100 Days - Introduction

Step One - Choose your best diet plan

Already did that - Medifast

Step Two - Do your plan for 100 days

Ok - doing that starting now

Step Three - Track your progress

I signed up for a free account at "StartYourDiet" It lets me track my goals and also put a 'sticker' on each day. When I feel I've had an 'on plan' day - one that would cause me to lose weight I put a on a green dot. When I've had a day that would cause me to maintain, a yellow dot. When I've had a day that would cause me to gain, red.

Create a vision for the future

I've done this so many times before. But I know it's a good excercise, so I'm going to do this again!

10+ Reasons Why I Want to Reach and Maintain My Goal Weight

1. It will be easier to run - a few pounds is a few minutes per mile!
2. I'll look good in my tri suit and in my finish line photos!
3. Buying clothes is so much more fun when you are skinny!
4. I'll finally be wearing proof of my abilities on my body and can start my own Personal Training Buisness
5. Boots that fit and zip over my calf
6. I can go back to Hawaii and/or Mexico and wear 'real' shorts
7. Stretching and flexablity is better skinny
8. Looking sexy for my hubby
9. No longer feeling like the 'fat girl' everywhere I go (like yoga class)
10. RESPECT for my knowledge about diet and excercise
11. Pain free running!
12. I'll not hate seeing pictures of myself
13. Wearing any Halloween costume I want

My 'Why' (written)

Finishing a triathlon last month was an amazing point in my life. I can't even
begin to describe how great it feels to accomplish something so - big. 5 months
of training for one day of intense focus and a life time of bragging rights. And
yet, the day has a bit of a black blot on in.

I can barely stand to look at the photos of myself the day of the race. I look so awful standing there in my tri suit, or later in my bike shorts... or frankly in anything. Every photograph makes me cringe and feel a little sick to my stomach. I struggled through the 5 months of training and on race day itself 80% more then anyone else because of my weight! Hauling 240 lbs up a hill is so much harder then hauling 130. And given the fact that my heart and lungs are probably encased in a layer of fat.
It's a wonder I finished at all.

And the injuries... There's no doubt in my mind that the struggles I had with leg, ankle and foot injuries were all related to the fact that I was trying to run at 110 lbs overweight. It really is a wonder they didn't just give up on me all together!

I don't want to give up being a triathlete. I want to continue to race, to be a solid 'middle of the pack' finisher, not just 'happy to not be last'.

But it's not just the racing. I'm tired of many other things. tired of clothes not fitting, of not being able to wear the styles I love. I'm tired of not being able to be sexy for my hubby by wearing things like stocking and lacy underthings. I want me back! The real me that's self assured and confident!

THIS is why I'm doing the 100 Days Program and I'm sticking with my plan!

Stuffy head or stuffy body?

My weight has been doing some really weird bouncing around weight wise this week. I finally figured out that it was my allergy meds. I guess whatever is in them causes me to retain water. Granted, I know water isn't fat and that only effects my scale weight, but, at this point, with a race coming up on Sunday I really would like to see my scale weight as low as possible. Easier on my feet, knees, hips etc.

Luckily, the wind seems to have died down. I didn't take any meds today and have managed to be headache free. Just a little sneezing and some sniffles, but those have died down as the day has moved on.

Tomorrow's weight should really prove if they were having the effect on my weight that I thought they were.

Other then that - things are going well. Still no major battles with cravings. I'm still finding that I think about having food when I see certain things but as soon as I tell myself "no" the feeling goes away. If I could ever get as disciplined about my exercises -- whew what progress I would be making! :)

Started a new 'mental exercise' program "100 Days of weight loss". I'm going to be posting my thoughts and insights from that program here too. Starting today :)

So What's Next?

I've been battling with headaches (sinus) for the past two days. Stayed home from work today to try to sleep some of it off. I've cleaned out my closet, getting rid of some clothes that are just getting plain ratty and packing away others that are too small. I went through my 'closet of shame' and sorted everything by size so that I can easly transition into the next size when I reach it. I have everything from size 18W (that I wear now) to size 10 (that I wore when I was at my lightest a few years ago.

So now what do I do? It feels weird to me to not be battling through every day, but just sitting here waiting for the weight loss to happen. I almost miss all the planning and charting and agonizing - Ok - I'm not. But there's still a part of me that feels weird not doing it.

I think that what's bothering me is normally after the first week or two the initial excitement of a new diet wears off, the motivation lowers and I start to struggle. But here I am, mid week four and although that rush of "I'm on a new diet!" - the 'honeymoon stage' is over and yet here I am, still rolling along. It's strange that I feel a little 'lost' without a battle to wage. Did my weight and obsession with controlling it really take that much of my mental energy and focus, even when I wasn't dieting? If so, what can I do with all this 'extra' I have now? I feel a little lost right now. It's not an all together 'bad' feeling - it's just -- odd. Has anyone else felt like this? Like, since food is no longer the center of my life, the center of my focus, the center of my unhappiness--what's next for me?

An 'Ah-ha' moment

I think I've discovered something about myself in the last three weeks. I don't know why it's never occurred to me before. Maybe I just wasn't ready to know it.

A LOT, and I mean A LOT of my eating was (I guess) impulsive, or just bad habit.

For instance, I find that several times during the day when I'm in the kitchen I'll see bananas sitting there. My brain goes, "Look a banana, they are good for us, we should have one". I don't have to be hungry, and it's not something I was craving, I just saw it.

Where I really noticed that my eating was a habit was when shopping. I drop into drug stores and little quick marts a LOT to grab something to drink. What I've found is I have a REALLY hard time not picking up more then just a drink. Again, I'm not hungry, I'm not craving anything - I'm just there picking up a soda, and for some reason can't pick up a soda without picking out food as well.

In fact, I can think of many a time when I've actually walked through the store several times looking for something that 'sounds good'.

In the past, while on a diet, I would justify my purchases by getting protein bars or something 'healthy', for 'just in case'. And then 'just in case' would end up being sitting in the car right out front :

I love that MF gave me the reason to stop and take a look at these impulsive habits. I've always known I was an emotional eater, but dealt with most of that when I did the Weigh Down Workshop. I know when my compulsion to eat is driven by emotion, I know what to say to my feast beast at those times (I didn't always do, it, but I had the tools if I chose to use them) Now that I've found this other little 'trick' my feast beast plays on me, I feel... stronger, empowered.

Since I 'failed' on my last diet 2 years ago, and while I gained 70 pounds in 29 months, I have felt so hopeless and helpless.

This new insight into me is what I need! Bring it on - I want more! :)

By the way - we went to Outback steakhouse on Saturday night. They have the BEST grilled chicken and steamed veggies! NomNomNom! When they brought the bread to the table I really thought it was going to be hard. But, I refused to fight with my feast beast. (It's like arguing with a child really). I said, "I'm in charge, I'm not having that, and I refuse to feel deprived!". Instead of focusing on what the bread must taste like and having fantasies about melted butter, which would only make me feel deprived and resentful, I focused on how good it felt to have lost 15 lbs, and how awesome the new workout outfit I had just bought was, and how awesome it's going to be on the 3rd to swim/run/ride a bike almost 20 lbs lighter then last time I did a triathlon.

I know, if I can just keep focused on the positive, I'll make it through this time!

It's Weigh in Day!

Time to see how I did :)

Weight this morning: 222.4! yay! That's a 3.3 pound loss for the week.

My average weight last week was: 228
My average weight this week is: 224

So, my average was down 4 pounds! that's excellent!

Exercise wasn't perfect but, I just get better every week :)

Saturday was a 10K run in 90 min
Monday: Yoga for 60 min
Tuesday: 60 min power walk at lunch including taking the stairs to the Coit tower. Hit the gym for 45 minutes of weight training (chest) and a 30 minute run at home with the dog.
Wednesday: 45 minutes of weight training (back)
Thursday: 30 minute walk at lunch, 45 minutes of weight training (shoulders), and 30 minute run w/the dog (in the wind! it nearly blew me over!)
Friday: 60 minutes of Yoga at lunch, and 45 minutes of weight lifting (arms)

Total for the week: 540 min!

Now - before you go telling on me to nutritional support about my exercise :)

Medifast thinks I burn 2225 calories a day without any exercise at all. Unfortunately, that's not true. The last time I had my metabolism tested I got 1750, and my body bugg says about 1850. With exercise, Medifast believes I'm burning 2600+ a day. With all that I did last week, I averaged a 2886 and that's including the HUGE day I had on Saturday when I burned almost 4000 cal! But, I do believe that I'm doing fine with my burn to cal ratio :)

Now, this next week should be interesting. Hubby and I plan to get some exercise in this weekend including a bike ride and probably some hiking. I would like to get one more run in too. (we're done with weight lifting for the week). Monday, we'll be back in the gym. I'll be going a little lighter with the training during the week because on Sunday I'm doing another Triathlon! (yay! I'm so excited!)

Because my Tri is going to be 2+ hours of exercise, I'm going to take the advice of NS and do 4-2-1 that day (4 MF meals, 2 L&G meal and 1 Added snack (of either whole grains or a fruit). It'll be interesting to see how my body reacts to the extra food. But, honestly, I'm more interested in doing well at my tri then the 1 lb or so the extra food might cost me.

I'll be sure to post pictures!

So, weight goal for next week: 1% that's 2.2 lbs. that means

Sun: 222.1
Mon: 221.7
Tue: 221.4
Wed: 221.1
Thr: 220.8
Fri: 220.4
Sat: 220.1 - for weigh in!

Of course it would be REALLY nice to be out of the 220's next weekend, but I'm sticking to the original plan - 1% a week! Even so that will be close to 20 lbs lost since my first Tri in March - I can't wait to see if my performance improves because of it. I just can't see how it can't.

Alright - off to wake up my sexy husband (or maybe just crawl back in bed with him *smirk*)

Everyone have a fantastic and OP weekend!

Forgot to mention: I met my goal for this week so I'm going to go get a pedicure! I would love to get a manicure too, but just don't think it'll be worth it - after all, I'm supposed to be in the pool 3 days a week - my fingernails just don't stand up to that kind of abuse! :)

Attitude Adjustment

I apologize if my post before offended anyone. I wasn't trying to minimize the work everyone's putting in to lose weight, or the research that went into the plan itself.

I suppose I should put some of what I said in perspective. The last time I lost significant amounts of weight I was on a program that required 640 minutes of exercise a week (that's 1.5 hrs a day/6 days a week). Planning, adjusting, and preparing my meals took me at least an hour every day, and the results? I lost 13 pounds in 5 weeks.

On this plan, well I'm not even supposed to be doing exercise yet (even though I am, for other reasons). Food prep? Well when I got my shipment of food I dumped 5 meals into 35 ziplock bags. Every morning I reach into my 'food box' and walk out the door. At night, if I'm running late I stop in Jack in the Box and grab an Asian Chicken Salad w/Grilled Chicken (removing the oranges and you've the perfect lean and green), or I go home and throw together a lean meat and micro some frozen veggies. And I've lost that same 13 lbs, but in two weeks. Yes, MF is easy :)

That being said, I do understand that ANY weight loss is good for my body.

And then I tried looking at it from an even different perspective. A lot of my 'body role models' are what some might consider body builders. I've studied body building and body builder's diets for a long long time. When I started to think about what they REALLY do to drop the fat... :) Well a typical diet will consist of Oats, Protein Powder, eggs, Chicken and green veggies. Almost exactly what I'm eating on Medifast? Some female fitness competitors drop their calories down to the 600 Cal range to strip the Body fat before a comp, and hey they didn't impload from the effort!

I'm done. I'm done worrying, I'm done feeling guilty. I'm done with all of that. It's time to get to the business of losing weight. I'm going to be thankful for the gift this program has given me... HOPE!

Feeling Guilty

April 4th I started a new diet. A Plan I found online called Medifast. (You might have heard of it, they are advertising EVERYWHERE right now.

I've been struggling since I started this new program. Not with the food, or with cravings or anything 'normal' like that, but with Guilt. I'm not even really sure where it comes from! I guess I kind of know where it comes from.

Over my years of dieting I've gradually been lead into the cult mentality that the best foods are whole, natural foods. And that weight loss should be done 'sensibly', through healthy foods and loads of exercise. That eating right should be about good health and not just dropping the pounds. It's also been drilled into me to never, ever, ever, under the penalty of permanently destroying your metabolism, and causing your internal organs to melt, should you drop below 1200 calories a day - period.

And yet, here I am on a diet that consists 99% of packed, preprocessed foods and that is consistently WELL below that magic 1200 calorie per day mark.

How do I reconcile these two things? I feel as if somehow I’ve given up - that I'm cheating and taking the easy way out...

Wait? The easy way out? .

Does that mean that I believe that dieting and weight loss has to be hard? .

When I think about it, I have to answer honestly that yes, there is some part of me that believes that losing weight has to be hard. That 'dieting' (the hard kind) is the price I pay for being fat. That by being on this plan where I'm not constantly arguing with myself to make the 'right choice', where I'm regularly passing the chocolate without a struggle, that somehow I'm not 'paying my dues' and there for it can't be real and can't last...

It's a strange concept to think about. I think I'm slowly starting to come to terms with these thoughts and feelings but not completely. One thing I've been doing to help is to keep my veggies in the 3+ cup range. I've also been toying with adding fruit back into my diet because leaving it out every day is a major source of guilt. .

Eventually, one of my life goals is to become a personal trainer. I love helping people change their lives through exercise, but I know that eventually someone's going to ask me for advice on how to lose weight. At this point, I don't know what I'm going to tell them. Do I advice them to go the 'healthy' route and perhaps struggle and fail the way I did? Or do I point them to MF as what worked for me? I guess I'll have to ask myself that question again, 100 lbs from now. .

Confused - but 15 lbs lighter

The Mental Side of Weight Loss

Anyone who's followed my progress for a while will know that I'm a diet book junkie. There aren't many out there that I don't own and have read through. Lately I've found that I'm not as interested in books that talk about eat this/not that, and instead am drawn to those that speak to what keeps me from eating this and not that. Over the years I've found some good ones and I feel like each one adds at least one solid tool to my weight loss tool chest:



This was the first of such books. It gave me so much to think about and so many great tools when it came to attacking those mental barriers - I've read it all the way through at least twice, and have highlighted all the parts that really spoke to me so that I can easily review them.



Like the "Thin Commandments" This book is just chock full of tidbits. What I love about this one is it all set out with assignments and daily tasks to help make the ideas permanent.



An excellent companion to Dr Becks book. Both really highlight how to recognize the irrational thinking that we use when allowing ourselves to overeat. "The Feast Beast" can be a bit challenging to get through. Dr Trimpey's writing style is very... clinical... but she gets her point across and it is all so powerful that it's worth the time to plow through.



Mrs Castillo recommends that you 'Stop Dieting' to lose weight - a technique I've never been able to put into practice, but that doesn't make the rest of what she has to say any less valid. She's got some excellent exercises that delve not only into solving the overeating issues, but getting you to exercises as well.



This is my latest book. Mr Gabrial suggests you stop dieting, and use his techniques to, instead, turn off the fat program in your brain. Again, I can't tell you why I don't/can't stop dieting. Fear of being 500lbs is probably part of it :) BUT I love much of what he has to say. His methods of visualization, and other mental exercises are explained better then any other place I've read them. And his explanation for turning on the weight loss program in your brain explains my recent experience with lack of cravings or interest in any food but what's on my plan.

But, Mr Gabrial's thoughts on visualization brought up something else for me. You see - I was on a plan a while back, on a program with a coach and I was seeing progress and success like never before. But something happened and I never really figured out what. I fell off the horse, I fell HARD and never managed to get back up, until, 2+ years later I've gained back the 40 lbs I lost and 30 more! It still stuns me to think about and it makes me cry to go back and read those blog posts... what the hell happened!?

Well a little thought popped into my head last night, my husband and I were talking about how both of us tend to be perfectionist. How we have a habit of dropping out of things we feel we won't be 'the best' at. I was telling him that I had to overcome that idea when I did Lavaman, and as I continue to do races. I'm no where near 'the best'. Heck right now I'm struggling to be 'middle of the pack'. But I've found some kind of peace with that - I've found that by changing my mentality, by focusing on the fact that I'm better then the 100's of people I know who have never even finished a Triathlon... There's a certain level of perfection in just being there and doing it when others haven't and wont.

But what about weight loss?? Well one thing I didn't blog about (I wish I had) was all these creeping negative thoughts that I kept holding at bay. I had surounded myself with photos of bodybuilders and fitness models in an attempt to motivate myself and give myself inspiration. But more and more I found negative thoughts popping into my head. "I'll never look like that" "No matter how much I work out I can't make my legs longer or my breasts perkey." "excercise can't give me long flowing hair..." I had come up agaist my inner perfectionist and even though I never ended those thoughts with "Why even bother" I do have to wonder if that had a lot to do with me 'giving up'.

It's certainly something to watch for, and the awesome thing is, now I know how to answer that when it does come up.

And, as if God (or the universe if you prefer) was reinforcing the thoughts I expressed to my husband last night - I got this in the mail today:

Hello from David Greenwalt,

In the last Club Lifestyle success tips email I discussed
how anything worth doing is worth doing poorly for
a while. I also discussed how anything worth having
is going to take a period of discomfort endured until
real success is achieved.

What If I Don’t End Up As Good As …?

Sometimes the roadblock to weight-loss success is a
feeling that you’ll never measure up anyway so why
bother. To that thought I say the only person you should
compare yourself against is yourself. Less than one
percent of us has the genetic ability to look like
a model. But we all have the ability to be leaner and
healthier than the average American.

Your obligation is to do your very best. Don't worry
about how that compares to someone else. Just do it.
Everyone is unique. Everyone has their own special
contribution to make. You'll only discover yours by
taking action. If you decide in advance that you'll
never be as good as so-and-so, then you forgo the opportunity
to find your own unique skills. Winners refuse to even
acknowledge the competition, by blazing new trails.
Comparing yourself to others will only bring you down.
Set off in your own unique direction. Get into action
make it happen.

Be sure and stay tuned for the next issue of Club Lifestyle
tips. In it I’ll discuss how the only way to grow is
to make mistakes.

Sincerely yours in health,

David Greenwalt CSCS
Leanness Lifestyle
Muscle Audio

P.S.: Share this message with a friend—just please
leave it intact as is.

Become a member today! All you have to do is visit


http://www.LeannessLifestyle.com

You can take a FREE 30-day test drive!

--- how awesome is that!?

Adding Excercise

I'm much happier with yesterday's numbers out of the BodyBugg.

On Wednesday I spent most of my day sitting in front of the computer except for the time I was at the gym. My total burn for the day was 2632. However yesterday I forced myself out of my desk throughout the day and went for walks, or just went down and up the stairs. AND I went to the gym and did my weight workout and took a spin on the stationary bike. Total burn for the day? 2950! over 300 more calories just by getting out of my chair a few times in the day! yay!

The plan is to do the same today - in fact I'm going with a few of the other girls in the office to go do yoga at lunch. I'm looking forward to that.

Tomorrow's my 10k and I'm anxious to see how my new diet effects my doing that. It's going to be very telling for how my next triathlon goes and how I handle nutrition that day.

Everything is going along swimmingly - keeping my fingers crossed that my next shipment of food will arrive today!

Except for the whole 'taxes' thing I had a good day yesterday. I was right on plan with my eating, and I got my workout done.

Back Workout:

V-Bar Pulldown: 3x(80x12)

Wide Grip Pulldown: 3x(90x12)

Seated Cable Rows: 3x(90x12)

Barbell Bent Rows: 3x(85x12)

And then a 30 minute/2 mile run/walk

At the end of the day I downloaded my first day's worth of data from my bodybugg. Other then my 'normal' sitting in front of the computer, I took a 10 minute walk, and did my weight/run workout. I was a little surprised to find at the end of the day that I had only burned 2510 calories!

Since the bodybugg gives me a very detailed view of how much I'm burning at any time I got a real eye opener. Sitting in front of the computer (which I do all day, every day, even through my lunch) only burns on average 1.3 calories a minute. That's less then 100 calories per hour! And is the same burn rate as sleeping! No wonder I gain weight so easily!

During the short leisurely walk I took to the corner store I averaged almost 7 calories per minute. That's a HUGE difference!

What I've learned is that I need to get up and get away from my computer more often. Sitting in front of the computer through my lunch is doing me NO GOOD! Even an easy walk along the bay will make a big difference in my daily burn. I've also got a new goal that every time I get up to use the bathroom I'll walk up and down at least one flight of stairs.

I can't wait to see what a difference just these small things will make in my total at the end of the day today!

a new toy!

We went to the gym last night and had an excellent workout.

Calf Raises
3x(12x70)
Squats
3x(12x135)
Leg Press
3x(12x360)
Stiff Leg Dead Lifts
3x(12x110)

Then I got on the bike for 30 minutes and spun - I had a goal to make it 10 miles and did!

As we left I noticed they had a display on clearance items and in there body bugs! I've wanted a body bug for a LONG time now. I've been researching, talking to people that have them and while no miracle pill I've heard good things about them. It's already given me another short term goal - to be able to move to the small arm band. I can't wear the smaller of the two bands without it cutting off the circulation in my arm :)

It's was interesting to see that I've already burned 690 calories since midnight last night - all while sleeping ;)

I can see this being a big motivator to me to get in 'accidental' calories such as parking further and/or walking to the corner market instead of driving.

Time to go get breakfast now! hope everyone has an excellent day!

Long overdue Update

Hey!

Now that the fundraising is pretty much over (although you can still donate through the end of this month)I want to get back into the habit of posting here.

I finished my traiathlon! you can see the race report at

I'm still training - I've a few other triathlons lined up for the summer and I'm really excited about them now that I have this one under my belt.

But the big deal here - on this blog is about losing weight... wanna know how I did with that?

Well, as of right now I'm down to 228.8!

last week I hit the gym and did resistance training all five days!

I also got in two runs, two bike rides and went hiking for 3+ miles on Saturday.

Life is feeling really good right now.

My weigh in day is Saturday and I was 230.2 on 4/11

This week plan is:

5 days of weight training
3 days of running
3 days of swimming
3 days of biking

this morning was chest and MAN have I lost a lot of strength :( I only hope it'll come back fast

Incline Bench Press: 3 x (95 x 10)
Flat Bench Press: 3 x (95 x 10)
Decline Bench Press: 3 x (85 x 10)

after that I jumped on the treadmill and did interval training

Basically I warm-up at 3 MPR for two minutes then bump it up .2 MPR each minute until 5 MPR, run at 5 MPR for 2 minutes and then drop back to 3.2 and start up again. I did that until I hit 2 miles (30:11)

I was hoping to get a swim in today as well but that doesn't look like it's going to happen so it'll have to wait until tomorrow.

Food is 100% on plan today and I see no reason for it not to stay that way!

Oh yeah - almost forgot: Goal for Saturday is 227.8!

Only 19 more days!

This will probably be my final update before my race. Race day is 19 days away. I can?t believe it?s gone so fast. So much has happened over the past few months. I?ve done my first triathlon, I?ve biked 35 miles in one day, and I?ve ran for an hour straight. In totally I?ve ran/biked/swam over 400 miles. All things that I wasn?t really sure I was capable before now.

Now I?ve got two more things I wish to accomplish ? 1) Cross the finish line at Lavaman and 2) reach my fundraising goal of $5000. I?ll have to wait until March 29th to achieve the first goal, but the deadline for the second is fast approaching. I currently have $2500 in donations, but have until Friday March 13th to raise $2500 more. If you had been planning to donate, but hadn?t yet, please do so now. If you already have ? thank you so much for your support.

There are two easy ways for you to make a donation:
1) Write a check to Leukemia, Lymphoma Society and mail it to me at:
Shawn Mueller-Boddy
429 Chase Street
Mountain House, CA 95391

If you?re going to write a check, please email me and let me know.

2)Make a donation by credit card at:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

As always your support is welcome at my blog:
http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

Thank you! And I?ll send you an update after raceday!

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Funny where inpiration can come from

It started on Saturday... This realization that so much of what I'm going through, struggling withm is just a mindset. Yes, I know that's what most of the books out there already say, but for some reason, at that moment I had what felt like a 'ahha' moment. I realize that the negative thinkig I had been was this 'beast'. A beast that seemed to be feeding on itself. That as long as I continued to think of myself as hopeless and struggling and a failure... That's how I would feel... What I would be. But if that was true, then so would the opposite be true. I had to stop being realistic. Stop seeing myself as fat and out of shape. I had to start out each day believing I was the best qnd worthy of praise and attention -- from myself. And yes, I know I've read all this before, and no I have no idea why this thought with all emotion behind it chose to bloom in my brain when it did, but I'm glad it did. Better yet, later in the day I had a secod dose of insiration. We went to watch a wrestling match. Yes, it was corney, yes it was fake and made me laugh several times, but... It also made me wish I could be standing there in the best shape of my life... Rubbing shoulders with people who would appreciate the work I had put into my shoulder caps :). I made me want to go lift heavythings...an I did this morning...and I loved it. I need to go more places like that

Mark the Date - March 5th!

I just wanted to let everyone know - that if you're in the San Francisco Bay area (or even if you aren't) - your invited to my furndraising party at the Mint in San Francisco this Thursday- March 5th! We're starting at 5:30 and we'll 'officially' go until 8:00PM. There will be a karaoke contest for those who wish to participate. Or you can just hang out and support a good cause.

Also - I'm selling Raffle tickets for all the prizes I've listed below. $5 each or 5 for $20. If you want to be entered into the raffle, but won't see in me in person before the event - let me know and I'll give you your tickets 'virtually'! The drawing in on March 5th - and you don't need to be present to win.

Last, but not least, you're always welcome to make a donation via credit card at my fundraising site - http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

I still need $3500 to meet my fundraising minimum - so anything you can do to help is greatly appreciated!

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1 Month Wellness Package worth $574 from Optimal Fitness Lifestyle
A certificate for a portrait session and an 11x14 photograph, valued at $360 from Photorpahy by Franci
$50 gift certificate from the Vinyl Room
10 - $100 gift certificates from Serenity MedSpa
Complimentary first visit package from Weidley Chirpractic
Tickets to a comedy show from Tommy T's
$50 gift certificate from ABC Seafood
2 - $20 certificates for Burlesqurecise classes, and 1/2 off certificate for a pin-up workshop from Bombshell Betty
2 - first visit packages from Dr. Burg (Chirpractor)

(and more!)

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It's time

Time to stick to a plan - to make a difference - to stop wishing things would change and CHANGE them.

And here's what I've done...

Through Peertrainer I found a place called StickK

At StickK you have the ability to create goals and attach leverage to them. Leverage - as in Money. So I created my goal and gave them my credit card. As of today - if I don't reach my weekly weight loss goal each week (it's modest don't worry) I have to pay $100!! and that money goes to a Charity that I don't personally/morally support.

So that part is done -- now to take the daily steps to make sure I hit those goals!

Tonight I'll take my beginning photos and measurements.

I've already done my exercise for the day - 30 minutes Run/Walk.

The cardio goals are easy right now - all part of my training for my triathlon.

Food -- well as always it's my biggest issue isn't it though?

Well first off I'm going through Dr Becks book again - I love her mental take on food.

As for a food plan...

A part of me says, pick an 'experts' plan and stick with it. But the other part of me wants to take a the best of all I've read and apply it. Since at some point I want to be able to go through this same process with clients (as a personal trainer and more) then I think I'll just have to make a go of my 'hybrid'.

1. Eat at least 4 meals a day 5 is ideal
2. Each Meal should be (close to) equal Protein and Carbs
3. Each Food item should be less then 30% Fat
(If greater then 30% Fat then entire meal should be less then 15% Carb - to allow for a meal of nuts)
4. Whole Foods should be eaten the majority (80%) of the time (Whole Wheat, Brown Rice, etc)
5. Eat at least 4 servings of vegetables (Lettuce is not a vegetable)
6. Eat at least 2 servings of fruit
7. Have one spurge meal per 7 days

At the moment I'm not going to count calories. I think what I'll do is see how I'm doing on Monday mornings - if I'm not on track then I'll probably see if a calorie restriction is in order.

Ok - too tired to think anymore. Will type more later.

It's getting close

I've gotten my registration confirmation for Lavaman - it gets more 'real' every day. Our training now includes 45 minute runs and over two hours on the bike! I've braved the waters of the San Francisco Bay, learned to swim in a wet suit and have missed unclipping out of my bike twice and have crashed twice now (you should see the lovely bruises I have!).

I'm doing what I set out to do and I'm really excited about it. Or 1/2 of what I set out to do. You see, I have only raised $1000 of the $5000 I have pledged to raise for the Leukemia Lymphoma Society. I need your help to reach this goal! Please don't think that your donation 'doesn't matter'. Every dollar counts!

My race is in 39 days and there is several ways you can help.

1) You can make a donation by credit card by going to my donation site and clicking the 'donate now' button.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

2) You can make a donation by check, made out to the LLS and mail it to me

Shawn Mueller-Boddy
429 Chase Street
Mountain House, CA 95391

3) You can attend a fund raiser - if you're anywhere the SF area you can come to The Mint in San Francisco and join us for a night of Karaoke. (email me if you want more details)

Last, but not least, thank you to everyone who's made a donation so for - I can't tell you how much your generosity means to me and to the people you're helping.

Shawn

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Update: I did it! I finished a Tri!

Hello everyone ? Here?s an update for you all?

Last Saturday was a momentous occasion. Not only did it mark the way point of our training for the Lavaman Triathlon in HI, but I also participated in and finished my first triathlon!

Saturday was the 7th annual LOUIE BONPUA TRIATHLON on treasure island. The Iron Team joined us for this event, but while they did an Olympic Triathlon (the length we?ll be doing in March), we did a Sprint. That means that we swam .25 miles, biked 13 miles and ran 3. And I finished! I was tired I was sore but oh so happy to cross that finish line!

Doing all of this has meant stepping out of my comfort zone athletically, but now it's time to step out more and ask for donations. Believe it or not, this is the hardest part. I'm not use to asking for money and I know that times are hard right now. But I need your help as so do those battling blood cancers. I am committed to raise $5,000. This is a lot of money, but it's dispersed efficiently: 75% to Program Services: professional and public education, patient and community service and research and 25% for training and the event. As you can see below, any size donation helps.

$1,000 supports one week's salary for a medical researcher at UCSF, Stanford, or Berkeley who may discover key information to developing curative treatments for blood cancers.

$500 provides a blood cancer patient with financial assistance for one year to help with transportation and co-pays or allows 10 patients to log on to a webcast and hear the latest information in treatment for their disease.

$200 funds one Family Support Group meeting of 9-15 participants -- the SF Bay Area chapter has 9 monthly support group meetings.

$150 allows 5 patients to make a First Connection with a trained peer volunteer.

$100 provides 3 patients access to an information teleconference.

$75 is the average cost of tissue typing to become a bone marrow donor.

$50 is the cost of a CT scan

$40 is the cost of sending a comprehensive packet of information for children with cancer.

$35 pays for transportation expenses for a patient living in Northern California's most rural areas to treatment at a comprehensive cancer center.

$25 covers a single prescription co-payment.

$5 is the cost of sending a newly diagnosed patient information about support and their disease.

All donations are tax deductible and any amount you give gets me closer to my commitment and finding a cure. So far I?ve raised 1,000 of the $5,000 I committed to. What happens if I don't reach $5,000 you ask? It comes out of my pocket.

As I said, I know times are rough, but donations can be split up. For example if you would like to donate $50, but only allocate so much for extras per month, spread it out over the next three months. Actually, giving makes you feel good, so wouldn't you like to give three times instead of just once?

Once again, thank you to everyone who?s already donated. You support has meant so much to me. The generosity of the various online communities has been beyond my imagination ? thank you all.

And now for the details:

If you wish to donate online you can do so here:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

If you wish to write a check, please make it out to the Leukemia Lymphoma society and mail it to me:

Shawn Mueller-Boddy
429 Chase Street
Mountain House, CA

Thank you again

Shawn

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Training's in Full Swing Again

Today I had to make a big decision. Do I take a chance and 'recommit' to doing this triathlon and to raising $5000 before March 27th? Or do I bail out?

Having raised less then $500 in the past two months it's been a little daunting to think about $4500 more, and the training... well it's time consuming. It takes a lot away from my family. So what to do?



After thinking about it, praying about it and talking it over with my family I decided to step out on faith. I signed and faxed the re commitment paperwork today. I'm in...

And I swam 1.1 miles tonight ;)

If you want to help me reach my goal, as well as help fine a cure for blood cancers - please make a donation at: pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

or just cheer me on at:

www.shawntris.com

(P.S.) I've gotten your tags guys - I'm working on following through on them! :)

It's my Birthday!

That's right - the big day has arrived - I am now offically 40.

As you know, I had two major goals with my birthday. One was to fianlly completel triathlon, and the other was to do something outside myself. Give something of myself to others. I found a way to do both. In March I will be doing the Lavaman triathlon in Hawaii - for myself and to raise money for the Lukemia Lymphomia Society.

And because of this I would like to ask you all for a very special birthday present. I would like to raise $2000 before the end of January. And you can help. You see, this email is going out to almost 200 friends and family. If each person donates just $10 (That's one day's lunch here in San Francisco) we could easily get to that $2000 mark. That's not to say that you need to donate $10 - any amount would be greatly appreciated.

Those who have already donated so generously - Thank you!

I Hope everyone has a Happy New Year

Shawn

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Hurry Hurry! Time is running Out!

Time is quickly running out on this once in a lifetime opportunity to save money on your 2008 taxes!

"How can I do that?" you ask?

It's simple, go to http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy and make a donation to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS)! That's right, not only will your donation to the LLS give the special gift of hope to the 138,000 people in the United States who were diagnosed with leukemia, lymphoma or myeloma in 2008, but you'll also be saving money on your taxes! 100% of your donation is tax deductable!

And that's not all! Donate now, and you'll earn the right to wear or display these amazing badges for as many days as you like!

"How much will this tremendous offer cost me?" you ask?

That's entirely up to you, but here are a few suggestions.

$5.00 --- $1 for every month I'll be training for the Lavaman triathlon with Team in Training.

$25.00 --- $5 for every month I'll be training (I get up at 6:30AM ... on SATURDAYS to make it to training most weekends)

$40.00 --- $1 for every year of my life at the time of my race (My birthday is January 4th and a donation would be the PERFECT birthday gift)

$50.00 --- $1 for every pound I plan to lose before race day

$100.00 --- $2 for every pound I plan to lose before race day (talk about extra insentive for me!)

$500.00 --- $500 for keeping Uncle Sam out of your pocket book - even just a little

$5,000.00 --- $5000 for me to get off the computer, stop sending emails and just TRAIN already!

Thank you once again to everyone who's already donated. Thanks to you I am 6% of the way toward my fund raising goal. You too are welcome to print out a badge and show the world what you're made of!

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3295/3095492443_719a31c23d_o.jpg

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3224/3095500169_de971c2523_o.jpg

Remember, you can also track my progress at http://www.shawntris.com/

I've Swam/Biked/Ran over 60 miles already! Come on in and cheer me on!

P.S. - you are welcome to send a donation by check too. Just make it out to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and address it to:

Shawn Mueller-Boddy
429 Chase Street
Mountain House, CA 95391

I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving, has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Shawn

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Holiday Gifts that Give Back

'tis the season for Christmas Shopping and the folks at iGive.com are making the season doubly bright!

This holiday season, send a gift that means an automatic donation to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society! When you shop at any of over 700 participating online stores through iGive, a portion of each purchase is donated to the fight against blood cancers!
It's free for you, and you pay the same (or less!) than you would by going directly to the store. Shopping online means no wasted gas and no more standing in long lines at the mall.

Save money, save time, and send gifts that give twice. What could be better than that?

Sign up at:

www.iGive.com/SAMBoddy

or you can begin shopping and searching by going here:

http://isearch.igive.com/SAMBoddy

The best part is it's stores you were probably planning on visiting anyway:

American Eagle Outfitters
Ann Taylor - LOFT
Toys R Us
Best Buy
eBAY

even TurboTax!

Of course I'm always willing to recieve donations the 'old fashioned' way:

You can visit my fund raising page:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

or mail a check made out to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society to:

Shawn Mueller-Boddy
429 Chase Street
Mountain House, CA 95391

Happy Holidays everyone - I hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving Holiday.

-Shawn

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Tri Training Update - 11/09/08

Hello again friends and family,

I just wanted to send a quick email to let you know how things have been going for me with my training. As you know I am working with Team in Training to do the Lavaman Triathlon in March, and I?m fundraising for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

Yesterday we kicked off the Team in Training winter season. It was so amazing to meet and talk to so many people who are all working toward the same goals: get into shape, run a triathlon and find a cure for blood cancers.

Although I?ve been training up till now, with the kick-off, I started training in earnest today. I did my first ?actual? training run, outside, in preparation for the six mile run that will be part of the triathlon. I won?t kid you, it was hard; probably one the hardest of season, but I made it through and I?m so happy to feel as though I?ve made that first giant leap onto the path toward my goals. It?s hard to believe that the woman I was today, huffy and puffing along my neighborhood sidewalks in my baggy sweatshirt will very soon be left behind.

On the fundraising front, so far I?ve raised $150 of the $5000 I?ve pledged. And I want to thank everyone who has donated already. Your continued encouragement and faith in my ability to accomplish my fitness and fundraising goals are more than I could hope for. I hope others will find it in your heart to contribute to the fight against Leukemia and blood related cancers. Your donation can make a difference in someone?s life. May you realize success in your own endeavors, and may we all go the distance. Thank you for your generous support.

Please click on the link below to go directly to my personal fundraising page. No amount is too small. Every dime makes a difference.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

You can track my ongoing progress at:

http://www.shawntris.com

If you would rather send a check, please send it to:
(payable to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society)
Shawn Mueller
429 Chase Street
Mountain House, CA 95391

P.S. I would appreciate it if you would forward this email to as many people as you can to encourage them to donate as well. Thanks again.

Shawn

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Help us Save Lives

Dear Family and Friends,

I have some big news to share?
Believe it or not, I'm going to swim/bike/run in the Lavaman Triathlon in Kona, HI on March 29, 2009. Think I?m crazy? Truth be told, you may not be so far off the mark! I'm not in really great shape. (ok, I?m in terrible shape) My feet aren't so good and sometimes I run out of breath walking up the stairs in my house! As of right now, I can't run very far or for a very long time. Luckily I?m ?okay? on a bike and you who?ve known me since I was small know I?m a fish in the water. Still, 31.9 miles seems like a really long way to go. (That?s .9 mile swim, 24.8 mile bike and 6.3 mile run) I mean, really really long (try watching your car's odometer on a trip until you hit 31.9 miles - it's far!). So, am I crazy? Well, a couple of very sane reasons are driving my decision to run:

The first is that as I approach my 40th birthday I want to focus on two things. One is that I want to get into good shape and the other is that I want to focus on things outside myself and one way to do that is to give something to a worthy cause. What I have discovered is an incredible opportunity to do both things at one time!

I have signed up with The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team in Training program. Through this program, I will not just be running for myself, but in support of an organization that is dedicated to curing lymphoma, Hodgkin?s disease and myeloma and improving the lives of patients and their families. In exchange for fundraising, the Society will help me train for the race, provide coaching and medical guidance, and will put me together with others of similar skills. Specifically, I will be training in honor of Katy Mueller, my cousin who died of Leukemia when she was only 15 years old.

Thinking about how fortunate I am and learning about how these diseases affect families (the stories are incredible), it has made one very important thing clear to me: you can never take anything for granted. Your life can change on the drop of a dime; it's important to seize the opportunity to make a difference when you can.

So here I am, seizing my opportunity. My goals are two-fold: one, to cross the finish line of the Lavaman Triathlon on March 29th. (even if I have to crawl to do it!); and two, to raise $5,000 for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I'm hoping you will be able to help me with both of these goals.

Your encouragement and positive reinforcement (i.e., ?You swam/biked/ran HOW MANY miles today?! FABULOUS!!!) will go an incredibly long way in helping me complete this race. Your financial support will not only help save the lives of those afflicted with blood-related cancers, but make their lives more comfortable and manageable while they are fighting ? and winning against - the disease. Consider also that many of the strides that are made toward curing blood-related cancers translate into making a difference in fighting all types of cancers.

If you are so inspired to take up this tremendous cause, please feel free to share this email and request with anyone who might be inclined to help. EVERY contribution will have an impact, will be acknowledged personally by me, and will be appreciated by so very many. If you want to donate, you can do it on line at:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

If you prefer to send a check, you may also submit one (payable to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society) to me. Then I complete the Check Donation section of the Participant Donor Form for all check contributions to ensure proper acknowledgment of gift and you will receive a receipt for tax purposes - they will send it to you directly. (Please clarify which address and phone number you want me to report on the form).

You can check on my progress, send encouragement or donate again on my blog at:

http://shawntris.blogspot.com/

As part of my goal to get in shape, I?ve also joined Weight Watchers. At each weekly weigh in I will be donating $2 for each pound I lose, if you would like to match my pledge, or make another similar to this, please let me know. I?ll be updating my blog in this regard as well.

Finally, if you know someone who has been afflicted with a blood-related cancer, I would love to run in their honor as well. Please let me know their name(s) and I will be sure to wear a bracelet for them on race day.

Thank you for your support...

Shawn Mueller-Boddy
429 Chase Street
Mountain House, CA 95391

Shawn.mueller@gmail.com

"There?s no achievement without goals." ? Robert J. McKain

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Yes, as a matter of fact I AM crazy

Yes, as a matter of fact I AM crazy
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

I mentioned that I've been making a lot of plans, making a lot of changes and pretty much shaking up my life. This is one BIG one.

I am going to do a Triathlon. That's right - chubby, out of shape me is going to swim, bike run :) I'm doing the LavaMan in Hawaii in March of next year. Only five months away. But, to help me reach this dream I've joined the amazing folks at Team in Training. With their help, at 40 years old I will be crossing the finish line of my first triathlon. And I'm still terrified! :)

Well besides helping people like me do impossible things Team in Training also raises funds for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. People, we need to find a cure for these killer diseases. About 20 years ago we got the news that my 6 year old cousin had Leukemia. We fretted as she was treated and celebrated when she went home in remission. Nine years later it came back, and we all sat helplessly as her body lost the battle against this terrible disease. Any age seems 'too young to die' but 15? I look at my now 15 year old daughter and all the life that's ahead of her left to live - to think I could lose her to something that there may be a cure for!...

I know there are a lot of causes out there and we can't support all of them, but I would ask that if you can and will - please donate to support this one. And even if you don't donate, you are welcome to follow along on my blog! :) shawntris.blogspot.com/

Oh! and I've been thinking that maybe I would offer a print of one (or more) of my photos as a 'thank you' for people who donate. Any ideas or suggestions on what people would consider an appropriate and motivating 'thank you' are highly welcome!!

WW!?

Well, I've taken a whole new path :( What I'm doing just isn't doing it. I'm not accountable enough on my own - or even with just an online community - so I'm 'going live' Went to my first WW meeting in 17 years today. It was actually pretty good. This place has an amazing leader. I wasn't sure this was the thing for me when I signed up - but I had to do SOMETHING... but after meeting her I think it's going to be a good choice.

I'm still going to try to eat balanced Protien and Carbs... but with the help of a little face to face accountablity.

I've got other news too - but I'll wait until it's 'offical' to announce it - so stay tuned.

For the Boob

For the Boob
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

I know I haven't been around much. I haven't been losing but I haven't been gaining and that's a good start :|

But - since I have a blog I wanted to make sure that I did my part for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please, support the cause. My mother in law is a breast cancer survivor and I wholly support the search for the cure. As part of that I'm taking part in the 'boobie-thon'

so goto www.boobiethon.com make a donation - common guys and girls... support the boob! :)

One of the things that brightened my day

The Zoomies
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

So I wanted to share it with you ;)

A few hours later...

Yeah I'm feeling a bit better. I still feel a bit 'off' and I still feel like I have to work at feeling like I will be victorious some day. But it's not overwhelming anymore.

Thanks for letting me vent Blogger :)

Not feeling 'it'

Saturday's dissapointments
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

Last night I sat in my closet and cried.

I was trying to pull out clothes to wear for today and it hit me how much I hate getting dressed everyday. How much I had scanning my closet looking for something that didn't pinch, cling or gape. I looked over the rows of clothes sitting on the hangers and realized how little of it fit and how little of that the did fit I liked. One might expect a moment like that to motivate you but it just left me feeling so drained of any energy or motivation that it was all I could do to finish the task and drag myself into bed.

The feeling carried over into the morning. I could not seem to get my feet under me. I did my workout but there was no 'omph' to it. I felt like I was simply going through the motions. Yes, it was a good workout but there was no passion in it. What happened to the passion?? Instead what kept going through my head was "why am I doing this? it's not like it's going to do any good. I worked my ass off before and what happened? Nothing - back to the same ol' place. Nothing's changed..."

I don't know what I need to do to shake off these feelings. It could just be a monthly thing - who knows. I do know I'm tired of feeling this way, but at the same time the feelings are so draining that I don't have the energy to do anything about it. I feel like I'm stuck in this sick vicious circle.

In a way I feel like this drowning person who's just gone down for the third time. I feel the water closing in over my head. I struggle to swim, to breath even though theres no oxygen left to breath. I force myself to hope even though there's no real passion or fire behind that hope. It's like I hope because I have to. Because to stop hoping means to die.

And yet - I got up this morning and went to the gym. I had a good/wholesome shake for breakfast and an excellent post workout meal. I've got a great lunch packed and by my side. Deviating from my plan right now would require too much effort on my part. I've got no energy for effort.

Hopefully these feelings will pass. I may look at this in a day or in a week and go - what the hell was I writing about there?

I hope so.

As I warned when I came back to my blog - this isn't going to be all about successes. i'm going to blog when I'm up and when I'm down - I'm sorry if people get tired of my mood swings - of my whining of my constant struggle for inner peace about my outer appearance. But this is me in all my ugliness. And this is my blog. Yes I want you to like it to get something from it. But if you don't - as harsh as it sounds - too bad. This is about me and for me. I need to feel free to write about who/what and where I am at any given time.

I hope everyone's having a better life then me at the moment. :)

Things are going ok

Being kind to my contacts
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

Not perfect, not terrible, but OK. and I'm ok with that. I haven't hit the gym as often as I would like but I haven't been sitting 24x7. Food hasn't been perfect, but I've been eating with awareness. Working hard to avoid those 'what the hell' moments that turn into a month of binge eating.

I want to blog more/more often because I know it helps me keep on track. At the moment I have another goal beyond the numbers. I have a dress that I bought last year for the Christmas Party. At the time I bought it I needed to lose about 5 lbs to wear it. I didn't - I gained about 5 instead. I want to wear it for the party this year. I'm going to snap a picture of it so it's in my face for a reminder.

Shawn's Progress this week on traineo

How's Shawn getting on? Below is the summary of Shawn's progress this week on traineo. Remember its your job to help her reach his goals by reviewing her progress and keeping her motivated to reach her goal. Take a good look at her graphs and figures - especially the number of times she's logged in and her last logged weight date. If she has posted any comments on her progress be sure to read them carefully and try to address the areas where you feel she needs support from you.   Starting Weight: 232 lb Goal Weight: 130 lb Weight Lost to Date 4 lb Last logged Weight 11th September Sessions logged this week 3 98 lb to go Training Diet Ave. Daily Calories Burnt: 1,293 Ave. Daily Calories: 1,350 Weight Change Latest Comments Weekly Weight Change: 2 lb Shawn has not entered a comment this week. Click here to visit her homepage Add a comment to Shawn's profile page here to help motivate her towards her goals. As a member of her personal support network it's your job to keep accountable by sending her regular messages and comments. Don't forget to bookmark Shawn's profile page at http://Parttimemom.traineo.com Send a personal message Sign into my account   To stop receiving these emails simply click here to log into your account. You'll then be prompted to confirm that you want to stop receiving traineo motivator emails.

Victory

I was in the 'quick shop' a few minutes ago. I was picking up something to drink when the 'feast beast' raised it's ugly head.



"look at all those treats," it said "I should by one.". ("i" because it likes to pretend it's me")



I countered with thinking about the shame that would come with having to post a candy bar when it wasn't a free day.



It faught back with the thought that I didn't have to take a picture. Then I very clearly heard the words, "no one has to know".



That's been the running theme for the past two years. ' go ahead, eat, you're alone. no one will know.



There are so many things wrong with this idea. First that I'm considering doing something that I feel I need to hide from others. Do it or don't do it. Don't hide it!



Second, have I really hidden anything? I weigh 230 lbs. I really doubt anyone's been fooled by my secret eating.



But, most importantly, and the answer I gave today. "I would know"



The answer back floored me "so"



So? Has it ever been so clear that i'm dealing with a 'beast', that cares nothing about me? That cares nothing about my own self worth? That values others opinion over me over my own?



Although these exact thoughts didn't go through my mind some shadow of them must have because I got angry. In my mind I told that beast "stop it. I'm not getting any candy".



I grabbed my drink walked through the candy isle without pausing, paid for what I had came for and walked out.



If you've never had to battle the feast beast you probably have no idea what a victory this is. But trust me, it is.

091108 - 1242 c

091108 - 1242 c
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

1. Pina Colata Protein Shake - 217 c, 2. Vanilla Wheat - 240c, 3. Turkey Sandwich & Banana - 456c, 4. Arby's Roast Beaf - 420c

As I've become short of time - I've watched my food degrade to this *sigh*. I must take the time to plan and execute - pittiful

Recovering

Spent most of yesterday in a fog. 4 hours of sleep two days in a row... No amount of caffeine in the world would make me 'normal' after that. By the end of the day I had a pounding headache and felt sick to my stomach. I just wanted BED!!!

I kind of sleepwalked through the food thing so I forgot to take pictures even though I stuck on plan.

Breakfast (Pre workout) was a Chocolate Cherry Shake (frozen cherries, Protein Powder (PP), water, ice and cocoa powder (unsweetened)) - 196c

2nd Break (Post Workout) vanilla wheat (cream of wheat mixed with PP)- 240c

Lunch was going to be my left over salad from yesterday - when I went to eat it it was just too gross! so I ate the hard boiled eggs and then had what was supposed to be my snack a banana and a cheese stick - 421c

About an hour before quitting time I was exhausted and starving, I felt like I was barely hanging on. My mind kept dwelling on the chocolate in the other office. I dug through the tiny bit of stash I had here in the office (cause I had no money) and found some granola. Not the best but certainly not the worse. It was whole grains at least. total cals: 240.

When hubby finally got here at 6:00PM I was still so hungry. Grabbed a Pro-Max bar 290c.

I got home and as I said felt like crap. My headache and upset stomach had erased any remaining hunger I had. I finished the day at 1380calories and no will to go to the gym. I crashed.

I woke up this morning and my headache was gone at least. I was starving though and quickly took care of that with a shake. didn't go to the gym this morning - I just need the sleep too much. I'm planning on hitting it tonight instead.

The best part? was 228.1 - another pound gone. 4.3 lbs total lost. Only 98 to go :|

No struggles as yet. Haven't worked out as much as I would like but the foods been right on. I feel like I'm making progress and that's what's important.

The water weight is dropping and I'm sure some fat too. I do feel better. I was so bloated and sluggish before. Even though I haven't lost much fat I feel better just because my body isn't so toxic. tomorrow's the official weigh in for week one, can't wait to see what the results are.

Did it again!

Made it to the gym this AM. Was an OK workout. 20 minute walk on the tredmill (for 1 mile) to try to loosen up the legs and then an abbreviated chest day. Still working into full workouts but it feels good to be getting there and getting it done.

Oh and the scale is finally showing a little movement to match the effort. Yay!

Too tired to do more then post stats at the moment - will post more brain content later, I promise.

And for the record - now Officially UNDER 230

229.1 to be exact... yay! :) :) :) :)

Food 090908 - 1328c

Food 090908 - 1328c
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

1. Pina Colata Protein Shake - 217 c, 2. ProMax Bar (Again) - 290c, 3. Salad - 313, 4. IMG_0319

Not enough food for the amount of working out I did... 1.66 mile Run, 5 Mile Bike, 150 Meter Swim, Plus three sets of squats... forgot my lunches in the car and had to improvise - not bad for improvising :)

Created with fd's Flickr Toys.

GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

I know, so soon after my happy happy joy joy post!

But Crap I mean ... GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! I would be saying worse but I try to keep this blog PG13 :P

I forgot my freaking lunch(s) in the car! And my car is many miles away. All that prep work last night?! Out the window. Feeeeeeeeeeeeeh!

Much grinding of teeth and kicking of feet going on right now. And trying to figure out how to recover.

I guess I'm off to the store to buy a Meal Replacement Bar. And I'll have to hit the salad bar for lunch... bah!

woooo hooooo!

Ok - maybe I'm just on a caffeine high, but I feel so good this morning. I haven't felt this good in the AM in... well since as long as I can remember.

First, I stayed up until almost 12:00 AM last night because I wanted to have everything set out, ready and perfect for this morning. THEN -- when the alarm went off at 4:00 AM we actually got out of bed. Ok - it was more like 4:30 AM when we got out of bed, but we got out! Threw my shake makings into the blender, drank it, took my vitamins and then downed 1/2 a red line :) (told you it might be a caffeine high).

We then piled into the car and drove a hour to the SF gym. Since we were running late we didn't get a full workout in, but we got a workout in. In the morning! that hasn't happened in a LONG time. Better yet, I hit the treadmill first and did 30 minutes of run/walking (1.66 miles). Then we did one set of Squats. I hit the shower feeling like a million bucks!! It's the first time I've run on a treadmill in over a year. Now I remember why I like it so much. I don't know why I'm able to push myself more while I'm on the treaddy but I can - and it felt GREAT. (yes I'm overusing all caps and exclamation points because I feel - fantastic and I want everyone to know it). At this moment I can't wait to get up and do it again tomorrow - I hope this lasts. I was on such a roll when we were getting up early every day.

Also - entered all my calories for the past few days last night and turns out I didn't do half bad over the weekend. Yeah carbs and fat were high, but over all calories - not so bad. That makes me happy.

Yesterday, getting and staying on track was easy and I was glad of that. Was a easy mellow day with no food cravings at all. Wish they could all be like that.

Alright - time to go enter all my fitness stuff into all the appropriate places.

Oh - and for squats

4 x 165
4 x 165
12 x 165

Yes - I'm starting slow and easy. I want to be able to workout again tomorrow ;)

Food 090808 - 1480 Cal

Food 090808 - 1480 Cal
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

1. Eggs and Waffles - 273c, 2. Promax (yum!) - 290c, 3. Chicken and Bean Salad - 199c, 4. Boiled Eggs and Pineapple - 303c, 5. PBJ & brownie - 415c, 6. Sorry Folks

Yes - I know meal three is an empty bowl... :( forgot to take the photo before eating...

Had a good day. Could have been disasterous at the end of the day. Hubby decided at the last minute to go bowling... I skipped the fries and ate the snack I brought with me. When we got home though I was tired and really wanted to just eat whatever was handy. I at least took the time to make a semi healthy sandwich. Now time for bed!

Ok - it's not offical

I'm too late to join the last BFL challenge of the year, but I like having a 'hard date' and since I started on Sept 4/5 and the 'offical' start date was Sept 3, I thought it would be fun to see how I would have done on this challenge had I entered...

Google Reader?

I just discovered Google Reader! OMG why didn't I know about this sooner!? it's so wonderful!! and so much easier to keep up with everyone!

Food 090708

Food 090708
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

So I was a little less focused this day. Didn't plan ahead and it showed.

Morning was Breakfast Buffet. I have to say Breakfast food is some of my favorite. I started with a plate full of eggs, sausage, bacon, tator tots, crescent, and french toast. Then I went back again and Had fruit, cream of wheat and a little more bacon and sausage. I will say that I was proud of one thing. Other then the crescent I completely avoided the paistry table and man was there a lot of it.

I ate so much though that I wasn't really hungry the rest of the day. I picked up a Musketeers (mint) at Frys on the road. then had a snack of cheese and a banana. Later when it came time for dinner I wasn't up for cooking anything, and I really still was craving sweets so I whipped up a shake. And MAAAAAAAAAN was it good

Again I found that a splurge - free meal - whatever you want to call it really made it hard to focus back on 'good food'. Will have to watch that always in the future.

Food 090608

Food 090609
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

'dieting' while on a trip can sometimes be a pain. I know this and so I tried to plan a little ahead. You see we were planning to go to Reno over the weekend and while I didn't want to feel deprived while I was there, I still wanted to make progress. Going on the BFL/EFL premise that every week should have a free day, I took a little liberty with the concept and make my free day 1/2 on Saturday and 1/2 on Sunday. This isn't a practice that I would make a habit, but knowing our schedule I thought I could make the most of my trip this way.

So... I started the day with a really nice breakfast of Spicy Omelet. Then I blended up a peanut butter and chocolate shake and put it in the 'to-go' cup. I also packed a sandwich and some carrots to take with me.

Because I had planned ahead, brought food and had already set in my mind what was going to be 'allowable' when we stopped a diner to have lunch, it was easy and I was happy to 'say no' to a burger and fries, knowing I had a nice sandwich waiting for me in the car.

Dinner was... yum yum yum. Rather then fill up on stuff just because I wanted to taste it I grabbed stuff I knew would be GREAT. I even threw some veggies on my plate to make a nicer 'rounder' meal.

I did the same at the desert table. Resisted the urge to put all the pies on my plate to 'sample' and just grabbed what I knew was my favorite.

all in all I felt very satisfied with the day. The only 'bad' part was later that night. After 'splurging' at dinner I really had to resist the urge to keep on eating. At a liquore store later I found myself starting to 'mentally graze' through the candy and nuts section. As soon as I figured out what I was doing I fixed my mind on other things and went on my way. It did really put things into perspective and made me even more aware as to how powerful the overeating (binging) habit is with me.

Oh God

No really - oh god... what have I done

Actually since I took these a few days ago I'm not feeling as bad about it as I should. But I'm willing and ready to forgive myself, move on, and make progress. time to stop whining about what used to be, what could have been and all that. Time to start moving forward.

And for my own sanity, I would like to point out that I am deliberately standing very relaxed in these photos - I don't normally 'let it all hang out' while walking around during the day.

Testing

Testing blogging from my phone... Too fun :)

Food 090508 - 1790

Food 090508 - 1790
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

Day 27/365

Day 27/365 - For Mike B and FGR, originally uploaded by SAMBoddy.

Forgot to blog this weeks Self Portrait

Alright let's make this offical!

Hi - I'm Shawn and I'm a food addict:)

But I'm not letting that define me.

Let start again - I'm a fit and healthy person stuck in the body of an unfit and unhealthy person (yeah I like that better).

Today I'm starting a transformation journey.

My current stats: 232 pounds. Yes I've said out loud. This is not the first time I've weighed this much, but I expect it to be the last. I'll not go through all the diet drama I've been through before now. You're welcome to check my blog archives for that. I'm looking forward now.

First Goal: 195 by 12/12

Yes that's aggressive but I believe it's wholly doable.

The plan - eating for life for now. I need simple, I need the appearance of non restrictive but I also need the structure of a solid 'plan'. Enough rules but not too many. I'm logging my food into fitday (pc version). but not restricting calories intentionally - yet.

Excercise - I keep setting really lofty goals for myself in this department and failing. So I'm torn :|

For now I'm going to take this a week at a time. This week's goals - minimum 3 days of weight training, 3 days running, 2 days swimming.

Simple :)

Expect more to come... hmm what's that? a flicker of hope? God wouldn't that be nice?

Updated the links today

yeah - I'm actually seriously doing some housekeeping on my blog. If I'm going to be here every day, I should spruce up a little eh?

Food 090408 - 1865c

First Day of the rest of my life... :) New commitment - new rules. Will post more later.

Actually yesterday was a trial run. Today's the official 'start date'

1. Egg Burrito 230c, 2. Raspberry Protein Shake 370c, 3. Ruben Pita 479c, 4. Banana and Orange Dip 348c, 5. Baked chicken and Pasta 383c, 6. Brownies - 56c