan. I can either make up my leg workout - or do tonight's workout. At the moment I'm leaning toward skipping legs and giving them another week to fully recover. I'm also going to stop by the store and restock on a few things and make sure I have what I need to pack my lunches for the next few days. It's time to get back to preplanned meals before I blow it.

OK - so that's enough out of me - you all have a great Tuesday.

I suppose the fact that I havn't checked if for a week might lend one to think that I've fallen. Amazingly enough, I havn't! I've either done or made up my workout every day, and I've stayed true to my meal plan. Saturday night I REALLY enjoyed a free meal of home made lasagna YUM! Yesterday was spent in the snow with my family. Let me tell you, tubing is one GREAT workout :)

I'm supposed to do legs tonight, but it probably won't happen. We've booked a hotel tonight and I'm not sure they will have a workout facility. Still I may see what I can do since I don't want to interupt my calendar.

I'll try to check in a bit more regularly this week!

Another green day in the books! Hit calves and shoulders and abs. My run today was SO hard. Mostly because my legs are still fried from last night. But it made finishing it all the more sweet!

Eats were clean despite flying by the seat of my pants - I've GOT to put my lunches together before I leave for the day - I swear! It makes the whole thing easier - and I'm all for easy.

Best news of the day - after my run I started looking for Nigel. Where do I find him? On the back porch doing bench presses! I guess I've managed to set a good example and he's slowly but surely getting back into it as well. YAY!!

For the most part, I had a great weekend.

Saturday afternoon was rough. As I said, we had gotten to the bottom of the clothes basket. I couldn't find anything to wear and ended up pulling out a skirt that, at the end of my last challenge was tagged to go to Good Will because it was so big on me. Trying it on and having it be TIGHT really threw me through a loop. It was like I was having to look back at all those wasted months dead on. I was so upset and frustrated I just wanted to cry. I ended up finding something to wear but it didn't stop the frustrated feelings. After I left the house I stopped at the local quick mart and fought some MAJOR cravings for a candy bar. I WON though and no candy bar passed these lips.

We ended up hiking on Sunday and it was fantastic. Better yet, the hiking pants I just KNOWN were going to be too small fit. Another small victory. Actually, according to Nigel we didn't actually "Hike" we walked up a "Mound" but it was still nice to get out and breath the fresh air and bask in the sunshine. The area we had intended to walk in amazingly enough was closed! It opens today ironically enough. Ah well, another day perhaps.

Yesterday was another "On the road" day. I managed to keep it clean but it was close on occasion. Chicken salad without the dressing for lunch. AMAZING chicken Teriaki for dinner. As you might have sumized, I did legs last night. I got home at about 8:30 and didn't get changed and ready to workout until 9:00. I had moved all my weights back onto the back porch on Saturday so last night I just bundled up, turned on the porch light and worked out under the stars. It was actually really nice as the weather was cold enough that I felt comfortable in long sleaves and a turtle kneck, but warm enough that I didn't 'chill' when I started to sweat. I super setted (is that a word) dead lifts and squats again. I had picked up some new 25lb plates at Christmas so I just HAD to put them to work. COMPLETELY noodle legged myself:

Squats/Deadlifts:

50 x 15
55 x 12
60 x 10
65 x 8

Then I did a bunch of Walking lunges - I counted a 'rep' as being two steps (one for each leg) and did -

40 x 15
45 x 12
50 x 10
55 x 8

Then I did extensions and curls. It always amazes me when I do leg curls how BAD my hamstrings seem. I also have a question for all you short legged women (or men) out there. Any suggestions on how to do leg curls? My bench with the leg curl adapter is 'fixed' and I can't adjust it in any way. When I try to do curls I can't bring my legs all the way up as it's too tall and the pads would roll off. I may end up having to just eliminate the curls even though I would love to be able to do them. Anyway, so I supersetted curls and extensions...

35 x 15
40 x 12
45 x 10

At this point my hamstrings would have no more of it while my quads were still fairly happy so I did:

Curls 35 x 8
Extensions 50 x 8

After that I crawled in to the house and took some ibprophen. I was so noodle legged that while walking around later I actually had one leg give out on me and I almost fell over. I LOVE it. Of course, I'm doing the frankenstien walk today and I'm sore as HECK but It's a good kind of sore.

Other then that - lifes pretty much the same. Our 'night-out' on Suday was really nice and the resteraunt was good.

Oh - and after Satuday's mental set back - my weight being up on Sunday and Monday and STILL up today I didn't quite have a good perspective this morning when I took some measurements. I only did two because I was running short on time - But, according to the tape, I've lost 1 inch off my waist and 1.5 off my hips. And the tantia scale says my body fat is down from 50.4% to 48.6%. All GOOD things. But, for some reason I wasn't in the mood to celebrate a ONE INCH loss off my waist. Instead my first thought was, Only an inch!? I've put it into perspective now though and I'm ready to say - WHOO HOO! ;)

Whoo hoo! excelent workout today - Not only did I get to work my favorite body parts (back and chest) but I was so nice that I got to workout OUTSIDE! Lovely simply LOVELY. I made one little 'mistake' though. Normally when I pyramid weights I go up by 5 lbs each set. If I'm doing dumbbells I put a 1.25 lb weight on each side for and if I'm using a barbell I put 2.5 on each side. For some reason I brain farted and put 5 LBS on each side. I did my workout and then started writting in the numbers, and it was then that I realized what I had done. I ended up benching 70 lbs for 8 reps!

The only down side to today's workout was that when I went to do my second excercise my tricepts gave out on me. I don't know if it was just because I had pushed so hard the first excercise, or if I was still not recovered from my arm workout - or both.

Planning an excelent day here - and I'm off to do my run.

Have a great weekend you all!

Funny how cardio I was doing at the begining of the week that was a chore to get through, now makes me feel as if I could go much more. I love it!

Green day in the books and I couldn't be happier

I'm in an excellent mood and my arms hurt

I need everyone's help here. It's time to do a happy dance and I'd like you all to join in - come on it's great cardio!

First, I'm about a week and a half from breaking the two hundred mark. Yippy! Whoohooo! Right On! 200 is like this 'mark-point' for me. I feel Really Crappy above it and usually feel a cignificant change below. It happens again at 185. It's like this magic line that I cross where my body feels degrees better. Strange I know, but true.

I tried on my Lee size 14's. I specify Lee because they are the new pants I bought at the first of this year, and because Lee seems to run a bit smaller then other brands (On Me). I'm about two inches from them fitting. This, in woman speak, means I can button them but not zip. *chuckle* My guess is that a few of the size 14's I have packed away (Like the Walmart brand ones) might actually be wearable - or a week away from wearable. Ready to dance again? woo hoo!

I wasn't hungry all day yesterday and because of that didn't eat a lot. Did my calories up and I was at 1100. Normally that would worry me but as I said, I wasn't hungry and my energy levels were high enough to do cardio. My guess is that my body will make it up today, and I'm having my free meal tonight, so that works out.

I walked out without breakfast this morning. BUT - because I've done a little pre-planning I've got body-for-life bars in my desk drawer. Crisis averted! *dancing again*

So - the plan tonight is a free meal and probably no workout. I'll do my weights tomorrow instead.

The weekend plans are shapping up to be GREAT as well. If the weather holds we're going hiking tomorrow on Mount Tam we'll be able to see San Francisco AND the ocean from up there. AND get some geocaching done at the same time. I'm just keeping my finger's crossed on the weather.

So - that's about enough out of me. And yes - my arms DO hurt. What's that got to do with me being in a good mood? Nothing really except they hurt a LOT less then I expected considering the workout I gave them night before last. The fact that I can still scratch my nose is a good thing.. heh

We're putting off dinner until tomorrow night, so tonight it's ON PLAN - AND - I can do my workout as origionally planned - whoop.

Tomorrow we'll go hiking, come home, clean up and then have a nice romantic dinner for two. Yeah - I'm liking this!

Lunches are made and I'm ready to relax for the night. I wish every day could be this easy. I guess it could be if I could get home from work every day by 4:00pm! Ah well - it's the life I choose - sortof.

One thing I forgot to mention earlier. I've been avoiding taking the trip to the laundrymatt, so I'm down to the bottom of the clothes basket. And that basket's pretty shallow with this added weight I'm carrying around :P Anyway I grabbed a pair of pants this morning that have been REALLY REALLY tight recently, and put them on. I was thrilled to find they were only 'tight' now. Yes, clothes are deffinatly fitting better, it's not just in my head. YAY! I might be time to start trying on those size 14's sitting at the end of the bed and get a 'feel' for them.

Other then that - everything here is a-ok!

Oh - and that's three green days in a row this month. 10 more and I'll set a record for this year.

It's amazing what a little planning can do for you! I had a fantastic day today. Food was right on. The only comment I have for the day was that I was had a surprising lack of hunger throughout the day. That's not a bad thing at ALL!

I did 20 minutes of belly dancing, but the workout was so light, I went ahead and jumped on the treadmill and fast-walked for 30 minutes. I'm feeling FANTASTIC right now. Good day, good eats, and a great workout. I'm fixing dinner right now but wanted to mark another green on my calendar.

I did it again! had a green day that is! Workout went GREAT. I started out a little on the agressive side on the arms, but manage to finish the workout. I kept the cardio to an appropriate 'moderate' level and actually managed to go the entire 30 minutes. I've got a few plans forming up for the weeks to come and I'm really excited to be back into the swing of things.

Tomorrow will be one of those 'tough' days. I've got 160 miles of driving to do and no office to heat food up at - I'm modifying my meals so that everything I eat on the road is 'to go' food. I'm also having dinner alone. My fiance is going to do the burger place by himself and I'll stay home and eat on plan. He's such a doll for understanding why I'm doing this.

For the office motivation thing. Well I found this web site calle www.weightlosswars.com. They give you a variety of ways to start up little compitions so I started one for the office. Everyone is already excited about it, and frankly so am I!

Now I've got people watching me at work AND at home. All I need to do is keep an eye on myself while I'm on the road and I'll be fine.

Going to go make my lunches for tomorrow!

I woke up this morning feeling - Healthy. It's hard to explain, but I know it has everything to do with the good rousing workout I had last night. It just felt as if my entire body had been well and truely 'fed'. I suppose it has a lot to do with increased blood flow and oxygen intake - Or something scinetific like that.

I'm actually looking forward to the days of yore when I woke up every morning with 'something' hurting. Not the bad achy 'I'm getting old' kind of hurting but the - 'Wow I really busted my bum on those squats last night' kind of hurting. The trick is walking the line between a good workout and crippling myself with DOMS. I doubt I'll do it perfectly, but I'm certainly going to try.

Food so far today has been great. And better yet, one of my worries has been eliminated. I managed to talk my way out of having to go out to eat on Thursday. That means I can stay home and eat 'on plan' with no burger temptations. That works just fine for me.

The plan tonight is to do some bi's and tri's and then some cardio. I'm not sure yet which cardio I'm going to do. The weather has been FANTASTIC here. Maybe I can find a way to do something outside - of course that means I'll have to get home at a decent hour. We'll see.

Have a great day - great week - great month everyone!

First day 100% on the new program is complete! I went ALL out with the workout and I feel INCREDABLE. I love the way I feel AFTER a workout, I just wish I could remember that those days I don't feel up to it.

Food was right on today. I was feeling really full and a little icky earlier today but since my workout I've been feeling a LOT better and frankly a LOT hungry.

Marie - I have a few questions on my workout - in fact I think I 'messed up' part of it. Not really a big deal as I know I got an incredable workout. Thank YOU!

I was rather excited to find out that 100lbs was NO PROBLEM for me on seated calf raises. Of course that really shouldn't surprise me considering these calfs propel 200+ lbs around the house and work every single day. Those 4 new 25 lb weights came in handy tonight!

I managed 20 minutes of cardio after my shoulder/calf workout. That was all I could manage. I was huffing puffing and feeling like I was going to hurl, pass-out or both, so I figured I would work up to 30-40 minutes :) I've got a few 'new' cardio sessions I want to throw into the pot including some belly dancing tapes I picked up recently. May as well keep things interesting.

My lunches are packed, chicken is defroting, and I'm getting ready to set out breakfast. Workout is done and I'm going to put a lid on the day and call it a success!

I spent most of the day yesterday hungry. I have no idea why - I ate a LOT yesterday, but for some reason I had a bad case of the tummy rumbles. No problem with that today! I'm full to the very tip top. Strange how the body can be sometimes.

I got a new workout plan today and I can't WAIT to try it out.

Well I need to get going so I can get home, get through all the things I need to do and get to bed early!

I stayed completely on plan yesterday. I took a walk at lunch and used that for my workout. It wasn't as stenuous as I would have liked, but I haven't been feeling very good lately so it had to do. I also got my grochery shopping done and fixed all my lunches for today - last night. It was so nice to get up this morning and just have to reach in and grab a loaded bag full of food. I've also got tonight's dinner already maranating. All steps in the right direction.

Total weight loss for January 2005? 4.5 lbs

Not great, but not terrible either. I have to say that I'm satisifed with that. February will be even better! I want to get to 195 by the end of this month. Yes it's agressive, but I know that if I stay focused I can do it. My goals for toady are to once again pre-make my lunches for tomorrow and run on the treadmill.

I also need to start thinking about how to handle the end of this week. We've got plans to eat out both Thursday and Friday. At the moment my thought is to eat very conservatively on Thursday as we're going to a burger place and I think I can pass on most the food there without many regrets. However Friday night is a fancy smancy steak house place that 1 - is one of the top places in the country and 2 - is being paid for by someone else. I think I'll indulge :) there are times when it's worth it. Truthfully though, other then desert I don't think Friday night should be that damaging. It is, as I said, a REALLY nice steak house that usually means that they fix NICE steaks that don't require a lot of extra sauces or oils. Then, if I order veggies and take it easy on the potato, I'm doing grand. For desert - yeah, I'll indulge but I'll share it with my "date". I think I'll also put another 'tip' to use, and ask them for a take home box to be brought with my entre' that way I can cut my food into the correct portion sizes as soon as it arrives and pack the rest away.

Here's to a GREEN day!

although I'm in the middle of my own personal challenge, I'm staring my 'offical' BFL challenge today. I'll be working on my pictures and getting my stats together tonight. I'll also be FINALLY going past the store and picking up my food for the week. No excuses.


Lastly, I'll be doing an upperbody workout tonight.


I've still got 100% support from my sweetheart. I told him I'm going to win a million bucks from the BFL challenge and he said that was alright with him ;) heh. I'm so ready to kick some butt and start feeling better, both physically and mentally. I've got a few pair of jeans to fit in to!

Everything finally caught up with me yesterday - I ended up sick.

I left work early went to bed at 6:00pm and ended up sleeping until this morning. I'm feeling MUCH better today. YAY

Monday I start my first 'official' Body for Life challenge. I only NOW got my materials. I was kind of bummed to not get them earlier, but hey that's the way it goes. BUT the BFL thing doesn't change anything here. I"m in the middle of a 12 week challenge and that challenge sticks. Saturday is my four weeks. I have to say I'm not looking forward to the new pictures but they have to be done. I have no one to blame for my lack of progress but myself.

I haven't figured out if I just stop posting when I struggle or if I struggle because I stop posting. Either way I haven't been back on track since the 14th. Yeah, I've been busy. So busy I just want to drop into a deep dark cave and hide there for days. Everything in my life has fallen behind - the books, the housework - everything. And of course, me being me, that means that I put myself LAST as always. No workouts, and no planning, no pre-making my meals. I did ok food wise for a while. Eating on the fly but continuing to make good choices. And then as the stress levels went up slowly the choices got worse and worse.

The good news, I'm down but not out. I've not gained weight and I'm still fighting to see this 12 weeks through to the end. I also have a so many people around me who love and support me. Marie - you're an angel and I appreciate all the work you've done to give me a plan that I would be WONDERFUL if I could just put it into action. And my fiance' is my rock. I've never met anyone who know's exactly how to motivate me and exactly the right thing to say. He gently reminds me of my goals when I struggle. He reminds me that he wants me to be healthy so that I can be around for him for a long long time. He takes care of SO many things so that I COULD have the time to workout and plan and all those other things if I would just step away from my work for a moment or two.

It's time to look back at all that planning I did before the year started. To remind myself that this CAN be done if I simply set my priorities right.

Today I pick myself, dust myself off and set my feet back on the path.

The past few days have been a bit of a struggle. Well - I don't know if struggle is exactly the word for it. Food has been cool. I had a full out Free day on Sunday. But I needed it - mentally. The only problem was that I haven't worked out since thursday night. The wierd thing is that I didn't even struggle with it. I just didn't do it, without a single thought. Wierd. Oh well. New week and I'm ready and willing to hit it hard once again. I have a new meal plan (Thank You Marie) that I will be putting into effect tomorrow. We'll see how it goes.

Progress? Well I was down to 204.5 today - that's 4 lbs total. I wish it was more, but I'll take what I can get. it will be a HUGE relief for me to get below 200 - I'm looking to see that number by the end of the month!

Got to get back to work. I'll try to update again and do some shouts tonight!

So, yesterday went great. Food was good choices and I got my run in at about 10:00pm. I was really proud of myself and my control yesterday. My boss took me out to lunch and I ordered the chicken. Then, when they set a plate in front of me that had not one, not two but THREE entire chicken breasts, plus about a cup and a half of mashed potatoes and about a cup of steamed veggies, I sat there and ate good smart portions; one of the chicken breasts, ½ of the potatoes and all the veggies. Later when I was in Wallgreens I started craving chocolate. I thought to myself, “I’ll get a protein bar” As I browsed the protein bars it occurred to me that I wasn’t really ‘hungry’ as in stomach hungry, but I was mouth/head hungry. While I’m all for essaying a craving now and then, it didn’t mean that I needed to sit there and snarf an entire 200+ calorie protein bar. So I skipped the bar, skipped the chocolate and once I left the store, the cravings were gone anyway!

I woke up this morning aching from heat to toe! My chest, triceps and back are sore from my upper body workout, my butt and legs are sore from the lower body workout and the running and my right foot is reacting to the running (Plantar Fasciitis) All but the foot makes me feel GREAT. I’m just going to have to watch my running a little bit and see if I can keep the swelling and pain down in my foot. More stretching, taping my foot and some ibuprofen should get me through.

Looking forward to another great day!

Another Green day in the books - got my upper body workout in, and since it was week 2 I added another excercise into the pot and upped my weights on almost everything.

Swiss Ball Barbell Press:

30 x 12
35 x 10
40 x 8
45 x 6
40 x 12

Flyes

12 x 12

Upright Rows

10 x 12
15 x 10
20 x 8
25 x 6
20 x 12

Dumbell Shoulder Press

12 x 12

Bent Rows

30 x 12
35 x 10
40 x 8
45 x 6
40 x 12

Bent Flyes

12 x 12

And added this week...

Pushups:

Full x 0
Negative x 10
Knees x 12

I've already hit ONE of my 1/2 way goals. I'm a LONG way from doing 10 full pushups though! sheesh!

That's enough out of me. It's 1:00 AM time to hit the hay (right after I order my new set of weights! whoop!)

I happened to be looking through pictures and I found the photos I took Jan 5th last year! I can't believe how much I lost over the past year. I know, it's no use crying over split milk. But still! I NEVER EVER EVER want to have to look at this kind of backsliding again. REALLY!


The other thing that it's done is give me a little hope. In just 12 weeks I believe I can be really close to where I was at the first of last year. That means that in 12 weeks I can looking a LOT better!

I just went back and checked my journal. I was around 185 on Jan 5th last year. While I'll not get back there in 12 weeks. I know I can get close, and I know each week no - each day is going to bring me one step closer to being there

I had a good day yesterday. Food was ok and I upped my speed on the treadmil again. About 1/2 way through my workout I started making plans as to what I was going to do if I couldn't make it 1 minute at the top speed. Then I realized what I was doing. I was planning to FAIL! Finally I told myself, you ARE going to make it, stop thinking about quitting before you've even started. So instead of sitting on the 'mill' and visualizing quitting. I visualized myself running through the entire workout. And I did it. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't close to being impossible. So Thursday, the speed will go up another .1. That means that on Thursday, I will have added .5 miles per hour to each of my 1 min intervals.

Today is upper body. I can't wait to get in there and add a little to my bench press numbers. Tonight is also a 'free meal' night. Not exactly sure I'm going to go all out though. I may order on the conservative side, and then ask them to bring a box with my meal so I can put 1/2 of it away before I even start. The big 'treat' is going to be that I'll allow myself some desert, and if I'm already full - how can I enjoy the sweet stuff at the end.

Mentally, last night was not a good night. Even though my 'actions' have been really good so far, I started feeling really frustrated and helpless. The old thoughts of, "Your never going to make it, so why bother" started going through my head. I managed to shake most of them out. I have a feeling that it's really just homeostasis setting in, my body fighting the changes I'm making. If I stay the course then eventually by body will recognize that THIS is the natural state of things. At least that's what they tell me. As I've said before, there are days that I despair that I will ALWAYS be fighting cravings and the urge to overeat. But none of that means I should QUIT.

I'm not sure the calorie/nutrition split is the best but here is my favorite recipe for pumpkin. It's now a tradition at our house. You could probably modify it to make it fit whatever plan you're on.

INGREDIENTS:
1/2 pound andouille sausage, diced
1/4 cup butter
1 1/4 cups chopped onion
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1 1/2 pounds pumpkin puree
1/4 cup praline liqueur
7 cups chicken stock
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
3/8 cup heavy cream

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DIRECTIONS:
Cook diced sausage in skillet with 2 tablespoons butter for 5 minutes.
Add onion and cook until soft. Add thyme and pumpkin OR sweet potatoes and cook 5 minutes.
Add liqueur, broth, and brown sugar. Cover and simmer over low heat for 45 minutes, or until pumpkin OR potatoes are tender.
In blender puree soup in batches. Return to pan and stir in cream and remaining 2 tablespoons butter. Warm but do not boil. Serve immediately.

Nutrition Info
Servings Per Recipe: 7

Amount Per Serving
** Calories: 340
** Total Fat: 21.6g
** Cholesterol: 49mg
** Sodium: 1797mg
** Total Carbs: 27.6g
** Dietary Fiber: 3.4g
** Protein: 10.8g



also check www.allrecipes.com and do an ingrediant search for pumpkin. There's only about 20 or so for soup alone! :)

Oh - and if you do make this soup - one word of caution. When blending hot soup, only put about 1 1/2 cups of soup in the blender at a time. The first time I did it, I filled the blender, put the lid on (Holding it down with my hand of course) and then hit the switch. It EXPLODED! The force was strong enough to blow the lid off. I got scalding hot soup all over my arm (was borderline 2nd degree burn). Not to mention it was on the wall the celing floor... EVERYWHERE. I was lucky I didn't have my face closer.

Anyway - have fun. I would love to know how your veggie challenge goes.

I just took out 5-16oz bottles of water and set them on my desk. I'm setting a goal of getting through them today.

I got the rest of my 'goal' jeans last night. I'll have to take a picture in the first two - on so I can remember how they 'used' to fit later on. This is going to be a long journey, and I'm going to need some successes early on to help keep my moral up.

I wish my desk was closer to the bathroom

I just took out 5-16oz bottles of water and set them on my desk. I'm setting a goal of getting through them today.

I got the rest of my 'goal' jeans last night. I'll have to take a picture in the first two - on so I can remember how they 'used' to fit later on. This is going to be a long journey, and I'm going to need some successes early on to help keep my moral up.

Yesterday went OK. I did a lot of driving which always wreaks havock on my eating schedule (Getting up at 5:00am to drive the kids to school)

I was hungry several times during the day so I think I need to watch it, and make sure I'm getting enough food in each of my meals. The best part was coming home last night and seeing my sweety standing in front of the stove cooking. As soon as I came in he got all excited, showing me the rice and veggies he was stirring up. He kept asking, "Is this ok? You can eat this right?" He really is the BEST I swear!

I got another truncated leg/ab workout in last night. Since last week went so well I really upped the weight on the squats. In total my workout looked like this:

Super sets of squats and straight legged dead lifts

40lbs x 12
45lbs x 10
50 lbs x 8

Swiss ball crunches
12
10
8
6
12
Leg lifts
12

I felt really good after and unless I get instructions otherwise I'm going to add the next set on Thursday 55lbs x 6 for each.

today's plan includes a 20 minute HIIT run and maybe I'll hit the pilates for 10 minutes or so. I'm really thrilled that of the muscle I lost, I seem to have lost the least in my core. All those years of my mother telling me 'stand up straight' have finally paid off!

I haven't checked measurements yet, but so far I can't say as I've had thrilling results. I'm down 2.5lbs (that 5lb loss was just a one day glich it seems) and my pants arn't feeling looser yet. I think I just need to watch the Quality of my food closer. Or maybe I just need to give myself more then 1 week to see results? Hmmm ya think?

Yesterday was a rest day. No workout. What was funny is I found myself thinking about working out and actually LIKING it! geeze! I had to remind myself that it was a rest day. Today It's lower body. Thank goodness I've recovered from last week's workout. I'll probably try to push it a little harder this time, but still don't want to cripple myself.

Food has been a little harder. I kept finding myself in the kitchen looking in the cupboards yesterday. I had a bad case of the 'munchies'. I managed to skip any unautherised foods, so, another green day in the books. I'm starting to really like my calendar looking this way.

I'm doing what needs to be done and it feels good. I just wish my clothes fit better already! What can I say, I'm impatient. It's been a week - should I start to feel more comfortable? heh

I'm still doing all I can to visualize myself as a 'fit' person. There are days when it's harder then others, but I'm managing. I'm getting so much help and support from those around me! Thank you to everyone here.

Yeah I had to do it again. A late night workout, but I did it and I'm SO GLAD!

Another green day in the books. Had a free meal at Der Weinersnitzel - mini corn dogs were SO worth it. The best part was after it was done I stopped and got right back on plan. To quote an old friend of mine WOOP ;)

Have a great weekend!

3:00 am time to work chest

Yes, It's really 3:00am and yes I did just finish my workout. BUT, I wasn't going to go to bed until I did.

That's done - another green day in the books.

'nigh y'all

I was reading a post of a fellow 'transformer' and she had created a list of questions she asked herself all the time. I took the list, personalized it a little and added my own answers.

I took your questions and personalized them for me. Only because I have asked these things so often myself and I though it would be good for me. I hope you don't mind.

Why do you feel like you will have issues with your weight for your entire life?

I feel like I will have issues with my weight my entire life because deep inside, I know that I will have to deal with my food addiction EVERY day. The same way an alcoholic or other addict does. The only thing that means is that what every changes I make to lose weight now, will be changes I will have to be able to keep – for life! I can not fall into the trap that I will one day be in ‘ maintenance mode’. Every time I start to get that mentality, I gain again. Instead I have to convince myself that I will ALWAYS be setting and reaching goals. Anything that’s not moving forward is getting stagnant and I DON’T want to get stagnant.


Why do you feel like even if you lose weight you will find something to be unhappy about?

I know, from looking deep within myself and from talking to other people that losing weight is not the answer to all my problems. In fact, the only problem I can solve by being thin is the problem of being overweight. And even thin there may be things about my body I still don’t like. I have a heavy jaw and my eyebrows don’t arch – does that mean I shouldn’t lose weight? No. While a hefty portion of weight loss is about vanity and looking good. Another part is about being healthy and fit. That’s why I should do it, even if I can’t be ‘perfect’


Why do you look at people who have lost weight and feel jealous inside and am not as encouraging as you could be. Is it because you are mad inside that its not you?

I think the question is already answered. I spend a lot of time hating myself. A healthy mind rejects those feelings and to help ease them starts to project them on others. So when I see someone else who has lost weight it much easier for my mind and my pride to think evil things about them, then to realize that with hard work, “That could be me!” I’ve tried to work on this over the years. I’m getting closer to the point that I can look at someone’s who’s lost weight and think – If they have done it so can I!

Why do you look at people who are heavier than you and rationalize with myself that "at least im not that big, it could be worse"

These thoughts are much like what I spoke on before. I can make myself hate myself less when I see someone else who ‘worse’ off then me. What was humbling to me was the day I said, “Hey at least I’m not THAT big” and my fiancé just looked at me. It was then I realized that I WAS that big and if I didn’t do something about it, I would continue down the long spiral to obesity and eventually end of one of those women who couldn’t get out of her house.

Why do you try and blame your weight on being bloated, or having IBS, or being on your period?

Again, the same reasons as before. My psyche doesn’t like me hating myself. So let’s deflect and defuse. I’ll hate my period instead – or blame other health issues. What really has to happen though, is that I need to stop hating and start LOVING myself enough to make a change!

Why do you look at in shape people and find reasons to put them down??

Ditto ;)

Why do you let your relationship with your boyfriend and your intimacy suffer because you are not happy with your weight?

It’s hard to love someone when you’re holding so much self-loathing inside. What I have to do is realize I’m not a ‘bad’ person. I’m an overweight person. At least ‘fat’ I can change. Overall I’m a nice person, and I deserve love and affection despite my weight. What I finally came to realize is that this person I loved deserved to have someone who was fit and healthy and who would be around to love him for a very long time. AND that he deserved the BEST of me fat or skinny.

Why do you buy endless fitness magazines and healthy food and always manage to either gain weight or stay exactly the same?

I buy fitness magazines often to ‘find the answer’. Maybe this one will contain the magic exercise, the perfect phase, the motivating factor that will make it all come together and HAPPEN. But none of it does unless I get up and DO some of it. The motivation for THAT has to come from within.

Why do you even bother to write down goals if you never follow them?

Because not setting goals means giving up hope. That I NEVER do. Hope and determination will always be my constant companions.

Why do you have all this workout equipment and clothes that just collect dust all the time?

For the same reason I always buy fitness magazines. The thought that maybe a new pair of yoga pants will make me get up in the morning. That having a treadmill at home will take away some of my excuses. That the new weight machine will get me lifting three times a week like I should.

Why is it that EVERY single day of your life you have to have some sort of issue with your weight or what you’re eating?!?!

Because I don’t always realize that the world is bigger then just me. I tend to look inside myself too often and too long until the focus of my existence becomes ME. Then I have to take a microscope to everything I am and everything I do. And usually it means that I have to take issue with it. And then – because I’m an emotional eater I sooth my issues with food. Or, I try to use iron clad will power to make the food ‘MIND’. The food isn’t ‘bad’ just the way I deal with it. When I can cure the disease – THEN the symptoms will go away.

I increased my speed another .1 per interval. Added a little more distance to my run and still felt good. I think Saturday I'll do it again. The plan is to continue to add .1 per interval until I find I absolutly CAN'T keep it up. Then I'll drop it and stay at that level for a while. I haven't found that - I can't go on level yet but when I do, you'll hear about it ;)

Another great day on the way. I have to say it's SO exciting to look over and see that string of 'on plan' days on my calendar. I like it - a LOT! I want to keep this momentem going.

Food is good so far, and I have my lunch packed and ready. The steak is in the fridge for dinner tonight so no excuses. Best of all - between having my period and losing that first week's water weight, I've dropped 5.5 lbs this week. That's always a nice motivating factor.

So far no out of site urges to eat or out of control cravings. If I could only stay like this always, I would never look the way I look now! I'm sure the going will get rough some day soon. All I can do now is prepare myself as best I can.

Has anyone else tried the new Body for Life bars and shakes? I’m liking them!

I had another excellent day! put another 1.25 miles on the treadmill. I've really been enjoying my workouts! Food went GREAT and I'm feeling wonderful. As I said before, one thing I've been doing a lot of lately is visulizing my success. I've figured out that I did a LOT of that when I had success bofore, so I'm doing my best to make that a part of my daily journey. Nothing gets me more excited about working out then imagining the stunned look on myco-worker's faces at the next Christmas Party! Things like that make it easier to pass up Double-double at in and out.

Today went better. I think 1/2 my issue was that I was overtired. Not getting enough sleep is a real mood issue for me. I'm better now and have enjoyed the day immencely. Food was great today and I had a GREAT lower body workout that already has my butt complaining - and I took it EASY! egads! I'm hoping to get up and run tomorrow. I may have to go slow and warm up a LOT, but I'm not going to give up my cardio and that's a fact!

Another green day in the books - can you believe it!?

Oh I forgot!

I got a booster shot of motivation today! The size 6 jeans came in the mail. OMG I can not WAIT until they fit! Only five sizes to go! heh!

I got a booster shot of motivation today! The size 6 jeans came in the mail. OMG I can not WAIT until they fit! Only five sizes to go! heh

Things haven't been as structured as I would like, but it's still going well. Yesterday was a bad day. Not for diet and excercise, that I managed, but mentally. I have no idea what it is about my birthday that sends me into a tailspin every year. Actually - I usually start getting depressed on New Year's eve but this year the excitement of starting my new life as a fit healthy person seemed to hold that off. But yesterday the blues hit. I was cranky and depressed and I found fault with everything - even my birthday present. I fianlly hit the threadmill and did everything I could to drain the negative feelings out of myself with the run. It didn't work. Since my fiance was already asleep (at ONLY 9:00pm) I bundled him into bed and started reading the book I had bought for myself the night before. THAT finally seemed to work.

I'm feeling fine today. All those negative black feelings are gone. I wish I knew what caused them because I would do anything to be happy and cheerful like a normal person. Maybe it's because, on my birthday it's one of the few days I turn into a truely selfish person. I actually 'expect' to be treated special. So little things like my fiance' bringing his son over, and not arrainging so we could spend the night alone - and not being able to go do something special like dinner. And then getting a new cell phone for a present that, while it's really nice, I don't really want or need, but will use anyway because it was a present. Not getting phone calls from either of my parents was kind of a bummer. And not being able to spend my birthday with my kids really killed me. I really missed not waking up to shinny little face smiling and yelling, "Happy birthday Mommy!"

I guess the real problem is I'm spoiled. I have a man who treats me special EVERY SINGLE DINGLE day. So, to make my birthday stand out he would REALLY have to pull out all the stops. And truthfully, if I had to choose between someone who is kind, loving and patient 365 days a year, or someone who knew how to throw a mean party 1 day a year. I choose the first.

So, enough of my pitty party. I'll get over it. I aways do. The good news is I'm finally the age I've been telling people I am for about 9 months. For some reason last year I got it in my head I was already 36 and kept saying that I was. I guess one advantage to that I don't go through number shock on my birthday. The bad part is I keep having to remind myself I didn't just turn 37. Yes, my brain is wierd.

Anyway - on to fitness! After all I think that's what the focus of this board is supposed to be ;) I ran last night and bumped each interval up .1 It wasn't that hard to do so I think I'll do the same on Thursday when I run again. I haven't done legs yet today - but it's in the plan. This workout will be the trickiest becuase I'm very capable of pushing too hard and leaving myself unable to walk for a week. I suppose I should go get some breakfast now! and get up and around. I think I'm going to declare a mulligan and say that TODAY's my birthday and do everything I wanted to do yesterday (like take the day off from work)

Have a great one everyone!

Really busy at work today - almost overwhelming, but I wanted to take a moment and check it.

Yesterday went as planned. I stayed on plan until dinner, ate a 'free' dinner (It was yummy) and then back on plan for the rest of the evening. So - a GREEN day! whoop.

This morning was going to be a 'free meal' for breakfast, but the food was so crappy that I skipped it and had 'planned' food later. Why waste a free meal on crappy food? I'll save those calories for something good!

I was away from home, so I didn't get my run in this morning, but I'm planning on hitting the old 'tread' when I get home tonight. I'll do some stretching and pilates after. So it's all pretty much set!

Lack of sleep and stress at work has my enthusiasm dulled a bit. But I'm not having the urge to eat anything unautherized. I don't even have a list of 'cheat' foods created because I haven't been craving anything. If this keeps up it will be clear sailing.

I purchased the PC version of FitDay in order to try it out. I have to say - I LOVE IT! Everything I liked about the online verson and more.

OH - and the weight dropped today AND I'm starting to feel that nice tight feeling in my tummy that comes when I'm eating right - I have no doubt I've lost a few inches of swelling already. Look out folks! I'm on a ROLL.

It's only 9:00am, and I've already accplished so much! I'm high on my own success at the moment! The day started right when I leavered my arse out of bed at 5:00AM (a miracle for me) and started weight training. The workout was great! It felt so great to be pumping iron again.

Swiss Ball Press

20 x 12
25 x 10
30 x 8
35 x 6
30 x 12

Flye

12 x 12

Standing Upright Rows

10 x 12
15 x 10
20 x 8
25 x 6
20 x 12

Shoulder Press

12 x 12

Bent Barbell Row

30 x 12
35 x 10
40 x 8
45 x 6
40 x 12

Bent Flye

12 x 12

I skipped tris and bis mainly because they were already feeling fried by the other work I had done. I figured it made no sense to push it too far on my first day back. I expect to see those numbers to go up in the near future, but I really please with how I felt during, and AFTER my workout, for now. I know I've had a perfect workout, when I'm tired at the end of it, but within 2 hours I get this RUSH that makes me want to go in and do it again (Not that I could)

After that, I made a shake, showered and basically puttered around and did all those things that I never seem to have time for in the morning: Check mail, gather all things together so I don't forget anything, things like that. My lunches and second breakfast were already packed so I was ready to go, and was into work, well before my 'normal' time of 9:00AM.

The 'I did it' feeling has me aglow! I can't tell you how much the 'visualization' I've been working on has helped me. I've found a new use for my always active imagination! Last night, before I went to bed I laid there and 'visualized' how I wanted my morning to go. I imagined the alarm going off, and me waking up clear headed and alert, turning it off and getting out of bed immediatly. I went through the steps of getting dressed and heading to the other room to workout. Did it happen exactly as I imagined? No - but there is no doubt in my mind that mentally preparing myself did MUCH to get my butt out of bed this morning.

I use the same technique for other things. In my head I try to put myself into tempting situations and imagine the BEST possible outcome. Things like, walking past the pile of goodies they still have sitting here at work. Or ording chicken and salad and passing up the fries. That way, I've already come up with all the good/positive excuses why not to, and I've practiced saying them in my head, LONG before the tempation is staring me in a face. It's certainly something I'm going to keep on doing.

The plan for the rest of the day is pretty simple. As I said before, my lunches are packed. Dinner is a planned 'free meal' and my workout is done. I forsee today becoming another green mark on my calendar.

I didn't have the 'perfect day' today. Ran out of the house without breakfast and stayed out all day, forcing me to play it by ear, instead of using my meal plan. BUT I did ok. Stuck to good whole foods and avoided the french fries at Carls Jr. For those of you who don't know - Carls offers a whole grilled plane chicken breast (though it's not on the menu) and most also have a salad bar. A diet saver if ever there was one.

Food for tomorrow is all planned out, and I'll go make my lunches as soon as I get up from here. Tomorrow night is the first of two 'free meals' for the week. No plan in place and we're going out - we're also going to stay overnight in a hotel for a little treat, breakfast is my second and LAST free meal of the week.

I have a question for all of you. There are several of us at work that have started working out and/or dieting recently (two guys who started the first of this month and two girls who started with the begining of the year) I've been trying to figure out some sort of 'challenge' that we could do between us all. The problem is I don't want to do anything based on weight loss (too many varied goals) and I'm certainly not going to parade around in a bikini so that we could do a visual transformation check. Does anyone have any ideas? Because I would love to be motivated by and be able to motivate others on their journey - and there is something about a compition with people I see every day that's incredably motivating. (The Body Blog challenge a few years ago was a huge motivation for me).

So, ideas anyone?

After spending the day feeling pretty strong and very pleased with myself, I finally broke down and took my starting pictures. To say I was stunned, is an understatment. All those months of telling myself, 'It's not that bad." jumped up and slapped me in the face. It's BAD! After looking through the shots I had to go in and give my fiance' a big hug and kiss for managing to look at me every day, and still want me. Sheesh!

My first thought was to go lock myself in a dark room and curl up in a little ball. BUT, I'm trying my best to keep a postive look out. After all, it's bad now, but this is the last time I will look like this. Tomorrow it will be better, and then next day it will be better, and those days will build into weeks and before long I'll have pictures I'll be able to glance at without wanting to throw myself off of a high place. And by the end of the year, I'll have pictures that I'll want to make into t-shirts and wear to the mall because I'll be so proud to say 'That's Me!' And think of the dramatic transformation this will make when I'm finished! Heh - at least that's what I've been tellling myself. The good news is I didn't go run for a doughnut or something else to sooth my pain. I'm emotionally mature enough now to know that food doesn't solve my problems.

As for the rest of my day... It's been great. I've eaten clean and on plan all day (albeit late) and I ran for 20 minutes, did some streching for 10 minutes and did 10 minutes of pilates. I'm feeling physically better after only 1 day and that's encouraging in and of itself.

I also weighed and did my measurements. ICK!

Weight 208.5

Masurments:

Neck: 14
Chest: 39.5
Bust: 46.5
Ribs: 37.5
Hips: 49.25
Butt: 49
Thigh: 27.5
Calf: 15.5
Upper Arm: 15.5
Bicep: 13
Forarm 10.75
Wrist: 6.13
Ankle: 8.75

None of this changes my goals - Although the next 12 weeks are going to mean making up lost ground I'm not going to let that get me down. It has to be done and ti won't be any easier for me whining about it. The only thing I can do is make sure I've learned my lesson and not let myself be in this position again.

Food is planned for tomorrow:

1. Cheese Crusted Potatoes
2. Power Muffins
3. Turkey Sandwich
4. chicken in white wine
5. Protein pudding
6: Banana Yogurt

Workout is planned as well:

Uh - it's a free day so I plan to walk around the mall - I'm going to wear a pedometer and see how many steps I can do. (some days - having short legs is an advantage)

Shopping is done, meals are planned.

It's going to be a GREAT week.

My program and the new year, starts today, and I couldn't be more excited! I've got everything I need in place, a plan, goals, and a support system.

My menues and workouts are all planned. I need to do a bit of shopping, but nothing that can't wait until Sunday. That's one of the things I like about my plan right now.

My goals for today are pretty simple. Eat according to my plan, and excercise.

Food Plan:

1. Breakfast Wrap
2. Breakfast Loaf (like a homemade protien bar)
3. Chicken Quesadilla
4. (After my run) Banana/Yogurt Protein Shake
5. Steak and potatoes
6. Bread Pudding

My Planned Workout is:

20 minute HIIT Run
10 minutes of streching
10 minutes of pilates

Pretty simple plan right now. I want to get a feel for what shape I'm in before I start setting more physical goals. It would be silly to set a goal that would be too easily reached.

Other then that I want to get my pictures, weight and measuring done.

Personally, I need to get all my begining balances entered into my Money program and in Quicken. Now that we're completely reliant on our own business for Nige's income we need to be a little more careful with our paperwork.

I think that's all for now. I'll add more stuff as I think about about it.

Happy New Year

I can't believe it - I did it. I made the financial commitment and purchased 6 pairs of jeans - 1 in each size from 16 to 6.

I also commmitted to my daughter that I would fit into those size 6 jeans before the end of the year - she's going to be a big motivator, I know it!

If I don’t make things important to me, I’ll never be disappointed. This apathetic attitude, that’s pretty much the pattern of my life really relates to my weight loss pattern. Typically I set goals with a ‘yeah, it would be great if’ kind of attitude. Great, but not essential. That way I’m allowed to feel accomplished if I succeed, but I’m hardly disappointed if I don’t. I can’t tell you how often I use the words, “Oh well… Such is life”.

The good news is that this attitude saves me a lot of stress. I don’t worry much, because hey, stuff happens. I don’t run myself into a frenzy trying to get things done, because things that get done, get done, and those that don’t, well they aren’t THAT important.

What I haven’t quite figured out yet, though, is how I change my ‘floating through life’ attitude so that I can accomplish more, without losing the parts of myself that I like, and continuing to life pretty much stress free. How do I make my health and weight loss goals important enough that I don’t skip a workout or make poor choices. I realize that to do this, I’m probably going to have to invest some emotion in my goals, and that doesn’t feel comfortable. I hate being disappointed and worse of all, I hate to disappoint myself. But, maybe it’s time to step out of my comfort zone. Maybe it’s time to push myself outside of the gym, if only to make sure that I make it there to push myself again.

Something to think about at least.

The first is getting closer and closer. I’m working on planning my first week of meals. I’m also creating a calendar for myself in my Calendar creator program, listing all my workouts and with another ‘body I admire’ for each month for inspiration. I’m also doing all I can to find my weaknesses, and setting new plans to help me succeed. The first new habit I’m going to create is to write down everything I eat each day. I know I ALWAYS do a better job of eating and snack a lot less when I have to write it down. Knowing I have to write down everything that goes into my mouth usually makes me think twice before I put it there. May as well take advantage of my inherent laziness after all. I’ve also worked really hard on creating a daily schedule that not only leaves me time to exercise, but to journal and plan my meals the way I need to. I know this is an important element for me, but I also know that it has a tendency to overtake my life. I need to find balance between having a healthy life and having a life. Mainly I’ve been focusing on my mental attitude. Building a support system both internally and externally. Setting myself up to succeed by foreseeing and overcoming problems BEFORE I’ve found myself at the bottom of a box of chocolates. My biggest issue? The ‘I want it now’ attitude. When it comes to the choice between having my cake today, or loosing 2 lbs tomorrow – I’ll almost always have the cake. After all, it feels good NOW, and there’s always next week to lose those 2 lbs. I need to create a sense of urgency, within myself, a need to lose those 2 lbs THIS week, that will overpower the urge for the cake today. At the same time, I don’t want to become insanely focused on the scale. I’ve tried the mental attitude that this is about being healthy, and not just about weight, but – that hasn’t worked yet. So rather then try the same thing over and over and getting no results, I’ve got to figure out a new approach. It’s all a learning process, and trial and error. You can bet, that I if I find a trigger that works, I’ll shout from the mountain top!

Something else I’m doing different this time? I’m starting my challenge on a Saturday. This way I’ve put my ‘planning time’ on a Friday Night or Saturday Morning – OR – if I don’t plan Saturday’s a day I can usually ‘wing it’ without too many consequences because I’m at home, and Sunday’s a free day anyway so I’ve got basically two days to finalize my planning for the next week before I have to go back to work. As I said I’m trying to set myself up to succeed in every way I can.

As much as I hate the whole 'New Year Resolution' deal, I can say that the 'goals' I've set myself for the new year have me looking forward to the change of the calendar more then I ever have. There is something inside me that says, "This is the year it all changes". Not just nutritionally, but in other ways as well.

One of the biggest things that's happening in our lives is that Nigel has resigned, and Jan 1st is his first day working for, ME! Well for us really, but we like to joke that I'm his new boss. We've been trying to get our own business running for two years now, and we just couldn't find the time. So we finally desided to take an enormous leep of faith and MAKE the time. No more, 'When we have all our bills payed off" or "When we have a year's worth of income saved".

As I said before I've set the bar pretty high for my personal fitness goals. Nov 1st is when I plan to hit goal. Yes,it's agressive. But I belive it's achievable. I'm not allowing myself a lot of 'slurge' room, but I think that's a good thing. I've also been doing a LOT of visualization. Yes, it's still hard for me to visulize myself as thin fit and at goal, but I can imagine I'm somebody else and THAT person is thin, fit and at goal. Funny thing the mind. I'm a pretty good actress, so I think that 'acting' like a thin fit person might be the key for me. Play the part long enough and you become it. At least that's what I'm going to do.

Besides the trip that Nigel has promised me (When I reach goal) I have another goal. Next year for christmas I want to give him a 'pin up' calendar. som of the AMAZING transformation photos I have seen have inspired me to want to do something similar, for 'his' eyes only of course. But just imagining being able to confidently pose for something like that has been a BIG inspiration for me.

I'll be posting some definative goals soon. This week will be a LOT Of planning I'm looking forward to it! Better get started.

Hey everyone - Not much to report, progress or otherwise. I've managed to keep things rather moderate over the past few days. Christmas, of course, is running me ragged. My son and daughter spent the weekend with me, and haven't really set a date to go back to thier dad's. They are supposted to go back before Christmas, I know that. Then they are back with me for a week until New Year. For those of you who knew me before I can say that a LOT has happend over the past year, and things between my kids and I have improved 110%. My son is even talking about coming to live with me. Oh - and the ex got married. Life is GREAT. My fiance' and I haven't gotten married yet. We're still waiting for enough money to go on our honeymoon. It will happen when it happens. Until then we're happy, and in love. We will have been engaged two years on New Years, and most people have stopped asking when the date is. We're more committed to each other then many of the married folks I know, so I can't see how a piece of paper can change anything.

Healthwise I'm doing ok. I've gained a lot of weight back, but I've got a plan in place for that. I've also got an awsome inspiration. Last night as we were laying in bed discussing Christmas Nigel and I started talking about gift for each other. I mentioned that I've really struggled with what to give him, just because he's such a hard person to buy things for. He pulled me close and said, "You know, one of hte best gifts you could give me would be for you to lose this weight and be happy with yourself" Ok - I know some women would be completely offended by something like that, but if you knew my sweety you would know that he would only say something like that with the deepest of love in his heart.

So he and I started talking about my goals. I told him that I've figured out that if I started full bore in January and kept with it, I could reach my goal in time for Thanksgiving. So he said. I'll tell you what, if you reach your goal, then as a celebration we'll go to New York City and watch the Ball Drop next New Year's Eve. He also promised me a shopping spree which, belive me, I'm going to take him up on.

One of the things I'm going to do as an 'investment' in my goals is I'm going to hit up a store and buy 6 pairs of jean - from size 16 (my current size) to size 6 (my goal size) all the exact same brand and style. That way I'll have a true impartial measure of my progress. I'll easily be able to measure how close I am to the next 'goal' without being side tracked by the difference in size between brands.

I'm looking forward to the coming year and the challenges it will bring.

Happy Holiday's to you all! and thank you for the welcome back!

It's that time again. The time when everyone on the planet is recommitting themselves to loosing weight getting fit, and 1000 other promises that we'll forget about before the end of January.

I'm no different. I'm recommitting; looking to regain that focus that I had. Looking to make it last longer then a day or two. The only time in my life when I was successful was when I was posting faithfully - here. And so I start again.

I've backslid. More then backslid it seems. Today's weight 203, and what have I had so far to eat? A cinnamon roll and a muffin. I haven't picked up a weight or stepped on the treadmill in months. I've got every excuse under the sun. I'm too busy, I'm too tired, I'm too...stupid is more like. It's time to put myself first again. It's time to start feeling GOOD about myself again; mentally AND physically.

And so I'm here - looking for a little tough love and a lot of ideas and support. I'm going to start slowly the end of this year. As much as I would love to jump in with both feet right away I know that this is the holiday season and I'm going to enjoy it. That's not to say I'm giving my self the excuse to continue the way I've been going. It just means that I might walk instead of run one day, or only do 3 sets instead of 5. It means that I'll have a piece of chocolate on a day other then my free day but not the whole box.

But, I'm going to make progress, each and EVERY day.

As for 2005 - I've got some goals - I'm going to plant the idea that THIS is the year I'm going to reach my goal. It's time to stop saying one day, and make it happen today.