Weight loss and Me

Update

2011-11-10T15:32:00.001-08:00

Life got a little hectic there for a while. We spent all last week moving and most of this week settling into our new house. It was a lot of work, but the feeling a peace and contentment I get when I walk into our new space has made it all worth it. What's really interesting is my weight (which had inexplicitly shot up) dropped down shortly after the move. There could be some interesting reasons for that, one of them being hormonal, but I would like to think it's my body thanking me for making this move. We've been living in a tiny little cottage for a year and a half, and my son moved in with us and has been sleeping on my couch since June. I've been feeling overwhelmed and trapped in my own house, so this move is oh so much a big deal.

One other thing I've done differently is stay away from any alcohol. I had realized that things got a little out of hand last month :D We were our having dinner and/or drinks with friends almost two nights a week all of October - so I decided to give my body a 30 day 'break' and lay off the stuff for the month of November. I think it was a good choice.

I also seemed to hit my groove with my workouts this week. I haven't been to the gym but I have done two runs and hit the bike trainer once. It's felt great each time which means I'm not doing too much for my energy, fitness levels.

Lastly, I've started reading a book The Four-Day Win: End Your Diet War and Achieve Thinner Peace by Martha Beck. It came in the midst of our move and I just got the time to start to dive in on Tuesday. It's hard to describe as it's not a 'diet book'. But it is like someone opened up my brain and sat and listened to all my thoughts about myself and dieting and then wrote them all down and explained them in a way I had never heard before. If you're a cronic/professional dieter like me, you HAVE to check out this book.

As of this morning I was 231.3 - down 3.7 lbs since Oct 21... I'll take that!

Weekly Update

2011-10-28T10:23:00.000-07:00

Well I saw progress this week, but it wasn't what I had hoped or expected. 1.6 lbs down though, I'll take that.Average weight for the week was 233.5 - I'll look for that to go down next week as that's actually the most important number in my mind.Excercise was... well, not up to par. A Weight workout on Friday, a bike ride on Saturday and a run on Wednesday. I can do more.Mentally I felt great - really kept my focus and felt like I was staying the course - this is A#1 the most important part of this.

2011-10-27T15:09:00.000-07:00

I haven't got much to update you with.... I'm really just trying to get back into the habit of blogging. It was good for me when I was doing it regularly.Anyway, food is still on track, and last night I started on the first day to 5K program from Podrunner Intervals. It's not the first time I've started this program, but to my knowledge, I've never finished it. I've always managed to get distracted by some other program 1/2 way through. So, the goal this time is to finish it - no matter what.I did the first week's workout last night WEEK 120 minutes from 128 to 142 BPMBPM CHART:5-minute warmup @ 128 BPM60 seconds @ 142 BPM90 seconds @ 128 BPM60 seconds @ 142 BPM90 seconds @ 128 BPM60 seconds @ 142 BPM95 seconds @ 128 BPM65 seconds @ 142 BPM95 seconds @ 128 BPM65 seconds @ 142 BPM90 seconds @ 128 BPM65 seconds @ 142 BPM90 seconds @ 128 BPM60 seconds @ 142 BPM95 seconds @ 128 BPM65 seconds @ 142 BPM3-minute cooldown @ 128 BPM(BPM is the music speed for each section).and it was reletively easy. I had no problem holding a sub 12 min/mile for the 60 second runs. Felt good, felt strong. My chest was a little tight after, it felt like my asthma was acting up, but that's normal for me when getting back into arobic workouts. The run, plus the cold air, plus my fall allergies were all adding to the overall 'bleh' effect. But I was proud of myself for running.got almost 1.75 miles done in the 28 minutes for a pace of 16:06. That'll get better over time (of course). Weight - well my body is being a little stubborn which is a little frustrating. I don't know if it's that my body is so sick of my yo-yoing that it's going to hold onto every pound, or if it's because I'm older and it's holding onto every pound, or if it's just timing (month wise) My cycle is always so strange that even though I've started tracking in software I still have no idea when to expect it - best guess is that it could be a combination of all of the above that's got me cussing at the scale every morning. But, if it's one thing I've learned over the years it's intellegent percistance. I can't let the number on the scale define me, and I can't let a small stall (even if it is in the first week) discourage me. If I stick with it, the loss will come!Oh-and one other thing to note. I've been 'shouting down' the feast beast a lot lately. He's really confused I can tell. For example, I see a Chevron, think about going inside (maybe for something to drink) and he immediatly says, "Yay! Treats!" Then starts flashing images of sweets that'll be inside, and reminding me of the taste of each one. Before he can even get ramped up though, I scream (in my head) SHUT UP! I almost want to laugh because that 'inner voice' the 'adictive voice' is so used to getting it's way with just that simple technique that it doesn't know what to do and it goes dead silent. I know over time he'll probably try to get more tricky, but for now this technique is working and I love it!

Self Discipline and Patience

2011-10-25T14:56:00.001-07:00

"Discipline" is a difficult word for most of us. It conjures up images of somebody standing over you with a stick, telling you that you're wrong. But self-discipline is different. It's the skill of seeing through the hollow shouting of your own impulses and piercing their secret. They have no power over you. It's all a show, a deception. Your urges scream and bluster at you; they cajole; they coax; they threaten; but they really carry no stick at all. You give in out of habit. You give in because you never really bother to look beyond the threat. It is all empty back there. There is only one way to learn this lesson, though. The words on this page won't do it. But look within and watch the stuff coming up — restlessness, anxiety, impatience, pain — just watch it come up and don't get involved. Much to your surprise, it will simply go away. It rises, it passes away. As simple as that. There is another word for self-discipline. It is patience.
— Henepola Gunaratana, "Mindfulness in Plain English" from Everyday Mind, edited by Jean Smith, a Tricycle bookMindfulness in Plain English: 20th Anniversary Edition

Made it!

2011-10-25T14:34:00.000-07:00

I said I would be back, and here I am!

2011 has been a pretty good year for me. Started a new job at the end of 2010 that got me another new job (and a raise). I'm pretty happy where I am right now. The low levels of stress are exactly what I need.

Hubby and I worked through a really awful money situation and now are up on our feet and feeling pretty solid.

My son moved in with me 'just for the summer' and now has decided he would like to stay rather then take out more student loans. So, I'm getting to spend quality time with my kiddo (who I was estranged from for a number of years) as well as have an excuse to move into to a larger and very lovely home.

I'm involved in choir again - singing with a group is always fun!

I've met and gotten involved with some really awesome people who I now consider friends -- It's great to feel 'connected' with a group of people again, plus I've been staying in closer contact with 'old' friends and reconnecting with family members that's made me feel like a more well rounded person overall.

The only thing that hasn't gotten better this year has been my weight/health. Maybe it's because I was so focused on getting the rest of my life in line. But now I feel ready to focus on this.

My plan is about 25% diet, 25% exercise and at least 50% getting my 'mind' fixed. I've been focusing a lot on cognitive therapy, Addictive Voice Recognition Therapy and other 'self help' type programs/books to get myself ready for action. And people, I AM ready for action.

Started working the plan on Friday, just like I said I would. I even took a trip to the gym so I could do a leg workout. I wasn't enjoying the workout much at first. Seeing myself in mirrors on every side wasn't doing much for my mood but then I had a guy come up to me and compliment my 'short hair' (told me I Rocked it). I stuck to my plan for the entire day/night and really felt good about it - woke up the next morning to a HUGE drop on the scale (that I think now was because I was dehydrated (duh).

Saturday - I stayed (pretty much) on plan as well. Ate a big breakfast of eggs and bacon and then stuck to my meal replacement foods for the rest of the day. I didn't eat anything at the bike festival we went to and even skipped eating at the restaurant that night because I had already had my meal. However, I did have a beer at the festival and a Long Island Iced Tea at the restaurant. Later, at karaoke I had several more drinks and then had some cookies at jack in the box at 2 in the morning on my way home. Lesson learned is that I need a better strategy for going out. Less booze and less 'slipping' after drinking.

Sunday I was up early and went to a Halloween festival with my daughter. Had an excellent day, ate a huge salad when we stopped at the sandwich place and had grilled chicken when we stopped at Jack in the Box. Didn't drink anything and stuck 100% to my plan - whoop whoop!

Monday was good again - didn't get back to the gym as I had planned but I did stick 100% to my food plan. Even avoided all the crap food they had laid out at choir. there's always cake, cookies, chips and the like. I just avoided going into the 'snack room' at all. Was a good strategy for me. Instead I sat and read through my 'reasons to lose weight' cards.

Today, I still don't have a solid workout plan in place. My legs are only just now starting to recover from Friday's leg workout. I want to get back into triathlons so I need to make time for running/biking/swimming (BTW - hubby and I biked to and from the festival on Saturday). I also love to lift weights and really enjoy looking and feeling strong. I just need to set myself a schedule for doing those things and stick to it. I have more then enough access to gyms!

But to pull this back to the positive - food has been good - my head is in an excellent place right now. This is a long term project, I know and every positive step is a good one.

And then....

2011-10-19T17:46:00.001-07:00

She started again.

Focus and determination is high. I have a plan of action. It's HUGE! :) starting on Friday because I have Friday and Monday off so I can get over the 'diet tired at home.

I'm going to update here with more details in the next day or so... Look for activity progress and more insight in the days to come.

CVT Run

2011-08-30T16:06:00.001-07:00

CVT Run
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

This is my goal - to be here, in this shape at the beginning of 2012. From there it'll be a run ride to reach the rest of my goals, but at the very least, I want to be here again!

10 Days on plan

2011-08-22T11:16:00.000-07:00

((lost a post - trying to recreate it - bleh))

3.8 lbs lost! I'm happy with that!

Food has been going great, but I haven't hit the gym yet. The motivation is there. I love going to the gym and working out, but I can't seem to take that first step; actually getting off the couch and walking out the door! I'll keep working on it.

I've got some agressive weight loss goals setup for myself for the last half of this year, but I'm confident about hitting them. I'm keeping my head in the game and reading everything I can get my hands on about the mental side of kicking a food adiction. It's going to be an interesting end to 2011.

Ummm Yeah

2011-08-12T16:59:00.000-07:00

I can't even begin to explain what's happened between my last post and now. Let's just say things haven't been good. New weight is 234.6 -- yeah, wrong direction.

Last night I took action by planning my means, and packing my lunch before bed. It worked out. I've eating healthy today and actually feel really good about it. 3/4ths of the way through the day and I feel successful.

Going to string a few positive days in a row - the plan is high protein with lots of veggies w/two 'free' meals a week. Free meals will be planned the day before.

Exercise - I'm going to start with hitting the gym and lifting weights in the morning again. I know that when I get in the habit of getting up early that it does get easier. (at least that's what I'm telling myself).

I don't know about cardio right now - when I get in this 'action' mode it makes me want to go all out, work out 7 days a week (or at least plan to) and just kill myself... So for that hasn't worked out so well. We'll see...

Aaaaaand We're Off

2011-06-01T22:47:00.000-07:00

So, as you might have guessed, I have a body bugg. It's a lot of fun for a gadget geek like me. Even better, it's the SP version that displays stats on my iphone -- Love it!

BTW - my nike+ now works with my iphone too!

I started tracking my burn closely yesterday and really hitting the goal of 3000 - I got bloody close - 2916 (from midnight to midnight). And my intake: 1960 Oh - and the 'official' starting weight 222.7 (down 3 pounds from yesterday)

The quality of the food has been so/so. But, it's not really where I'm focusing right now. I'm going for 'better' not perfect. My goal is to get to 90% of what Brooke Castillio calls "Fuel Eating" (as apposed to "Joy Eating"). But, right now I think I'm closer to 60-70% and over the next few weeks I expect to get better. I'm no longer trying to be perfect.

On the exercise front: I did a killer leg workout yesterday morning, and strapped my bike on the trainer for 45 minutes last night. Today, I did a chest workout this morning and then strapped on my trainers and did a 2 mile run tonight. Of course my strength is down, and I'm only averaging 13.3 min/mile but I'm looking forward to all that getting better with time.

And now for something boring :D

100 days of weight loss day 1 - I used to be that way, but now I'm different!

I used to get overconfident after a while, stop tracking my eating closely and eventually fall off completely and gain weight back - now I realize that this is for life and I can't make my plan one of deprivation - it's got to be something that I can live with!

The Action Plan (cliff notes version)

2011-05-30T18:29:00.000-07:00

Our real problem is not our strength today; it is rather the vital necessity of action today to ensure our strength tomorrow. ~Calvin Coolidge

Tomorrow I will:

Burn 3000 calories (according to my body bugg)
Eat 2000 calories (creating a 1000 calorie deficite)
Lift weight sin the morning
Ride my bike in the evening

-will detail more tomorrow

Hmm...

2011-05-29T00:07:00.000-07:00

I've discovered something interesting.

I miss this blog. I missed the history, the struggles, the successes.

I'm trying a new, kinder gentler, more 'brain focus' approach lately. A great deal of it involves journaling so I'm opening up this blog again to record my thoughts. We'll see how it goes.

Here's the first question:

To me having a fresh start means I don't forget where I come from, but I don't let it define me either.

Why is this journey important to me?

Because I feel like I'm at the edge of very big positive change in my life - at all levels. This scares and excites me at the same time. I want to take every opportunity to live my life to the fullest, and learn everything there is to learn from every experience.

What is my number one goal in the next 45 days during Phase I of the Make Today

Matter journey?

To complete it. I've starting so many things and didn't finish. I want to finish!

Goals for tomorrow

2010-10-03T01:59:00.000-07:00

1 - Take my vitamins

2 - Take my fish oil

3 - No grain no sugar

4 - Take it just one day at a time

I wanted to say something about #4

A few years ago I read "Rational Recovery". Knowing that my weight issue was related to a food addiction I thought this was an important program to read and understand. Weirdly enough, I think that it might have caused a problem for me. You see, this program drills on the idea that you make a commitment (to a diet - or recovery program) for life. That if you are going to do it, you do it forever - and there's an implied "or not at all".

But today I decided to go back to an old adage of mine - "just get through today" -- because honestly, sometimes all I have is enough strength for today - and I've found that if I string enough 'todays' together, soon it's weeks and then months and in that time I've made progress and frankly, in weight loss progress is the key.

And, on another note - I was rather inspired on Friday night when while out drinking with friends, one of my best (male) friends mentioned how amazing I looked when I had dieted down for my wedding. Honestly I didn't know anyone had really noticed. That made me feel really good and I would really like to look and feel that amazing again.

To that end - the plan is week is to string together 7 'one day at a time's - hit the weights 4 days this week and do at least 3 days of cardio.

The good news is, I'm no longer at the job I hate and my stress levels have gone down by 80% - If I could just figure out the money situation - I would have no stress at all :D

Why Can't I Lose Weight - Pre Work

2010-07-27T23:50:00.000-07:00

Since we've determined that the problem with my weight is 'in my head' I'm going to take a look at some of the tools I've purchased over the years that are designed to help me with this. One is a program called, "I've I'm so smart, why can't I lose weight?"

I'll be posting my thoughts on the questions in this program here to save and refer back to later... and so, without further ado. Here's my thoughts from the 'pre-work' chapter.

My Story

How much do you weigh right now?

as of this morning, I weighed 209.6

Why do you weigh this amount? What is your story on how you gained this weight?

I first remember being aware of my weight my freshman year in high school. I weighed 125lbs and thought I was fat. I believe part of this feeling came from growing up around my mother and her sisters who were all 5'1" and 110 lbs or smaller. I always felt like a big clumsy giant around them. Then there was just the overall 'anorexic' mentality of the 80's to deal with.

It was sometime in my freshman year when I started dieting. I remember going to lunch and having nothing but bullion and dieters tea to eat. I probably ate 700 to 900 calories a day, none of them 'good'. Luckily I was never able to keep my calories that low for long but I believe the 'damage' had already begun.

I ignored my weight as much as possible after that, but I continued to gain. My mom would put the whole family on super restrictive diets (Macrobiotic) that had me spending all my lunch money on candy and junk food. By the end of my Sophomore year, I was up to 145.

I moved away from home and into my Grandparent's house that summer. I gained 20 more pounds along the way and then kept at 165 until I graduated high school and then, three days later, got married.

I got pregnant immediately and the pounds piled on. I was also desperately unhappy. Getting married at 18 was a HUGE mistake, but being pregnant (and defying my family when I got married) made me feel 'stuck'. When my daughter was born 8.5 months later, I was at 185 lbs.

From that point on, my life has been a yo-yo of weight loss and gain, and there's hardly a program or gimmick I haven't tried.

I believe weight watchers was the first. I did it after my son was born and dropped from 207 to 185. Between the positive attention this got me from men, and the negative attention from my husband, I believe I panicked. One 'cheat' became two cheats, and two cheats became days of being off plan.

The weight came back, and stayed. Then I got pregnant with my third... It was a rough pregnancy and I was on bed rest for a great deal of it. I got used to 'laying around' and got really good at conserving energy. After my daughter was born, my weight climbed up and up and up and before I knew it I was at 230 lbs.

It was at this time that I discovered Susan Powter. Low fat and exercise became my weight loss tools. Until my gall bladder complained and I had to have it removed.

Then is was 'Opra's trainer's' diet, and atkins and carb adicts. I would lose a few lbs, then gain them again, never really seeing real success.

Then I found weight loss workshop through my church. For the first time ever, I learned that my issue was probably not just the food I was eating but reasons I was eating it! I learned about emotional eating and other issues along those lines.

Unfortunately, knowing was only 1/2 the battle. I still wasn't finding lasting weight loss.

Then, 13 years after getting married I finally took the steps and got a divorce. It was stressful and exciting and frightening and thrilling all at the same time. I didn't think about my weight or food or anything like that. For some reason I ate when I wanted, what I wanted and lost weight. I looked and felt great. No, I didn't get to my 'goal' but I maintained at 185 for about a year.

Strangely enough, shortly after meeting someone new and falling in love, and starting a new job with a 2 our commute, my weight started to creep back up. I fought it - I bought books and tried one diet after another. Still, I managed to creep back up over 200!

Then, my commute shortened and I found Body for Life. By following the guidelines, and exercising daily I managed to get down to 180lbs! The lowest of my adult life! Then, things changed at my job. I started having a 2 hour commute again. The weight came back slowly, but it still came back. I couldn't seem to get back into the rhythm of food and exercise. I tried other things - burn the fat feed the muscle - and nearly every other thing I could get my hands on!

But it took a wedding for me to really find my motivation - my own. I was marrying the love of my life and I found leanness lifestyle. I payed an incredible amount of money to be part of the 'elite' program with one on one coaching -- I was going to finally breath through all these barriers and reach my goal. I went from 214 to 169 by my wedding!

I felt amazing and was happy beyond belief.

But, once I got home, job stress got the better of me. I started skipping workouts and eating off plan. A death in the family gave me the excuse to drop my coach and the weight started to come back again.

for some reason I couldn't seem to stop it. I read books, I tried programs, but could't seem to stick to any of them for more then a week or two. I did the Food Adicts program and Diets to go... The gain continued... higher and higher until I reached a frightening and sobering 240lbs! I was at my heaviest ever.

I was approaching my 40th birthday fat and miserable. So, in an attempt to motivate myself I joined Team in Training and signed up to do a triathlon. I trained for months and months. Miles and miles of running and biking and yet, still, I managed to eat enough to keep up with the burn. 5 months after signing up and month after my 40th I was still at 240 lbs.

But, somehow completing that triathlon did something for me. I came back from that trip with a focus like I had never had before. I started MediFast and continued to train for triathlons. Suddenly I was on a roll. The weight was falling off and in just a few months I was down almost 60 lbs.

And yet, I couldn't maintain it. I would look at my medifast meal at lunch and would find 1000 reasons not to eat it. One skipped meal turned into two and soon I was off the program completely.

My weight bounced up a little bit afterwords but nothing terrible at first. The weight gain was slow and subtle. Just before my 41st birthday I was just over 200 again. It was then I discovered Paleo. I loved everything I was reading so I gave the program a 30 day trial. I lost 12 lbs. But again I strayed. A Reece's here, a cinnamon roll there and the weight slowly started to come back. Which brings us to today - with me committing to go back to Paleo (or Primal) eating and weighing almost 210 lbs.

Ideas to think about

1. Why did you order this program

I read the book, loved what it had to say and hoped that the program would help me apply the program and finally reach my goal weight. I've started it again because I want to be rid of my food addiction.

2. What to you hope to accomplish within this program?

I want to rid food and weight as being a focal point in my life

3. Do you feel now as if you will succeed at this program?

It's hard to feel positive. I've tried so many things - even this program before and yet I'm still not at a healthy weight.

4. Are you willing to try all the exercises and homework?

YES!

5. What is your biggest fear about your weight?

That I will never be a success

10 Major Events

Write down 5 major positive events in your life and 5 major negative events.

positive

1. Meeting Nigel

2. Marrying Nigel

3. Getting promoted to the SWAT team

4. Moving to San Francisco

5. Getting divorced

negative

1. Moving away from Shoshoni

2. My parent's divorce

3. Getting married to 'w'

4. Getting promoted to vCIO

5. Moving to Mountain House

My life would be better if...

My life would be better if I was thin because I wouldn't have to focus on my weight and be worried about how it's effecting my health and fitness.

Being thin is: important - people view you differently if you are thin

Thin people are: just like everyone else - just thinner

If I was thin I would feel: as if I could focus on other goals for once

By body is: fat but fit, but bound to give out on me eventually

My legs are: Ok from the knee down - but disgusting from the knee up

My stomach is: ruined from having kids - it's lumpy, bumpy and yucky

My butt is: Flat, but wide and dimply

My arms are: not too bad, but bigger in real life then I think they are when I look at them.

My face is: getting old - but has a nice jawline and good cheekbones. It manages to look thin despite the weight.

More thought-provoking questions

1. How would you feel if you could never eat sweets again? Deprived - as if life were 'unfair' - and frightened

2. Who do you blame for being overweight? I blame myself Can you forgive them? I've not been good at forgiving myself but I'm willing to try.

3. What would motivate you beyond doubt to lose weight? My instinct is to say "I don't know" because I feel like I have tried everything. Perhaps - enough money to pay off my bills. Or if the life of someone I loved were threatened.

4. Were you happy the last time you were thin? I think so - but then I don't think I was happy 'because' I was thin. It's probably more likely that I was thin because I was happy.

5. Do you enjoy exercise? actually I do, when I do it. It's remembering that an motivating myself to start that's hard.

6. Do you sweat? YES!!! How do you feel about sweat? I feel good as if I've accomplished something.

7. What do you believe your weight says about you? It says that I eat more then I need to

Good for you to know questions

1. What are you willing to sacrifice to lose weight? My 'inner brat' doesn't want to sacrifice anything. and my head says I would sacrifice almost anything (not the people I love or my health) and yet, my inner brat always seems to win.

2. What aren't you willing to sacrifice to lose weight? My health, the people I love

3. Would anyone in your life be upset if you lost weight? My oldest daughter, maybe, since she has a weight issue.

4. On a scale of 1-10 how important is it for you to lose weight? 7?

5. What will happen if you do't lose weight? I'll stay the same size, maybe get bigger. I'll probably get diabetes

Starting point questions

1. When did you first start having an issue with your weight? about 15 (or sooner)

2. What diets have you tried? too many to list (see above)

3. What causes you to overeat? Celebrations, stress, sadness, boredom, cravings, feeling tired

4. What do you think the issues are? I eat for the wrong reasons.

5. What do you struggle with? saying no to my feast beast.

Think about this questions

1. What is the most upsetting issue, other than our weight, pressing on your mind right now? Money!!!!

2. What do you fear about this situation? That I won't be able to pay the bills and that N will find out how EFFED up our finances are right now

3. How do you currently manage stress? I try not to think about the problem - distract myself - or pretend there isn't a problem (and spend money we don't have)

4. How much joy to you currently create in your life? very little

5. What gives your life meaning? At the moment, I don't feel as if my life has much meaning. I often find myself wishing God would just take me off this earth because it's all about stress and worry.

6. Do you believe you are living the life you are meant to live? No. I hate my job and think there is something better out there. I also don't feel as if I live for God the way I should and I feel guilty about that.

7. What do you want other people to know about you? That I am someone who can be counted on for support.

Well Hello

2010-06-29T13:09:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure if anyone visits this blog anymore. Heck, I don't like to visit it myself, it's rather depressing!

The shear number of "ah-ha moments", "epiphany" and "On Fire" posts here only to find myself STILL not at my goal... well, it makes me wonder if I'm ever going to get there.

And yet, here I am. Still here. Still fighting the 'good fight'.

What's become obvious to me over the years is that my relationship with food is what many might call an 'addiction'. I 'use' food for many of the same reasons that others might use alcohol or drugs. That's one of the reasons that 'diets' for me, have to be all or nothing. There has to be a clear line of what is allowed and what isn't. Clear boundaries need to be in place.

But, on the other had, I need to learn to deal with the things that make me turn to food. Pain, Stress, desire for pleasure... all these things have me looking for food and eating too much of it.

So, what do I do now? I'm not really sure to be honest. Isn't the first step admitting you have a problem? I've done that, but then I've done that before too. What I haven't always done is acknowledge that I can't deal with this via 'normal' means. I need a clear, black and white line when it comes to food. And I need to observe it with a "No Choice" mentality.

That means I need to cage my feast beast and not give him the power to talk me into crossing that line. I need to address my addictive voice when it starts it's siren song. Address it and defeat it.

So far today, I haven't crossed the line, and I have no plans to cross it ever again. The feast beast will die, I will be free.

The plan? Well the plan is simple. Medifast with additional calories allowed as long as it's veggies fat and/or protein.

For exercise. I'm going back to the Met-RX weight lifting program, but 4 days a week. Plus I'm doing my triathlon training.

I'm also looking for more ways to enjoy life that aren't food related. I'm going to discover a life that isn't covered in chocolate sauce.

This morning I got up early and did a good leg/ab workout. Tonight I've got a 45 minute run planned.

Wednesday: RT = Chest and Biceps | Cardio = Brick Workout (Bike + Run)
Thursday: RT = Back and Traps | Cardio = Run
Friday: RT = Shoulders and Triceps
Saturday: Swim
Sunday: Swim & Brick

Postive Steps

2009-12-11T17:45:00.000-08:00

weight today : 196.1 - since the goal for monday is 196.0 that's excellent

the postives for today:

I've logged everything I've eaten.

The negatives:

I missed my weight workout - I was just too tired to get up at 4:00AM
I ate 1800 calories today - bleh

I've figured out that I need to plan my meals the day before, when I stand in front of the fridge and try to plan what I'm going to eat by just looking at what's there, I make poor choices - period.

Sooooo tomorrow, Saturday, here's the menu.

Breakfast - egg whites and toast
Snack - MF scrambled eggs (mixed with the whites)
Lunch - Spinach salad w/chicken
Snack - MF Cream of Tomato Soup
Dinner - Mac and Cheese
Snack - MF Pudding

Today, I wrote this letter to myself:

2009-12-10T21:44:00.000-08:00

You see,

Here's the thing Shawn

Enough is enough. You do want to get this weight off don't you? Don't you want to finally have the body, be as fit as that dream that's in your head. You're capable. You have the knowledge, you have the training, you have the skills and the basic body type to do it. You just have it execute - every day! And it's not even that hard, it's a matter of saying "No" to those things that move you away from your goal and "Yes" to those things that move you toward it. So do it!

Here's the first 'mini-goal' get back below 190 - BEFORE your birthday. Let's make your 40th year mean something - mean losing 50 lbs of ugly fat. isn't that a nice round number?

of course, you have to fight the urge to go out and plan all your goals for the next six months. It's time to focus on one goal - that goal is below 190 - before 1/4

So, how are we going to achieve this? hmmm

well - let's start one week at a time.

My goal for next monday is to be at or below 196. I'm a little 'behind' since it's already late Thursday, but I've still got three days.

Food will look like 1200 each day. 3 meals of 300 cals and 3 meals of 100 Balanced Carbs/Protein for the 300 Cal meals - Medifast for the 100 cal meals

Exercise - I'll hit the weights tomorrow then do a bike at night. Saturday I have a race/run and Sunday I'll do a brick.

Since I'm here and thinking about it, I'll plan next week too.

The goal by the end of the week will be 193.4 - that means a goal of 2.6 lbs and to lose 2.6 lbs while eating 1200 cals - I'll have a goal of 660 minutes of exercise. I'll achieve that by doing:

5 days of weight training @ 45 minutes each
5 days of yoga @ 20 minutes each
Tue - Run
Wed - Bike/Run
Thu - Run
Fri - Bike
Sat - Run
Sun - Bike/Run

Here's to drive, determination and focus! and being less then 196 by Monday!

Breaking the Cycle - and Holding Myself Accountable

2009-06-26T15:49:00.003-07:00

For the past four weeks I've had a cycle of maintaining (actually gaining - .1 and .3) for a week, and then dropping for a week. Last week was a 'good' week where I dropped. I'm happy about that, but I'm tired of this cycle. So this week - no maintaining, no gaining. I want to see progress! I've made a good start of it. Down 1.2 since weigh in on Saturday.

Yep, I'm below 205! I usually give myself a few days before 'officially' proclaiming a milestone reached, but I'm going to celebrate my first day under 205 just a little ;)

Still, as happy as I am, the focus is on Onderland... Onderland... Onderland :) to that end, I would like to be below 202 by Saturday. I don't know if it's possible but I'm going to follow 'the plan' with that goal in mind.

What really struck me today is how really really nice it is to put on clothes today and not have them be tighter then yesterday. After 2+ years of dreading getting up and facing my closet, wondering "What going to not fit today..." In fact, the pants I put on today might be gaping just a little around the waist... and I just started wearing them again! Now THAT'S the way to start the morning!

Exercise planned for the week:

Did a 30 minute bike ride - kept it between 11-16 MPR. Nice and easy recovery from Saturday. Tonight I'll go for a run - 3 miles minimum as I start a 1/2 marathon program this week in prep for my 'Big' triathlon in September. Wednesday is a longer bike ride (1 hour). Thursday 3 Mile run. Friday a bike and a long open water swim, and then Saturday Hubby and I are doing a 14 mile run/walk called the Double DipSea. (it's more a 'hike' then anything).

I'm still trying to keep my calories around 1000 - like I said, below that and I don't feel well.

The biggest challenge this week will be Wednesday. I've been 'asked' to attend a customer appreciation event at the Oakland A's since one of my bigger clients will be there. I'm sure many of you are going... ooo you get to go watch the Giant's vs the A's in a luxury box?! what's your beef!? Well #1 I'm not good at... what's the word I'm looking for... schmoozing. I do my job and do it well, no matter my personal feelings, but making small talk with someone that I don't give two shakes about... bleh. Then there's the fact that I don't like baseball. Ok maybe 'don't like' is too mild a word, but let's just say I've actually fallen asleep at Candlestick during a double header. just doesn't do it for me. So what's left? Well I used to go for the food and the booze. MMMMMMM baseball food. But, my guess is nothing provided will be 'on plan', so that means I'm going to have to go to extraordinary efforts to get my meals in that day.

alright, I'm done /whine lol!

Anyway - I'm saying all of this more to get it down in writing and to keep myself accountable. -- Cause it's all about Onederland baby! lol

swim/bike/run

2009-06-26T15:36:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone how's your collar bones looking today? Mine are working their way to the surface :)

Yesterday ended well. Hubby was tired and didn't want to go run around the lake, so we went home instead. I was ok with that because he does the driving - so I try to be considerate of how he's feeling.

So, we drove home, I changed, grabbed the dog, and headed out for my run.

Now, many of you might not know that my next big Triathlon (I'm doing some 'baby' ones before then) is in 12 weeks and it's going to be a tough one. 1.5 mile swim from Alcatraz to SF. a 2.5 mile run after that (it's called a warm up run - huh?) a 9 mile bike, and then another 7.5 mile run. That's a total of 10 miles running. I struggled with deciding what kind of running plan I would do to try to get myself to this kind of mileage, and finally I figured out a 'hybrid' of my own.

I started with the Novice 1/2 marathon plan from Hal Higdon. I had used his plans before and I liked them. I also figured training for the longer distance of 13 miles couldn't hurt me do better on race day. But - I really like my "10K" running program from podrunner intervals the tempo tends to push me, and I like the interval format for getting faster and going longer. So I decided to blend that in as part of my program. Thursday night's runs would be the interval program from Podrunner and the other two runs would be as written by Mr Higdon.

That made last night my 'interval' day. So I plugged in my head phones and off I went :)

It was so much fun! :) I really like interval training because I feel like I can really push myself during the shorter run segments and know I'll have time to recover. So, last night's workout looked like this:

BPM Chart
5 min. warmup @ 137-142 BPM
4 min. @ 153 BPM
2 min. walk @ 142 BPM
4 min. @ 153 BPM
2 min. walk @ 142 BPM
4 min. @ 153 BPM
2 min. walk @ 142 BPM
4 min. @ 153 BPM
2 min. walk @ 142 BPM
4 min. @ 153 BPM
2 min. walk @ 142 BPM
3 min. cooldown @ 142-137 BPM

After my cool down, since I wasn't home yet, I went ahead and let the workout repeat and walked for 2 and then ran until I got home.

The exciting part is that I DID push myself on every run segment and kept below a 12 min/mile pace on each one! I have a feeling with the short run on Monday - the interval run on Thursday and a weekend long run... my fitness levels are going to go through some interesting changes over the next 12 weeks!

So, tonight the plan is to try out my new Friday Night routine. I'm going to change at work, BART to the car - where I've left my bike, and then ride my bike to Shadow Cliffs and swim with my tri team. Hubby will pick me up after he gets off work! Should be FUN!

Next week I'm adding weight lifting back in... look out world - cause believe it or not, weight lifting is my first love :P

Everyone have an excellent weekend. Get out, enjoy the summer. It'll boost your body's natural levels of vitamin D and keep you out of the kitchen!

PS: weight is at 202.6 still...

A Blast from the Past

2009-06-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

A Long Long Long time ago I heard that Dr Beck had a new book out. So, being the diet book junkie that I am (sorry about using the "D" Word ScottO, but it's what best describes them) I had to order it. Only, it seems the announcement of the book's release was premature. The book wasn't actually 'out' yet. Well, I soon forgot about it. Moved on, gained more weight, did a triathlon, read other books, joined Metifast... you know how it goes.

Last night, however, there was a package on my porch from Amazon. I was really confused because Hubby and I have made a deal to not spend 'frivolous' money for a while. All my 'play money' has been going to race entry fees. So, a package from Amazon meant I hadn't kept up my end of the 'deal'. I opened the package and there was the 'Green Book' Dr Beck's "The Complete Beck diet for life"!

Seems that while I had forgotten that I had ordered the book, amazon hadn't and shipped it as soon as they got some in stock. HA! -- Oh well, I love Dr Beck and I'm sure I can learn some awesome stuff from her as well as get a refresher. You may see me pulling some highlights from it over the next few weeks.

Random Stats that Amuse me- and various other ramblings

2009-06-25T17:17:00.000-07:00

I've been on plan for 82 days/almost 12 weeks

I've lost 36.4 lbs - that's .44 lbs a day or 3.11 per week

Other then my first week, the most I've lost is 4.5 lbs, the least was a gain of 0.3

My average weight my first week was 233. My average weight last week was 206.

I give myself a small reward every two pounds (I have to be three days at or below that weight). The longest time between rewards was between 212 and 210 (12 days). The shortest was between 210 and 208 (1 day). The average time to drop 2 lbs is 5.5 days.

I've gone from a size 18W (pants) to size 16 (no W). I've gone from a size XXL shirt to XL.

Since I got my body bugg (April 26th)my average calories burned per day is 2550. On my highest Day (Yeah I did a tri that day) I burned 4260. On my lowest 1850 (This is what I burn if I do nothing but sit on my keester all day).

I average over 10,000 steps a day

So what does all this mean? Well, it means that I really like data and numbers... lol.

So what else is going on with me? Well ballpark food (even lean & Green Ballpark food) combined with a late night and not much sleep has the scale stall. That's ok - it'll even up eventually.

I pulled a pair of pants out of my closet of shame this weekend that were just a LEETLE too tight (you know - some zipper strain) but when I put them on this morning they zip just find and are actually baggy around the waist. How did that happen?! Bodies are just so weird.

Hubby and I are going to go run with the 'group' tonight around Lace Merced. 4.5 miles - I hope it's easier then Tuesday night's run was. When I told hubby that I was looking forward to running with the club tonight he responded that he was looking forward to the cookies they provide after the run! lol - hey whatever motivates you right?

Ok - so now I want to ask you guys a question. I was reading another blogger and she mentioned that she's purging her closet. Getting rid of all her 'too big' clothes and it got me wondering. When do you declare something 'too big'? Is it when the next size down fits? Or is it when it falls off your ever shrinking bootie? do I just stage a huge fashion show and let hubby tell me what's not fit to wear anymore?

What have you all done?

I can't see my weight loss - and The Paper Towel Theory

2009-06-25T10:58:00.000-07:00

So I've seen a lot of rumbling lately from folks who aren't seeing their weight loss. Or, who aren't seeing it where they would like to see it, etc.

I TOTALLY understand this feeling :) Even though my husband told me almost daily that he could tell the difference, even though I was fitting into smaller clothes, for a while there, I couldn't tell I was loosing weight when I looked in the mirror.

But, there is a reason for this (other then body dismorphication). It's called the Paper Towel Theory. I read it on Dr Hussman's website many years ago and thought it might be beneficial to share it here.

The Paper Towel Theory

As it turns out, you can get fairly good estimates of your bodyfat composition simply from a single skinfold, or by passing a tiny electrical current through your foot, ankle or hands. What this really means is that fat is distributed fairly precisely on the body. And while it's true that some people have larger fat deposits on some parts of their body than others, it's also true that percentage-wise, the fat on your body comes off fairly evenly.

That's important to remember when you measure your progress. See, one of the first places you're probably looking for fat loss is on those areas of your body that you think are "too fat." But in fact, that's the last place you should look, because I can guarantee that those areas are still going to look "too fat" for a little while.

Think of it this way. If you have a roll of paper towels (or a cassette tape), and you start to unravel it, you can get a good amount off of the roll before you really see a visible change. But as you get further down that roll, even taking off a little more is very apparent.

The same is true with your body. The first place you're going to see greater definition is at those areas where the fat deposits are relatively thin already. For most people, this is around the shoulders and clavicles (the two long bones that run just under your neck, connecting your two shoulders to the breast plate).

Another reason why this is important is that advertisers often prey on the belief that fat can be "spot-reduced." All the twisty ab-crunchers on the market are perfect examples. Basically, these companies get a fitness model that has followed months or years of weight training, aerobics, and proper nutrition, and have them roll back and forth in one of these things, as if they actually got in shape that way.

Or look at all the books promising to help you lose fat "for your type" - pear shaped, apple shaped, dodecahedron shaped - you name it. It's true, for example, that people who are insulin resistant tend to store more fat in the midsection, and that women tend to store more fat in the thigh area. But so what? If you lose the fat, it comes off EVERYWHERE. If a problem area looks "too fat", training that area with exercise may very well improve the definition of the underlying muscles and the overall form of that area. But it will not accelerate fat loss relative to other parts of your body.

If the body didn't lose fat uniformly, we'd all wobble around like Weebles because our relatively fixed bone and muscle structure wouldn't be able to tolerate the variation. The best way to change the size of your body is through caloric deficits. The best way to change the shape is through resistance training. The one thing you need to achieve a total physique and fitness transformation is to do EVERYTHING - aerobics, intervals, resistance training, cross-training (physiologist Covert Bailey calls these the "four food groups of exercise"), small frequent meals, high-quality protein and carbohydrates, low-glycemic nutrition, proper supplementation, water, and rest. As Shawn Phillips says, "the one thing, is everything."

So again, if you're looking for results in the mirror, look for the first signs of improved definition at those areas where muscle is relatively close to the surface. For most people, this is the upper chest and shoulder area. After two weeks, you probably won't see enormous visible changes elsewhere. But those changes are happening anyway.

You should definitely be keeping track of how your clothes feel. Go to the closet and pick out an outfit that's just a little too tight. Put it aside. You'll want to try it on occasionally. Waist measurements can also capture fat loss that isn't necessarily evident in the mirror.

------------------------------------

There you go! :)

Now - if you really want an eye opener - try the Paper Towel experiment. Take a brand new roll and take off one piece (one pound). doesn't really make a visable difference does it? What if the roll is 1/2 gone? Take off a piece... ooo, you can kind of see that can't ya? How about if it's almost gone? Take off a piece - WOW! can you see that!?

Yeah, it can be discouraging in the beginning to think. This one (or three or four) pounds aren't going to make a difference. But they do... That paper towel roll isn't going to unwind itself! You can't grab a sheet out of the middle no matter how much you might want to.

I guess what I'm trying to say is - hang in there folks! Every pound matters weather you 'see' it or not!

The Game is Over

2009-06-25T01:27:00.000-07:00

And I survived. I got my excercise for the day in. I got lost inside the stadium twice and walked the whole thing both times! Yeah, I'm that good.

the best part of the night was that they actually had food that wasn't hot dogs :) sliced turkey and veggies whoo hoo! Yeah, I lean and greened at a baseball game.

I'm on my way home now, but I wanted to share one little thing that occured to me while I was hiking around the stadium in work clothes.

You often hear the expression "never let them see you sweat". Well I propose that the female version of that is "never let them see you limp"

yeah, I was wearing heels tonight. :)

Sleep - it does a body good

2009-06-24T13:37:00.000-07:00

One thing about being go go go on the weekends is that I don't get to catch up on my sleep like in the 'old days'. Luckily, I can work from home now and then and on those days instead of getting up at 5AM I can wake up at 9 - it's bliss. Today was a work from home day (at least in the morning) - so I got my extra few hours of sleep and it seems to have had some benefits because I weighed this morning and I'm in the 202's! I like the way that looks!

My 3 mile run last night was hard. I don't know if it was the low calorie day I had on Monday, the lack of sleep over the weekend, the heat or all of it, but I struggled. But, I did it - got it done, logged in the books and I'm sure my body benefited from it. My training partner (the dog) thought it was tough too :) He actually let me squirt him with the hose when we got home when normally he runs as soon as he hears the water turn on!

Had a small NSV last night :) I know, this may sound weird to some people... lol. But I'm a 'center of attention' kind of girl. I have what some call a sanguine personality. I pretty much thrive on positive attention. One of the things that weight gain does is tends to make one 'invisible'. Which can really be disheartening to one who likes to burst in the room to "Hi NORM!" if you know what I mean. Of course you start to erode your self confidence and sometimes that makes getting the weight off even harder. My husband even mentioned at one point. "I miss the old self confident you" And he was right, that person was buried under the weight gain and all the mental crap that went with it.

One of the things completing Lavaman did for me was give me a sense of accomplishment and self worth that had been lacking for so long. For the week we spent in Hawaii after words people would recognize my purple hair and go "You did Lavaman didn't you! I remember you! Awesome job!" I was still riding the high from all of that when I came home and there, waiting for me was my first order of Medifast. The timing couldn't have been more perfect.

Although I'm only 30% of the way toward my goal I feel 100% better. My confidence is back, I walk with my head up, I meat people's eye when I walk down the street, I'm 'me' again. Hubby is back to stopping me in the middle of dinner, just to wrap his arms around me and snuggle, and I'm thriving.

But last night, something happened that hasn't happened in years. Again, this is probably going to sound really weird to folks, lol!

Yesterday I had on my favorite slacks, there's something about them that's really flattering - just the perfect cut, perfect length, and one of the few blouses that that actually show off my waist. As I left work, I had stashed what is my almost always present sweater in my bag because, it was hot, and I headed down the street toward BART. I was almost to BART when I heard it...

"Whoa MaMa!"

A CAT CALL!

For me! I haven't had that in AGES. Maybe that makes me shallow, but I'll take a compliment when it's given - hahah.

Look out world - Shawn is back!

One of my weight loss goals...

2009-06-24T07:10:00.000-07:00

Is to be as sexy as my car ;)

I was going to wait until 200 to post a picture, but it was too nice a day, and I was feeling too good to not snap a quicky before heading off to the city.

Breaking the Cycle - and Holding Myself Accountable

2009-06-23T11:40:00.000-07:00

Sharing an NSV (Non-Scale Victory)

2009-06-22T16:29:00.000-07:00

You guys - I'm in tears right now...

This might not be something that everyone can relate to, but I hope you will join me in celebrating anyway :)

They finally posted the results from my tri on Saturday. Up 'til now, all I had was my finish time - nothing else.

Well, now I know more and it's... well, for me it's a NSV that still has me stunned.

First of all:

My finish time (as you know) was 2:02:33 - that was fast enough for me to place 139th out of 177 people. That is my BEST finish time to date and in and of itself was very heartening.

Of the women who competed I finished 33rd out of 57 - again a really pleasing number.

of women my age (40-44) I finished 10 out of 14 -- again, for me that's good and those numbers along were enough to make me do a happy dance, but -- there was more.

If you read my report you know that I felt like I struggled on the swim. The results paint a slightly different picture. My time for the 500 yard swim - 11:54. That was fast enough to finish 81st out of the 177 competitors. I was in the top 1/2!! and better yet, only 16, YES 16! women finished in front of me! Oh My God!! I was in 17th place out of 57 (women) when I was done with the swim!

The bike and run numbers weren't nearly as dramatic. On the bike I was 134th out of 177, and on the run I was 146th. Just the fact that I finished the run faster then about 30 people is still, a really, really big deal. I'm making progress!!

Thank You FREECYCLE!!

2009-06-21T01:55:00.000-07:00

If you've never logged in to freecycle.org, please, do so now. Find out if there's a group near you and sign up. It's, ummm FREEEEEE!

Anyway, I signed up a few weeks ago and have watched some nice things come and go. The other day though, an add caught my eye, I replied to it, and yesterday I came home with two HUGE hefty bags (lawn size) full of clothes size 12 to 9! Jeans, shirts, sweaters and some nice dresses - all in sizes that I'll be able to wear in a few months. This is going to save me a ton on clothing that I would just 'shrink out of' anyway!

I plan to 'pay it forward' and offer my stuff up there as soon as I'm done with it.

Go check it out now!

Finished!!!

2009-06-20T16:20:00.000-07:00

Yep - I finished! It was a GREAT race. Well run and so much fun!

500 Yard swim
9 mile bike (mountain bike, single track)
3.5 mile Run

Finished in 2hours 2minutes! whoot!

Awww Shucks

2009-06-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

205.4 this morning. Didn't hit my goal, but I got pretty darn close! I'm on my way to my race. So, I can't type much. Have a great day everyone!

Run Girl Run!

2009-06-19T00:33:00.000-07:00

So, as I mentioned earlier - Hubby and I met up with a running group in San Francisco after work and did a run with them. It was our first time with this group so we didn't really know what to expect. I've had bad experiences running with folks in San Francisco before because... well they are all so FIT. But this group seemed to be a nice cross section and I felt really comfortable.

The plan for tonight was to do a 4.5 mile run around Lake Merced. At the designated time we all lined up, someone yelled "GO" and we were off!

I really wasn't expecting to be able to keep up with the pack. It's just not the way it is for me - I'm slow and I know it :). They all pulled away at first and then, magically, they stopped gaining ground! I did a mental check and found that i wasn't struggling, really, so I just went with the flow, keeping a few folks in site.

The first mile rolled past rather quickly and I checked my watch.. WHAT! 11 minutes!? I kept going. Mile two came -- another 11 minute mile!? But now the running path was starting to head up hill. I was hitting the wall that I always seem to hit somewhere in mile three. I was tired, I was winded, I was hurting... But I was determined. Even as I saw the others pulling away and eventually go out of site I knew what my goal was. I was going to run 3.2 miles (a 5K).

I kept running. I felt like I was barely moving. I wanted to stop, to walk for a while, or even maybe halt all together to catch my breath. But I kept running. I was determined, no matter how slow I had to go, that I would reach my goal of 3.2 miles.

And I did! I finished that 3.2 miles in 37:15 - averaging an 11:38min/mile pace! (that's 5.2 @ 1% incline if you're used to the treadmill).

But I wasn't done yet. Nope - the route was 4.5 miles long. I had reached a milestone, but wasn't to the finish yet! The last 1.3 miles I did a run/walk combo and in the end, I finished the 4.5 miles in 53:53 - averaging a 12:06 min/mile pace. Not too shabby!

What was really exciting was that when I got to thinking about how far I've come...I realized that the first "Marker Set" we did while training to do Lavaman we were asked to run 2 Miles and record our time. That first time out (On 11/20/09) I ran that 2 miles in 31:35. Just a little faster then I ran OVER 3 miles tonight! WHOO HOO!!

But there was something else I realized tonight. I was thinking about how like a MediFast Journey my run was.

We start out so gung ho. We're (usually) losing at a fast pace... We're excited, pumped up, we feel like we can do anything.

Then, at some point, we hit that wall. Our body/mind screams at us to stop... Let me catch my breath... Let's lay down, this is too hard! And we have two choices at that point. We can stop, and hope we're able to get going again, or we can keep our goal in site, keep moving. Yeah, we might slow down a bit... The fat may not be dropping at quite the same rate, and we can let that discourage us. But if we just keep moving in the right direction. If we keep pumping our arms, keep focused on breathing and putting one foot in front of the other over and over again... We'll make it to our goal! And maybe making it to goal, doesn't mean we get to lie down. We may need to keep walking and even running some, but the sense of accmplishment from reaching that goal will help propel us along. And all the pain will be worth it.

Keep running my MF friends. At YOUR pace. As I was told when training for Lavaman. Even if you come in last, you're still ahead of every person who's at home sitting on their couch right now.

Even if your weight loss has stalled, even if your struggling a little with BLT - or whatever. You're still ahead of every person who hasn't chosen to step on this path and start this weight loss journey.

We're all winners - dang it! - now where's my metal?! :)

A Peacefull Easy Feeling

2009-06-18T12:05:00.000-07:00

Not much to say today. Took my rest day last night so no workout. And my weight rebounded a little bit this morning. No worries, I was expecting it. Still expect to be at or below 205 on Saturday which was my ultimate goal. Food has been 'easy' again. I like days like this.

The plan tonight is to go run with one of the local running clubs. They do a 4.5 mile loop around Lake Merced every Thursday, so hubby and I are going to stop there, and do that before heading home. I can hardly believe that I look at a 4.5 mile run as such a 'normal' thing now. I like it.

Otherwise - not much else to say... lol. Perhaps I'll have some amazing insight later on today :)

Weekend Update

2009-05-18T11:55:00.000-07:00

I had big hopes for this weekend. We had a lot of plans most of them involving enjoying the beautiful weather we've been having.

I got off early on Friday and ran down to the AT&T so they could set up my phone for me. It was exciting to finally get to use my new 'toy' (I got an iphone) and it was a great way to kick off the weekend.

After that I jumped on BART and rode down to pick up my car and then drove to a local park called Shadow Cliffs - there I was meeting up with a group of folks to do an open water swim! But first, I had to pass the swim test.

I wasn't really worried about the swim test, and it was a nice warm-up to the longer swim that was planned for that night. At 6:15 I was in my wetsuit, in the water, and headed for the far side of the lake - now a certified 'ORCA' :) The out and back was 1600yards total, and that along with the 300yard swim test I had done earlier meant I had done over a mile - whoop! It felt GREAT.

After the swim I headed home, showered, changed and then planned on getting some food for the dog. But that's when I got 'the call' from my husband :( He had been driving down the highway home when the rear tire had blown out. He and the car were ok, but while trying to change the tire he found out that they had never given us the lug nut key and he couldn't get the old 'blown-out' tire off!

Well the dog food (and my food) were forgotten in the rush to get down and meet up with him. He tried a few 'tricks' to get the tire undone, and when that didn't work it was up to me to drive from store to store to see if I could find what we needed.

I didn't. I was getting hungerier and hungerier as the night wore on and finally I HAD to stop. A quick drive through the at Arby's and I had a roast beef sandwich in hand. I threw out the bread and ate just the 'beef' and at least stopped shaking. It was at least enough to get me through until I got home.

After the futile search for the lug nut key, we finally just had to throw in the towel and I picked up hubby and we went home, leaving the car in a gas station parking lot. Any ideas we had of a nice relaxing Friday night at home were completely blown. We finally hit the door after 11! I mixed a quick shake for my last meal of the day and hit the sack.

We were up early on Saturday, but not for the nice bike ride I had been planning. Instead it was a drive to the Toyota dealership to try to find the key. They told us there were 12 different keys and they needed the car in order to tell which one! Only the car had a flat that we couldn't fix and was over 15 miles away! duh! We drove back to the car and made an imprint of the lock with play dough and brought that back to the dealership. They spent some time trying to figure out the match before the guy at the shop just said "I'll probably get in trouble for this, but just take them all and bring back the ones that don't work" and so we did (Thank you thank you thank you Toyota guy!).

FINALLY the car was fixed, we took back the keys that didn't work, bought the one that did and made it home. I spent the rest of the day cleaning the yard, planting flowers and pulling weeds, while hubby scrubbed bathrooms, vacuumed, swept and did laundry (yeah we're weird like that).

Our reward for all the housework? We settled down to taco salads (with ground turkey and no chips) and the finale of "The Biggest Loser". It was a the perfect ending to a less then perfect day. Watching the Biggest Loser always charges me up and I ended up day with a 30 minute light calistenic session including the first day of my 100 pushup program.

Sunday we were all up EARLY - the whole family (except my son) were going to run the Bay to Breakers. We all had breakfast and suited up for the day. A short drive and then we were on BART and on our way into the city.

Once in the city, we started walking to where our starting corrals were. On our way we go a very pleasant surprise! Cause standing on the sideway (almost in front of the place I work) was Jerry - who I had just watch win 100,000 the night before!

The girls just HAD to meet him so we did, and got pictures.

After that, we lined up to start and about a half an hour later, we were off!

We had a GREAT time. The B2B is a great race, lots of fun and the participants and the fans are amazing.

At mile 5 I decided to pick up the pace and ran to the finish. It felt great and I was glad to push myself a bit.

After 7.5 miles we were finished, and while rounding up the family members we ran into Jerry again! The girls wanted to see how his race went so we said hi. He told us that he had always wanted to do the B2B but was too heavy - so this was a dream come true for him -- it was great to be there to witness it!

We finished our day with a one mile walk to go get food and pick up our finishers t-shirts, and then a two mile walk to catch the train back to the race start. Even though it was exhausting, it made for an AMAZING finish to the weekend.

And my weight in all of this? Well that's the biggest bummer I guess. Saturday I had a weird jump up to 215.1 (from a low of 213.9). Sunday I woke up still at 215.1 and this morning? 215.4 -- My hormones have been going crazy since I started this program and TOM has started again WAY early so between that and all the exercise plus the extra salty food over the weekend... should make this an interesting week to say the least :)

Pretty Good Day

2009-05-12T10:48:00.001-07:00

For a Monday :)

Yesterday was good. I ate on plan; did it without any snacks, and I made it to the gym.

I absolutely KILLED it at the gym, which I love

Leg Day

Leg Press - 3 x (360 x 10)
Squat - 3 x (195 x 10)
Dead Lift - 3 x (90 x 10)
Stand Calf - 3 x (90 x 10)

Then I went home and went for a run. It's week 4 of my 1st day to 5K program that I'm doing from the podrunner website. which looked like this:

WEEK 4

29 minutes from 129 to 140 BPM

BPM CHART:
5-minute warmup @ 129 BPM
3 minutes @ 140 BPM
90 seconds @ 130 BPM
5 minutes @ 140 BPM
2 minutes 30 seconds @ 130 BPM
3 minutes @ 140 BPM
90 seconds @ 130 BPM
5 minutes @ 140 BPM
Two minute cooldown @ 130 BPM

Those 5 minute running intervals after a 90 second rest were just killing me! :) But in a good way. I really pushed myself and it felt GREAT!

After that, I ate my L&G and hit the hay. Tired but in a good way!

Got up this morning and had a BIG surprise - weight 214!! I've hit the 25 lb mark. I've shed 25 lbs of fat, never to be picked up again!

I also , finally got around to taking measurements - wow!

In five weeks I've lost:

Chest (this is just under my arms): -2.2"
Waist: -3.7"
Hips: -2"
Butt: -1.5"
Thigh: -1"
Calf: -1"

Overall I've very very happy with my performance AND the results!

The Long and Winding Road

2009-05-11T09:05:00.000-07:00

I promised myself that my blog would be a true and accurate picture of my weight loss journey. That's why I'm posting here today that I stumbled yesterday.

I can make a bunch of excuses like "It was Mother's Day" or "It's the first time since I started this program that my kids have been over" but it was, plain and simple a stumble. I'm still working on the true 'why' of it all and on strategies for keeping it from happening again - but I'm trying to avoid making excuses and taking the easy way out.

I woke up yesterday morning happy to see that even after going to Home Town Buffet that my weight was down .1lb (216.4) My youngest loves to make me breakfast on Mother's Day but was ok about honoring my request that she not, this year. So, I got up and grabbed some MF - Oatmal and some MF - cinnamon chips. I don't know why I grabbed the chips - well I do. Ever since I bought all those MF - Snacks they have been calling me. All of the rest of my food is carefully packaged in bags, a day's worth of food in each, but the snacks. They just sit there, waiting for when I say "I'll have a snack!" and my feast beast pounced on the opportunity. ((You'll notice a theme coming up)).

So I ate my breakfast, packed up some food and the kids and loaded the car so we could go to the lake. I packed a MF Bar and a MF - RTD Shake alongside the Lean & Green that I was bringing to BBQ so that I would have food all day. I was set.

Once we got to the lake and got set up, I started feeling a bit peckish. My family was snacking on chips and crackers all of which I knew I wasn't going to eat. For some reason I looked over the stuff I had brought and went, "Grapes, ooo grapes are healthy, and grabbed two, popping one in my mouth. It was seriously just an automatic thing. My husband, who was sitting right there said, 'I thought you weren't supposed to eat fruit?'

I sat there for a second process what he just said with one grape in my mouth literally sitting between my teeth waiting to be crushed! Finally it hit me what I was doing and I spit it out and threw them both in the trash. I grabbed my MF bar and thanked him - still kind of stunned that I had gone so brain dead.

The rest of our day went really well. We had a nice lunch of chicken and grilled asparagus and then spent over an hour swimming in the lake.

On the way home my oldest reminded me of the porkchops in the fridge that we were supposed to have Saturday night for dinner and asked we could have them when we got home. I agreed - after all, the girls had helped me prep them.

When we got home everyone started snacking again. I was getting the chops ready and was feeling a little hungry myself. What I should have done was had a shake or some other MF meal, but since it was so close to dinner time, I talked myself out of a meal and allowed myself a 'snack' instead. I mean it was a MF snack wasn't it? I grabbed a package of crackers and the hummus I had bought the day before. I spread each cracker with spread and munched away happily as I cooked. But then that package of crackers was gone and before I could really THINK about it I grabbed another and opened it! These disappeared quickly too and I found myself thinking about what else I could put hummus on so I could keep eating it.

At this point my rational brain started to take over, and I saw this for the binge it was becoming! The familiar arguement started in my head. You've blown the day already, just keep eating. You've done so well, what's one day? May as well finish the hummus so that it won't tempt you another day...

But, something came back to me that I had told another weight fighter many many years ago. Adherence to your plan starts the minute you stop being off plan. The 'Day' is never blown, unless you keep eating.

So I put the crackers and hummus away, finished cooking and had the second 1/2 of my Lean & Green for the day when dinner was done. That was it - I was back on plan.

What I realized was that being on plan isn't like walking a tight rope. If you do make a misstep, you aren't left helplessly falling, waiting to hit bottom and hoping you survive!

Being on plan is more a journey through the forest. Your eating plan is your GPS - guiding you to your goal and showing you the path through the trees. A misstep can take you off that path and can even have you walking backwards for a bit, but the minute you pick up your GPS again, you find the path and you're back on your journey again. THE MINUTE you pick it back. That means mid bite, mid binge, mid day -- it doesn't matter!

Anyway - after all of that I entered all my food into the "My Plan" page and found that I hadn't killed my calories or my carbs. And as a 'reward' for making right choices later - my weigh in was 215.8 this morning.

So, I'm here, on track and paying very close attention to my GPS right now!

What a Day

2009-05-09T22:00:00.000-07:00

It started out great - woke up for my official weigh in and I was 216.5! That's 3.1 lbs for the week - I hit and surpassed my goal for the week!

I fixed Macadamia nut pancakes with caramelized bananas and coconut syrup. And fed them to my family. While I had MF - scrambled eggs.

Then we went to the store and picked up a BUNCH of Lean and Green supplies.

Then the kids and I spent a hour or so prepping a bunch of food. and after I went to my choir concert. My kids showed up, my grandparents and my uncle and my other uncle and his wife and kids :) were all there too. It was nice to see everyone. And since it had been a while since we had been together, we all went out to dinner... at Home Town Buffet!

I was dreading going in there - I mean, it's a buffet!

This is the place where before - in my former life I would go in and eat and eat and eat until I felt like I would burst, and then go grab one of each of the deserts.

So I walked in -- looked at all of that food, picked up a chicken breast and roasted squash and that was my dinner. The best part was that the food was good! I enjoyed my dinner and didn't really miss all the crap that I would have eaten before at this place. Plus, I felt much better when I walked away!! Victory!!

I think I need some new jeans

2009-05-08T17:10:00.001-07:00

Another day another victory!

2009-05-08T15:06:00.001-07:00

Yesterday ended well. I got to rehearsal, did my thing and then headed home. I got in about 9:00 but went straight upstairs and changed into running clothes. There was no way I was going to get settled and talk myself into skipping this workout!

At about 9:30 I hit the door, and off I went for a nice Jog/Walk. The temp was perfect even for so late at night. It was a nice 2.2 mile run walk and I have to say I'm actually starting to enjoy it which is a big plus for me!

Food, as usual, was right on plan. I'm kind of excited about the next few weeks because I picked up a package of spices and cooking oils from Time Saver Gourmet. I already used some of the cinnamon in my shake last night and I plan on using more in my lean and green (chicken and Fauxtatoes) tonight.

AND yesterday the packages of MF-Snacks I ordered came in! I means I got to have crackers with my soup at lunch - oh man that was nice!

Anyway - I still don't have a solid plan for the weekend. I think we're going to go to the beach for Mother's Day and I hope to grill up some chicken etc. I'll have to figure out Saturday and my son's birthday still...

OH! and I forgot to mention - the scale finally started moving again. My plumbing is better and it shows as the scale showed 217.8 this morning. I'm finally starting to feel like Onederland is just around the corner!

100 Days - Day 8 - Help me, please

2009-05-08T14:45:00.001-07:00

"To get support instead of criticism from the people you love, you may have to train them."

Today

"Write a list of things that people are always welcome to say or do in regard to your weight-loss efforts."

"Create a list of things you don't ever want people to do or say"

"Read both lists to your support people including your spouse, your children, and your best friend."

Some Rambling

2009-05-07T16:56:00.000-07:00

Last night was kind of strange. I rushed home, dropped off hubby and then rushed to dress rehearsal for choir only to find out I had the wrong night. Duh! So, I went back home and drug my bike out. I got hubby to agree to go with me so we strapped on helmets and went for a short jaunt. I was glad I got the 20+ minutes in. Sometimes it's hard for me to get motivated when I know I can't do the whole thing, but last night I did it anyway.

After that I made some dinner and we settled in to watch the last Biggest Loser. Big fun :)

Today's been ok. I think my stomach is finally feeling better, and I had a good weigh in (219). Only downer is that tonight is the rehersal I thought was last night so I'll miss going to the gym AGAIN :( Oh well, the concert is Saturday and then I'll be done with Choir for a while. Not that I don't love it, I'm just ready for this session to be over.

Other then that... well, I'm on plan and I'll go for a run after choir.

I just know I'm ready for this week to be over, but I'm not sure I'm ready for this weekend. We're going to be celebrating my son's birthday and Mother's day. He wants to go out to a Pizza Buffet place for this birthday - bleh!

Have a good one everyone - and happy Friday ((A)) :)

100 Days - Day 7 - I can do it!

2009-05-07T08:55:00.000-07:00

"Practice saying the words "I can do it!" over and over.

"Push them deep into your mind and use them as a powerful affirmation that you WILL succeed with your plan"

Today

"Write the words "I can do it". Mentally remind yourself of this phrase at least 10 times today. Use this to cheerlead yourself through the entire day!"

I CAN DO It!!

"Write "I can do it because..." then add a few supportive phrase such as "I'm capable of doing anything."

I can do it because...

I am focused, I have tunnel vision and have my goals firmly in front of me.

I have the help and support of Medifast and the network of friends here

I have the help and support of my husband at home

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me ((Phillippians 4:13))

Not doing it is not an option

"Read your phrases often, using them to reinforce your goals and build your enthusiasm."

Hmmm - enthusiasm - I think that's a huge key to success. I mean, yeah, sometimes you have to 'just do it', even when you don't feel like it, but imagine how few times you would have to 'just do it' if you could maintain your enthusiasm. But how does one do that?

Many programs, for weight loss and for goal setting in general talk about building your 'why' or your 'benefits list' or 'advantages' if you should reach your goal. I've done this several times in the past, but I've never been good at keeping them in front of me. I think that's a change that I'm going to make. Enthusiasm is remembering WHY you're doing what your doing.

But I also agree with Susan Powder. (Yes she's still around and yes I still enjoy her messages): Sometimes the motivation is in the doing. Or: (I'm sorry I can't remember who I'm quoting) Success begets success. That is to say, you get off the couch, go for a walk and you feel good, and that 'feel good feeling' motivates you to get of the couch the next day, and the next. I guess I'm back to what I said in the beginning - Just do it! :)

So here's the formula:

Keep your enthusiasm high by cheering yourself on, and believing that you can do it.

Keep your motivation high by focusing on the benefits, advantages the 'why' of your goal.,

And when you lack either of those, keep doing it anyway, because in the doing, you'll find both those other things again...

100 Days - Day 6 - Protect your program

2009-05-06T12:07:00.000-07:00

Yes - I missed doing a day yesterday - that's ok no big deal. I missed doing the book work, but not the rest of the work. So, I'm good - it's time to pick up where I left off in the book though :)

--------------
"Instead of depending on others to help you be successful with your diet. make a commitment that you will protect your program at all costs!"

"Anytime you feel pressured to eat something, sidestep the food pusher by saying, 'Not just yet; I'm going to wait a little while."

Today "Watch for chances to respond to food invitations by using the line "Not just yet; I'm going to wait a little while."

"Identify at least three high-risk times or events such as family gatherings or quiet weekends. Describe how you'll protect your diet program during each of these."

When I first started reading through this exercise for the day I thought - I don't need this. I don't have friends or family that are 'food pushers'. I never feel guilty about telling people 'I'm not eating that". But, just as I was thinking about all of this I got a message from my daughter. "What do you want to do for mother's day? Where do you want to go eat at..."

And I felt guilty!? Guilty that I didn't want to go someplace that she wouldn't consider a 'treat' like deem sum, or Indian or even for Chinese (I love me some lemon chicken!) I even found myself momentarily trying to think of ways to 'get around' my self imposed food restrictions so that I could make her and my other two children happy that they could take me out someplace 'special'.

Thant's when I realized that YES I do need to protect my program - even from my own feelings. My plan? I think I'm going to ask them if we can just BBQ at home. Some chicken and grilled glazed asparagus sound amazing right now :)

99% of the time I'm happy to go to a restaurant and pick out food that fits into my plan - or even eat nothing at all! What bothers me most is when people start going against what they want or are craving so that they don't 'ruin my diet'. Really - I don't need you making sacrifices for me. It doesn't help. It makes me feel guilty and makes me want to go off my diet so I don't feel like I'm ruining your fun. I'm not going to do that ever again!

"Do at least one thing today that reinforces your determination to protect your program at all costs. Write down what you did"
-------------------
One other thing I wanted to note here. I've had Linda Spangle's book "100 days of weight loss" for several years now. I got the book because I liked the concept, but didn't know much about the author. When I started going through her book again, I ended up signing up for some stuff on her website, and ordered her second book "Life is Hard, Food is Easy" Boy was I surprised the other day when I opened it up and found the introduction to the book was written by the president of Medifast!

Made it feel like a 'small world' and better yet, it felt like a HUGE God wink, that I'm where I'm supposed to be right now.

Alright - going to go heat up my lunch. Peas Out folks! :)

Non-scale Focus

2009-05-06T10:51:00.002-07:00

Yes - the scale is still being stubborn. 220 today :

BUT -- I'm still seeing all kinds of progress. Put on a skirt today and I think today's going to be the last day I can wear it. The sweater I have on is super baggy - I'm a little bummed because it's one of my favorite. I think this weekend is going to be the first time in over two years that I box up (and get rid of) clothes that are too big for me. that's such a good feeling!

I like to take measurements once a month. I've found that's usually a good time frame to see big enough changes that don't leave me going - hmmm maybe I just held the tape measure wrong :). So this weekend I'll take measurements again -- and I'll probably take some progress photos too!

Over all, I'm back at work and feel like I'm back on track. That's a good thing :)

Today I struggled

2009-05-06T10:51:00.000-07:00

It all started yesterday really.

Two abdominal surgeries have left me with some scar tissue around my large intestine and if the plumbing isn't working correctly I'm in a lot of pain. Well for some reason yesterday I started having a LOT Of pain. Normally the kind of pain I'm in when I've eaten ice cream, but I haven't had ice cream or any dairy in a month. The only thing that's been new in my diet is that Sunday I was drinking a new electrolyte replacement -- guess I won't be having that again.
Still, I've been in pain before... no biggy.

But then later, I went to choir practice. We were informed that our director had been in the hospital and was awaiting test results back to find out if she has swine flu :

Generally I'm not a doom and gloom kind of person -- I would shrug this kind of thing off, but Tuesdays (today) I have a standing meeting with my boss who has a newborn baby at home. So I came home , and dashed off an email to him telling him I would be working from home to try to limit his exposure.

Now, my boss has pretty much given me permission to work from home whenever I need to, but that doesn't keep me from feeling guilty. I mean, yeah I get the same amount of work done at home.. but it just feels weird.

At 3:00 my boss asked if we could have our meeting via conference phone. So, I used my soft phone to call in. Only, I could hear them, but they couldn't hear me -- great. I fiddled with my laptop for a bit, trying to get it working and finally gave up. Next step, cell phone. Only my cell phone is on it's last leg AND I get crappy reception at my house. So there I am, walking around my front yard, holding the antenna in place (cause it's broken) and praying for my phone to work!

Finally I get through - they can hear me, and I can BARELY hear them. I get asked my opinion on something - only because I can't hear, I misunderstand and in front of my boss and my peers I go on a ramble about something completely off topic. When I finally realize what's happened it's too late. :(

An hour of straining to hear what's going on and I was so stressed I was vibrating! I get back to my computer and there's my husband asking if we're going to the gym. I just want to scream
And so, throughout the day... I keep finding myself pacing in the kitchen, or standing in front of the refrigerator taking inventory. Bah!

But I didn't eat anything. In fact, I didn't dwell on the food or that I was being 'bad'. But I did spend some time figuring out what was going on. When I acknowledged that what was driving me to the kitchen was stress, I felt a little better. When I reminded myself that falling off plan would only ADD stress to my life, not remove it - I felt strength and resolve very slowly coming back.

When hubby asked if we were going to workout tonight, I wanted nothing more then to continue sitting on the couch. On top of the stress, I had spent all day at home, and I've found that the old idiom a body at rest will stay at rest is very very true in my case. I didn't 'feel' like working out. I felt like sitting on the couch and eating an entire jar of peanut butter! But instead I told my husband, "I don't feel like going to the gym, I don't feel like working out, but I need to, and I'm going to do it anyway".

He said, "Good, get your butt dressed and ready, I'll see you at the gym at 6:30."

Honestly, making that statement didn't really help all that much. My butt was grumpy at having to leave the house. I was still in pain and still feeling stressed out from my day (and still no word on the swine flu). But I was determined to do it anyway.

I did my weight workout. I started cranky but each rep, each set, each exercise I started to feel a little bit better. By the time I left, while not on cloud nine - I was glad I had come.

Then when I got home I strapped on my headphones and grabbed the dog and went for a run. I didn't think about work, or weight loss or food or anything. I just ran and got sweaty and watched the dog enjoy getting out for a while. And you know what? Then I was glad I had done it all. I was glad I had done it anyway, and I felt good, and I felt motivated and I felt committed to my plan.

My guts aren't 100% just yet - but I think my head's in the right place again!

What the heck is going on?

2009-05-06T10:49:00.000-07:00

No, seriously! :) First - my weight loss has been doing a strange yo-you thing since last Wednesday.

Wed: 219.7
Thr: 220.4
Fri: 220.1
Sat: 219.6
Sun: 220.4
Mon: 219.7

I thought maybe it was my allergy meds or something like that, but I stopped taking them, so that wasn't the answer.

Now I've had some pretty serious weight loss over the past four weeks. So I wasn't really worried about this strange activity in my scale - just a little confused by it. What had been concerning me before now was that I had lost (almost) 20 pounds but couldn't 'see' it. My clothes didn't feel radically different, I didn't see the difference in the mirror... nothing

BUT - on Sunday in the midst of all that scale bouncing I noticed that I had to hook my bra one set of hooks smaller.. oooo!

Then I noticed that my 'big' workout pants were feeling a little loose around the hips and in the butt.

At the end of the day I noticed that my ankles were looking much much slimmer, in fact, even after doing a triathlon, my socks weren't 'indenting' my ankles.

Then, today, I put on a pair of pants that fit just last week and they were falling off my hips! The sweater that I pulled on wasn't tight around my arms like the last time I wore it, and again, my socks didn't leave a mark on my ankles when I took them off at the end of the day!!

I know a lot of people have talked about 'mini-stalls' that include a shift in body mass, but I've never experienced it so dramatically before. I'm not complaining! Just observing out loud :)
But what's really strange is how I've felt today.

Yes, I've been on MF for just over four weeks now, and yes I haven't had cravings or anything like that, but I have been hungry...sometimes gnaw off my arm hungry! But today -- nothing! In fact I got so wrapped up in work today that twice.. TWICE I missed a meal and had to double-up to make up for it. What the Heck!?

I can't wait to see what tomorrow is like!

<<>>

100 Days - Day 5 - Magic Notebook

2009-05-04T17:03:00.000-07:00

Get a "magic" notebook (or blog)

"For many people, recording personal thoughts or actions each day provides a lot of insight. It also serves as an outlet for emotions and struggles around weight-loss efforts"

I think this is an easy statement to agree with. I mean most of the people who are reading this are also writing their blogs and know what a valuable tool journaling can be.

Eat it another time

"Just because you think about a food doesn't mean you have to eat it."

"When a food thought crosses your mind, remind yourself that you don't have to act on it. Instead, write down the name or even an description of the food, then anticipate the pleasure of eating it sometime in the future."

Now, I have to say that at this point in my journey I'm a lot better off just dismissing a food as soon as I think about it. I quickly turn my thoughts to other things. But this technique might help some people. What do you think? are you better off recording your food cravings and analyzing them - or just 'turning the other cheek'??

I like this next bit though

"Practice the skill of observing food cues, then letting them go. When you walk into a movie theater, notice the small of popcorn, then forget about it. If it helps, record these cues in your "magic" notebook.

Today

-------

Whenever you think about a particulare food you want, write it down in your notebook.

-- Sorry, already said I wasn't going to do this :) heh

Plan that you'll eat it at another time. If you wish, add the amount you'll have and how often you'll fit it into your program

-- Now this I think will be a great tool for when I hit transition, and I'm going to bookmark this part and come back to it at that time.

Stretch the times farther apart for eating this food. You may discover that after a while, certain foods don't seem as important to you as they once did.

-- Honestly, this is what I think has happened to me with the MF 'cold turkey' approach. Foods that I thought I couldn't stand to not have - have become much lower in importance to me. For the first time ever I feel as if I am in 'recovery' from my food addiction
and I LOVE being free!

100 Days - Day 4 - Boundaries, not diets

2009-05-03T20:56:00.000-07:00

Picture your diet program as a road or a path. You can define the boundaries ofyour diet road....

Boundaries stay flexible... they allow for common sense and good judgement.

During times when you're strong and focused on your diet, you move the boundaries closer together, making the road narrower. When you takea break from your program or work on maintenance, you widen the boundaries...

But even on a really bad day, you never eliminate the road or get off of it completely.

Narrow Road

Medifast 5&1 with no snacks or 'extras'
Some form of excercise 45 minutes a day/6 days a week

Wider Road

Medifast 5&1 with a MF snack such as crackers, or a serving of nuts
Sorm form of excercise 45 minutes a day/3 days a week

There's no doubt in my mind that there will be and even wider road down the line. But right now I'm focused on getting to my first 'mini-goal' of 170. At that point I'll decide how fast I want/need to continue and base my narrow/wide road from there. Transition will be another excercise of determining what my boundaries are.

Interesting Discovery

2009-05-02T20:29:00.000-07:00

The past four weeks while on Medifast has been really strange for me. I've found myself not tempted by off plan foods, no cravings, no struggles. It's been nice but strange and almost frightening. I mean, what if those feelings spontaneously return?

I still don't fully understand why this is happening to me, but tonight I was able to further clarify the extent in on this very strange feeling I've had.

We went out to dinner tonight at Chili's. As I read through the menu looking for something with chicken and veggies I realized that none of the food was 'attracting' me the way it normally would. I have noticed this over the past few weeks but it was really brought to my attention tonight because I was sitting there reading a menu and I was having this -- indifferent attitude.

If you've never been a food addict, then maybe you can't understand how strange it is to look at a menu of food and be hungry and see the food as -- fuel, not the highlight/pleasure of the day.

Anyway, later as my hubby was flipping through the desert menu and looking at all the pictures I found myself, once again, looking at it all with supreme indifference (and shock at my reaction). Finally I was able to put my finger on the HUGE difference. I couldn't 'taste' the food.

It's the only way I can think of to describe it. While looking at the pictures, while reading the descriptions, I realized my 'normal' reaction of being able to taste the food, to visualize the smell, flavor and texture, was gone! THAT'S why I'm not craving foods.

Is it possible I'm doing it on purpose?!

When I started this diet I gave myself 'no choice' to go off plan. I've not argued with my feast beast, I've just said "NO" and that's it. Has this caused the 'shutdown' of my normal reaction?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining - no by a long long shot. I just don't want it to come back!? If I can hang onto this feeling -- I'll never struggle with my weight again!

100 Days - Day 3 - Do it anyway

2009-05-02T14:40:00.000-07:00

Commited means do it anyway

People who are interested in losing weight

Stick with it until something better comes along
Take action only if tey "feel like" doing it
Need to see results in order to stay motivated
Blame people or circumstances for their struggles
Easily give up when they face challenges

People who are committed to losing weight

Stick with their plans no matter what
Take action whether they feel like doing it or not
Assume that if they stay motivated, results will follow
Take responsibility for their own actions
Keep going in spite of challenge and setbacks

Today:

In your diet or exercise plan, identify a task you don't feel like doing, then do it anyway!

-- I've really been struggling with excercise and I don't know why - probably because I forgot to bring my 'do it anyway' attitude to bear. Well it's come to bear now and I'm not going to let my 'feelings' determine weather I do it or not. It's time to be committed to all aspects of this lifestyle. In fact, it's time to be more committed in a lot of things in my life. I live way too much of my life just 'interested' in the things around me. I really do believe that living life to it's fullest means making committments and keeping them.

Notice how it feel sot accomplish a goal by taking a "no matter what" approach to it.

-- Just changing my thinking to "no matter what" gives me a burst of energy and a feeling of satisfaction - imagine what actually living that will do.

In your notebook, make a list of actions you plan to stick with today, regardless of howyou feel at the moment.

-- Get in a short bike and run - despite the rain

-- Eat an extra serving of veggies at dinner

-- Go to bed early and get all the rest I need for tomorrow's big day.

So - anyone reading this blog? Have you committed?

Weigh-in Day

2009-05-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

Saturday is my weigh in day, and today's my weigh in. --219.6!! I met my goal for the week!

That's a 2.7lb loss for this week and a total of 19.4 for four weeks!

As for exercise, I didn't meet my goals for this week. I kept using my race tomorrow as a reason to 'take it easy' only I managed to translate that as 'do nothing'. I don't want to be 'skinny fat' - I want to be FIT! so this week I'm going to be focused. Not having to focus on the food should make focusing on getting my exercise in easy.

Goals for next week?

Sunday - 219.3
Monday - 218.9
Tuesday - 218.6
Wednesday - 218.3
Thursday - 218.0
Friday - 217.6
Final Goal: 217.3

Alright - got to run, I have to go sing at the Relay for life.

100 Days - Day 2 - Interested or committed

2009-05-01T14:36:00.000-07:00

Committed means "no matter what!"

You don't blame circumstances or other people for your struggles. Instead, you stay on your diet in spite of not having enough money, time or supportive friends and family members.

Decide that you will always be committed to your weight-loss plan, not just interested.

-- I've been doing that for four weeks now :)

In your notebook, describe how you will stick with your program, no matter what.

-- I will stick with my program, no matter what. As I said before, a party is still a party without a cake, and a night out is still a night out without a drink. When I stay on plan I'm loving myself and it's about time I spent a little love on myself.

Do at least one thing today that demonstrates you are truly committed. For example, take a walk or eat your vegetables - no matter what.

Today - I will go for a walk and make sure that my calories match my TEE on Medifast.

100 Days - Day 1 - I used to be that Way

2009-04-30T14:52:00.000-07:00

Make a list of any fears or negative behaviors that have hurt your weight-loss success in the past.

Getting to the 170-175 lbs mark and then stop following the diet. Adding a nibble here a taste there, until weight loss slows and eventually all progress is lost!

Actually - I think that is my biggest fear - everything else I might write just comes down to that one thing! But here some bad habits that are a breakdown of the 'big one'.

Believing I can have 'just one' and that turns into 'all'
Believing I can do it (go off plan) 'this one time' and that turns into 'all the time'
Skipping one workout, then two, then three, then -- not seeing the gym in months
Letting feelings of deprivation and of 'it's not fair' be excuses to eat things that arn't on plan
Feeling justified in eating beause I'm stressed out or sad

(I'm sure I'll come up with more!)

write up new endings for each fear or behavior.

I used to believe that I could have 'just one' and would end up eating 'all', but now I know that just one is too much and I stop this behavior before it starts. If I find myself in the middle of eating them 'all' I stop and say 'no more!' and don't use the "I've fallen, may as well finish what I've started" excuse.
I used to believe that I could use the excuse, 'just this once', to go off plan, and would end up using it ALL the time, but now I know that there is never a good reason for putting your dreams and goals on hold. A party is still a party even without the cake and ice cream. Thanksgiving is still a holiday and a time to be thankful, even without eating 1/2 a pumpking pie. Going to a fancy reseraunt on date night is still a romantic occasion if your eating chicken and steamed veggies.
I used to skip a workout(s) and let that missed workout be an excuse to miss another, and another, but now I don't go two days in a row without doing some sort of excercise. I don't use not getting to the gym or not being able to go outside as a reason to not get the blood pumping and make myself a healthier happier person.
I used to use excuses like "I don't like being deprived" and "It's not fair that they can and I can't" to go off my plan, but now I acknowledge that I have those feelings and then move on. Those thought and others like them are feelings that I can choose to dwell on and be effected by, or that I dissmiss and move on from - I choose the laiter.
I used to use stress or sadness as a reason to go off plan, overeat and even binge, but now I choose to confront my emotions in other ways such as turning the problem over to God, going for a walk/run or even just acknowleding, examining and accepting those feelings as a part of me and a part of life. Covering them in cheese sause and eating them hasn't worked before and it's won't work now.

100 Days - Introduction

2009-04-30T14:23:00.000-07:00

Step One - Choose your best diet plan

Already did that - Medifast

Step Two - Do your plan for 100 days

Ok - doing that starting now

Step Three - Track your progress

I signed up for a free account at "StartYourDiet" It lets me track my goals and also put a 'sticker' on each day. When I feel I've had an 'on plan' day - one that would cause me to lose weight I put a on a green dot. When I've had a day that would cause me to maintain, a yellow dot. When I've had a day that would cause me to gain, red.

Create a vision for the future

I've done this so many times before. But I know it's a good excercise, so I'm going to do this again!

10+ Reasons Why I Want to Reach and Maintain My Goal Weight

It will be easier to run - a few pounds is a few minutes per mile!
I'll look good in my tri suit and in my finish line photos!
Buying clothes is so much more fun when you are skinny!
I'll finally be wearing proof of my abilities on my body and can start my own Personal Training Buisness
Boots that fit and zip over my calf
I can go back to Hawaii and/or Mexico and wear 'real' shorts
Stretching and flexablity is better skinny
Looking sexy for my hubby
No longer feeling like the 'fat girl' everywhere I go (like yoga class)
RESPECT for my knowledge about diet and excercise
Pain free running!
I'll not hate seeing pictures of myself
Wearing any Halloween costume I want

My 'Why' (written)

Finishing a triathlon last month was an amazing point in my life. I can't even
begin to describe how great it feels to accomplish something so - big. 5 months
of training for one day of intense focus and a life time of bragging rights. And
yet, the day has a bit of a black blot on in.
I can barely stand to look at the photos of myself the day of the race. I look so awful standing there in my tri suit, or later in my bike shorts... or frankly in anything. Every photograph makes me cringe and feel a little sick to my stomach. I struggled through the 5 months of training and on race day itself 80% more then anyone else because of my weight! Hauling 240 lbs up a hill is so much harder then hauling 130. And given the fact that my heart and lungs are probably encased in a layer of fat.
It's a wonder I finished at all.
And the injuries... There's no doubt in my mind that the struggles I had with leg, ankle and foot injuries were all related to the fact that I was trying to run at 110 lbs overweight. It really is a wonder they didn't just give up on me all together!
I don't want to give up being a triathlete. I want to continue to race, to be a solid 'middle of the pack' finisher, not just 'happy to not be last'.
But it's not just the racing. I'm tired of many other things. tired of clothes not fitting, of not being able to wear the styles I love. I'm tired of not being able to be sexy for my hubby by wearing things like stocking and lacy underthings. I want me back! The real me that's self assured and confident!

THIS is why I'm doing the 100 Days Program and I'm sticking with my plan!

Stuffy head or stuffy body?

2009-04-30T14:08:00.000-07:00

My weight has been doing some really weird bouncing around weight wise this week. I finally figured out that it was my allergy meds. I guess whatever is in them causes me to retain water. Granted, I know water isn't fat and that only effects my scale weight, but, at this point, with a race coming up on Sunday I really would like to see my scale weight as low as possible. Easier on my feet, knees, hips etc.

Luckily, the wind seems to have died down. I didn't take any meds today and have managed to be headache free. Just a little sneezing and some sniffles, but those have died down as the day has moved on.

Tomorrow's weight should really prove if they were having the effect on my weight that I thought they were.

Other then that - things are going well. Still no major battles with cravings. I'm still finding that I think about having food when I see certain things but as soon as I tell myself "no" the feeling goes away. If I could ever get as disciplined about my exercises -- whew what progress I would be making! :)

Started a new 'mental exercise' program "100 Days of weight loss". I'm going to be posting my thoughts and insights from that program here too. Starting today :)

So What's Next?

2009-04-28T23:24:00.000-07:00

I've been battling with headaches (sinus) for the past two days. Stayed home from work today to try to sleep some of it off. I've cleaned out my closet, getting rid of some clothes that are just getting plain ratty and packing away others that are too small. I went through my 'closet of shame' and sorted everything by size so that I can easly transition into the next size when I reach it. I have everything from size 18W (that I wear now) to size 10 (that I wore when I was at my lightest a few years ago.

So now what do I do? It feels weird to me to not be battling through every day, but just sitting here waiting for the weight loss to happen. I almost miss all the planning and charting and agonizing - Ok - I'm not. But there's still a part of me that feels weird not doing it.

I think that what's bothering me is normally after the first week or two the initial excitement of a new diet wears off, the motivation lowers and I start to struggle. But here I am, mid week four and although that rush of "I'm on a new diet!" - the 'honeymoon stage' is over and yet here I am, still rolling along. It's strange that I feel a little 'lost' without a battle to wage. Did my weight and obsession with controlling it really take that much of my mental energy and focus, even when I wasn't dieting? If so, what can I do with all this 'extra' I have now? I feel a little lost right now. It's not an all together 'bad' feeling - it's just -- odd. Has anyone else felt like this? Like, since food is no longer the center of my life, the center of my focus, the center of my unhappiness--what's next for me?

An 'Ah-ha' moment

2009-04-27T09:08:00.000-07:00

I think I've discovered something about myself in the last three weeks. I don't know why it's never occurred to me before. Maybe I just wasn't ready to know it.

A LOT, and I mean A LOT of my eating was (I guess) impulsive, or just bad habit.

For instance, I find that several times during the day when I'm in the kitchen I'll see bananas sitting there. My brain goes, "Look a banana, they are good for us, we should have one". I don't have to be hungry, and it's not something I was craving, I just saw it.

Where I really noticed that my eating was a habit was when shopping. I drop into drug stores and little quick marts a LOT to grab something to drink. What I've found is I have a REALLY hard time not picking up more then just a drink. Again, I'm not hungry, I'm not craving anything - I'm just there picking up a soda, and for some reason can't pick up a soda without picking out food as well.

In fact, I can think of many a time when I've actually walked through the store several times looking for something that 'sounds good'.

In the past, while on a diet, I would justify my purchases by getting protein bars or something 'healthy', for 'just in case'. And then 'just in case' would end up being sitting in the car right out front :

I love that MF gave me the reason to stop and take a look at these impulsive habits. I've always known I was an emotional eater, but dealt with most of that when I did the Weigh Down Workshop. I know when my compulsion to eat is driven by emotion, I know what to say to my feast beast at those times (I didn't always do, it, but I had the tools if I chose to use them) Now that I've found this other little 'trick' my feast beast plays on me, I feel... stronger, empowered.

Since I 'failed' on my last diet 2 years ago, and while I gained 70 pounds in 29 months, I have felt so hopeless and helpless.

This new insight into me is what I need! Bring it on - I want more! :)

By the way - we went to Outback steakhouse on Saturday night. They have the BEST grilled chicken and steamed veggies! NomNomNom! When they brought the bread to the table I really thought it was going to be hard. But, I refused to fight with my feast beast. (It's like arguing with a child really). I said, "I'm in charge, I'm not having that, and I refuse to feel deprived!". Instead of focusing on what the bread must taste like and having fantasies about melted butter, which would only make me feel deprived and resentful, I focused on how good it felt to have lost 15 lbs, and how awesome the new workout outfit I had just bought was, and how awesome it's going to be on the 3rd to swim/run/ride a bike almost 20 lbs lighter then last time I did a triathlon.

I know, if I can just keep focused on the positive, I'll make it through this time!

It's Weigh in Day!

2009-04-25T09:02:00.000-07:00

Time to see how I did :)

Weight this morning: 222.4! yay! That's a 3.3 pound loss for the week.

My average weight last week was: 228
My average weight this week is: 224

So, my average was down 4 pounds! that's excellent!

Exercise wasn't perfect but, I just get better every week :)

Saturday was a 10K run in 90 min
Monday: Yoga for 60 min
Tuesday: 60 min power walk at lunch including taking the stairs to the Coit tower. Hit the gym for 45 minutes of weight training (chest) and a 30 minute run at home with the dog.
Wednesday: 45 minutes of weight training (back)
Thursday: 30 minute walk at lunch, 45 minutes of weight training (shoulders), and 30 minute run w/the dog (in the wind! it nearly blew me over!)
Friday: 60 minutes of Yoga at lunch, and 45 minutes of weight lifting (arms)

Total for the week: 540 min!

Now - before you go telling on me to nutritional support about my exercise :)

Medifast thinks I burn 2225 calories a day without any exercise at all. Unfortunately, that's not true. The last time I had my metabolism tested I got 1750, and my body bugg says about 1850. With exercise, Medifast believes I'm burning 2600+ a day. With all that I did last week, I averaged a 2886 and that's including the HUGE day I had on Saturday when I burned almost 4000 cal! But, I do believe that I'm doing fine with my burn to cal ratio :)

Now, this next week should be interesting. Hubby and I plan to get some exercise in this weekend including a bike ride and probably some hiking. I would like to get one more run in too. (we're done with weight lifting for the week). Monday, we'll be back in the gym. I'll be going a little lighter with the training during the week because on Sunday I'm doing another Triathlon! (yay! I'm so excited!)

Because my Tri is going to be 2+ hours of exercise, I'm going to take the advice of NS and do 4-2-1 that day (4 MF meals, 2 L&G meal and 1 Added snack (of either whole grains or a fruit). It'll be interesting to see how my body reacts to the extra food. But, honestly, I'm more interested in doing well at my tri then the 1 lb or so the extra food might cost me.

I'll be sure to post pictures!

So, weight goal for next week: 1% that's 2.2 lbs. that means

Sun: 222.1
Mon: 221.7
Tue: 221.4
Wed: 221.1
Thr: 220.8
Fri: 220.4
Sat: 220.1 - for weigh in!

Of course it would be REALLY nice to be out of the 220's next weekend, but I'm sticking to the original plan - 1% a week! Even so that will be close to 20 lbs lost since my first Tri in March - I can't wait to see if my performance improves because of it. I just can't see how it can't.

Alright - off to wake up my sexy husband (or maybe just crawl back in bed with him *smirk*)

Everyone have a fantastic and OP weekend!

Forgot to mention: I met my goal for this week so I'm going to go get a pedicure! I would love to get a manicure too, but just don't think it'll be worth it - after all, I'm supposed to be in the pool 3 days a week - my fingernails just don't stand up to that kind of abuse! :)

Attitude Adjustment

2009-04-24T10:21:00.000-07:00

I apologize if my post before offended anyone. I wasn't trying to minimize the work everyone's putting in to lose weight, or the research that went into the plan itself.

I suppose I should put some of what I said in perspective. The last time I lost significant amounts of weight I was on a program that required 640 minutes of exercise a week (that's 1.5 hrs a day/6 days a week). Planning, adjusting, and preparing my meals took me at least an hour every day, and the results? I lost 13 pounds in 5 weeks.

On this plan, well I'm not even supposed to be doing exercise yet (even though I am, for other reasons). Food prep? Well when I got my shipment of food I dumped 5 meals into 35 ziplock bags. Every morning I reach into my 'food box' and walk out the door. At night, if I'm running late I stop in Jack in the Box and grab an Asian Chicken Salad w/Grilled Chicken (removing the oranges and you've the perfect lean and green), or I go home and throw together a lean meat and micro some frozen veggies. And I've lost that same 13 lbs, but in two weeks. Yes, MF is easy :)

That being said, I do understand that ANY weight loss is good for my body.

And then I tried looking at it from an even different perspective. A lot of my 'body role models' are what some might consider body builders. I've studied body building and body builder's diets for a long long time. When I started to think about what they REALLY do to drop the fat... :) Well a typical diet will consist of Oats, Protein Powder, eggs, Chicken and green veggies. Almost exactly what I'm eating on Medifast? Some female fitness competitors drop their calories down to the 600 Cal range to strip the Body fat before a comp, and hey they didn't impload from the effort!

I'm done. I'm done worrying, I'm done feeling guilty. I'm done with all of that. It's time to get to the business of losing weight. I'm going to be thankful for the gift this program has given me... HOPE!

Feeling Guilty

2009-04-23T10:14:00.000-07:00

April 4th I started a new diet. A Plan I found online called Medifast. (You might have heard of it, they are advertising EVERYWHERE right now.

I've been struggling since I started this new program. Not with the food, or with cravings or anything 'normal' like that, but with Guilt. I'm not even really sure where it comes from! I guess I kind of know where it comes from.

Over my years of dieting I've gradually been lead into the cult mentality that the best foods are whole, natural foods. And that weight loss should be done 'sensibly', through healthy foods and loads of exercise. That eating right should be about good health and not just dropping the pounds. It's also been drilled into me to never, ever, ever, under the penalty of permanently destroying your metabolism, and causing your internal organs to melt, should you drop below 1200 calories a day - period.

And yet, here I am on a diet that consists 99% of packed, preprocessed foods and that is consistently WELL below that magic 1200 calorie per day mark.

How do I reconcile these two things? I feel as if somehow I’ve given up - that I'm cheating and taking the easy way out...

Wait? The easy way out? .

Does that mean that I believe that dieting and weight loss has to be hard? .

When I think about it, I have to answer honestly that yes, there is some part of me that believes that losing weight has to be hard. That 'dieting' (the hard kind) is the price I pay for being fat. That by being on this plan where I'm not constantly arguing with myself to make the 'right choice', where I'm regularly passing the chocolate without a struggle, that somehow I'm not 'paying my dues' and there for it can't be real and can't last...

It's a strange concept to think about. I think I'm slowly starting to come to terms with these thoughts and feelings but not completely. One thing I've been doing to help is to keep my veggies in the 3+ cup range. I've also been toying with adding fruit back into my diet because leaving it out every day is a major source of guilt. .

Eventually, one of my life goals is to become a personal trainer. I love helping people change their lives through exercise, but I know that eventually someone's going to ask me for advice on how to lose weight. At this point, I don't know what I'm going to tell them. Do I advice them to go the 'healthy' route and perhaps struggle and fail the way I did? Or do I point them to MF as what worked for me? I guess I'll have to ask myself that question again, 100 lbs from now. .

Confused - but 15 lbs lighter

The Mental Side of Weight Loss

2009-04-20T09:55:00.000-07:00

Anyone who's followed my progress for a while will know that I'm a diet book junkie. There aren't many out there that I don't own and have read through. Lately I've found that I'm not as interested in books that talk about eat this/not that, and instead am drawn to those that speak to what keeps me from eating this and not that. Over the years I've found some good ones and I feel like each one adds at least one solid tool to my weight loss tool chest:

This was the first of such books. It gave me so much to think about and so many great tools when it came to attacking those mental barriers - I've read it all the way through at least twice, and have highlighted all the parts that really spoke to me so that I can easily review them.

Like the "Thin Commandments" This book is just chock full of tidbits. What I love about this one is it all set out with assignments and daily tasks to help make the ideas permanent.

An excellent companion to Dr Becks book. Both really highlight how to recognize the irrational thinking that we use when allowing ourselves to overeat. "The Feast Beast" can be a bit challenging to get through. Dr Trimpey's writing style is very... clinical... but she gets her point across and it is all so powerful that it's worth the time to plow through.

Mrs Castillo recommends that you 'Stop Dieting' to lose weight - a technique I've never been able to put into practice, but that doesn't make the rest of what she has to say any less valid. She's got some excellent exercises that delve not only into solving the overeating issues, but getting you to exercises as well.

This is my latest book. Mr Gabrial suggests you stop dieting, and use his techniques to, instead, turn off the fat program in your brain. Again, I can't tell you why I don't/can't stop dieting. Fear of being 500lbs is probably part of it :) BUT I love much of what he has to say. His methods of visualization, and other mental exercises are explained better then any other place I've read them. And his explanation for turning on the weight loss program in your brain explains my recent experience with lack of cravings or interest in any food but what's on my plan.

But, Mr Gabrial's thoughts on visualization brought up something else for me. You see - I was on a plan a while back, on a program with a coach and I was seeing progress and success like never before. But something happened and I never really figured out what. I fell off the horse, I fell HARD and never managed to get back up, until, 2+ years later I've gained back the 40 lbs I lost and 30 more! It still stuns me to think about and it makes me cry to go back and read those blog posts... what the hell happened!?

Well a little thought popped into my head last night, my husband and I were talking about how both of us tend to be perfectionist. How we have a habit of dropping out of things we feel we won't be 'the best' at. I was telling him that I had to overcome that idea when I did Lavaman, and as I continue to do races. I'm no where near 'the best'. Heck right now I'm struggling to be 'middle of the pack'. But I've found some kind of peace with that - I've found that by changing my mentality, by focusing on the fact that I'm better then the 100's of people I know who have never even finished a Triathlon... There's a certain level of perfection in just being there and doing it when others haven't and wont.

But what about weight loss?? Well one thing I didn't blog about (I wish I had) was all these creeping negative thoughts that I kept holding at bay. I had surounded myself with photos of bodybuilders and fitness models in an attempt to motivate myself and give myself inspiration. But more and more I found negative thoughts popping into my head. "I'll never look like that" "No matter how much I work out I can't make my legs longer or my breasts perkey." "excercise can't give me long flowing hair..." I had come up agaist my inner perfectionist and even though I never ended those thoughts with "Why even bother" I do have to wonder if that had a lot to do with me 'giving up'.

It's certainly something to watch for, and the awesome thing is, now I know how to answer that when it does come up.

And, as if God (or the universe if you prefer) was reinforcing the thoughts I expressed to my husband last night - I got this in the mail today:

Hello from David Greenwalt,

In the last Club Lifestyle success tips email I discussed
how anything worth doing is worth doing poorly for
a while. I also discussed how anything worth having
is going to take a period of discomfort endured until
real success is achieved.

What If I Don’t End Up As Good As …?

Sometimes the roadblock to weight-loss success is a
feeling that you’ll never measure up anyway so why
bother. To that thought I say the only person you should
compare yourself against is yourself. Less than one
percent of us has the genetic ability to look like
a model. But we all have the ability to be leaner and
healthier than the average American.

Your obligation is to do your very best. Don't worry
about how that compares to someone else. Just do it.
Everyone is unique. Everyone has their own special
contribution to make. You'll only discover yours by
taking action. If you decide in advance that you'll
never be as good as so-and-so, then you forgo the opportunity
to find your own unique skills. Winners refuse to even
acknowledge the competition, by blazing new trails.
Comparing yourself to others will only bring you down.
Set off in your own unique direction. Get into action
make it happen.

Be sure and stay tuned for the next issue of Club Lifestyle
tips. In it I’ll discuss how the only way to grow is
to make mistakes.

Sincerely yours in health,

David Greenwalt CSCS
Leanness Lifestyle
Muscle Audio

P.S.: Share this message with a friend—just please
leave it intact as is.

Become a member today! All you have to do is visit

http://www.LeannessLifestyle.com

You can take a FREE 30-day test drive!

--- how awesome is that!?

Adding Excercise

2009-04-17T11:21:00.000-07:00

I'm much happier with yesterday's numbers out of the BodyBugg.

On Wednesday I spent most of my day sitting in front of the computer except for the time I was at the gym. My total burn for the day was 2632. However yesterday I forced myself out of my desk throughout the day and went for walks, or just went down and up the stairs. AND I went to the gym and did my weight workout and took a spin on the stationary bike. Total burn for the day? 2950! over 300 more calories just by getting out of my chair a few times in the day! yay!

The plan is to do the same today - in fact I'm going with a few of the other girls in the office to go do yoga at lunch. I'm looking forward to that.

Tomorrow's my 10k and I'm anxious to see how my new diet effects my doing that. It's going to be very telling for how my next triathlon goes and how I handle nutrition that day.

Everything is going along swimmingly - keeping my fingers crossed that my next shipment of food will arrive today!

2009-04-16T12:50:00.000-07:00

Except for the whole 'taxes' thing I had a good day yesterday. I was right on plan with my eating, and I got my workout done.

Back Workout:

V-Bar Pulldown: 3x(80x12)

Wide Grip Pulldown: 3x(90x12)

Seated Cable Rows: 3x(90x12)

Barbell Bent Rows: 3x(85x12)

And then a 30 minute/2 mile run/walk

At the end of the day I downloaded my first day's worth of data from my bodybugg. Other then my 'normal' sitting in front of the computer, I took a 10 minute walk, and did my weight/run workout. I was a little surprised to find at the end of the day that I had only burned 2510 calories!

Since the bodybugg gives me a very detailed view of how much I'm burning at any time I got a real eye opener. Sitting in front of the computer (which I do all day, every day, even through my lunch) only burns on average 1.3 calories a minute. That's less then 100 calories per hour! And is the same burn rate as sleeping! No wonder I gain weight so easily!

During the short leisurely walk I took to the corner store I averaged almost 7 calories per minute. That's a HUGE difference!

What I've learned is that I need to get up and get away from my computer more often. Sitting in front of the computer through my lunch is doing me NO GOOD! Even an easy walk along the bay will make a big difference in my daily burn. I've also got a new goal that every time I get up to use the bathroom I'll walk up and down at least one flight of stairs.

I can't wait to see what a difference just these small things will make in my total at the end of the day today!

a new toy!

2009-04-15T09:26:00.001-07:00

We went to the gym last night and had an excellent workout.

Calf Raises
3x(12x70)
Squats
3x(12x135)
Leg Press
3x(12x360)
Stiff Leg Dead Lifts
3x(12x110)

Then I got on the bike for 30 minutes and spun - I had a goal to make it 10 miles and did!

As we left I noticed they had a display on clearance items and in there body bugs! I've wanted a body bug for a LONG time now. I've been researching, talking to people that have them and while no miracle pill I've heard good things about them. It's already given me another short term goal - to be able to move to the small arm band. I can't wear the smaller of the two bands without it cutting off the circulation in my arm :)

It's was interesting to see that I've already burned 690 calories since midnight last night - all while sleeping ;)

I can see this being a big motivator to me to get in 'accidental' calories such as parking further and/or walking to the corner market instead of driving.

Time to go get breakfast now! hope everyone has an excellent day!

Long overdue Update

2009-04-13T15:56:00.000-07:00

Hey!

Now that the fundraising is pretty much over (although you can still donate through the end of this month)I want to get back into the habit of posting here.

I finished my traiathlon! you can see the race report at

I'm still training - I've a few other triathlons lined up for the summer and I'm really excited about them now that I have this one under my belt.

But the big deal here - on this blog is about losing weight... wanna know how I did with that?

Well, as of right now I'm down to 228.8!

last week I hit the gym and did resistance training all five days!

I also got in two runs, two bike rides and went hiking for 3+ miles on Saturday.

Life is feeling really good right now.

My weigh in day is Saturday and I was 230.2 on 4/11

This week plan is:

5 days of weight training
3 days of running
3 days of swimming
3 days of biking

this morning was chest and MAN have I lost a lot of strength :( I only hope it'll come back fast

Incline Bench Press: 3 x (95 x 10)
Flat Bench Press: 3 x (95 x 10)
Decline Bench Press: 3 x (85 x 10)

after that I jumped on the treadmill and did interval training

Basically I warm-up at 3 MPR for two minutes then bump it up .2 MPR each minute until 5 MPR, run at 5 MPR for 2 minutes and then drop back to 3.2 and start up again. I did that until I hit 2 miles (30:11)

I was hoping to get a swim in today as well but that doesn't look like it's going to happen so it'll have to wait until tomorrow.

Food is 100% on plan today and I see no reason for it not to stay that way!

Oh yeah - almost forgot: Goal for Saturday is 227.8!

Only 19 more days!

2009-03-09T13:44:00.001-07:00

This will probably be my final update before my race. Race day is 19 days away. I can?t believe it?s gone so fast. So much has happened over the past few months. I?ve done my first triathlon, I?ve biked 35 miles in one day, and I?ve ran for an hour straight. In totally I?ve ran/biked/swam over 400 miles. All things that I wasn?t really sure I was capable before now.

Now I?ve got two more things I wish to accomplish ? 1) Cross the finish line at Lavaman and 2) reach my fundraising goal of $5000. I?ll have to wait until March 29th to achieve the first goal, but the deadline for the second is fast approaching. I currently have $2500 in donations, but have until Friday March 13th to raise $2500 more. If you had been planning to donate, but hadn?t yet, please do so now. If you already have ? thank you so much for your support.

There are two easy ways for you to make a donation:
1) Write a check to Leukemia, Lymphoma Society and mail it to me at:
Shawn Mueller-Boddy
429 Chase Street
Mountain House, CA 95391

If you?re going to write a check, please email me and let me know.

2)Make a donation by credit card at:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

As always your support is welcome at my blog:
http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

Thank you! And I?ll send you an update after raceday!

______________________________________________________________________
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Funny where inpiration can come from

2009-03-02T17:55:00.001-08:00

It started on Saturday... This realization that so much of what I'm going through, struggling withm is just a mindset. Yes, I know that's what most of the books out there already say, but for some reason, at that moment I had what felt like a 'ahha' moment. I realize that the negative thinkig I had been was this 'beast'. A beast that seemed to be feeding on itself. That as long as I continued to think of myself as hopeless and struggling and a failure... That's how I would feel... What I would be. But if that was true, then so would the opposite be true. I had to stop being realistic. Stop seeing myself as fat and out of shape. I had to start out each day believing I was the best qnd worthy of praise and attention -- from myself. And yes, I know I've read all this before, and no I have no idea why this thought with all emotion behind it chose to bloom in my brain when it did, but I'm glad it did. Better yet, later in the day I had a secod dose of insiration. We went to watch a wrestling match. Yes, it was corney, yes it was fake and made me laugh several times, but... It also made me wish I could be standing there in the best shape of my life... Rubbing shoulders with people who would appreciate the work I had put into my shoulder caps :). I made me want to go lift heavythings...an I did this morning...and I loved it. I need to go more places like that

Mark the Date - March 5th!

2009-03-02T09:04:00.001-08:00

I just wanted to let everyone know - that if you're in the San Francisco Bay area (or even if you aren't) - your invited to my furndraising party at the Mint in San Francisco this Thursday- March 5th! We're starting at 5:30 and we'll 'officially' go until 8:00PM. There will be a karaoke contest for those who wish to participate. Or you can just hang out and support a good cause.

Also - I'm selling Raffle tickets for all the prizes I've listed below. $5 each or 5 for $20. If you want to be entered into the raffle, but won't see in me in person before the event - let me know and I'll give you your tickets 'virtually'! The drawing in on March 5th - and you don't need to be present to win.

Last, but not least, you're always welcome to make a donation via credit card at my fundraising site - http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

I still need $3500 to meet my fundraising minimum - so anything you can do to help is greatly appreciated!

-------------------------------------------
1 Month Wellness Package worth $574 from Optimal Fitness Lifestyle
A certificate for a portrait session and an 11x14 photograph, valued at $360 from Photorpahy by Franci
$50 gift certificate from the Vinyl Room
10 - $100 gift certificates from Serenity MedSpa
Complimentary first visit package from Weidley Chirpractic
Tickets to a comedy show from Tommy T's
$50 gift certificate from ABC Seafood
2 - $20 certificates for Burlesqurecise classes, and 1/2 off certificate for a pin-up workshop from Bombshell Betty
2 - first visit packages from Dr. Burg (Chirpractor)

(and more!)

It's time

2009-02-18T13:55:00.000-08:00

Time to stick to a plan - to make a difference - to stop wishing things would change and CHANGE them.

And here's what I've done...

Through Peertrainer I found a place called StickK

At StickK you have the ability to create goals and attach leverage to them. Leverage - as in Money. So I created my goal and gave them my credit card. As of today - if I don't reach my weekly weight loss goal each week (it's modest don't worry) I have to pay $100!! and that money goes to a Charity that I don't personally/morally support.

So that part is done -- now to take the daily steps to make sure I hit those goals!

Tonight I'll take my beginning photos and measurements.

I've already done my exercise for the day - 30 minutes Run/Walk.

The cardio goals are easy right now - all part of my training for my triathlon.

Food -- well as always it's my biggest issue isn't it though?

Well first off I'm going through Dr Becks book again - I love her mental take on food.

As for a food plan...

A part of me says, pick an 'experts' plan and stick with it. But the other part of me wants to take a the best of all I've read and apply it. Since at some point I want to be able to go through this same process with clients (as a personal trainer and more) then I think I'll just have to make a go of my 'hybrid'.

1. Eat at least 4 meals a day 5 is ideal
2. Each Meal should be (close to) equal Protein and Carbs
3. Each Food item should be less then 30% Fat
(If greater then 30% Fat then entire meal should be less then 15% Carb - to allow for a meal of nuts)
4. Whole Foods should be eaten the majority (80%) of the time (Whole Wheat, Brown Rice, etc)
5. Eat at least 4 servings of vegetables (Lettuce is not a vegetable)
6. Eat at least 2 servings of fruit
7. Have one spurge meal per 7 days

At the moment I'm not going to count calories. I think what I'll do is see how I'm doing on Monday mornings - if I'm not on track then I'll probably see if a calorie restriction is in order.

Ok - too tired to think anymore. Will type more later.

It's getting close

2009-02-17T11:56:00.001-08:00

I've gotten my registration confirmation for Lavaman - it gets more 'real' every day. Our training now includes 45 minute runs and over two hours on the bike! I've braved the waters of the San Francisco Bay, learned to swim in a wet suit and have missed unclipping out of my bike twice and have crashed twice now (you should see the lovely bruises I have!).

I'm doing what I set out to do and I'm really excited about it. Or 1/2 of what I set out to do. You see, I have only raised $1000 of the $5000 I have pledged to raise for the Leukemia Lymphoma Society. I need your help to reach this goal! Please don't think that your donation 'doesn't matter'. Every dollar counts!

My race is in 39 days and there is several ways you can help.

1) You can make a donation by credit card by going to my donation site and clicking the 'donate now' button.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

2) You can make a donation by check, made out to the LLS and mail it to me

Shawn Mueller-Boddy
429 Chase Street
Mountain House, CA 95391

3) You can attend a fund raiser - if you're anywhere the SF area you can come to The Mint in San Francisco and join us for a night of Karaoke. (email me if you want more details)

Last, but not least, thank you to everyone who's made a donation so for - I can't tell you how much your generosity means to me and to the people you're helping.

Shawn

Update: I did it! I finished a Tri!

2009-01-29T22:07:00.001-08:00

Hello everyone ? Here?s an update for you all?

Last Saturday was a momentous occasion. Not only did it mark the way point of our training for the Lavaman Triathlon in HI, but I also participated in and finished my first triathlon!

Saturday was the 7th annual LOUIE BONPUA TRIATHLON on treasure island. The Iron Team joined us for this event, but while they did an Olympic Triathlon (the length we?ll be doing in March), we did a Sprint. That means that we swam .25 miles, biked 13 miles and ran 3. And I finished! I was tired I was sore but oh so happy to cross that finish line!

Doing all of this has meant stepping out of my comfort zone athletically, but now it's time to step out more and ask for donations. Believe it or not, this is the hardest part. I'm not use to asking for money and I know that times are hard right now. But I need your help as so do those battling blood cancers. I am committed to raise $5,000. This is a lot of money, but it's dispersed efficiently: 75% to Program Services: professional and public education, patient and community service and research and 25% for training and the event. As you can see below, any size donation helps.

$1,000 supports one week's salary for a medical researcher at UCSF, Stanford, or Berkeley who may discover key information to developing curative treatments for blood cancers.

$500 provides a blood cancer patient with financial assistance for one year to help with transportation and co-pays or allows 10 patients to log on to a webcast and hear the latest information in treatment for their disease.

$200 funds one Family Support Group meeting of 9-15 participants -- the SF Bay Area chapter has 9 monthly support group meetings.

$150 allows 5 patients to make a First Connection with a trained peer volunteer.

$100 provides 3 patients access to an information teleconference.

$75 is the average cost of tissue typing to become a bone marrow donor.

$50 is the cost of a CT scan

$40 is the cost of sending a comprehensive packet of information for children with cancer.

$35 pays for transportation expenses for a patient living in Northern California's most rural areas to treatment at a comprehensive cancer center.

$25 covers a single prescription co-payment.

$5 is the cost of sending a newly diagnosed patient information about support and their disease.

All donations are tax deductible and any amount you give gets me closer to my commitment and finding a cure. So far I?ve raised 1,000 of the $5,000 I committed to. What happens if I don't reach $5,000 you ask? It comes out of my pocket.

As I said, I know times are rough, but donations can be split up. For example if you would like to donate $50, but only allocate so much for extras per month, spread it out over the next three months. Actually, giving makes you feel good, so wouldn't you like to give three times instead of just once?

Once again, thank you to everyone who?s already donated. You support has meant so much to me. The generosity of the various online communities has been beyond my imagination ? thank you all.

And now for the details:

If you wish to donate online you can do so here:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

If you wish to write a check, please make it out to the Leukemia Lymphoma society and mail it to me:

Shawn Mueller-Boddy
429 Chase Street
Mountain House, CA

Thank you again

Shawn

Training's in Full Swing Again

2009-01-06T23:12:00.000-08:00

Today I had to make a big decision. Do I take a chance and 'recommit' to doing this triathlon and to raising $5000 before March 27th? Or do I bail out?

Having raised less then $500 in the past two months it's been a little daunting to think about $4500 more, and the training... well it's time consuming. It takes a lot away from my family. So what to do?

After thinking about it, praying about it and talking it over with my family I decided to step out on faith. I signed and faxed the re commitment paperwork today. I'm in...

And I swam 1.1 miles tonight ;)

If you want to help me reach my goal, as well as help fine a cure for blood cancers - please make a donation at: pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

or just cheer me on at:

www.shawntris.com

(P.S.) I've gotten your tags guys - I'm working on following through on them! :)

It's my Birthday!

2009-01-06T13:51:00.001-08:00

That's right - the big day has arrived - I am now offically 40.

As you know, I had two major goals with my birthday. One was to fianlly completel triathlon, and the other was to do something outside myself. Give something of myself to others. I found a way to do both. In March I will be doing the Lavaman triathlon in Hawaii - for myself and to raise money for the Lukemia Lymphomia Society.

And because of this I would like to ask you all for a very special birthday present. I would like to raise $2000 before the end of January. And you can help. You see, this email is going out to almost 200 friends and family. If each person donates just $10 (That's one day's lunch here in San Francisco) we could easily get to that $2000 mark. That's not to say that you need to donate $10 - any amount would be greatly appreciated.

Those who have already donated so generously - Thank you!

I Hope everyone has a Happy New Year

Shawn

Hurry Hurry! Time is running Out!

2008-12-09T12:42:00.000-08:00

Time is quickly running out on this once in a lifetime opportunity to save money on your 2008 taxes!

"How can I do that?" you ask?

It's simple, go to http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy and make a donation to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS)! That's right, not only will your donation to the LLS give the special gift of hope to the 138,000 people in the United States who were diagnosed with leukemia, lymphoma or myeloma in 2008, but you'll also be saving money on your taxes! 100% of your donation is tax deductable!

And that's not all! Donate now, and you'll earn the right to wear or display these amazing badges for as many days as you like!

"How much will this tremendous offer cost me?" you ask?

That's entirely up to you, but here are a few suggestions.

$5.00 --- $1 for every month I'll be training for the Lavaman triathlon with Team in Training.

$25.00 --- $5 for every month I'll be training (I get up at 6:30AM ... on SATURDAYS to make it to training most weekends)

$40.00 --- $1 for every year of my life at the time of my race (My birthday is January 4th and a donation would be the PERFECT birthday gift)

$50.00 --- $1 for every pound I plan to lose before race day

$100.00 --- $2 for every pound I plan to lose before race day (talk about extra insentive for me!)

$500.00 --- $500 for keeping Uncle Sam out of your pocket book - even just a little

$5,000.00 --- $5000 for me to get off the computer, stop sending emails and just TRAIN already!

Thank you once again to everyone who's already donated. Thanks to you I am 6% of the way toward my fund raising goal. You too are welcome to print out a badge and show the world what you're made of!

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3295/3095492443_719a31c23d_o.jpg

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3224/3095500169_de971c2523_o.jpg

Remember, you can also track my progress at http://www.shawntris.com/

I've Swam/Biked/Ran over 60 miles already! Come on in and cheer me on!

P.S. - you are welcome to send a donation by check too. Just make it out to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and address it to:

Shawn Mueller-Boddy
429 Chase Street
Mountain House, CA 95391

I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving, has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Shawn

Holiday Gifts that Give Back

2008-11-24T17:19:00.000-08:00

'tis the season for Christmas Shopping and the folks at iGive.com are making the season doubly bright!

This holiday season, send a gift that means an automatic donation to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society! When you shop at any of over 700 participating online stores through iGive, a portion of each purchase is donated to the fight against blood cancers!
It's free for you, and you pay the same (or less!) than you would by going directly to the store. Shopping online means no wasted gas and no more standing in long lines at the mall.

Save money, save time, and send gifts that give twice. What could be better than that?

www.iGive.com/SAMBoddy

or you can begin shopping and searching by going here:

http://isearch.igive.com/SAMBoddy

The best part is it's stores you were probably planning on visiting anyway:

American Eagle Outfitters
Ann Taylor - LOFT
Toys R Us
Best Buy
eBAY

even TurboTax!

Of course I'm always willing to recieve donations the 'old fashioned' way:

You can visit my fund raising page:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

or mail a check made out to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society to:

Shawn Mueller-Boddy
429 Chase Street
Mountain House, CA 95391

Happy Holidays everyone - I hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving Holiday.

-Shawn

Tri Training Update - 11/09/08

2008-11-09T19:13:00.001-08:00

Hello again friends and family,

I just wanted to send a quick email to let you know how things have been going for me with my training. As you know I am working with Team in Training to do the Lavaman Triathlon in March, and I?m fundraising for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

Yesterday we kicked off the Team in Training winter season. It was so amazing to meet and talk to so many people who are all working toward the same goals: get into shape, run a triathlon and find a cure for blood cancers.

Although I?ve been training up till now, with the kick-off, I started training in earnest today. I did my first ?actual? training run, outside, in preparation for the six mile run that will be part of the triathlon. I won?t kid you, it was hard; probably one the hardest of season, but I made it through and I?m so happy to feel as though I?ve made that first giant leap onto the path toward my goals. It?s hard to believe that the woman I was today, huffy and puffing along my neighborhood sidewalks in my baggy sweatshirt will very soon be left behind.

On the fundraising front, so far I?ve raised $150 of the $5000 I?ve pledged. And I want to thank everyone who has donated already. Your continued encouragement and faith in my ability to accomplish my fitness and fundraising goals are more than I could hope for. I hope others will find it in your heart to contribute to the fight against Leukemia and blood related cancers. Your donation can make a difference in someone?s life. May you realize success in your own endeavors, and may we all go the distance. Thank you for your generous support.

Please click on the link below to go directly to my personal fundraising page. No amount is too small. Every dime makes a difference.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

You can track my ongoing progress at:

http://www.shawntris.com

If you would rather send a check, please send it to:
(payable to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society)
Shawn Mueller
429 Chase Street
Mountain House, CA 95391

P.S. I would appreciate it if you would forward this email to as many people as you can to encourage them to donate as well. Thanks again.

Shawn

Help us Save Lives

2008-10-18T11:29:00.001-07:00

Dear Family and Friends,

I have some big news to share?
Believe it or not, I'm going to swim/bike/run in the Lavaman Triathlon in Kona, HI on March 29, 2009. Think I?m crazy? Truth be told, you may not be so far off the mark! I'm not in really great shape. (ok, I?m in terrible shape) My feet aren't so good and sometimes I run out of breath walking up the stairs in my house! As of right now, I can't run very far or for a very long time. Luckily I?m ?okay? on a bike and you who?ve known me since I was small know I?m a fish in the water. Still, 31.9 miles seems like a really long way to go. (That?s .9 mile swim, 24.8 mile bike and 6.3 mile run) I mean, really really long (try watching your car's odometer on a trip until you hit 31.9 miles - it's far!). So, am I crazy? Well, a couple of very sane reasons are driving my decision to run:

The first is that as I approach my 40th birthday I want to focus on two things. One is that I want to get into good shape and the other is that I want to focus on things outside myself and one way to do that is to give something to a worthy cause. What I have discovered is an incredible opportunity to do both things at one time!

I have signed up with The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team in Training program. Through this program, I will not just be running for myself, but in support of an organization that is dedicated to curing lymphoma, Hodgkin?s disease and myeloma and improving the lives of patients and their families. In exchange for fundraising, the Society will help me train for the race, provide coaching and medical guidance, and will put me together with others of similar skills. Specifically, I will be training in honor of Katy Mueller, my cousin who died of Leukemia when she was only 15 years old.

Thinking about how fortunate I am and learning about how these diseases affect families (the stories are incredible), it has made one very important thing clear to me: you can never take anything for granted. Your life can change on the drop of a dime; it's important to seize the opportunity to make a difference when you can.

So here I am, seizing my opportunity. My goals are two-fold: one, to cross the finish line of the Lavaman Triathlon on March 29th. (even if I have to crawl to do it!); and two, to raise $5,000 for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I'm hoping you will be able to help me with both of these goals.

Your encouragement and positive reinforcement (i.e., ?You swam/biked/ran HOW MANY miles today?! FABULOUS!!!) will go an incredibly long way in helping me complete this race. Your financial support will not only help save the lives of those afflicted with blood-related cancers, but make their lives more comfortable and manageable while they are fighting ? and winning against - the disease. Consider also that many of the strides that are made toward curing blood-related cancers translate into making a difference in fighting all types of cancers.

If you are so inspired to take up this tremendous cause, please feel free to share this email and request with anyone who might be inclined to help. EVERY contribution will have an impact, will be acknowledged personally by me, and will be appreciated by so very many. If you want to donate, you can do it on line at:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/lavatri09/smuellerboddy

If you prefer to send a check, you may also submit one (payable to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society) to me. Then I complete the Check Donation section of the Participant Donor Form for all check contributions to ensure proper acknowledgment of gift and you will receive a receipt for tax purposes - they will send it to you directly. (Please clarify which address and phone number you want me to report on the form).

You can check on my progress, send encouragement or donate again on my blog at:

http://shawntris.blogspot.com/

As part of my goal to get in shape, I?ve also joined Weight Watchers. At each weekly weigh in I will be donating $2 for each pound I lose, if you would like to match my pledge, or make another similar to this, please let me know. I?ll be updating my blog in this regard as well.

Finally, if you know someone who has been afflicted with a blood-related cancer, I would love to run in their honor as well. Please let me know their name(s) and I will be sure to wear a bracelet for them on race day.

Thank you for your support...

Shawn Mueller-Boddy
429 Chase Street
Mountain House, CA 95391

Shawn.mueller@gmail.com

"There?s no achievement without goals." ? Robert J. McKain

Yes, as a matter of fact I AM crazy

2008-10-17T16:33:00.001-07:00

Yes, as a matter of fact I AM crazy
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

I mentioned that I've been making a lot of plans, making a lot of changes and pretty much shaking up my life. This is one BIG one.

I am going to do a Triathlon. That's right - chubby, out of shape me is going to swim, bike run :) I'm doing the LavaMan in Hawaii in March of next year. Only five months away. But, to help me reach this dream I've joined the amazing folks at Team in Training. With their help, at 40 years old I will be crossing the finish line of my first triathlon. And I'm still terrified! :)

Well besides helping people like me do impossible things Team in Training also raises funds for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. People, we need to find a cure for these killer diseases. About 20 years ago we got the news that my 6 year old cousin had Leukemia. We fretted as she was treated and celebrated when she went home in remission. Nine years later it came back, and we all sat helplessly as her body lost the battle against this terrible disease. Any age seems 'too young to die' but 15? I look at my now 15 year old daughter and all the life that's ahead of her left to live - to think I could lose her to something that there may be a cure for!...

I know there are a lot of causes out there and we can't support all of them, but I would ask that if you can and will - please donate to support this one. And even if you don't donate, you are welcome to follow along on my blog! :) shawntris.blogspot.com/

Oh! and I've been thinking that maybe I would offer a print of one (or more) of my photos as a 'thank you' for people who donate. Any ideas or suggestions on what people would consider an appropriate and motivating 'thank you' are highly welcome!!

WW!?

2008-10-15T20:53:00.000-07:00

Well, I've taken a whole new path :( What I'm doing just isn't doing it. I'm not accountable enough on my own - or even with just an online community - so I'm 'going live' Went to my first WW meeting in 17 years today. It was actually pretty good. This place has an amazing leader. I wasn't sure this was the thing for me when I signed up - but I had to do SOMETHING... but after meeting her I think it's going to be a good choice.

I'm still going to try to eat balanced Protien and Carbs... but with the help of a little face to face accountablity.

I've got other news too - but I'll wait until it's 'offical' to announce it - so stay tuned.

For the Boob

2008-10-03T09:58:00.001-07:00

For the Boob
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

I know I haven't been around much. I haven't been losing but I haven't been gaining and that's a good start :|

But - since I have a blog I wanted to make sure that I did my part for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please, support the cause. My mother in law is a breast cancer survivor and I wholly support the search for the cure. As part of that I'm taking part in the 'boobie-thon'

so goto www.boobiethon.com make a donation - common guys and girls... support the boob! :)

One of the things that brightened my day

2008-09-22T22:07:00.001-07:00

The Zoomies
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

So I wanted to share it with you ;)

A few hours later...

2008-09-22T22:04:00.000-07:00

Yeah I'm feeling a bit better. I still feel a bit 'off' and I still feel like I have to work at feeling like I will be victorious some day. But it's not overwhelming anymore.

Thanks for letting me vent Blogger :)

Not feeling 'it'

2008-09-22T09:49:00.001-07:00

Saturday's dissapointments
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

Last night I sat in my closet and cried.

I was trying to pull out clothes to wear for today and it hit me how much I hate getting dressed everyday. How much I had scanning my closet looking for something that didn't pinch, cling or gape. I looked over the rows of clothes sitting on the hangers and realized how little of it fit and how little of that the did fit I liked. One might expect a moment like that to motivate you but it just left me feeling so drained of any energy or motivation that it was all I could do to finish the task and drag myself into bed.

The feeling carried over into the morning. I could not seem to get my feet under me. I did my workout but there was no 'omph' to it. I felt like I was simply going through the motions. Yes, it was a good workout but there was no passion in it. What happened to the passion?? Instead what kept going through my head was "why am I doing this? it's not like it's going to do any good. I worked my ass off before and what happened? Nothing - back to the same ol' place. Nothing's changed..."

I don't know what I need to do to shake off these feelings. It could just be a monthly thing - who knows. I do know I'm tired of feeling this way, but at the same time the feelings are so draining that I don't have the energy to do anything about it. I feel like I'm stuck in this sick vicious circle.

In a way I feel like this drowning person who's just gone down for the third time. I feel the water closing in over my head. I struggle to swim, to breath even though theres no oxygen left to breath. I force myself to hope even though there's no real passion or fire behind that hope. It's like I hope because I have to. Because to stop hoping means to die.

And yet - I got up this morning and went to the gym. I had a good/wholesome shake for breakfast and an excellent post workout meal. I've got a great lunch packed and by my side. Deviating from my plan right now would require too much effort on my part. I've got no energy for effort.

Hopefully these feelings will pass. I may look at this in a day or in a week and go - what the hell was I writing about there?

I hope so.

As I warned when I came back to my blog - this isn't going to be all about successes. i'm going to blog when I'm up and when I'm down - I'm sorry if people get tired of my mood swings - of my whining of my constant struggle for inner peace about my outer appearance. But this is me in all my ugliness. And this is my blog. Yes I want you to like it to get something from it. But if you don't - as harsh as it sounds - too bad. This is about me and for me. I need to feel free to write about who/what and where I am at any given time.

I hope everyone's having a better life then me at the moment. :)

Things are going ok

2008-09-17T12:28:00.001-07:00

Being kind to my contacts
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

Not perfect, not terrible, but OK. and I'm ok with that. I haven't hit the gym as often as I would like but I haven't been sitting 24x7. Food hasn't been perfect, but I've been eating with awareness. Working hard to avoid those 'what the hell' moments that turn into a month of binge eating.

I want to blog more/more often because I know it helps me keep on track. At the moment I have another goal beyond the numbers. I have a dress that I bought last year for the Christmas Party. At the time I bought it I needed to lose about 5 lbs to wear it. I didn't - I gained about 5 instead. I want to wear it for the party this year. I'm going to snap a picture of it so it's in my face for a reminder.

Shawn's Progress this week on traineo

2008-09-15T20:20:00.001-07:00

How's Shawn getting on?

Below is the summary of Shawn's progress this week on traineo. Remember its your job to help her reach his goals by reviewing her progress and keeping her motivated to reach her goal.

Take a good look at her graphs and figures - especially the number of times she's logged in and her last logged weight date. If she has posted any comments on her progress be sure to read them carefully and try to address the areas where you feel she needs support from you.

Starting Weight:	232 lb
Goal Weight:	130 lb
Weight Lost to Date	4 lb
Last logged Weight	11th September
Sessions logged this week	3

98 lb to go

Training

Diet

Ave. Daily Calories Burnt: 1,293

Ave. Daily Calories: 1,350

Weight Change

Latest Comments

Weekly Weight Change: 2 lb

Shawn has not entered a comment this week.

Click here to visit her homepage

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Victory

2008-09-13T15:02:00.001-07:00

I was in the 'quick shop' a few minutes ago. I was picking up something to drink when the 'feast beast' raised it's ugly head.

"look at all those treats," it said "I should by one.". ("i" because it likes to pretend it's me")

I countered with thinking about the shame that would come with having to post a candy bar when it wasn't a free day.

It faught back with the thought that I didn't have to take a picture. Then I very clearly heard the words, "no one has to know".

That's been the running theme for the past two years. ' go ahead, eat, you're alone. no one will know.

There are so many things wrong with this idea. First that I'm considering doing something that I feel I need to hide from others. Do it or don't do it. Don't hide it!

Second, have I really hidden anything? I weigh 230 lbs. I really doubt anyone's been fooled by my secret eating.

But, most importantly, and the answer I gave today. "I would know"

The answer back floored me "so"

So? Has it ever been so clear that i'm dealing with a 'beast', that cares nothing about me? That cares nothing about my own self worth? That values others opinion over me over my own?

Although these exact thoughts didn't go through my mind some shadow of them must have because I got angry. In my mind I told that beast "stop it. I'm not getting any candy".

I grabbed my drink walked through the candy isle without pausing, paid for what I had came for and walked out.

If you've never had to battle the feast beast you probably have no idea what a victory this is. But trust me, it is.

091108 - 1242 c

2008-09-12T11:10:00.001-07:00

091108 - 1242 c
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

1. Pina Colata Protein Shake - 217 c, 2. Vanilla Wheat - 240c, 3. Turkey Sandwich & Banana - 456c, 4. Arby's Roast Beaf - 420c

As I've become short of time - I've watched my food degrade to this *sigh*. I must take the time to plan and execute - pittiful

Recovering

2008-09-11T10:27:00.000-07:00

Spent most of yesterday in a fog. 4 hours of sleep two days in a row... No amount of caffeine in the world would make me 'normal' after that. By the end of the day I had a pounding headache and felt sick to my stomach. I just wanted BED!!!

I kind of sleepwalked through the food thing so I forgot to take pictures even though I stuck on plan.

Breakfast (Pre workout) was a Chocolate Cherry Shake (frozen cherries, Protein Powder (PP), water, ice and cocoa powder (unsweetened)) - 196c

2nd Break (Post Workout) vanilla wheat (cream of wheat mixed with PP)- 240c

Lunch was going to be my left over salad from yesterday - when I went to eat it it was just too gross! so I ate the hard boiled eggs and then had what was supposed to be my snack a banana and a cheese stick - 421c

About an hour before quitting time I was exhausted and starving, I felt like I was barely hanging on. My mind kept dwelling on the chocolate in the other office. I dug through the tiny bit of stash I had here in the office (cause I had no money) and found some granola. Not the best but certainly not the worse. It was whole grains at least. total cals: 240.

When hubby finally got here at 6:00PM I was still so hungry. Grabbed a Pro-Max bar 290c.

I got home and as I said felt like crap. My headache and upset stomach had erased any remaining hunger I had. I finished the day at 1380calories and no will to go to the gym. I crashed.

I woke up this morning and my headache was gone at least. I was starving though and quickly took care of that with a shake. didn't go to the gym this morning - I just need the sleep too much. I'm planning on hitting it tonight instead.

The best part? was 228.1 - another pound gone. 4.3 lbs total lost. Only 98 to go :|

No struggles as yet. Haven't worked out as much as I would like but the foods been right on. I feel like I'm making progress and that's what's important.

The water weight is dropping and I'm sure some fat too. I do feel better. I was so bloated and sluggish before. Even though I haven't lost much fat I feel better just because my body isn't so toxic. tomorrow's the official weigh in for week one, can't wait to see what the results are.

Did it again!

2008-09-10T11:34:00.000-07:00

Made it to the gym this AM. Was an OK workout. 20 minute walk on the tredmill (for 1 mile) to try to loosen up the legs and then an abbreviated chest day. Still working into full workouts but it feels good to be getting there and getting it done.

Oh and the scale is finally showing a little movement to match the effort. Yay!

Too tired to do more then post stats at the moment - will post more brain content later, I promise.

And for the record - now Officially UNDER 230

229.1 to be exact... yay! :) :) :) :)

Food 090908 - 1328c

2008-09-09T21:49:00.001-07:00

Food 090908 - 1328c
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

1. Pina Colata Protein Shake - 217 c, 2. ProMax Bar (Again) - 290c, 3. Salad - 313, 4. IMG_0319

Not enough food for the amount of working out I did... 1.66 mile Run, 5 Mile Bike, 150 Meter Swim, Plus three sets of squats... forgot my lunches in the car and had to improvise - not bad for improvising :)

Created with fd's Flickr Toys.

GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

2008-09-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

I know, so soon after my happy happy joy joy post!

But Crap I mean ... GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! I would be saying worse but I try to keep this blog PG13 :P

I forgot my freaking lunch(s) in the car! And my car is many miles away. All that prep work last night?! Out the window. Feeeeeeeeeeeeeh!

Much grinding of teeth and kicking of feet going on right now. And trying to figure out how to recover.

I guess I'm off to the store to buy a Meal Replacement Bar. And I'll have to hit the salad bar for lunch... bah!

woooo hooooo!

2008-09-09T08:06:00.001-07:00

Ok - maybe I'm just on a caffeine high, but I feel so good this morning. I haven't felt this good in the AM in... well since as long as I can remember.

First, I stayed up until almost 12:00 AM last night because I wanted to have everything set out, ready and perfect for this morning. THEN -- when the alarm went off at 4:00 AM we actually got out of bed. Ok - it was more like 4:30 AM when we got out of bed, but we got out! Threw my shake makings into the blender, drank it, took my vitamins and then downed 1/2 a red line :) (told you it might be a caffeine high).

We then piled into the car and drove a hour to the SF gym. Since we were running late we didn't get a full workout in, but we got a workout in. In the morning! that hasn't happened in a LONG time. Better yet, I hit the treadmill first and did 30 minutes of run/walking (1.66 miles). Then we did one set of Squats. I hit the shower feeling like a million bucks!! It's the first time I've run on a treadmill in over a year. Now I remember why I like it so much. I don't know why I'm able to push myself more while I'm on the treaddy but I can - and it felt GREAT. (yes I'm overusing all caps and exclamation points because I feel - fantastic and I want everyone to know it). At this moment I can't wait to get up and do it again tomorrow - I hope this lasts. I was on such a roll when we were getting up early every day.

Also - entered all my calories for the past few days last night and turns out I didn't do half bad over the weekend. Yeah carbs and fat were high, but over all calories - not so bad. That makes me happy.

Yesterday, getting and staying on track was easy and I was glad of that. Was a easy mellow day with no food cravings at all. Wish they could all be like that.

Alright - time to go enter all my fitness stuff into all the appropriate places.

Oh - and for squats

4 x 165
4 x 165
12 x 165

Yes - I'm starting slow and easy. I want to be able to workout again tomorrow ;)

Food 090808 - 1480 Cal

2008-09-08T23:18:00.001-07:00

Food 090808 - 1480 Cal
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

1. Eggs and Waffles - 273c, 2. Promax (yum!) - 290c, 3. Chicken and Bean Salad - 199c, 4. Boiled Eggs and Pineapple - 303c, 5. PBJ & brownie - 415c, 6. Sorry Folks

Yes - I know meal three is an empty bowl... :( forgot to take the photo before eating...

Had a good day. Could have been disasterous at the end of the day. Hubby decided at the last minute to go bowling... I skipped the fries and ate the snack I brought with me. When we got home though I was tired and really wanted to just eat whatever was handy. I at least took the time to make a semi healthy sandwich. Now time for bed!

Ok - it's not offical

2008-09-08T14:38:00.000-07:00

I'm too late to join the last BFL challenge of the year, but I like having a 'hard date' and since I started on Sept 4/5 and the 'offical' start date was Sept 3, I thought it would be fun to see how I would have done on this challenge had I entered...

Google Reader?

2008-09-08T13:10:00.000-07:00

I just discovered Google Reader! OMG why didn't I know about this sooner!? it's so wonderful!! and so much easier to keep up with everyone!

Food 090708

2008-09-08T09:32:00.001-07:00

Food 090708
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

So I was a little less focused this day. Didn't plan ahead and it showed.

Morning was Breakfast Buffet. I have to say Breakfast food is some of my favorite. I started with a plate full of eggs, sausage, bacon, tator tots, crescent, and french toast. Then I went back again and Had fruit, cream of wheat and a little more bacon and sausage. I will say that I was proud of one thing. Other then the crescent I completely avoided the paistry table and man was there a lot of it.

I ate so much though that I wasn't really hungry the rest of the day. I picked up a Musketeers (mint) at Frys on the road. then had a snack of cheese and a banana. Later when it came time for dinner I wasn't up for cooking anything, and I really still was craving sweets so I whipped up a shake. And MAAAAAAAAAN was it good

Again I found that a splurge - free meal - whatever you want to call it really made it hard to focus back on 'good food'. Will have to watch that always in the future.

Food 090608

2008-09-08T09:21:00.001-07:00

Food 090609
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

'dieting' while on a trip can sometimes be a pain. I know this and so I tried to plan a little ahead. You see we were planning to go to Reno over the weekend and while I didn't want to feel deprived while I was there, I still wanted to make progress. Going on the BFL/EFL premise that every week should have a free day, I took a little liberty with the concept and make my free day 1/2 on Saturday and 1/2 on Sunday. This isn't a practice that I would make a habit, but knowing our schedule I thought I could make the most of my trip this way.

So... I started the day with a really nice breakfast of Spicy Omelet. Then I blended up a peanut butter and chocolate shake and put it in the 'to-go' cup. I also packed a sandwich and some carrots to take with me.

Because I had planned ahead, brought food and had already set in my mind what was going to be 'allowable' when we stopped a diner to have lunch, it was easy and I was happy to 'say no' to a burger and fries, knowing I had a nice sandwich waiting for me in the car.

Dinner was... yum yum yum. Rather then fill up on stuff just because I wanted to taste it I grabbed stuff I knew would be GREAT. I even threw some veggies on my plate to make a nicer 'rounder' meal.

I did the same at the desert table. Resisted the urge to put all the pies on my plate to 'sample' and just grabbed what I knew was my favorite.

all in all I felt very satisfied with the day. The only 'bad' part was later that night. After 'splurging' at dinner I really had to resist the urge to keep on eating. At a liquore store later I found myself starting to 'mentally graze' through the candy and nuts section. As soon as I figured out what I was doing I fixed my mind on other things and went on my way. It did really put things into perspective and made me even more aware as to how powerful the overeating (binging) habit is with me.

Oh God

2008-09-08T08:46:00.000-07:00

No really - oh god... what have I done

Actually since I took these a few days ago I'm not feeling as bad about it as I should. But I'm willing and ready to forgive myself, move on, and make progress. time to stop whining about what used to be, what could have been and all that. Time to start moving forward.

And for my own sanity, I would like to point out that I am deliberately standing very relaxed in these photos - I don't normally 'let it all hang out' while walking around during the day.

Testing

2008-09-07T16:03:00.001-07:00

Testing blogging from my phone... Too fun :)

Food 090508 - 1790

2008-09-05T23:17:00.001-07:00

Food 090508 - 1790
Originally uploaded by SAMBoddy

Day 27/365

2008-09-05T16:21:00.001-07:00

Day 27/365 - For Mike B and FGR, originally uploaded by SAMBoddy.

Forgot to blog this weeks Self Portrait