Another great day on the way. I have to say it's SO exciting to look over and see that string of 'on plan' days on my calendar. I like it - a LOT! I want to keep this momentem going.

Food is good so far, and I have my lunch packed and ready. The steak is in the fridge for dinner tonight so no excuses. Best of all - between having my period and losing that first week's water weight, I've dropped 5.5 lbs this week. That's always a nice motivating factor.

So far no out of site urges to eat or out of control cravings. If I could only stay like this always, I would never look the way I look now! I'm sure the going will get rough some day soon. All I can do now is prepare myself as best I can.

Has anyone else tried the new Body for Life bars and shakes? I’m liking them!

I had another excellent day! put another 1.25 miles on the treadmill. I've really been enjoying my workouts! Food went GREAT and I'm feeling wonderful. As I said before, one thing I've been doing a lot of lately is visulizing my success. I've figured out that I did a LOT of that when I had success bofore, so I'm doing my best to make that a part of my daily journey. Nothing gets me more excited about working out then imagining the stunned look on myco-worker's faces at the next Christmas Party! Things like that make it easier to pass up Double-double at in and out.

Today went better. I think 1/2 my issue was that I was overtired. Not getting enough sleep is a real mood issue for me. I'm better now and have enjoyed the day immencely. Food was great today and I had a GREAT lower body workout that already has my butt complaining - and I took it EASY! egads! I'm hoping to get up and run tomorrow. I may have to go slow and warm up a LOT, but I'm not going to give up my cardio and that's a fact!

Another green day in the books - can you believe it!?

Oh I forgot!

I got a booster shot of motivation today! The size 6 jeans came in the mail. OMG I can not WAIT until they fit! Only five sizes to go! heh!

I got a booster shot of motivation today! The size 6 jeans came in the mail. OMG I can not WAIT until they fit! Only five sizes to go! heh

Things haven't been as structured as I would like, but it's still going well. Yesterday was a bad day. Not for diet and excercise, that I managed, but mentally. I have no idea what it is about my birthday that sends me into a tailspin every year. Actually - I usually start getting depressed on New Year's eve but this year the excitement of starting my new life as a fit healthy person seemed to hold that off. But yesterday the blues hit. I was cranky and depressed and I found fault with everything - even my birthday present. I fianlly hit the threadmill and did everything I could to drain the negative feelings out of myself with the run. It didn't work. Since my fiance was already asleep (at ONLY 9:00pm) I bundled him into bed and started reading the book I had bought for myself the night before. THAT finally seemed to work.

I'm feeling fine today. All those negative black feelings are gone. I wish I knew what caused them because I would do anything to be happy and cheerful like a normal person. Maybe it's because, on my birthday it's one of the few days I turn into a truely selfish person. I actually 'expect' to be treated special. So little things like my fiance' bringing his son over, and not arrainging so we could spend the night alone - and not being able to go do something special like dinner. And then getting a new cell phone for a present that, while it's really nice, I don't really want or need, but will use anyway because it was a present. Not getting phone calls from either of my parents was kind of a bummer. And not being able to spend my birthday with my kids really killed me. I really missed not waking up to shinny little face smiling and yelling, "Happy birthday Mommy!"

I guess the real problem is I'm spoiled. I have a man who treats me special EVERY SINGLE DINGLE day. So, to make my birthday stand out he would REALLY have to pull out all the stops. And truthfully, if I had to choose between someone who is kind, loving and patient 365 days a year, or someone who knew how to throw a mean party 1 day a year. I choose the first.

So, enough of my pitty party. I'll get over it. I aways do. The good news is I'm finally the age I've been telling people I am for about 9 months. For some reason last year I got it in my head I was already 36 and kept saying that I was. I guess one advantage to that I don't go through number shock on my birthday. The bad part is I keep having to remind myself I didn't just turn 37. Yes, my brain is wierd.

Anyway - on to fitness! After all I think that's what the focus of this board is supposed to be ;) I ran last night and bumped each interval up .1 It wasn't that hard to do so I think I'll do the same on Thursday when I run again. I haven't done legs yet today - but it's in the plan. This workout will be the trickiest becuase I'm very capable of pushing too hard and leaving myself unable to walk for a week. I suppose I should go get some breakfast now! and get up and around. I think I'm going to declare a mulligan and say that TODAY's my birthday and do everything I wanted to do yesterday (like take the day off from work)

Have a great one everyone!

Really busy at work today - almost overwhelming, but I wanted to take a moment and check it.

Yesterday went as planned. I stayed on plan until dinner, ate a 'free' dinner (It was yummy) and then back on plan for the rest of the evening. So - a GREEN day! whoop.

This morning was going to be a 'free meal' for breakfast, but the food was so crappy that I skipped it and had 'planned' food later. Why waste a free meal on crappy food? I'll save those calories for something good!

I was away from home, so I didn't get my run in this morning, but I'm planning on hitting the old 'tread' when I get home tonight. I'll do some stretching and pilates after. So it's all pretty much set!

Lack of sleep and stress at work has my enthusiasm dulled a bit. But I'm not having the urge to eat anything unautherized. I don't even have a list of 'cheat' foods created because I haven't been craving anything. If this keeps up it will be clear sailing.

I purchased the PC version of FitDay in order to try it out. I have to say - I LOVE IT! Everything I liked about the online verson and more.

OH - and the weight dropped today AND I'm starting to feel that nice tight feeling in my tummy that comes when I'm eating right - I have no doubt I've lost a few inches of swelling already. Look out folks! I'm on a ROLL.

It's only 9:00am, and I've already accplished so much! I'm high on my own success at the moment! The day started right when I leavered my arse out of bed at 5:00AM (a miracle for me) and started weight training. The workout was great! It felt so great to be pumping iron again.

Swiss Ball Press

20 x 12
25 x 10
30 x 8
35 x 6
30 x 12

Flye

12 x 12

Standing Upright Rows

10 x 12
15 x 10
20 x 8
25 x 6
20 x 12

Shoulder Press

12 x 12

Bent Barbell Row

30 x 12
35 x 10
40 x 8
45 x 6
40 x 12

Bent Flye

12 x 12

I skipped tris and bis mainly because they were already feeling fried by the other work I had done. I figured it made no sense to push it too far on my first day back. I expect to see those numbers to go up in the near future, but I really please with how I felt during, and AFTER my workout, for now. I know I've had a perfect workout, when I'm tired at the end of it, but within 2 hours I get this RUSH that makes me want to go in and do it again (Not that I could)

After that, I made a shake, showered and basically puttered around and did all those things that I never seem to have time for in the morning: Check mail, gather all things together so I don't forget anything, things like that. My lunches and second breakfast were already packed so I was ready to go, and was into work, well before my 'normal' time of 9:00AM.

The 'I did it' feeling has me aglow! I can't tell you how much the 'visualization' I've been working on has helped me. I've found a new use for my always active imagination! Last night, before I went to bed I laid there and 'visualized' how I wanted my morning to go. I imagined the alarm going off, and me waking up clear headed and alert, turning it off and getting out of bed immediatly. I went through the steps of getting dressed and heading to the other room to workout. Did it happen exactly as I imagined? No - but there is no doubt in my mind that mentally preparing myself did MUCH to get my butt out of bed this morning.

I use the same technique for other things. In my head I try to put myself into tempting situations and imagine the BEST possible outcome. Things like, walking past the pile of goodies they still have sitting here at work. Or ording chicken and salad and passing up the fries. That way, I've already come up with all the good/positive excuses why not to, and I've practiced saying them in my head, LONG before the tempation is staring me in a face. It's certainly something I'm going to keep on doing.

The plan for the rest of the day is pretty simple. As I said before, my lunches are packed. Dinner is a planned 'free meal' and my workout is done. I forsee today becoming another green mark on my calendar.

I didn't have the 'perfect day' today. Ran out of the house without breakfast and stayed out all day, forcing me to play it by ear, instead of using my meal plan. BUT I did ok. Stuck to good whole foods and avoided the french fries at Carls Jr. For those of you who don't know - Carls offers a whole grilled plane chicken breast (though it's not on the menu) and most also have a salad bar. A diet saver if ever there was one.

Food for tomorrow is all planned out, and I'll go make my lunches as soon as I get up from here. Tomorrow night is the first of two 'free meals' for the week. No plan in place and we're going out - we're also going to stay overnight in a hotel for a little treat, breakfast is my second and LAST free meal of the week.

I have a question for all of you. There are several of us at work that have started working out and/or dieting recently (two guys who started the first of this month and two girls who started with the begining of the year) I've been trying to figure out some sort of 'challenge' that we could do between us all. The problem is I don't want to do anything based on weight loss (too many varied goals) and I'm certainly not going to parade around in a bikini so that we could do a visual transformation check. Does anyone have any ideas? Because I would love to be motivated by and be able to motivate others on their journey - and there is something about a compition with people I see every day that's incredably motivating. (The Body Blog challenge a few years ago was a huge motivation for me).

So, ideas anyone?

After spending the day feeling pretty strong and very pleased with myself, I finally broke down and took my starting pictures. To say I was stunned, is an understatment. All those months of telling myself, 'It's not that bad." jumped up and slapped me in the face. It's BAD! After looking through the shots I had to go in and give my fiance' a big hug and kiss for managing to look at me every day, and still want me. Sheesh!

My first thought was to go lock myself in a dark room and curl up in a little ball. BUT, I'm trying my best to keep a postive look out. After all, it's bad now, but this is the last time I will look like this. Tomorrow it will be better, and then next day it will be better, and those days will build into weeks and before long I'll have pictures I'll be able to glance at without wanting to throw myself off of a high place. And by the end of the year, I'll have pictures that I'll want to make into t-shirts and wear to the mall because I'll be so proud to say 'That's Me!' And think of the dramatic transformation this will make when I'm finished! Heh - at least that's what I've been tellling myself. The good news is I didn't go run for a doughnut or something else to sooth my pain. I'm emotionally mature enough now to know that food doesn't solve my problems.

As for the rest of my day... It's been great. I've eaten clean and on plan all day (albeit late) and I ran for 20 minutes, did some streching for 10 minutes and did 10 minutes of pilates. I'm feeling physically better after only 1 day and that's encouraging in and of itself.

I also weighed and did my measurements. ICK!

Weight 208.5

Masurments:

Neck: 14
Chest: 39.5
Bust: 46.5
Ribs: 37.5
Hips: 49.25
Butt: 49
Thigh: 27.5
Calf: 15.5
Upper Arm: 15.5
Bicep: 13
Forarm 10.75
Wrist: 6.13
Ankle: 8.75

None of this changes my goals - Although the next 12 weeks are going to mean making up lost ground I'm not going to let that get me down. It has to be done and ti won't be any easier for me whining about it. The only thing I can do is make sure I've learned my lesson and not let myself be in this position again.

Food is planned for tomorrow:

1. Cheese Crusted Potatoes
2. Power Muffins
3. Turkey Sandwich
4. chicken in white wine
5. Protein pudding
6: Banana Yogurt

Workout is planned as well:

Uh - it's a free day so I plan to walk around the mall - I'm going to wear a pedometer and see how many steps I can do. (some days - having short legs is an advantage)

Shopping is done, meals are planned.

It's going to be a GREAT week.

My program and the new year, starts today, and I couldn't be more excited! I've got everything I need in place, a plan, goals, and a support system.

My menues and workouts are all planned. I need to do a bit of shopping, but nothing that can't wait until Sunday. That's one of the things I like about my plan right now.

My goals for today are pretty simple. Eat according to my plan, and excercise.

Food Plan:

1. Breakfast Wrap
2. Breakfast Loaf (like a homemade protien bar)
3. Chicken Quesadilla
4. (After my run) Banana/Yogurt Protein Shake
5. Steak and potatoes
6. Bread Pudding

My Planned Workout is:

20 minute HIIT Run
10 minutes of streching
10 minutes of pilates

Pretty simple plan right now. I want to get a feel for what shape I'm in before I start setting more physical goals. It would be silly to set a goal that would be too easily reached.

Other then that I want to get my pictures, weight and measuring done.

Personally, I need to get all my begining balances entered into my Money program and in Quicken. Now that we're completely reliant on our own business for Nige's income we need to be a little more careful with our paperwork.

I think that's all for now. I'll add more stuff as I think about about it.

Happy New Year

I can't believe it - I did it. I made the financial commitment and purchased 6 pairs of jeans - 1 in each size from 16 to 6.

I also commmitted to my daughter that I would fit into those size 6 jeans before the end of the year - she's going to be a big motivator, I know it!

If I don’t make things important to me, I’ll never be disappointed. This apathetic attitude, that’s pretty much the pattern of my life really relates to my weight loss pattern. Typically I set goals with a ‘yeah, it would be great if’ kind of attitude. Great, but not essential. That way I’m allowed to feel accomplished if I succeed, but I’m hardly disappointed if I don’t. I can’t tell you how often I use the words, “Oh well… Such is life”.

The good news is that this attitude saves me a lot of stress. I don’t worry much, because hey, stuff happens. I don’t run myself into a frenzy trying to get things done, because things that get done, get done, and those that don’t, well they aren’t THAT important.

What I haven’t quite figured out yet, though, is how I change my ‘floating through life’ attitude so that I can accomplish more, without losing the parts of myself that I like, and continuing to life pretty much stress free. How do I make my health and weight loss goals important enough that I don’t skip a workout or make poor choices. I realize that to do this, I’m probably going to have to invest some emotion in my goals, and that doesn’t feel comfortable. I hate being disappointed and worse of all, I hate to disappoint myself. But, maybe it’s time to step out of my comfort zone. Maybe it’s time to push myself outside of the gym, if only to make sure that I make it there to push myself again.

Something to think about at least.

The first is getting closer and closer. I’m working on planning my first week of meals. I’m also creating a calendar for myself in my Calendar creator program, listing all my workouts and with another ‘body I admire’ for each month for inspiration. I’m also doing all I can to find my weaknesses, and setting new plans to help me succeed. The first new habit I’m going to create is to write down everything I eat each day. I know I ALWAYS do a better job of eating and snack a lot less when I have to write it down. Knowing I have to write down everything that goes into my mouth usually makes me think twice before I put it there. May as well take advantage of my inherent laziness after all. I’ve also worked really hard on creating a daily schedule that not only leaves me time to exercise, but to journal and plan my meals the way I need to. I know this is an important element for me, but I also know that it has a tendency to overtake my life. I need to find balance between having a healthy life and having a life. Mainly I’ve been focusing on my mental attitude. Building a support system both internally and externally. Setting myself up to succeed by foreseeing and overcoming problems BEFORE I’ve found myself at the bottom of a box of chocolates. My biggest issue? The ‘I want it now’ attitude. When it comes to the choice between having my cake today, or loosing 2 lbs tomorrow – I’ll almost always have the cake. After all, it feels good NOW, and there’s always next week to lose those 2 lbs. I need to create a sense of urgency, within myself, a need to lose those 2 lbs THIS week, that will overpower the urge for the cake today. At the same time, I don’t want to become insanely focused on the scale. I’ve tried the mental attitude that this is about being healthy, and not just about weight, but – that hasn’t worked yet. So rather then try the same thing over and over and getting no results, I’ve got to figure out a new approach. It’s all a learning process, and trial and error. You can bet, that I if I find a trigger that works, I’ll shout from the mountain top!

Something else I’m doing different this time? I’m starting my challenge on a Saturday. This way I’ve put my ‘planning time’ on a Friday Night or Saturday Morning – OR – if I don’t plan Saturday’s a day I can usually ‘wing it’ without too many consequences because I’m at home, and Sunday’s a free day anyway so I’ve got basically two days to finalize my planning for the next week before I have to go back to work. As I said I’m trying to set myself up to succeed in every way I can.

As much as I hate the whole 'New Year Resolution' deal, I can say that the 'goals' I've set myself for the new year have me looking forward to the change of the calendar more then I ever have. There is something inside me that says, "This is the year it all changes". Not just nutritionally, but in other ways as well.

One of the biggest things that's happening in our lives is that Nigel has resigned, and Jan 1st is his first day working for, ME! Well for us really, but we like to joke that I'm his new boss. We've been trying to get our own business running for two years now, and we just couldn't find the time. So we finally desided to take an enormous leep of faith and MAKE the time. No more, 'When we have all our bills payed off" or "When we have a year's worth of income saved".

As I said before I've set the bar pretty high for my personal fitness goals. Nov 1st is when I plan to hit goal. Yes,it's agressive. But I belive it's achievable. I'm not allowing myself a lot of 'slurge' room, but I think that's a good thing. I've also been doing a LOT of visualization. Yes, it's still hard for me to visulize myself as thin fit and at goal, but I can imagine I'm somebody else and THAT person is thin, fit and at goal. Funny thing the mind. I'm a pretty good actress, so I think that 'acting' like a thin fit person might be the key for me. Play the part long enough and you become it. At least that's what I'm going to do.

Besides the trip that Nigel has promised me (When I reach goal) I have another goal. Next year for christmas I want to give him a 'pin up' calendar. som of the AMAZING transformation photos I have seen have inspired me to want to do something similar, for 'his' eyes only of course. But just imagining being able to confidently pose for something like that has been a BIG inspiration for me.

I'll be posting some definative goals soon. This week will be a LOT Of planning I'm looking forward to it! Better get started.

Hey everyone - Not much to report, progress or otherwise. I've managed to keep things rather moderate over the past few days. Christmas, of course, is running me ragged. My son and daughter spent the weekend with me, and haven't really set a date to go back to thier dad's. They are supposted to go back before Christmas, I know that. Then they are back with me for a week until New Year. For those of you who knew me before I can say that a LOT has happend over the past year, and things between my kids and I have improved 110%. My son is even talking about coming to live with me. Oh - and the ex got married. Life is GREAT. My fiance' and I haven't gotten married yet. We're still waiting for enough money to go on our honeymoon. It will happen when it happens. Until then we're happy, and in love. We will have been engaged two years on New Years, and most people have stopped asking when the date is. We're more committed to each other then many of the married folks I know, so I can't see how a piece of paper can change anything.

Healthwise I'm doing ok. I've gained a lot of weight back, but I've got a plan in place for that. I've also got an awsome inspiration. Last night as we were laying in bed discussing Christmas Nigel and I started talking about gift for each other. I mentioned that I've really struggled with what to give him, just because he's such a hard person to buy things for. He pulled me close and said, "You know, one of hte best gifts you could give me would be for you to lose this weight and be happy with yourself" Ok - I know some women would be completely offended by something like that, but if you knew my sweety you would know that he would only say something like that with the deepest of love in his heart.

So he and I started talking about my goals. I told him that I've figured out that if I started full bore in January and kept with it, I could reach my goal in time for Thanksgiving. So he said. I'll tell you what, if you reach your goal, then as a celebration we'll go to New York City and watch the Ball Drop next New Year's Eve. He also promised me a shopping spree which, belive me, I'm going to take him up on.

One of the things I'm going to do as an 'investment' in my goals is I'm going to hit up a store and buy 6 pairs of jean - from size 16 (my current size) to size 6 (my goal size) all the exact same brand and style. That way I'll have a true impartial measure of my progress. I'll easily be able to measure how close I am to the next 'goal' without being side tracked by the difference in size between brands.

I'm looking forward to the coming year and the challenges it will bring.

Happy Holiday's to you all! and thank you for the welcome back!

It's that time again. The time when everyone on the planet is recommitting themselves to loosing weight getting fit, and 1000 other promises that we'll forget about before the end of January.

I'm no different. I'm recommitting; looking to regain that focus that I had. Looking to make it last longer then a day or two. The only time in my life when I was successful was when I was posting faithfully - here. And so I start again.

I've backslid. More then backslid it seems. Today's weight 203, and what have I had so far to eat? A cinnamon roll and a muffin. I haven't picked up a weight or stepped on the treadmill in months. I've got every excuse under the sun. I'm too busy, I'm too tired, I'm too...stupid is more like. It's time to put myself first again. It's time to start feeling GOOD about myself again; mentally AND physically.

And so I'm here - looking for a little tough love and a lot of ideas and support. I'm going to start slowly the end of this year. As much as I would love to jump in with both feet right away I know that this is the holiday season and I'm going to enjoy it. That's not to say I'm giving my self the excuse to continue the way I've been going. It just means that I might walk instead of run one day, or only do 3 sets instead of 5. It means that I'll have a piece of chocolate on a day other then my free day but not the whole box.

But, I'm going to make progress, each and EVERY day.

As for 2005 - I've got some goals - I'm going to plant the idea that THIS is the year I'm going to reach my goal. It's time to stop saying one day, and make it happen today.

Hi!

Well today I've taken the dive again. I even joined the BFL challenge - offically.

The goal - see what changes I can make by the end of the year. I know five weeks are going to see me being a BFL finalist, but I figure it can at least get a jump start on any New Year Resolutions.

Offical starting weight is 202.5

I don't have measurements yet, but I'm sure I won't like them.

Goals - same as always - lose as much as I can. But more importantly FINISH. Stick too it. Honor self promices. That's more important to me then anything else right now.

So I start the whole thing with a challenge. I'm going to dinner tonight. Chinese food. The plan? See if I can find the menu online and plan what I'm going to order before I get there.

The other option is to have a few free meals during the week but no free day.

of course that's complicated by a vacation at the end of this week, and several days in Disney Land. sheesh!

Life's full of complications though. I just need to learn to live with them.

I want to thank those of you who've posted these past few weeks. The fact that someone cares enough to post on a 'dead' blog means a lot to me.

So, where am I now? Unfortunatly, I'm back to OVER 200. It sucks go be stuck inside this body. BUT, I haven't given up. In my mind every day is a chance to make good choices. I don't always make them, but I at least believe I've got that choice.

I had a good week - two weeks ago - My fiance' started doing the program with me and I had a whole week of quailty eating. I felt great, and dropped below 200 almost immediatly. The life snuck back in. One cookie turned into a slice of cake, etc.

I haven't worked out in ages. The treadmill and weight machine mock me daily. I promice them I'll be back but it hasn't happened yet. But, as I said, I havn't given up. I'm not sure how I get back into the groove again. There has to be a way. I'll not be stuck like this forever.

Once again, thank you to those of you who responded here. It means a lot to me to know there are those who are watching and who care. I'll try to post with regularity again. Maybe that will allow me to work through some of this.

In the mean while. Weight today - 202. It's a long hard road ahead of us.